


Bulletproof Love

by numbateme



Series: Hanger In A Closet [3]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Awkward Romance, Christmas Gone Wrong, Coma, Dagger/Rose, Death, Fame, Homosexuality denial, Hospital, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Violence, Ziall Horlik
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:04:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 44
Words: 140,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6536290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbateme/pseuds/numbateme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh this wild, wild love of ours,<br/>It can’t be tamed.</p><p>For better or for worse,<br/>A blessing or a curse,<br/>Long this wild, wild love.</p><p>Of ours.</p><p> </p><p>or AU where Harry and Louis get married! Finally! But will it be a blessing, or a curse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. - prologue -

I had everything I ever wanted… and everything I ever wanted I already had: flourishing career, dashing boyfriend, amazing friends that supported me through thick and thin, the perfect gay best friend, three iPhones that I didn’t even use that much… I had everything!

Or so I thought.

No matter how good you get, there’s always Hell when you come. back.down.

 

My love for him was bulletproof until he pulled the trigger between my eyes, and shot me. I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for giving you a reason to leave… a reason to shoot me dead.

I asked you to hold me but you let me go. And now you watch me burn but I don’t want the flames to touch you because I’m the one who deserves to go to Hell, not you, and I will absolutely never drag you down with me.

_But now my thrill is gone._

All I ever saw in the mirror were the demons in my head but with you, I learnt to forget the gay monster living inside of me – unfortunately, my demons learned how to swim and with them it felt like taking one last breath under water.

> Until one day, I took the last gasp.


	2. - 90 days -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry are on their 59th date.

> **—** **_one direction:_ ** _I wish I could take you to the start then I would hold you closer, finding our way through the dark_ **—**

** **

“I’m so cold!” Louis says, shivering in his seat at Coal Vaults – a secret, underground restaurant deep in the heart of London. “I can feel the veins in my feet freezing up!”

“If your toes do freeze, you can cut it off like that guy in _Pirates of the Caribbean_ ,” Harry laughs, sipping chicken soup. Louis gives him the ‘You’re not being funny’ look and turns his attention to his own warm soup.

“Why did we even go ice-skating?” Louis wonders. “More importantly, how did I let you convince me?”

“Because you love me.”

“Ah, the downside of being in love,” Louis says, grinning beneath his spoon at Harry who raises his middle finger at him. “I love you too.”

“How do you end up finding creepy places like this?” Louis asks, his eyes scouring the dark restaurant they are in. Thankfully, there are other people in the restaurant but he feels like he has kidnapped and forced to eat here because everybody else is... old. “It creeps the bajeepers out of me. And why is everyone here looking like they’re from the retirement home?”

“It’s like a hideaway where no one can find you. And don’t be rude, they’re not that old.”

“That’s the restaurant’s motto dumbass!”

Harry shrugs. “But it’s true. I mean, fans can’t see us here, nobody will bother us, and even though some people know us, they won’t bother us with screams, signatures and dumb photos. Plus, they serve great food.”

“You used to come here?”

“Yeah, with Grimmy,” Harry says, eyeing Louis intently. He sees his lips remain tight – yes, Louis still didn’t like Mr Cockhead Dipshit Face, as he calls him. “When we were sorta dating, this was practically the only place we could come because, you know, I wasn’t openly gay then yet he was.”

“How is he?”

“Great. He quit his job at Radio 1 and became a fashion designer for Burberry. And an editor. Senior Editor, actually. Honestly, he makes good clothes too. Like the shirt I’m wearing” – a flowery, red button-up – “he designed it himself. And he has a fashion show in August in Milan and I… I would love it if you come.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Harold?”

“Yes… yes I am,” Harry beams.

“What is this, like the 59th date we’re on now since we left Hawaii two months ago?”

“Is that a yes, love?”

“Yes it is,” Louis smiles and Harry glees in his seat. “But we’ve been on so many dates Harry, I’m pretty sure sex should be next.”

“90 days Louis, not 60!”

“What’s that supposed to mean? A sexual position?”

“What sexual position is 90?”

“The one where Louis Tomlinson does not get sex,” Louis points out.

“I’m waiting for 90 days to pass before we sleep together,” Harry says, his boyfriend giving him a questioning look. “Steve Harvey, some American relationship expert, or the man version of Oprah, says that you should wait until 90 days before sleeping with someone, you know, to set standards and whatnot.”

“You never wait Mr Sex Addict!”

“Yes I know I am a sex addict… or was a sex addict. But with you I don’t want to be _that_ person. With you, you give me a reason to wait. I want to wait for you because I know you will be worth the wait.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “This soup is making you cheesy.”

“It’s only 30 more days, love, we can make it till then,” Harry reassures him, stretching his fingers on the table. Louis smiles, tangling his fingers with his boyfriend’s next to smoked salmon. “30 more days,” he repeats.

“30 more days of hand and blow jobs?” Louis sighs in a mocking Princess voice. “A boy can only wait for so long.”

“Don’t worry Prince Charming,” Harry winks, “I’ll make them, ah, glittery?”

“What are you, Lady Gaga?” Louis laughs.

“Foreplay?” Harry asks mischievously, his eyes turning black. The other half of Larry Stylinson shakes his head, muffling chuckles. “A boy can only dream, right?”

“Do you think Liam and Niall waited 90 days?” Louis asks, sipping white wine from his silver mug.

“Nope,” Harry shakes his head, “Niall was a virgin and clearly needed to let his sexual frustrations all out. Besides, he trusted Liam and thought he was the one and his soul mate and there was no one else apart from Sexy Payno.”

“Look how that turned out,” Louis scoffs. “But how’s Niall doing? I’m worried. Remember when the hospital called us saying Niall had alcohol poisoning and was in the emergency room at the hospital?”

“And they said that he had high level of coke in his system too?” Harry recalls. “The worst part is that he was out cold for nearly three weeks and none of us were there for him when he woke up. None of us came to find him but Robin!”

“Who’s Robin?”

Harry glees, “Robin Van Persie!”

Louis chokes on his fish, slapping his chest rapidly. “Robin van Persie found him? The footballer in Manchester United? Are you kidding Haz?”

“I know right?! Out of all the people, it was Robin himself. Anyway, I told King to look for Niall and when they found him at the hospital, he was with Robin.”

Louis takes a mouthful bite of his smoked fish, still in shock that Robin van Persie had found Niall. “Robin, oh my gosh! I’m still reeling!”

“He should move from Man U though,” Harry says. He was an avid fan of Manchester United, the English football club.

“To where?”

“Manchester City, Arsenal… really anywhere else.”

“Hey, they’ve got that new Dutch Coach so they’re gonna be fine,” Louis says. “If Niall was here he’d agree with me.”

“Is it weird that ever since Niall has never talked to any of us,” Harry says, worry evident in his voice. “It’s not like Niall to ignore us for this long. If he’s ever mad at us, it’s usually for a day and then we go out to Nandos and it’s all good.”

“Give him time,” Louis says. “He was badly hurt by Liam and it takes time to move on when you gave someone your heart; it feels like they cut it with a blunt knife and they hand it to you, bleeding and all.”

“Liam’s not doing too bad, is he?” Harry giggles, thinking of the countless times he would come to their (new) house to ask what Danielle was doing, where she was going, who she was seeing, who she might be dating, who she was seeing tonight, where she was dancing at… the list was endless! And this has been going on for the last two months, since they came back from Hawaii. The fans, of course, were on board Liam getting back with Danielle because it meant that #PAYZERISBACK.

“No he isn’t,” Louis agrees. “I wonder if Danielle will agree to get back with him after he cheated on her with Sophia?” Harry shrugs because really, he doesn’t know. Danielle still does like Liam but she is a smart girl, he knows that, and he knows that Liam’s tainted past will always come first before she can say yes to love again. Louis continues, “Zayn was right though. This whole time about Liam not being gay, Niam not being real because Liam wasn’t gay. How did he know?”

“Zayn is…,” Harry says, struggling to find a word to describe Zayn’s seventh sense of seeing obvious things that the lads could not see, “…Zayn?”

“He has, like, a different set of eyes. I’m thinking he’s an alien!”

“Alien?” Harry asks as their desert arrives.

“What person sees that someone is a closeted gay, one is a coke addict, one isn’t gay in a gay relationship, one is going to run away before they do and one will kill their husband?” Louis speaks very fast, “how?”

“Zayn is special!” Harry says. “Have you talked to him?”

Louis says no. “Have you?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head, his brows furrowed in the middle, “I’m worried for him too. He’s been spending less and less time at home with Perrie. He’s always out drinking and partying and doing crazy shit and he doesn’t even talk to any of us anymore.” Harry groans loudly, his palms covering his face. “Gaah, do you think we’re losing touch with each other? I mean Niall doesn’t talk to Liam and by some extent to us. Zayn talks to neither of us, which would be understandable because he called us, fake, but not to Perrie or his family?”

“Hey hey,” Louis soothes his worried boyfriend, drawing smooth circles on his knuckles with his thumb. “We’re all doing fine! All five of us are brothers and brothers fight occasionally doesn’t mean they love each other any less, in fact, it’s because of these fights that they become even closer. We’re not falling apart with each other, we’re growing together. Zayn will eventually talk to us, you know how he is when he’s angry. He wants to be left alone. Niall will soon talk to us before he talks to Liam and at least Liam talks to us still.”

“But not to Zayn or Niall.”

“He can’t talk to Niall. He knows how much he hurt him and he needs to give him space to heal. And I suspect for Zayn, Liam is still mad at him for ratting him out about not being gay.”

Harry takes a deep breath, eventually smiling at Louis. “It sounds good coming from your mouth than in my head. And us? Are we good?”

“Yeah we are Harold. Unless, you aren’t?”

“No I am,” Harry says, playing with his chocolate mousse. “I have you.”

Louis puts down his spoon on the table and pays his full attention to his boyfriend. He says, “Harry.” urging to tell him what is bothering him.

“I’m worried about King.”

“Why?”

“You know I was meant to be arrested for killing Ellie and Ed because of Modest! ratting me out to Scotland Yard,” Harry says, Louis nodding when he paused. “Well in exchange for staying in the band, all of my wrong doings would be expunged and I thought that was great but with Modest! there’s always a catch.”

Louis’ mouth falls to the table in surprise. “What happened?”

“King got all the blame. Modest! told them that he, along with Grimmy and Conor, planned and killed Ed and Ellie.”

Louis questions. “But they got out?”

“Yeah, thanks to me but more evidence was found that King killed Ed. You know the drugs that Ed took were specifically bought by King which makes him a perfect suspect but they still can’t kill him because there’s no direct link that it was King that killed Ed.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah. It should be good. Except it isn’t.” Harry pauses to play with his chocolate mousse. Louis cups both his hands into his own, warmth waving through Harry’s entire body. He continues, “This whole thing with the police and Ed’s murder and whatnot is bad image for his basketball career so they dropped him. Now he’s not playing basketball and it’s all my fault. He’s trying to join the basketball teams in US but they’re refusing to sign him and now he wants to try out in football but, I don’t know, I feel like it’s all my fault his life is failing. First I ruined Grimmy’s career, now King? Who next, Conor?”

“You didn’t ruin Nick’s career. Look at him flourishing as a designer at Burberry! And soon King will be playing football in the English Premier League and before you know it, both of you will be friends again. Both of you have gone through so much, you can’t break out now.”

Harry smiles at Louis. “I’ll figure something out. I will.”

“I’m here for you, if you ever need me Harry, you know that,” Louis tells him, holding him tightly. “Always.”

Harry leans in across the table and gently presses his lips to his boyfriend’s. “Thank you. So where do we go from here?”

“Look at the time, it’s 1 AM!” Harry gushes looking at his Rolex. “When did time fly by so fast?”

“With you time never moves,” Louis winks.

Harry smirks, giving his credit card to the waiter. “Now who’s being cheesy?” Louis points his middle finger at him. “You love it though.”

“I love you.”

“Forever,” Harry hums.

“And always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow and steady does it [:
> 
> Larry snapchats are the bestest thing that have come out of 2016!!! SO ADORABLEEEEE wish it was ALL real /:


	3. - you & i -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry sings random words that will make it to their Afternoon Memories album.

“Remind me again why I had a kid?” Lana sighs in the church. Today is Baby Edward’s christening at the local London church, after much insistence from Harry to have him christened. Another reason was so that “his baby” could have a bit of Louis by naming Baby Edward William.

Harry holds Lana’s hand, calming her down. “Calm down, beautiful.”

“Calm down? Calm down?” Lana questions Harry through her thick, fake eyelashes, her voice rising. “My vagina is sweating through this ugly gown.” Lana fans her face, drops of sweat evident on her forehead. “Why did you buy me this gown again?”

“Your baby is right here,” Louis interrupts both of them, holding Baby Edward in his arms. “And he’s asleep so tone it down.”

“Because you were going to wear a stripper’s dress so I found this gorgeous gown that would send every male in here running after you,” Harry explains.

“Oh fuck, I can feel my makeup rolling off my face!” Lana gushes in anxiety. “Is my eyelash falling off?”

“No, but your cleavage is,” Louis mumbles to himself.

“Harry doesn’t want me to go home by myself,” Lana explains. She jiggles her tits making her breast friends even more exposed. “Besides, Baby Edward loves these.”

Louis spurts, “That’s his food!”

“You get your food from Harry,” Lana tells him, “so why can’t I use these to get my food?”

“Hush, we’re in church!” Harry silences them.

“… I now invite the parents to come forward,” the priest begins the Christening ceremony. Harry and Lana both stand, Louis handing them Baby Edward. They walk to the front of the church, a few clicks echoing through the stone-walled church from cameras and phones. “And now, I would like the god parents to join us as well.”

Louis stands up with Lana’s sister and they both walk to the front of the church, standing opposite Lana and Harry. “Louis and Rita, as godparents, are you ready to help the parents of this baby in their duties?”

“We are,” Louis and Rita both answer. Louis gazes over at Harry, holding Baby Edward in his great arms, his small fingers wrapped around Harry’s index finger tightly. He mouths “I love you” to Harry who blushes 50 shades and replies, “Me too.”

“Do you,” continues the priest, “renounce Satan?”

They both answer, “We do.”

“And all his works?”

“We do renounce them.”

“And all his empty promises?”

“We do.”

“Louis, the godfather, is it your wish that this baby be baptized?”

Louis solemnly nods. “Yes.”

“In the name of the father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit, what name have you given the child?” the priests ask the parents of Baby Edward. Lana momentarily gazes up at Harry, nods and lets him speak.

“Edward William Del Ray,” Harry says. Louis’ eyes bulge out of his sockets in surprise. Harry named his child after _him_? HIM?

“May God be with you all,” the priest ends.

After the ceremony is over and they are snacking on pastries at the church, Louis asks, “Me?”

“Yes,” Harry answers, filling his plate with blueberry scones.

“But why?”

“I had asked you if I could name Baby Edward after you and you didn’t say anything because you didn’t get it but I want to Louis. My child is your child,” Harry explains. He munches on his blueberry scone, Louis gazing at him thoughtfully.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know… then,” Louis apologizes to him.

“It’s fine Lou. Please go take Baby Edward away from Rita, she looks like she’s going to suffocate him,” Harry says. “And I’ll go make sure Lana hasn’t drank all the party!”

“I love you,” Louis says, tiptoeing to Harry’s heart-shaped lips. Harry then walks over to Lana who’s crouched on her chair, sipping on red wine.

“Bye,” Harry says to the man speaking to her.

“I’m sorry?” the man says. He’s American.

“Yes, you are now. Please leave before you take advantage of my beautiful wife,” Harry says, with a low voice… the lowest his voice could go.

“Ugh, we’re not together dipshit,” Lana slurs.

The American man lightens up. “Guess I’m staying!”

“No, you’re leaving,” Harry says, pulling the man up from his chair and pushing him off, sending him running away from both of them. Harry then pulls up his chair and sits opposite drunk Lana who is struggling to keep her eyes open. “You’ve had a lot to drink, haven’t cha beautiful?”

“If you’re going to lecture me on drinking, I’d rather have that American hot toddy back and you walking away please.”

“No I’m not,” Harry smiles watching red wine drip from Lana’s red lipstick mouth down to her yellow gown. Honestly what was he thinking buying a _yellow_ gown? He should have gone for the lilac one.

“Then what shithead?”

“Why are you drinking?”

“Because shots of vodka is a better choice than calling _him_ ,” Lana responds. She was talking about Baby Edward’s real father.

“He’s going to come someday,” Harry assures her, “not now or in the next few months but he will come. They always do.”

“Louis is a natural with Edward,” Lana says, looking the direction Louis is, cuddling Baby Edward in his strong arms. “You should consider having a baby with him.”

“I have you as a baby!” Harry reasons out. “Besides, I have Baby Edward as a baby and that’s hard enough because you’re practically busy with work and making successful music videos and albums, dancing like you do have an ass…”

“I do.”

“Do you really?”

“I have a booty tooch!” Lana protests. “Tyra Banks has one so now I do too.”

An old, random couple walk past them but stop when they see Harry and Lana talking. “Both of you make a wonderful couple.”

“We’re not together,” Harry disagrees with them.

“What a pity,” says the old lady.

“What the fuck are you old people looking at?” Lana curses at them. They scurry away.

“Great, now you curse at old people without a reason. What’s going on Lana?”

“I miss him,” Lana blurts out. “I wish he was here. I wish Baby Edward’s father was here. Is that what you want me to say?”

“Is it what you want to hear,” Harry asks, “that he’s here?”

“Stop it! I know what you’re doing. You’re doing this reverse psychology thing on me. Perrie kept doing that when I was pregnant, I’m guessing it’s because of Zayn but” – Lana sighs – “now you’re doing it to me and I’m starting to get real fucking tired of it now.”

“It’s his fault that he isn’t here, not yours. He’s the one missing out on an amazing opportunity to spend time with his family instead he’s probably washing scraps of food at restaurants in Brooklyn.”

“Hmm.”

“You have me Lana, always remember that you have me and I will be a father figure in Baby Edward’s life for as long as he lives. I will never let the both of you go,” Harry promises Lana who smiles lovingly at him, thanking the lucky stars she has a great friend like Harry.

“I love you, you know that?” Lana gushes.

“I do. Everytime you get drunk.”

After the party, Harry made sure Lana got home safely, after calling Perrie to babysit Baby Edward seeing as Lana was pissed drunk. Larry on their way home, got fish and chips for dinner and were eating calmly on the floor, the voices of _Big Bang Theory_ in the background. Harry being the smoker popped out his stash of weed, grinded it, rolled it and smoked it. Louis, learning to let it go, smoked one as well and now the two boys were on the carpet floor, laughing by themselves.

“Crazy in love,” Louis suddenly shouts.

“Dancing on the ceiling,” Harry shouts.

“You can’t dance on the ceiling dummy,” Louis giggles.

“I can,” Harry says, his mop of curls spread on the carpet floor, Louis threading his fingers through them.

“Best I ever had,” Louis randomly sings.

“Hips don’t lie,” Harry sings, joining in with Louis. They continue singing, stringing phrases and words that do not make sense. Nevertheless, they sound perfect in the moment.

“You make me wanna, um something, one more night,” Louis continues.

“Irreplaceable!” Harry shouts, scribbling down his notepad quickly.

“The next verse should start with, um, everytime we touch.”

“I’m all shaken up,” Harry continues, singing. “No, shook up! I’m all shook up!”

“You make me wanna… haven’t we said that line?” Louis questions, laughing hysterically at nothing.

Harry scribbles the lyrical phrase down. “Let’s just go with it. Um next is how deep is your love?”

“Deep enough baby,” Louis winks.

“Love, not penis,” Harry corrects him. “Love.”

“That’s what I meant, my love is deep enough.”

“You pervert, I love it,” Harry says. He steals a quick kiss from his boyfriend’s lip. “So how deep is your love?”

“This is starting to feel like we’re quoting songs!” Louis says, sitting up and plopping himself on Harry’s thighs. “God only knows.”

“I don’t know how else to sum it up,” Harry smiles. He throws the notepad sprawling behind him, his eyes focused on his boyfriend’s blue orbs.

Louis continues, his knees bent on either side of Harry’s thighs. “Cause words ain’t good enough.”

Harry grabs a fistful of Louis hair, pulling his face down. “There’s no way I can explain your love, never.”

Louis rests his forehead gently on Harry’s, his hot breath hitting his heart-shaped lips. He continues singing, “I can’t explain your love.”

“It’s better than words.”

Harry finishes the song and Louis smashes his lips on Harry’s soft ones, tasting the faint weed on them. He inches his chest closer to Harry’s, whose hands are up and down Louis’ back. He opens his warm _hot_ mouth, to lock Harry’s heart-shaped lips down like anchors.

“Ugh,” Louis groans, his breath still hot. “I want you now love.”

Harry picks Louis up, legs around his torso, and leads him to their bedroom upstairs, lips connecting _on air_. He throws the little boy on the bouncy bed, the lad smiling through his plump lips.

“I’m going to make you so wet baby,” Harry mumbles on Louis’ delicate skin, shirt already off. “Make you cum for me.” He leaves a trail of kisses along Louis immaculate, cream chest, Louis’ pants growing tighter and tighter _underneath_.

“Off,” Louis motions to his pants, bucking up against Harry’s crotch. With his teeth, he obliges and unzips Louis’ zipper pulling down his own pants in a jagged manner, Louis moaning above him.

“I want you,” he groans.

“Patience baby,” Harry smirks, coming back up and reconnecting their lips.

Tangling his fingers into Harry’s hair, he locks his lips with Harry’s, taking all of him in the snog. He tangles and detangles his fists in Harry’s curls, feeling the younger boy rub his thigh on his throbbing cock. He hears a throaty moan escape from the back of Harry’s throat when he swipes his tongue on his bottom lip, asking for entrance. He grants him, wasting no time in exploring his mouth with his _red_ , _blazing_ _tongue._

“Now,” Louis groans to his lips and gently guides him down to his tent-shaped boxers.

“Who’s your favorite cock sucker?” Harry mouths directly above Louis’ penis.

“You are, big boy,” Louis moans. “You are.” His moans louder when Harry’s fingers graze his skin while pulling down his Batman boxers.

“I just have a question,” Harry tells him, his fingers trailing the side of Louis’ sex.

“What’s that handsome?”

“How do you fit all this cock in them boxers?” Harry chuckles.

“Shut the fuck up and suck my dick.”

Through the corner of his eye, Harry can see the bed sheets being pulled up when his tongue tastes the tip of Louis’ cock. “Sweet,” Harry mumbles. His tongue swirls around his throbbing cock, and down the side – licking off the pre-cum. Louis bucks up on the warm sensation on his cock and Harry holds him down on the bed, his hands on his waist before taking all of him in.

“Holy fuck!” Louis grunts. His head bops up and down sucking on his cock, lips shaped perfectly in a circle. He continues sucking on his cock, salty cum dripping off the tip already, his curls hanging over his head. On a sexual high, Louis fists his fingers into the white sheets, pulling them in a state of _erotic high_.

Louis’ bucks his hips upward, Harry gagging on his big dick. “Sorry,” Louis mumble-whispers.

“S’fine.” With a firmer grip, nails slightly digging into Louis’ skin, Harry goes down on him, his teeth gently grating the skin of his penis down to his _red, hot flaming balls._

“Again,” Louis cries. He, again, slides his lips around his sweaty cock, the boy beneath moaning and groaning sexually in ecstasy of teeth mixed with warm air and pink lips wrapped around his cock.

“Come for me, baby,” Harry asks, in an innocent voice. His boyfriend’s words echoing in his eyes, warm breath around his sex, tongue curling around his cock like a wire, he did.

“Ha-Harry!”

Harry feels Louis wither beneath him, his eyes closed tight shut in an epitome frenzy. He swallows it all, some dripping from the corner his mouth and down his cock and beneath his balls. With his middle finger, he scrapes off the remain white cream off Louis’ cock and slowly, sucks it off his finger, watching Louis intently, his Adam apple bopping up and down his throat.

“Hot dammit!” Louis curses. Harry hovers above him, licking every _purity on his lips_ , and kissing the worn out lad below him.

“I love you,” Louis mumbles.

“Forever.”

“And always,” Harry ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what is it about country songs but they're really good - not country country but country [: like "Daddy Lessons" by Beyonce :P it's reeEEEALLY GOOD


	4. - feather on a clyde -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn cleans up Niall's big house.

 

> — ** _ed sheeran_** _:_ _So live life like you’ve given up cause you have. Just for today, hold on_ —

Zayn parks his Bentley in front of Niall’s house. He gets out of his car, his red Vans stomping on the wet pavement and rings the doorbell. He notices that the door is slightly ajar but walks in anyway.

Strong smells of cigarettes hit his nose, not forgetting other smells of alcohol, rotting trash, and cheap cologne. He walks through the dark living room, after locking the door, almost tripping on empty pizza boxes and beer bottles, and draws the curtains, rays of sunlight warming the room already.

“Niall,” Zayn calls out but he hears nothing. It’s still eerily quiet. He places his bag of food on the coffee table near the couch and walks to the kitchen. Big mistake! It is a rotting mess: the garbage bin is filled with trash and is spilling with last month’s food, the sink is stashed with dirty plates, spoons, forks and glasses, cabinets are opened, the floor sticky and dusty, the fridge is unplugged and opened, he almost pukes when he sees green and brown mold growing on food stuffs inside the fridge.

“Why Niall,” Zayn mumbles to himself. He opens the windows in the kitchen, unconsciously closing the fridge and cabinets. He walks out of the kitchen, ignoring the large track of dirt in the living room, and towards Niall’s room.

To be honest, Zayn is here for a couple of reasons and checking up on Niall is just a cover up. Liam, firstly, is always busy pursuing Danielle, a losing battle he thinks. Harry is loved up with Louis and wants to spend every waking moment with Louis and quite frankly Louis hates him. His family is still not talking to him for being Mr X and his best friend, Zach, is also not talking to him. Perrie, who is practically the only person who forgave him for being Mr X, is spending all her time hanging out with Eleanor – to comfort her, she says, for her break-up with Louis. He has already written all his songs for their upcoming album ‘Afternoon Memories’ so technically you could say he is free – or lonely.

“Niall.”

Zayn sticks his head through the blue door to one of Niall’s many rooms. He opens the door, walking through it and for a moment he does not see him but knows he is somewhere because of the strong whiskey odour. He draws the curtains, light filling the room and sees lots of butt cigarettes by the window pane. He hears groaning from behind him to a Niall sleeping on the floor, wrapped in smelly, stained orange sheets.

“Niall!”

“Take everything you want and leave me alone.”

“It’s me Zayn,” Zayn says, squatting near him. “I’m not robbing you. I’m checking up on you.”

“Oh, in that case you can leave,” Niall says, alcohol breath filling the room quickly that Zayn swallows the urge to puke.

“How much have you been drinking?” Zayn wonders, looking around the room for clues. He notices empty bottles of beer around his body, wine glasses on the bedside table, pizza boxes on top of his bed, the TV is on but on mute and lines of cocaine on the brown glass table.

“A little bit to forget things about myself,” Niall answers.

“Niall.”

Niall rudely tells him off, “Please leave, I want to sleep for the rest of my life,” and turns his body away from the light and Zayn.

“Talk to me Niall.”

“No.”

Zayn sighs. “At least sleep on the bed, please.”

“Will it make you leave?” Zayn nods and grudgingly, Niall picks himself off the floor, staggering a bit. Zayn quickly removes the trash (he calls it) from his bed and Niall lays his head on the cold pillow, falling asleep within seconds. “Draw the curtains,” Niall says surprising Zayn.

“Of course,” Zayn says and he does. He closes the door behind him and decides the least he can do is clean up a bit. And for the next 3 hours, he cleans Niall’s house to a sparkling sight, slight snores heard from the bedroom.

“Why would you pour wine in the fridge?” Zayn wonders when he has cleaned the entire house – living room, game room, bathrooms, spare bedrooms, the guest room – and is now left with the kitchen. “And this mold?” Zayn puts his fingers over his mouth, and shuts his eyes tight, preventing the lunch in his stomach from coming back up. “I will be fine,” he tells himself in a mantra, “I will be fine.”

He takes a sponge (not surprisingly, it is clean) and a bucket full of warm water and soap and scrubs the fridge clean – throwing out everything in the fridge because the only food left that was edible is ice. Ice!

“Finally, it’s clean,” Zayn says, smiling to himself. He plugs on the fridge, the light coming back on.

“You cleaned my house?” He turns around startled, seeing sleepy Niall by the doorway. “Uh, yeah, hope you don’t mind,” Zayn replies.

“That’s weird, wouldn’t take you for a cleaner,” Niall hums walking past him to the cabinets.

“When was the last time you showered?”

“My form of showering is putting deo every night before I go out,” Niall says, his eyes wondering through the cabinets. “You threw out all of my food?”

“I bought Nandos,” Zayn says, knowing that’s Niall’s weakness. True to his predictions, Niall does lighten up – but Zayn’s too distracted by his bloodshot eyes, messy hair and a smell of not having showered for days. “I know that—”

“Food first.” Niall cuts him off walking to the the couch. Zayn nods, going to the cabinet and grabbing two plates that he had washed and two champagne glasses (they are the only clean ones) and walks back, Niall half asleep already. He places down the food of plate on the coffee table and champagne glasses of orange juice and water (for Niall).

They eat in silence, Zayn occasionally glancing back and forth at Niall eating hungrily. He wonders when was the last time he had a proper meal because eating pizza for days, drinking alcohol like it is water and snorting coke is not healthy at all. He munches on his chicken, loud in thought about his best mate.

“I was scared,” Zayn confesses. Niall remains silent. “I was scared that you had died. I kept praying that Liam” – Niall steals a quick glance at Zayn – “was joking that you were in the emergency room. I was praying that you were safe”

“Wish I did.”

“Did what?”

“Wish I died.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because for a second I did think that I would die in that house,” Niall says in annoyance like he has said this before a thousand times. “I was alone in that room with four masked faces. I thought they were going to kill me, I thought they would do bad things to me and the entire time I was wishing that one you lads would find me. I hoped that you would have come to save me.”

“Me?” Zayn questions. He has never thought that Niall would think of him in times when his life is in danger. He did not think the first person that Niall would think of is him. He is the homophobic jerk that spoke his mind and framed him, so why him?

“But you didn’t, instead it was a random stranger who found me.”

“It was Robin van Persie,” Zayn informs him.

“I know,” Niall says, placing down his empty plate. “The doctors told me.”

“Aren’t you excited?”

Niall smiles, molars showing, teeth glittering and to be honest Zayn misses it. “I was beyond excited actually. I was hyperventilating when he was there the entire time at the hospital with me. He never left. Not once.”

Niall’s smile washes off his face, Zayn’s heart deflating a little. “You didn’t even want us to talk to you when you were in the hospital, why?”

“I was lost, alone, cold and afraid in an abandoned house and I had no clue how much time had passed, when I was going to be free, those men rarely spoke to me—”

“Di-did they do anything?”

Niall remains mum.

“Did those men do anything to you?” Zayn insists.

He continues remaining mum.

“Tell me Niall,” Zayn continues insisting, “Did they touch you?”

“No,” Niall forcefully says. Zayn sees right through him and knows he’s lying. “I know you can tell I’m lying so please, let it pass just this once.”

“Just for tonight, I will,” Zayn agrees. “I’m sorry it was Robin who found you and not me.”

“Why are you here?”

“I was checking up on you.”

“But you don’t like gay people,” Niall reasons out.

“You’re my friend Niall and how many times do I have to tell you that it doesn’t matter if I’m homophobic, I care about you.”

“So if we weren’t friends would you talk to me?” Niall asks. His nose suddenly starts bleeding, red liquid staining his white, pale face.

“You’re bleeding Niall!” Zayn says alarmingly. Niall shrugs as Zayn runs rushes past him to the bathroom. He rolls off tissue paper off the rack and rushes back to the living room seeing Niall drinking his orange juice. He stops momentarily in his tracks when large drops of blood flood his champagne glass and watches Niall drinking it. Zayn shuts his eyes, stopping himself from gagging.

“Niall don’t drink that,” Zayn screams at him. “It had blood on it.”

“So?”

“So it’s disgusting,” Zayn explains, kneeling in front of the lad. With one hand cupping his cheek, he wipes the off blood around his nose and mouth, more still dripping off. “Lean forward,” he instructs. “And pinch the tip of your nose.” He does.

“How is this helping me?” Niall asks, his bloodshot eyes peeping through his eyelashes.

“It will stop the bleeding,” he tells him, sitting like a pretzel in front of his legs. “You’ve got to stop snorting too much coke.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I used to do all of these things that you do: drink, smoke weed, get drunk, snort, inject myself… everything! Until I realized it was a bad lifestyle and stopped.”

“You mean when we all helped you out with your drug dealer who was threatening to kill your family,” Niall corrects him.

“I was planning on quitting but my drug dealer didn’t want me to quit. I told him that I was going to become a singer because it’s been my dream ever since I was nine but he just wouldn’t let me,” Zayn explains.

“The way I look at it, you shouldn’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do which includes snorting coke and eating pizza. So please, I am asking you to please leave my house and don’t ever return.”

“But—”

“Besides, I’ve stopped bleeding so you can stop worrying if I’ll bleed to death,” Niall continues. And quietly he adds, “Although that would be a good idea.”

“I want to make sure you’re okay,” Zayn tells him, worry written all over his face.

“No you don’t,” Niall shakes his head, “you’re just going to have pity on me the entire time and that’s not what I want right now. I just want to be alone.”

“You were alone and look what happened?” Zayn raises his voice at him, “You were kidnapped and trapped in an old house for nearly two weeks where no one could find you. I won’t let that happen again.”

Niall remains mum, looking intensely at Zayn. “Liam and Harry are busy right now, Louis hates you, Zach isn’t talking to you and neither is your entire family especially your mom who’s still very disappointed in you. Perrie is spending every waking moment with Eleanor and she usually gives you some dumb excuse why she can’t spend time with you which explains why you probably haven’t been home for nearly a month now. And then there’s me, the only person who you can actually talk to so like I said before, please leave because you’re just doing this cause you feel sorry for me and you have nowhere to go.”

“Ho-how did you,” Zayn stammers, his eyes blinking fast in confusion. “That’s not true.”

“You’re not the only one who can see everything,” Niall tells him, Zayn’s confusion ending. “Now get out of my house.”

“I’m… I’m going,” Zayn mumbles, standing up from the floor. He grabs his keys and jacket, Niall watching him with his bloodshot eyes. He walks towards the door, hearing another pair of footsteps following him as well. The door opens before he opens it and lo! and behold it’s Robin Van Persie standing before him – glistening eyes, smashing smile, and a tint of fresh, crispy smell of the night air.

“Um, hi guys,” he speaks first in a heavy Dutch accent, Zayn too stunned to know what’s going on.

Niall smiles. “Hi Robin.”

Robin lifts his arm to reveal several movies with Chinese takeout and on the other, six pack of beers. “I brought food.”

“Thanks, I haven’t eaten in days,” Niall giggles, his sour mood completely gone.

“I was counting on that,” Robin winks – fucking winks – and his eyes glance to Zayn. “I’m sorry for being rude and not introducing myself, I’m Robin Van Persie and you are?”

“Leaving,” Niall responds before Zayn can.

“Don’t worry, I’m going,” Zayn reassures him, stepping backward on the stairs by the doorway. “But earlier you asked if we weren’t friends would I talk to you if you were gay…”

“Yeah,” Niall speaks to him, holding the door open as Zayn stood on the doormat with huge, white printed letters stating ‘Welcome’.

“I’m just happy we’re friends now, despite our huge differences,” he says. He tentatively hugs Niall, taking a whiff of strong cigarettes and deo off his body. “Bye Robin.”

“Have a good one,” Robin bids him goodbye. He walks down the steps, the door shutting behind him and crosses the street.

He stops before his car and decides to walk instead. He has been walking aimlessly around the streets of London, not particularly going anywhere, just as along as he is not heading Home. It is times like these that Zayn feels utterly alone – his fiancée is not speaking to him, his friends all hated him, his best friend cannot even look at him, his own mother wants to puke any time she thinks of her son, his sisters have long forgotten about him, he has not even been spotted by any _fan_ on the street for hours now. Not even one. He stood too close to the fire and burned down all the bridges.

All of them.

And little by little, time over time, Zayn has tried to live on his own. With his guilty conscious keeping him warm at night.


	5. - midnight memories -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry are on their date, once again, exploring all that London has to offer... and what Harry offers.

> **_—_ ** _**one direction:** I don’t care how much we spend, baby this is what the night is for. I know nothing is making sense for tonight let’s just pretend. **—**_

_** ** _

Soft beep sounds wake Louis from his slumber. He groans reaching for his phone but immediately smiles when it’s a text from Harry.

**_HARRY:_ ** _Mornin’ Beautiful! I’m sorry for waking you up but I have an exciting day planned. Breakfast’s ready :) I LOVE YOU LOU!_

“I love you too,” Louis mumbles to no one in particular. He gets off the bed, rubbing his eyes. He reaches for his bedside table looking for his glasses and knocks out a bottle.

“Ugh, what’s that now?” he croaks in his morning voice. He bends down, picking the orange bottle off the table. “Harry you still take these,” he says, juggling the bottle. Next thing, he opens the drawers in a hurried mess, trying to find any more bottles Harry has hidden. He finds one written “Two Doses Blueberry” and decides to open it, the scent of blueberry hitting his nose.

“No Louis, don’t try one,” he mentally tells himself – out loud. He rushes to the bathroom – after Harry calls him from downstairs that the breakfast is getting cold – and goes on a hunt for more pills. What he discovers in a mere five minutes makes his knees weak. His loving boyfriend still takes his pills! Harry had promised him he would stop but he did not!

“Harold you promised me you wouldn’t take any more pills, you know what they do to you!” Louis sighs putting back red pills in a plastic bag and zipping it tightly. As he got into the warm shower, he makes a mental note to tell Harry not to take the pills anymore, it’s not like he needs them, does he? He quickly gets out of the shower, gets dressed in skinnies and a white shirt – but changes his mind. He’s going on a date with Harry after all, he needs to put more _effort_.

“You’ll look good in whatever you wear.” Louis jerks in his spot, seeing Harry casually leaning against the door pane in his PJs. His heart rate goes from 0 to 60 in seconds when he spots his boyfriend’s V-lines! “Or whatever you don’t wear.” 60 to 120 now!

“I have nothing to wear!” Louis says in aggravation.

“You have a walk-in closet, there’s bound to be something in here,” he says, walking up to his boyfriend. His heart-shaped lips press softly to Louis’. “Don’t fret about what you’ll wear love, you’ll look perfect even if you wear a potato sack.”

“Please tell me where we’re going,” Louis begs. Harry shakes head and he continues begging Harry to at least give him a clue where they shall be heading.

“Casual.”

“Casual?” Louis questions. “Like jeans casual or?”

Harry nods. “Those tight up jeans are always sexy on you.”

Louis bites his lip, trying not to blush but fails embarrassingly. “You look cute when you blush,” Harry coos. “Go eat breakfast and then we leave.”

The entire morning Harry takes him around London and the outskirts as well, stopping at every single theme park they spot, Harry occasionally leaning down to kiss him; whether it is in the shops, in the bathroom stalls, on the streets and even before the cashier. They will snog for longer during the longs walks on the streets to the Shakespeare’s Globe, or to the Victoria and Albert Museum, take a picture of them together – leaning on a taxi, sitting on a fountain drinking champagne – and upload it on their joint Instagram account, then pop into the amusement park and ride all the rides. And Louis rides on more than just amusement park rides.

At two in the afternoon, they pop into Hoi Polloi for a late lunch.

“This is really good,” Louis says, amidst their lunch date. “It’s the best cow I’ve ever eaten!”

Harry chuckles at his boyfriend, mouth full of food. “M’glad you love it beautiful,” he says. “You should try this.” He hands him a green and red drink, their fingers touching as Harry hand him his glass. “It’s apparently really good with stirred, fried beef.”

“HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND EVIL,” Louis instantaneously shouts, “What the fuck is this?”

“Green and Red,” Harry tells him, “that’s literally the name.”

“Green and Red?”

“Finish up quickly, we have the entire afternoon to go through,” Harry informs him.

“There’s more?” Louis wonders how there can be more to this day than they already have.

“Of course! We still have to go shopping and I have so much stuff to buy for you that I saw,” Harry tells him enthusiastically. “And more restaurants with even better cow meat.”

“Cow meat?” Louis giggles.

“Yes, cow meat because saying beef is basic and we’re not basic. We’re fabulous.”

“We’re wild.”

“Wild, wild love.”

Louis scratches his seat against the floor, leaning over the table and cups Harry’s red cheeks. “A blessing,” he says and smooches him hard.

“I love you,” Harry whispers.

Louis sighs back in his chair, gazing at his boyfriend’s emerald orbs. “It’s taking every strength within me from having my way with you on this table right here, right now, screw anyone who’s watching us.”

“Three weeks sweet cheeks,” Harry tells him, holding his boyfriend’s tiny hand above the table. “Three more weeks and you’ll have it all.”

The rest of the afternoon is spent shopping at different shops in odd places in London such as Alice Through The Looking Glass, Neal’s Yard Diary (they are invited for a party later in the night) and The Sampler where they try wine and end up buying six of the most expensive wines from the store.

“What is this place?” Louis asks when they walk into Lomography Gallery Store hands together. It is a store where they sell old-fashioned photographs.

“I was with Ed one day and we found this shop when I was looking for something to buy Taylor for her birthday,” Harry explains, “and voila, here it was! So what did I do? I came there last week and brought some photos of us and told them to do their thing and they did.”

“Do their thing?” Louis asks.

“They can make photos look like they’re taken in 1459 and we look so sophisticated,” he explains, Louis admiring the fire in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“There’s Photoshop for that.”

“That’s for amateurs on Insta,” Harry says. “This is professional.”

Just then an old, red-headed woman walks out of a door holding several portraits. She lays them down on the glass counter, one by one, each looking stunning than the one before. Louis’ jaw drops gazing at them, his eyes bulging out of his sockets, when he sees what the photos _are –_ it is fetus photos of them, when they were in X Factor, before Eleanor, before malicious Larry rumors, before Modest! became Modest!, before… before things fell apart.

“They’re stunning,” Louis says, gleaming at Harry. He tip toes to kiss his heart shaped lips. “I love them. I’m in love with them. All of them.”

“I knew you’d love them,” Harry smiles, looking down at him.

“I told you he would love them Edward,” the red-headed woman with a thick Scottish accent says.

“You’re the best Martha,” Harry says. “I’ll take them all.”

Martha hands Larry the pictures after paying for them and they enter the black cab waiting for them, heading to their next stop: Fortnum & Mason.

“It’s a gift shop,” Harry explains in the taxi. Louis rests his tired head on Harry’s shoulders, holding the paintings tightly with his left arm, the other hand softly being massaged by his boyfriend. “They sell cute teacups basically.”

“Tea cups?”

“Well no, not just tea cups but I saw tea cups and then I remembered you love Yorkshire tea so I thought I should buy it… for you,” Harry explains.

Louis repeats his question. “A tea cup?”

“Tea cups are sophisticated and very British mind you, be proud of your culture!”

“You’re half-Spanish,” Louis says, his eyes gliding to Harry’s thighs down to his knees.

“And half-British,” Harry adds.

“We’re here Sires,” the cab driver informs them. They pay him and get out – before they take an Instagram picture in front of it titled _The Short Cabby_ – and walk straight into the shop.

“These prices are outrageous!” Louis squeals holding up the tea cup Harry had been describing. “Seven hundred pounds for a teeny, tiny teacup? Seven hundred?!”

“Yeah,” Harry shrugs, walking down the aisle searching for baby gifts for Baby Edward.

“Harry I can’t… I mean, I don’t want this,” Louis says shyly, placing the tea cup back on the rack slowly in case he broke it.

“Why not?” Harry questions turning his heels to face him. “It’s just a tea cup.”

“Tea cups are not 700 pounds Harold,” Louis scolds, “they’re never bloody expensive!”

“But I’m spoiling you, and I can’t stress this enough, I _want_ to,” Harry tells him.

“Seven hundred pounds,” Louis repeats. He feels goosebumps forming beneath his shirt when Harry is a mere 15 centimeters away from his face.

“I know it’s quite expensive but with you to be honest, those are just numbers and they mean nothing to me because you’re priceless to me,” he says, smiling like a 1000-watt light bulb. “I mean, sure seven hundred pounds is a lot of money and I should invest five hundred and spend only two hundred but with you I don’t want to. I could give you all my money right now, I could chop of an arm and a leg for you, I would donate both my kidneys if I knew you had one that worked and was failing.

“I would hire out an amusement park for an entire day so that we could spend the day together without fans interrupting us or to avoid those long crowds” – he holds Louis by the shoulders feeling him shudder at his touch –“ I could keep saying to you what I would do with my money and these are all just words and to be fair, I’ve spent all my life being talked to without action and nothing good ever came out of that so here’s me, walking the talk and” – he takes the teacup from the rack – “I want you to have this teacup.”

“But you’ve spent a fortune at Hoi Polloi on cow meat, then at dungeon restaurant in Downtown London then don’t forget that creepy shop, what’s its name, Neal’s Yard Diary and then The Sampler where the cheapest wine was 7,000 pounds and don’t forget the Gallery Store. I love it to be honest but I have a feeling you bought more than just six photographs.“

Casually, Harry tells him it is 14 photographs.

“Fourteen?” Louis questions in shock. “Fourteen pictures and each was more than 10, 000 pounds? If that wasn’t bad we’re here at, what’s this place called, Fortnum & Mason where gifts are pretty awesome but the prices are outrageous. Completely bollocks if you ask me! And why are you laughing?”

Harry chuckles, “Because you’re complaining about prices when you’re a multi-millionaire!”

Louis retorts. “Doesn’t mean we should spend it all like we just won the lottery!”

“But it does feel like we did win the lottery ever since X Factor,” Harry tells him and Louis nods. “How much did you think it would be?”

“What?”

“The tea cup, how much did you think it would be?”

“Uh, 16 pounds,” Louis shrugs, “Maybe five at the thrift store.” Harry pokes his tongue out of his mouth as he reaches down for a pen. He cancels the price of the teacup on the rack and writes “16 pounds” on top. “Are you crazy Hazza?”

“Just for tonight let’s just pretend it’s 16 pounds, alright love?” Harry tells him, gazing down at Louis’ blue orbs. The older one nods quietly, holding the teacup that Harry has handed him. He leans down to him, placing his fingers on top of Louis’ on the tea cup and brushes his heart-shaped lips slightly with his. He slowly kisses him, enveloping his left hand around Louis holding the teacup, the other brushing against his boyfriend’s cheeks.

Louis holds up the tea cup to Harry face. “Just the teacup then

“For you yes, but for Baby Edward so much more!”

Honestly, they spend the next two hours looking for gifts for Baby Edward William del Ray and in the end decide to shop for the girls as well – Danielle, Lana, Perrie, Gemma, Louis’ sisters and their mums (Mother’s Day is around the corner!). They head off to Needo, an Indian restaurant for dinner and make plans for the night.

“Sleep,” Louis says once they’ve settled in the restaurant, seated at a booth at the back of the restaurant (so that they cannot be spotted), and are eating their special Indian dinner.

“C’mon, we can’t _sleep_ , we’re not 80 Louis we’re 20!” Harry says, chewing on his chicken tikka. “What happened to fun, party Louis?”

“He was taken out to a long day in London and mind you half the time was spent walking rather than shopping or taking rides.”

“You took a ride,” Harry winks, “of my dick and you loved it.”

“My favorite ride.” Louis pouts his lips and cups Harry’s warm cheeks for a kiss.

“But seriously, we shou—oh hold up, I’m buzzing!” Harry says, pocketing out his iPhone. “It’s Liam. He’s at Danielle’s place.”

“Doing what?”

“He’s finally going to tell her he loves her,” he says.

“He had Sophia, he had Niall, he had Emma—”

“Who’s Emma?”

“His high school girlfriend who said yes after he asked her out 22 times,” Louis says. He feeds Harry a piece of chicken tikka from his fork. “Why didn’t you tell me that Danielle told you that she stills likes Liam?”

“She didn’t tell me, I figured it out when I was drunk,” Harry says – kissing Louis quickly on his lips. “I could see it whenever I would mention Liam or talk about him she would smile a little bit and then stop and when I talk about him she would fidget with her sweater a lot or twirl her curls around her finger. And for Liam, it is pretty obvious that he still likes her. Except I thought, well, you know how you’ll always love your first love? I thought it was like that for Liam but as usual—”

“Zayn was right,” Louis finishes his sentence. “He knew Liam still loved Danielle and he was gay. I miss him.”

“Liam?”

“Zayn. All of them actually. We haven’t seen each other for weeks now and it’s a bit weird because when we’re on breaks we could text each other, Skype, meet up for lunch at Nandos but now, nothing!”

“We’re starting rehearsals in two weeks for our tour so don’t feel bad,” Harry reassures him.

“I know I know but this isn’t like us.”

Louis continues explaining how he is worried about the five of them not being as close to each other as they were before. “Remember in 2013 when we were on a break and literally every week we would meet up in Nandos to catch up and even sometimes the next day and continue talking for ages like we hadn’t met the previous day. Or like I would Skype Zayn for hours at night and if Niall came online Zayn would add him and we’d stay up all night just skyping each other….”

Harry holds his boyfriend close to his chest when Louis’ words are muffled by the tears streaming down his face. “Sshhh, love, we’re all still friends.”

“No we’re not.” Louis shakes his head against Harry’s Calvin Klein shirt. “We’re so distant from each other: Niall and Liam aren’t talking at all, Liam hates Zayn’s guts as much as I do right now, Zayn isn’t talking to Liam, Niall or me and since I’m always with you he can’t talk to you, I don’t talk to Liam because he thinks I’m on Niall’s side when I’m not on anyone’s side… I’m on all their sides. And then you, caught up in the middle of it all for no reason.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Harry says. He grazes his thumb across Louis’ cheek, wiping away the pain. “We just need space from each other that’s all. Niall’s going through a terrible break up with the love of his life so he needs time to heal, Liam sadly looks like he’s moved on from Niall but it’s a good thing because he’s giving him space. But he’s hurting too, he really didn’t want to break Niall’s heart because he knew how crushed he would be. You don’t like Zayn because he was Mr X and therefore you don’t talk to him but for me, would you please talk to him?”

“Why?”

“Because out of the five of us, he’s the one hurting the most.”

“How so?”

“We’re his brothers and none of us are even talking to him. His best friend Zach has completely refused to talk to him, his family has literally cut all communications with him and Perrie is spending far too much time with Elewhor-nor than with him and now he has no one. He’s completely alone.”

“He deserves it! He was Mr X and he wronged you by airing out the secrets in your diary… for making you come out before you were ready!”

“Yes, I know but it’s Zayn and he always has a good intention for what he does for those he cares about except he does it in a way that ends up hurting people. Once you know that then you cannot stay mad at him forever so I forgave him a long time ago for it. Ah, chili chili!” He gulps a large amount of soda to stop the burning spicy feeling on his tongue. “And you should too. Argh, spicy spicy.”

Louis questions him why he should forgive Zayn after all he did.

Harry tells him softly, “Because family forgives family.”

“But Zayn’s not family.”

“He is.”

“He’s not _my_ family.”

“He is your family Lou, he’s _our_ brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAAAAAAAMN! BIG SPENDER HARRY, BIG SPEEEEEEEENDER!


	6. - ***flawless -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Grimmy's opening for his fashion show collection with Burberry.

> _— **blair waldorf:** friends are the fashion fundamentals —_

“So what exactly was he saying, I didn’t hear him,” Louis says. They are lazily laying on the couch, Louis head on Harry’s stomach, spending the morning and afternoon writing songs for Part 2 of their album: Afternoon Memories.

Harry runs his fingers through Louis fringe absentmindedly. “Grimmy’s fashion show is today and I didn’t hear him either but that’s him panicking because something’s not going according to how he wants it.”

“All I heard was him saying that you should bring a light bulb,” Louis says.

“That’s the jist of it. That’s him asking for my help and I should go,” Harry says, sticking his tongue out. “And I need to pick up the light bulb before I forget. You’re coming right?”

“Of course, for you not Grimmy,” Louis says shifting so Harry stands up.

“So nice you care,” Harry smirks. He pecks his heart-shaped lips to his and heads down to the London Fashion Runway. Waking towards the busy runways, Harry sees buzzing models, hurried and lively energy around the area and in between the chaos, a complaining, big haired Nicholas Grimshaw in the middle of it all.

“You heard him complaining about the light bulb too,” King says, after Harry spots him.

“The cake?” Harry questions the package King is holding.

“He asked for cake, you know his weird ass cravings. Where’ve you been?”

“With Louis. Plus you weren’t talking to me because of the whole Ellie and Ed’s murder.”

“I may have been mad at yo tiny white ass for that but don’t go all silent on me again. We’re still friends no matter how much we fight, we go for ages without talking to each other or because Modest! thinks they can blackmail me, we’re still friends. We’ve gone through so much shit for years and we’ve always gone through it.”

Harry makes a disgusted face, “Starting to sound a little gay there King.”

“Says the faggot,” King smiles. Harry nudges him on his rib, the cake almost falling off his arms.

“What’s happening with Grimmy now?”

“Apparently Caroline, whoever that is, got the wrong wigs for the models so now she has to go buy the right ones,” King explains.

“The wigs were fine I’m sure,” Harry rolls his eyes. “Let’s go help him before he kills somebody with his bare hands. Where’s Conor anyway?”

“On tour with guess who, Taylor!”

Harry gasps, “But… he can’t go on…”

“We’ve never told him about Ed and Taylor.”

“We don’t need to tell him, he can see that Ed went on tour with her so he shouldn’t. And plus I dated her.”

“That little nigga isn’t going to listen to you about your dating history. Plus I don’t think he would care.”

“He should.”

“He shouldn’t. Ed didn’t when he went on tour with your ex.”

“Because Ed and I are—were friends.”

They both reach Nick, who is talking animatedly at whoever and King asks him, “Aren’t you and Conor?”

“You are ruining everything,” Nick shouts at a scared, black haired lady holding a keyboard. “Why the fuck are you holding a keyboard? You know what, nobody cares. The runway looks like dusty road in that ugly shade of lime, those wigs you gave to Alicia, Tina, Misty and Candy look like a cat killed itself on their heads, the clothes are too long on the models they look like nuns… and who, absolutely who” – he holds up six inch heels to the poor woman – “wears these last season heels on my runway? Who?”

“No one Sir,” the timid woman answers, her head bowed down, clutching the keyboard for dear life.

Nick continues shouting at her, “Do you want me to fail? Do you want my life to—oh thank goodness you guys are here, this stupid woman does not know what fashion is.”

“Good to see you’re well Grimmy,” Harry says, hugging him.

“What’s your name love?” King asks the poor lady.

“Incompetent,” Nick says, turning his body away from her. “Incompetent is her name.” He shoos her away with a wave of her hand. “This day couldn’t get worse! Did you get my coffee, gorgeous?”

“You asked for a light bulb!”

“I said coffee dammit,” he screams at him. Before Harry can react, there are sky-high screams heard from the dressing room. “Now what?”

“Lizzy broke her toe nail fitting into the Jimmy Choo shoes,” the keyboard lady explains.

“Lizzy wasn’t meant to wear shoes, she’s the fucking bikini model! Why is she wearing heels, Serena?”

“I’ll… I’ll fix it Nicholas.” She scurries off, Nick groaning in his hands. “What’s wrong with me?” he cries. “Where did my life go wrong? One morning I quit my job, was jobless for nearly eight months, was back on my mortgage and nearly lost my home and for what? To have an average runaway! Do you know who’ll be attending?”

“Us?” King asks, sitting down on the floor along with Harry and Nick.

“The who’s who of fashion; the Director of Blueberry, the Editor of Marie Clair’s, Madam the seasonal columnist on Cosmo, Jean Pierre from Model Flair Agencies, the—”

“You keep mentioning everyone who’s attending and your head will burst,” King says, handing Nick a slice of the red velvet cake. Nick snorts at it but King insist. “Eat this, you need the energy and there were no carrots in the shop.”

“Coffee bitches, I asked for coffee not cake or light bulbs,” Nick says, in an angry tone. “You don’t understand. My entire life depends on this runway show happening tonight. It’s either I make it big or nothing. And nothing could be an option tonight because everybody in this fucking place does.not.know.what.fashion.is!”

“I’m sure they do, it’s just you who’s freaking out. Like the runway, it looks good,” Harry says, pointing at the runway behind him. “The models are stunning, the wigs are fine on them, the shoes that you were holding look great and I’m stealing those after for Lana! We’re here for you Grimmy so tell us what to do to make it all better.”

“Get me a new fashion line!”

“Nicholas!” King says sternly.

Nick takes a deep breath, swatting imaginary hair away from his face. “I need to change the décor of this entire place, I need some of the dresses trimmed because they’re far too long, some of the models should not even be modeling in _my_ fashion-filled show and my name on the banner looks like a five year old drew it...”

“We’re on it,” Harry says, standing up and lifting Nick off the floor. “We’ll paint everything gold.”

“Gold? Why gold?”

“It’s a fashion statement King,” Nick says, bitch mode still on.

“Whatever, let me go work on the models.” King excuses himself and heads backstage with half-naked models with flawless skin and _L’Oréal_ on their faces, because they are worth it.

“You’re going to be fine Grimmy, I believe in you,” Harry says in a quiet voice to Nick who’s gazing intensely at the larger boy. “If there’s anyone who can do it, it’s you. Let’s face it, you smoke all these bitches in here.”

“I do, don’t I?”

“You’re flawless pumpkin and don’t you ever forget that,” Harry says. Nick tiptoes quickly, holding Harry by his shoulders, and kisses him straight on the lips. “Wh-what was that for?”

Nick brings his finger to his lips, as if shushing himself, winks and walks away.

***  ***

“To Grimmy for having an amazing, fantastic fashion show!”

Everybody backstage hold up their champagne glasses, clinking their glasses for a splendid night… full of glitz, glamor and a glitter! And a little gold.

“Thank you all,” Nick blushes, grinning and giggle and melting in the attention.

“He loves the attention, doesn’t he?” Louis whispers to Harry’s ear, watching Nick being showered with congratulatory messages.

“He does,” King nods. “And all that panic for no reason!”

“And I bought a light bulb for no reason!” Harry shakes his head, helping himself to more champagne.

“That reminds me,” King says. He holds out his empty glass to be filled. “Where did you disappear to?”

“When?”

“When Grimmy was about to walk down the runway to say thank you, you weren’t there why?” King questions.

“What did he say?”

“Well this bitch near me kept talking on her fake ass phone but he said something about friends are the fashion fundamentals not handbags and haute couture.”

“What does that mean?” Louis asks.

King ignores him and directly attacks Harry by asking where he was during Nick’s speech. Harry shoots a glance at Louis who drops his gaze to the floor, red cheeks flushed. “Oh my gosh, no! Harry Edward Styles, how could you!”

“What?” he asks innocently.

“You gave Louis a blowjob in the bathroom when Grimmy was saying his thanks?”

“You did what?” The three of them turn to see Nick looking at them skeptically. Larry remain mum, words unable to roll out of their mouths. King excuses himself to ‘talk’ to one of the models. “You guys had sex in the bathrooms?”

“Blowjobs, my gosh!” Harry says, sighing. “And your champagne is stale.”

“As I was giving my speech you were blowing your boyfriend off?”

Harry ignores him and continues. “I heard you have your own clothing line thanks to _Burberry_ and what was the other fashion company?”

“I had an entire speech thanking my friends that helped me see that I was born for fashion,” Nick continues, ignoring Harry as well. Louis watches the two mates bickering with each other and somehow managing to hold a conversation between themselves.

He speaks. “Actually, I think that was Lady Gaga who made you see that you were a fashion King.”

“I am a fashion king,” Nick agrees boldly.

“With bad champagne taste,” Harry concludes.

“Not as bad as your blowjobs,” Nick says. He smirks when Harry’s mouth drops to the floor and Louis blushes harder, his palms sweaty holding onto his boyfriend’s hand.

“My blowjobs are perfect bitch,” Harry retaliates. “And Lou agrees.”

“Not as good as mine. I give mind-blowing, magical and colorful show.”

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

“This is the saddest bromance ever,” Louis interrupts them.

Nick swipes imaginary hair away from his forehead. “His blowjobs are.”

“They’re ground shaking, amazing and body electric,” Harry says.

“I really hope Louis is better than you,” Nick sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Congrats on having your own clothing line, Nick,” Louis says, attempting to change the subject.

“Thanks bae,” Nick shrills, hugging Louis. “I’m so excited to start making shirts that men actually want to wear!”

“I really like them,” Louis says truthfully.

“I can tell,” Nick smiles at him, “I can really tell. Harry has introduced you to great style because before, Louis, you dressed like a hobo child in—”

“So when are they in the stores?” Harry interrupts.

Nick winks. “For you, I’ll make an exception.”

King comes over to them, holding two models on both his sides. “So here’s the plan, Zing” – he archs his head to the Asian model – “and Zang are going to Toto’s Blue and so are we.”

“I’m in!”

“So am I,” Harry says and turns to Louis. “Coming with?”

“Uh no,” Louis shakes his head. “This is more of a thing for you guys so...”

Harry pulls Louis away from them and asks him quietly “Why not? Is it cause of Grimmy?”

“No, no I don’t hate him anymore,” Louis disagrees. “Remember last week when we were talking about the five of us not being friends with each and you told me that Zayn is _my_ brother…”

“Yeah.”

Louis’ gaze shifts momentarily to Nick animatedly talking to King and then gazes back at his boyfriend, holding him by the shoulders. “Those lunatics over there are your brothers. They’re more of your brother than either me, Zayn, Liam or Niall. And ever since, heaven knows for how long, you haven’t spent much time with them and I don’t want to be the reason you fall out with them like the five of us did.”

Harry gazes lovingly at this boyfriend, speechless for words. He leans down and presses his heart-shaped lips to his, Louis’ fingers digging into his shoulder blades.

“Thank you,” Harry whispers.

Louis presses his lips to his once more. “Call me when you’re done. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Forever.”

“And always!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People at fashion shows always look so miserable as if they are waiting for the after-party to start or something!


	7. - 6 degrees of separation -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn takes Niall to The London Zoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!!
> 
> To celebrate I'll be watching Annabelle... let's hope it's scary ENOUGH [most scary movies aren't -__-]

_ _

 

> _— **eminem:** I don't wanna say goodbye but sometimes things just don't go as we'd like. All I wanna do is cry, say my farewells —_

 

“Get as many scoops of ice-cream as you want,” Zayn tells Niall. After much convincing from Zayn, through free tickets to The London Zoo, unlimited scoops of ice-cream, lunch at Nandos and four packets of cigarettes… and do not forget two blunts of weed, which Niall has already smoked, they both go to the Zoo to hang out. Or to get Niall out of the house.

“So when I’m feeling down,” Zayn begins as they walk down the path, on either side of them are diverse animals such as cheetahs, leopard, elephants, gorillas… really, all animals are here. “I come here. I love this place, the sounds of birds chirping in the back, gazing at beautiful lions, eating ice cream—”

“I don’t want the Zoo commentary, Zayn,” Niall says nonchalantly.

“Listen Niall, I know right now you and I aren’t talking but I’m making an effort here and so please talk back to me,” Zayn says and adds quietly, “You’re the only person I have left in my life and I don’t want to lose you too.” Niall turns to Zayn, his eyes void of emotion. Zayn continues, “For the first time in years I truly know what it’s like to be not just alone but lonely. Before I always had someone with me, when I wasn’t with you lads, I was with Perrie, if not my fiancé then with Zach if not then my family if not—”

“I get it you always had someone to fall back on.”

“Exactly,” Zayn says. His gaze drops to the snake behind the glass window, “but now I have no one” – he looks at Niall who’s gazing at the sleeping snake – “not even you… Um, I’ll go get more ice cream. I’m all out.”

Zayn leaves Niall who then walks away from the snake and stops when he sees a rhino flap its ears when he walks by. He leans against the fence, reading the history of the rhino.

“Hey…” Niall greets. He reads the plaque. “… says here your name is Veggietables,” Niall reads out loud the rhino’s name, his voice a little more cheerful. “You’re 46 years… that’s pretty old, isn’t it, honey?”

The rhino flaps its ears again, grunting a little.

“Have you ever been in love?” Niall asks Veggietables, the rhino. “Well of course you have, you’re 46 years old! Forty-six. How many husbands have you had? Or boyfriends if you didn’t get married.” With a sadder tone, he continues talking all the while Veggietables is eating and then chewing, “I bet you had like a gazillion boyfriends that loved you, they didn’t treat you like trash, or third class material…or they take your heart and stomp it with their foot and walk away.”

Niall stops talking for a moment and gazes at Veggietables eating. The rhino then stops eating too and lifts its head to gaze at the South African boy. He takes a bite off his ice-cream in silence, unknown to him, Zayn is watching him from a distance.

“But you’re all alone, like me,” he tells the rhino. “Did the mean Zoo people take away your husband? Were you separated from him, y’know, the love of your life? What was it like, having something you love taken away from you and you have no say in it? Don’t you wish you had a voice that you could use to say what you felt at times? That, uhh, I guess you want a voice. But I think what you want is not a voice but freedom.

“Freedom is overrated Veggietables. Don’t trust anyone who says they’re free. I know you’re locked up in this cage right now but can you believe you’re freer than I am? It’s a paradox Veggietables. Think about it. Someone famous once said,” he pauses, taking a bite off his ice-cream and continues, “we may be free but everywhere we go we’re tied up in chains. You used to live in the wilderness somewhere in Kenya, with your family, struggling to find food, partners and take care of your children, if you ever had any. Oh wait, it says here,” he reads the plaque, “they died because of poachers… and your husband was killed by them. I’m sorry Veggietables, I’m really sorry. I didn’t read that part. Is that why you look so glum chum?

“Is that why you’re here… is it because your entire family was killed by poachers? I’m guessing the wildlife services in Kenya felt sorry for you and sent you packing here to Britain hoping to make money off you. But look at the bright side, you’re finally free. The sad memories of what those poachers did to your family are gone. Vanished into thin air. Well, they’re not really gone but at least you don’t have a constant reminder of your past everywhere you go. Like you can’t go to Nandos and remember the good times you had with your boyfriend when he fed you his fries, or at the water park where your boyfriend held you in the slides because you were slightly scared, or at the park where he told you he’d never let you go,” – he snorts – “where is he now?”

The rhino walks slowly towards the fence, where Niall is leaning on it with both his arms, poking his ice cream with a wooden spoon. And it stops to continue chewing.

“You’re free because you don’t have those haunted memories by your side. You have fresh ones here; you have new friends like Mister Lion over there or Snakey-Snake over there or how about Cheetah the Guitar behind me? Fantastic friends, don’t you see? I can’t run away from my past but you did. And that’s why you’re freer than me. I know I know you’re going to say ‘At least you get to walk out of this Zoo,’ but trust me, being able to walk farther than 100 meters isn’t all that great if all you ever see is _him_.” And the 21-year old male in black skinnies suddenly screams, “Freedom isn’t that great.”

Zayn frowns at Niall’s sudden screaming, watching the other people gazing at him curiously and walking by. Perhaps he should not have let Niall smoke the third blunt…

“You want to know why I feel like I’m chained everywhere I go despite you thinking I’m free? Two words: Liam Payne. James. Liam James Payne. I guess that makes it three words.” Veggietables lifts his head and gaze directly at Niall, ignoring the child at the zoo calling at her. “It’s been four months since we broke up. Four. I thought time healed but I haven’t. Not yet.”

Not breaking eye contact with Veggietables, Niall solemnly begins his story. “I was carelessly in love with him. I thought he loved me, I thought he cared about me and I thought the two of us would make it till the end. But every fairytale comes to an end and you wake up. You find out that everything was a dream, when both of you were meant to fall, you discover you’re the only one falling as the other is still standing on the cliff, fucking watching you fall and fall and fall and falling towards… just falling. Did you know I’m scared of heights? Well, there’s no such thing as being scared of heights because you’re actually more afraid of falling. But with him I wasn’t afraid of falling because I knew we would fall together. I… I trusted him enough to catch me. I. Trusted. Him.

“I know people aren’t bad, everybody is kind yadda yadda yadda but I hate him. Did anyone ever ask you how you felt when your entire family was killed? No, they didn’t ask because nobody ever cares about how you feel. And this is why you’re more free than me; everywhere I go I see him: there’re pictures on my phone of him, I can smell him from the clothes he left at my place or see him in the kitchen where we would make pancakes in the morning. How about when I go on the Internet, when I want to talk to fans on Twitter, there he is, talking about love and how he’s never felt that way before with _her_! Thousands of pictures spotting him at his ex-girlfriend’s house or driving to the gym and then after Funky Buddha, and if that’s not enough, people call me telling me stuff about Liam that I don’t give a shit about. I don’t! Why doesn’t anybody ask me how _I am_ feeling? Why?

“At least your husband _loved_ you. My boyfriend didn’t even love me. He wasn’t gay! He wasn’t fucking gay! I hate myself for falling in love with him… just to find out all I did was trouble him, I bothered him, I hindered him from finding his true love,” – Veggietables flaps her ears – “I know right, can you believe it? He loved somebody else the entire time we were dating. He loved _her_! **HER!**

“All the times he kissed me he thought of her, everytime he touched my arm he was thinking it was hers, those times he would say ‘I love you and only you’ he was speaking to her.” A teardrop rolls down his cheek and Niall makes no attempt to wipe it off. “He never thought about me, not once, not ever. I… I was once drunk and the next thing I found myself in an abandoned house with four other scary men. Every day they would grope me, undress me, push me around, make me say things that were very sexual, like two of them would hold my penis, their big fingers holding it tight…”

His words are muffled by tears, wiping the snort with his shirtsleeves. The people near him slowly move away from Niall, leaving him crying alone at the zoo. Veggietables walks slowly towards him and stops at the fence. She lifts her head to Niall, the tip of her nose grazing Niall’s hands and grunting.

“No,” Niall manages to say between sobs, “they didn’t have sex with me but… but all the time I was there I felt like they would. I would shut my eyes when I heard the door open at night, knowing they were drunk and I used to think tonight might be the night they r-rape me, but thank goodness it didn’t but the thought of it happening feels like it did happen. All I could do was just waiting in agony for somebody to come save me. I was waiting for him to come save me. When they were out during the day I couldn’t even move from the floor where they left me from last night. I cried and cried, thinking that today’s the day Liam would come and save or my best friend Zayn but no one came. Day after day no one would walk through that door and take me away from the misery I was in.” He takes a deep breath, wiping his tears with his shirtsleeve and pats Veggietables head. “But Robin came.”

“To be honest, I wanted Liam to come and save me so that I would think that he came from me, that the last two months was all a dream and that we never really broke up. I want him to find me. Not Robin. I guess… I guess what I’m trying to do is find a way to say farewell to him. But I can’t. I can’t let him go. I won’t,” Niall gushes to the rhino before him, “I never will let him go because I lost him. That’s right, I lost him forever since Hawaii. And that’s the difference – I can’t let him go because I lost him and you can’t let go something you lost.

“And here I am with Robin Van Persie, hoping to have a shoulder to cry on… someone to love. He’s not gay… he has Lativia, a gorgeous model with Burberry. And there’s me, the miserable prick talking to a rhino about it,” he attempts to laugh, “I guess this is what rock bottom feels like, huh?” Veggietables turns her head and walks away, her big butt facing Niall. She then stops to eat. “You’re showing me your butt? So are you calling me an asshole?” Veggietables turns her head to Niall, her mouth chewing heavily. “Oh, okay that’s good that you don’t think I’m an ass. But do you think I’ll ever find love? Or will I be like you, forever alone. Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. You’re not alone, you’re in a zoo filled with other cheery animals that love you and will always have your back.

“I guess I do too. I have that nutcase friend of mine called Zayn. But he’s more alone than you and I. He has no one in his life right now because he did something stupid two years ago. It’s his fault that I’m here actually. I wanted to spend the day in bed and then go out partying with Robin. Truthfully though,” Niall confesses, “I like that he brought me here. It’s good to do something that doesn’t involve alcohol, coke, loud music or weed. Well the last part is a lie, I smoked three blunts by myself and the other one is for later.”

Niall’s eyes suddenly lighten up, a mischievous smile growing on his face. “Hey, you know what’s fun? Weed!” He removes the one blunt from his back pocket and a lighter from the other. “You should smoke one. You’re going to love it.” Before he can pass it, Zayn pops out of nowhere and stops him.

“Don’t let it smoke Niall, are you high?” he shouts, coming towards him. He stops and then remembers that Niall already smoked a blunt on the drive to the zoo. “Oh right, nevermind.”

“Veggietables.”

Zayn turns to him confused. “What?”

“It’s not “it” but Veggietables. That’s her name,” Niall says. He takes a puff of the blunt and exhales it through his nose.

“Here’s some ice cream.” Zayn hands him a cup of vanilla ice-cream with M&M’s sprinkled on top. Niall scoops a large chunk and lowers the spoon of vanilla goodness to Veggietables. “Don’t feed the animals Niall!”

“But she’s hungry!”

“No it’s not.”

Niall frowns with a sigh, smoke passing through his cracked lips, “Her name’s Veggietables!”

“Veggietables isn’t hungry, she has plenty of food.”

“She doesn’t like that food.”

Zayn turns his gaze to him and asks, “How do you know that?”

“Why do you put up with my shit Zayn?” Niall asks Zayn, dangling the blunt between his thumb and index finger.

“Wh-what?” Zayn blinks rapidly, confused by Niall’s sudden change in his behavior.

“For weeks now you’ve tried being my friend and all the time I’ve been pushing you away,” Niall tells him. “So why, why are you still here?”

Zayn stops eating his ice-cream, pushing the spoon deep into his cup. “Because you don’t look at me the way the rest of the world looks at me. You may hate me, you may even want to kill me but when I’m with you I know you see _me_ and not for what I did two years ago, as—”

Niall finishes his sentence. “As Mr X?” Zayn nods. Niall turns his gaze to the rhino chewing, “It took my miserable heartbreak and for the world to hate you to realize that I would always love you no matter what you did.”

“We should thank my alter personalities and Liam for that,” Zayn says, deadpan. Niall turns his gaze, smiling at him and Zayn, at that moment, knows he has a friend in Niall. That no matter what happens from now on, no matter what crazy things Zayn will do (and the world will hate him for it), Niall will always be there supporting him, the world, fans and friends be damned.

“You do know I never really hated you, I’m just upset with this whole Liam thing,” Niall explains.

“I know, you need time,” Zayn says understanding where Niall is coming from. “And just for today let’s not think about him, okay? No mentioning of his name or who he’s going to date… none of that.”

“And no Perrie either,” Niall adds. Zayn looks at him surprisingly. “I know about you and Perrie. She called off the engagement and moved out of your house and in with Eleanor. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm.” Zayn takes a big bite of his ice-cream watching the rhino walking away from both of them. “Whatever.”

“I know it’s obvious but I’m still gay no matter what happened between Liam and I,” Niall tells him.

“I know.” And Niall sees it: the lowering of Zayn’s lids, his mouth turning into a frown, his brows furrowed in the middle and his aura turning into something of sour and discontent all in a few seconds. He lets it slide, knowing Zayn is trying hard to move past _this_ , past the fact that he is friends with people that are gay which puts him in a pickle: he cannot simply leave his friends because they are gay or he can leave his friends _because_ being gay is a sin…

“I know you’ll come around,” Niall says.

“Being gay is a sin.”

“And so is killing yet people still do it,” Niall tells him.

“Killing is more acceptable because more and more people are doing it yet two wrongs will never make it right,” Zayn informs him.

Niall puts down his ice cream on the rail, his one hand gently placed on Zayn. Zayn tenses beneath his touch, flickers of sadness passing through Niall’s face. “You need to stop tensing every time I touch you.” Zayn shrugs. “I’m your friend Zayn and I’ll be lying if I say that when I touch you on your arm and you flinch it doesn’t hurt me because it does.”

“Like I don’t know that,” Zayn retaliates. “Like I don’t see the sad puppy look on your face whenever I involuntarily flinch because trust me, I do want to swat your arm away and I would if it was somebody else I would have but with you I don’t. So trust me, I’m trying.”

“Really?” he asks surprised. “You want to swat away people’s arms? That’s a bit harsh and too homophobic.”

“Only with males who I know are gay which is basically Grimmy.”

Niall chuckles, “Nick is fine, he won’t try and turn you. Neither will I.”

“Can gay people turn people to be gay?” Zayn asks after Niall assured his inner conflict.

“No,” Niall says firmly. “You’re either gay or not. It’s something wired deep into your bones, the inner depths of your soul.”

“Since when do you sound so profound?” Zayn chuckles at his best mate’s new found wisdom.

“Like I said, you’ll come around with this whole gay thing.”

“I hope so or else I’ll lose you as a friend.”

“You were Mr X, you framed me as the one who posted Harry’s diary entries, teased me constantly for being gay, showing signs of disgust whenever I hug you or touch you or whatever… yet I’m still here, standing next you at a zoo. So next time you think I will leave because of something you said in a homophobic manner, I will still be here,” Niall says to him sincerely.

“Thanks.” Zayn straightens his body and opens his arms wide open. He wraps them around Niall’s shoulders, the latter melting under Zayn’s embrace. “Hugging is fun.”

Still in their embrace, Niall says, “It is. It’s normal isn’t it to hug a guy?”

Zayn breaks their hug and return to gazing at Veggietables. “I like it. I liked it.” Niall smiles at Zayn, proud that he’s becoming less of what he is and becoming more human.

“C’mon,” Niall says after a while of silence with animals in the zoo walking in their cages, people feeding them despite the warning signs not to feed the animals. He drops his blunt to the ground, smashing it with his foot and slings an arm around Zayn’s. “I want to see the giraffes, I’ve never seen one before.” He turns to Veggietables, who had walked to the other side of her space in the zoo. “Bye Veggietables. See you soon,” – he turns to Zayn, his brows looking quizzical – “what? We bonded Zayn, stop judging me.”

Zayn chuckles, “I’m not.”

“C’mon, let’s go see giraffes.”

“Giraffes suck.”

“I can’t believe you lived in South Africa your entire life and you never went to a national park there!”

“Shut up Zaynie pie.”


	8. - back to basics -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys head to Nandos for lunch just like old times.

_ _

> _— remember when we were kids? —_

“September 1st,” Mark starts off the meeting officially.

The boys are at their meeting with Modest! and Simon has made an appearance. They are currently discussing the plans for their next tour: On The Road Again – because really, it’s been more than two years since they performed on stage and there is lots to be done.

“That’s in three weeks,” Liam exclaims. “That’s so soon to learn the songs, dance moves, choreography…”

“That’s why,” Mark interjects, “you’ll be starting rehearsals tomorrow with Paul, your choreographer. And from Friday , it will be interviews, interviews and more interviews. I urge all of you, especially you Harry, to be lively in the interview, really, be yourselves.”

“Be ourselves? Aren’t we always?” Louis wonders.

“We’re going off topic!” Mark interjects. He shuffles some papers on his desk and continues addressing them. “I received an email from Liam telling me the countries that you chose for your tour and I approve all of them—”

“Surprise surprise.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“Though I was hoping for USA, we should include more states as you only have ten states. Why not add more Northern states. Plus another thing to think about is adding more songs on the set list.”

“More?” Zayn asks, surprised that the 28 songs they are meant to sing within two hours is not enough. “We’re already singing nearly 30 songs in only two hours!”

“I know Zayn,” Simon speaks up, “but we need to make sales, not just sing songs from Afternoon Memories.”

“We changed the album name,” Niall speaks up for the first time during the meeting.

“To?” Mark asks.

“Four,” Niall smiles.

“Four?” Simon asks.

“Four?” Paul, the choreographer repeats and generally, everyone in the room.

“Four,” Louis says, ending their endless questions.

“Like I was saying,” Simon continues, “we need to make sales by not just singing songs from Four. Remember that to survive in the entertainment industry one needs to know it’s not only about singing, dancing and touring… it’s also about business. It’s not just a show for fans but a business hence—”

The boys all say in one voice, “Show business.”

“Exactly,” Simon smiles proudly at them.

“We’ll add more songs on the set list then,” Liam says. After they go over small details of the OTRA tour and they are dismissed at 12:27PM.

“Lunch?” Niall asks and adds, rubbing his stomach, “I’m starving.”

“Of course you are,” Zayn smiles at him as the five of them walk down the corridor.

“Where do we go?” Harry asks, his fingers linking with Louis’ warm ones.

“Nandos,” Liam suggests.

“Isn’t that carroty?” Louis asks.

“Niall loves it so we should go,” Liam says. Niall completely ignores him, talking quick strides to be as far as possible it is from him.

“We’ll catch up with you guys,” Harry says, pulling Louis away from them. Before Louis can ask why, he feels sugary lips being smashed onto his, his feet being lifted off the floor.

He wraps his legs around Harry’s torso, mingling Harry’s luscious locks with his fingers. By sheer magic, Harry finds the bathroom and barges in, their lips still locked, and walks into an empty stall.

Harry sets him down, turning around to lock the door. “We have five minutes,” Louis tells him, his breath rugged.

“It’s been five months love, and you think I need that long,” Harry coos as his boyfriend wraps his arms around his shoulders sealing their lips. They engage in a hot, messy kiss, Louis sandwiching his lips to Harry’s plump, red bottom one. A groan escapes from the back of his mouth when Louis ever so slowly swipes his tongue on his bottom lip, granting him access immediately.

Louis moans into Harry’s sweet mouth when his boyfriend teases him again… and again… and again by rubbing his thigh on his throbbing dick in them tight, black jeans, sucking on his bottom lip and erotically grazing his pink, rough tongue with his in his mouth full of fireworks. “I’m ready babe,” Louis groans.

Harry fumbles with Louis’ zipper, pushing him against the bathroom wall when the zipper does not budge. He manages to zip it open, pulling down his pants and Hulk boxers as well, a growing mini-Louis _finally free_.

Harry drops to his knees, his fingers raking down Louis’ torso underneath his shirt. Louis eyes almost turn black when his boyfriend’s lips form an ‘O’ shape and take him all in in one go. As his head bops to and fro, his mouth drops six feet to the ground…

“Oh fuck,” Louis curses.

…his head arches back against the wall…

“Harder,” he groans. “Faster.”

…his knees growing weak with each slow…

“Don’t,” Louis groans, clutching a fistful Harry’s locks, “Stop!”

…his tongue erotically grazing his pre-cum leaking dick.

“Balls!” Louis man-shouts and Harry gets the message: he licks his lips before he twists his head to the right and begins sucking on his balls – its veins pumping to the sound of Louis’ rapid heartbeat.

“Tighter Ha-r-rry, I’m so close,” Louis cries, holding onto Harry’s mop of curls for the _finale_. And Harry does something unexpectedly, he grabs Louis’ butt cheek and Louis’s head spins: he explodes into his mouth with a manly shout. Harry looks up through his eyelashes at his boyfriend’s beautiful cum face – brows furrowed, eyes tightly shut, his jawline hanging loose, and drops of sweat rolling down his temple.

Next he feels the waves of orgasm rippling through his boyfriend’s body and flowing through his own fingers by Louis vibrating hips. He collapses to the cold, bathroom floor near Harry – who lip smacks his own lip, swallowing the last of _him_.

“You were… so… so perfect,” Louis says in between batted breaths.

“And I love you,” Harry mumbles to his lips, giving them a peck. “We have to hurry before they wonder what we’re doing.”

“I think… they… already know,” Louis says, catching his breath.

“Should I help you get dressed, you look worn out,” Harry smirks. Louis weakly nods. He manages to stand – gripping Harry’s shoulders tightly – and he pulls his pants, and kissing his happy trail he zips Louis up. They rush out of the bathroom hand in hand – after cleaning up – and get into the van, driving off to Nandos.

“Bathroom sex?” Niall mischievously asks. Louis’ gaze drops to his lap where Harry is holding his hand then outside the window. “Must have been a blowjob.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Zayn speaks up. “It could’ve been sex.”

“Nah,” Niall continues, pretending nobody else is in the black van with them – the three body guards, the boys and Paul driving. “Harry has put his dick on lock down for 90 days.”

“14 days,” Louis mumbles.

“Oops, sorry,” Niall chuckles, “14 days. I wonder why though, I mean, the sex addict doesn’t want sex?”

“Maybe his dick stopped rising to the occasion,” Zayn chuckles as Niall throws his head back.

Harry kicks Niall’s feet. “My penis functions properly,” Harry says as a matter-of-fact tone.

“Stop that,” Niall protests, leaning down to clean his brand new shoes, “those are my new J’s!”

“Maybe you can get new J’s, K’s, and L’s.”

“What?” Niall questions him, confused.

Harry continues, ignoring the confused looks on the lads. “You know, they’re called J’s so why don’t you get K’s, L’s, M’s, N’s—”

Niall holds up his palm to Harry. “Just stop.”

“We’re here,” Liam says, speaking for the first time during the ride. They all rush out of the van, informing Paul not to wait up for them as they would all get home on their own. They walk through, past the screaming girls and signing a few autographs and taking pictures, and finally sit at the corner in a booth where hopefully they will not be seen by many people – “As if!” Niall snorted when Harry suggests that.

“Just like old times,” Liam smiles, when their food has already come and they begin indulging in it at once.

“Like we never even left,” Louis adds, wiping off BBQ sauce off his mouth.

“Chicken never tasted so good,” Zayn hums.

“We should come here every day for the chicken,” Harry suggests, dipping his thinly sliced French fry into ketchup and eating it all up.

“Niall does already,” Liam says, gleaming at Niall. The latter’s face turns serious and looks down at his plate, not reacting to Liam’s comment. Louis does not notice and adds his own opinion.

“Remember when he got the Nandos club card that granted him free meals for eternity and he tweeted about it!”

“And he would never shut up about it either!” Harry laughs along with Liam and Louis. Niall bats his eyelids, willing himself to _absolutely not cry in front of his ex_. Zayn reaches for his hand below the table and squeezes it, snapping Niall from his trance.

“Are you OK?” he mouths and Niall nods fervently.

“I’m sorry Niall, I didn’t mean to,” Liam says noticing Niall’s saddened expression.

“’Tis fine,” he mumbles. “Allergies, probably.”

“To chicken?” Louis asks. “Bummer, you could then give me your Nandos membership card.”

“Never,” Harry disagrees. “Then where would Niall go?”

Louis lists other food joints: “KFC, MacDonald’s, Starbucks –”

“Where your ex practically lives?” Liam questions.

“Hey! Eleanor and I are fine now. She’s moved on, apparently with some bloke called Jacob Whitesides and she’s going to meet him in Septemb—,” Louis says.

“The singer?” Zayn asks. The lads all stop munching and twist their heads to the dark, haired boy.

“You know him?” Louis queries.

“Yeah, he’s an upcoming singer,” he responds. “I think he’s American…or Aussie, I don’t remember.” The other boys give him the ‘How do you know all this?’ look. He replies, “Perrie kept talking about him and in case you all forgot, Eleanor used to spend all her time in our house when you” – he looks at Harry – “went around the world and even after you came back she would always be there and so one day she came and said, ‘I’m dating Jacob!’”

“That’s Eleanor all right,” Louis says shaking his head, “she sometimes can be clingy but that’s how she shows she cares. But why is she not back in uni?”

“Why do you care,” Harry asks, “if she’s back at school or not?”

Louis sighs, taking Harry’s free hand and squeezing it. “We’ve dated for a long time Harry and I know that sometimes it bothers you that I dated her because she’s the reason you run away but we’re just friends now, nothing more. I promise. I’m just worried that she’s throwing away her education because of Jacob Whitesands.”

“Jacob Whitesides,” Zayn corrects him.

“Fine. Jacob White _sides_ ,” his boyfriend says, tight lipped. “What a lame name.”

“Cause Tomlinson isn’t weird?” Liam snorts. “Your name has the word son in it which is weird.”

“And Tom,” Zayn adds.

“So Whitesands,” Louis desperately changes the subject and Zayn, again, corrects him that it is White _sides_. “I was saying that she shouldn’t leave uni for this random guy.”

“He’s not random, he’s a singer,” Zayn says and chews off a large crispy chunk of his drumstick.

“I would if I was dating him,” Niall says, scrolling down his iPhone of images of Jacob Whitesides. “This guy is really hot!”

“Eleanor does have good taste. I mean, she did date you,” Harry coos near Louis’ ear, the subject of Eleanor forgotten.

“Sappy Harry, now where have I not seen that,” Liam chuckles, sprinkling salt on his golden, crispy fries.

“And I get to see it all day every day,” Louis glees. He quickly steals a kiss from his boyfriend’s lips before munching on his chicken leg skin.

“Don’t you ever get bored?” Liam asks.

“Nope,” Louis shakes his head. He opens his mouth and Harry feeds him a fry. “Never,” he adds.

“Your eyes are practically heart emojis right now,” Zayn says.

“Is that an eye roll Zaynie?” Harry questions.

Zayn rolls his eyes on purpose. “Nope. I was just taking a look at the—”

“Robin Van Persie!” Liam shrieks. The lads turn in their seats to see the famous Dutch football player standing before them, his faint cologne in the air.

“Hi guys,” he says, waving his hand at them. And then nods at Zayn, acknowledging him. The three lads eye Zayn with jealously that THE Robin Van Persie knows _him_ but not the rest of them!

“You… you have an amazing voice,” Liam says hoarsely.

“Oh my gosh!” Louis screeches, standing from his spot and rushing over to him. “I’m your biggest fan. I swear, you’re like so perfect! Oh my gosh it’s actually you. You’re much hotter in person, those cameras don’t do you justice. I love you so much! Um, can I take a selfie with you? Please? ”

“Uh, sure,” he says overwhelmed by Louis excitement. Louis quickly snaps a picture… or five, and then Harry and Liam jump from their seats and squeeze in the selfie.

“We should go,” Niall says, standing up.

“Of course,” Robin says, his glowing smile whips out any air the boys had.

“Where are you going?” Zayn asks, worried.

“Yeah, where are you going?” Harry asks, and looks at Niall’s plate, “You’ve barely eaten any chicken.”

“Home,” he says to them and then quietly so that only Zayn can hear, “I can’t stay near him anymore. It’s killing me.”

“I understand. I’m so sorry. Call me, yeah?” Zayn quickly stands and hugs him tightly. “Have fun,” he says and looks at Robin then back at Niall, “Loadsa fun.” Niall smacks him lightly on his chest and then leaves.

“Are they dating?” Liam is the first to speak when the both of them leave.

Zayn shakes his head.

“Are they seeing each other?”

Zayn bluntly asks, masking his anger. “Why do you care?”

“Because it’s Niall,” Louis says. “He’s our brother and we don’t want him to get hurt again.”

“I said I was sorry,” Liam shouts abruptly.

“I meant when he disappeared not because you dumped him,” Louis says, surprised at his sudden outburst. He mouths ‘Oh’ and continues eating quietly.

“How long have they been…,” Harry asks, finding the word he was looking for, “friends?”

“After he left the hospital, Robin’s sorta been coming over to his house and they go out nearly every other night,” Zayn explains, the other lads keenly listening. “Once I went over to his house, to check up on him and they were cuddled together on the couch watching _Frozen_. Niall was laying on top of him as Robin had his arm on his back. It was really cute guys.”

“I can’t believe it,” Louis says.

“I know,” Harry nods

“Who still watches _Frozen_?” Louis questions.

“What the fuck Lou?” Harry lightly smacks his on his back. “You care about what they’re watching than who he’s seeing! But you’re right, that movie came out a long time ago, why are they still watching it?” Zayn watches them in astonishment discussing about why Niall is still watching _Frozen_.

Liam continues his restless questions by asking, “So they’re together?”

“Let it go Liam,” Louis sings lightly.

“Let it go,” Harry echoes.

“Are they, Zayn?”

“I don’t know Liam,” Zayn says, a little forceful at him. “And why do you care anyway? You dumped him and moved on.”

“I know, I just want to make sure he’s okay,” Liam says.

“He isn’t but what does it matter to you? You’re just interested in getting Danielle back without thinking of what you’re doing to Niall!” Zayn loudly exclaims.

“Calm down Zayn,” Harry says. “Liam feels just as bad about dumping our Niall.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No he doesn’t.”

“I do.”

“But Niall is fine,” Harry says, calming the hot waters between them. “He’s friends with the sexiest football player—”

“Because that’s his only friend,” Zayn says.

“So are we.”

“We didn’t save him, Robin did. Plus everywhere he goes all he sees is Liam moving on… with his ex-girlfriend, if I might add.”

“He’s moving on too with Robin,” Louis interjects before Liam can talk.

“Robin has a girlfriend,” Zayn says as if it’s the most obvious thing. “A half-Spanish, half-Brazilian, 25 year-old, lingerie model with Burberry.”

“That’s oddly specific.” Harry wriggles his eyebrows at Zayn and he simply shrugs. “Hey wait, isn’t her name Lativia?”

“How would you know?” Louis asks suspiciously.

“I think she was in Grimmy’s fashion show,” Harry explains as he internally rolls his eyes over his boyfriend’s jealousy.

“But it’s been months!” And Liam finally cracks. “It’s been five months since we broke up and he hasn’t moved on? Well, sorry if I have. I love Danielle now and I’ll do whatever it takes to get her back and as for Niall I still love him, just not in the same way as he does. No matter what you think Zayn, I do care about him. I deeply do and if I could do anything to help him move on I WOULD BUT YOU CAN’T HELP WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH.”

“AND THAT’S THE PROBLEM!” Zayn retaliates with the same anger as Liam.

“What is?” Louis asks. Zayn remains silent, playing with the remaining ugly fries on his plate.

“Dammit Zayn, answer! What is the problem?”

Zayn darts his gaze to Harry, lots of unsaid words drifting through the air. It’s Louis’ turn to look at Harry who can barely even glance his way. “What is it?” Louis asks. “Do you know why Niall’s hurting?”

“Yes,” Harry confesses. “Well, I understand why he’s hurting.”

“And of course it’s my fault.” Liam throws his hands in the air, slumping farther down in his seat. “I can’t catch a break, can I?”

“Tell me,” Louis quietly asks his boyfriend.

“It’s because Liam loves Danielle,” Zayn answers their question. He looks up at Liam who has question marks drawn all over his face. “Don’t you get it Liam, you love Danielle, your ex-girlfriend, who is a girl.”

“That’s it?” Liam wonders. “He’s still upset because I like Danielle? Fucking hell that bastard!”

“Liam!” Louis gasps.

“Listen, Liam.” Harry tries to explain. If Zayn tries to explain, he probably would not listen to him because he was Mr X and he still hates him for it but if he did, he would listen to him. “It’s fine if you’ve moved on—”

“No it’s not,” Zayn interrupts.”

“But the fact remains it’s Danielle,” Harry continues, “is the real problem here. You dumped Niall not because the relationship wasn’t working but because he was gay and you weren’t. And now that you’re back with Danielle it bothers him because she’s a girl and he’s not. He feels that if he was a girl then maybe, just maybe, you would’ve stayed with him.”

“How do you know this?”

“Because that’s how I felt when I was around Lou,” Harry says, gazing at Louis. He takes a hold of his hand lovingly and urges Harry to continue. “I always hated Eleawhore-nor because she was different than me. She was a girl and I wasn’t and therefore Louis would never love me. There were times I would take a long, hard think at what if I changed my gender? What if I became a female, just like Eleawhore-nor? Then maybe, just maybe, he would love me? He would finally look at me the way he looks at her. That’s why I drank to forget that I was a male, to forget that I was gay, to forget that you would never ever love me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me all this babes?” Louis asks. Harry slowly reaches up at his cheek and wipes a teardrop from his face.

“Guys, it’s never that serious,” Zayn says, shocked at Louis crying in front of him as Harry confesses more about his past. Larry both ignore him and continue talking to each other.

“Because you had Eleawhore-nor… and I had drugs and a one-night stands to make me forget that you had her.”

“If I had known, I had just known—”

“No one would’ve known Lou, no one,” Harry assures, “Don’t beat yourself up because of this. It wasn’t your fault it—”

“It was my fault,” Louis disagrees, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. “It was my fault that you almost killed yourself twice, my fault that I chased you away, my fault that you run across half the world just to get away from me, my fault that you hated yourself so much, it was all my fault, all of it.” Louis buries his head in Harry’s neck, tears staining his _I love BMTH_ Tee. “I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Harry rubs Louis’ back, soothing him. “Don’t ever apologize for my mistakes! They’re mine, not yours, okay love?” Louis nods on Harry’s neck. “C’mon, let me wipe those tears, love.” Louis lifts his head and Harry, grabbing a serviette off the table, dabs his tears away.

Liam asks, after carefully listening to Larry’s conversation, “So Niall hates me because he thinks I don’t love him because he’s a guy?”

“Or because he’s the wrong person,” Zayn adds.

Louis questions him. “And who’s the right person then?”

“Danielle, according Liam,” Zayn responds.

“So I shouldn’t date Dani?”

“Nope,” Zayn says, popping the ‘p’.

“Danielle isn’t the issue, it’s you.”

“Me?”

Harry answers him, “You made him feel worthless, like he isn’t proper because he’s gay.”

“But I still care about him no matter who he loves. Or because he’s gay.”

“He doesn’t feel that way.”

“How do I show him then?”

Harry answers, “You’ll have to talk to him.” Liam just looks at him, arms folded at his chest because he feels like everyone is pinning him down for having dumped Niall when he, too, was going through the _same_ breakup, in case people are forgetting!

Louis adds, “I talked to Harry about it and I understood where he was coming from. It cleared the air and now, hopefully, he doesn’t feel insecure about himself.”

Liam says curtly, “Except that you fell in love with him. I never did.”

Zayn sarcastically says, “Ooh wonder why Niall couldn’t even sit with you around for more than an hour. Oh wait, it’s cause you’re disgusting.”

“Zayn,” Louis hushes him.

“Says Mr X,” Liam retaliates.

“Liam!” Harry hushes him.

“I was curious what it felt like to kiss a guy,” Liam confesses.

“Oh wow, heartfelt Liam is coming through,” Zayn sarcastically comments. “I wonder why Niall loved you so much.”

Liam cries angrily, “Shut up Zayn!”

“No you shut up!” Zayn replies angrily. “That boy, who you never even loved, cared about you so much, so much that he would literally lay down his life for you. We went to the zoo the other day and for nearly 45 minutes he was talking to Veggietables.”

“Who’s Veggietables?” Louis asks. “What a ratchet name for a girl!”

“Maybe she was a stripper,” Harry adds. “Remember that ratchet stripper Grimmy gave me for my birthday?”

“Oh yeah,” Louis throws his head back in laughter. “She looked like Miranda Cosgrove. Said her dad was a dentist.”

“Aren’t you just quoting our song?” Liam wonders, cockblocking the weird chemistry between Larry. He knows this when Louis shoots him daggers.

Harry, in oblivion, responds. “Nah, her dad really was a dentist and she wanted to be a Quantum Physics scientist.”

“Veggietables could be those really cheap hoes, right?” Louis asks his boyfriend who nods fervently.

“Or maybe a thot. Thots have names like Veggietables—”

Zayn stops thier conversation by telling them that Veggietables is, hold on to your hats, a rhino. Larry groan that they did not get it right and Liam is taken aback. He continues, “He talked to a rhino for 45 minutes and it was all about you! He kept asking himself why he trusted you, why he gave you his virginity, why he thought that you were even gay, why he never listened to me about you not being gay, why he… why he fell for you. He’s been drinking, snorting coke until he bleeds, smoking far too much weed that an addict would be scared for him and the scary part is I don’t know what else he’s going to try.

“I go to his place every day and no matter how dirty is kitchen is, no matter how many bottles of Guinness I find laying around on the table or floor, no matter how hot the TV is because it’s been on all night, I am happy.”

“Why?” Harry asks. “That’s nothing to be happy about, he’s hurting.”

“I’m happy he’s alive,” Zayn stresses, his tone filled with compassion for his South African band mate. “Because whenever I walk through his door, I don’t know what I will see. I don’t know if today is the day I’ll find his dead body because he bled to death because of his usual nose bleed, or because he smashed his drunken skull open against the wall while walking to the bathroom to puke, I don’t know, okay? And that’s why I’m happy he was found by Robin, even if it was meant to be one of us.”

“But Robin is going to break his heart when Niall finds out he’s taken,” Louis say, sadness filling his heart for Niall.

“Niall already knows he’s taken but Robin takes the pain away, takes it all away for a few hours every night and if that makes him happy, albeit dangerous, I’m fine with it,” Zayn says. He turns to Liam, whose face turned from anger, to compassion to pity and then blank. “Please give him some space Payno.”

“What?”

“Just for a while, stop seeing Danielle.”

“Stop seeing her?” Liam asks, flabbergasted. “How? I love her and I’m trying to win her back.”

“Or don’t brag about how much you love Danielle and how sorry you are that you let her go and also how she’s been the one this entire time.”

“That was just once on Instagram.”

“Keep it to yourself. You like a girl, your ex-girlfriend to be specific, and it’s killing him.”

“I… I don’t... I have to go.” Liam stands up from his chair, grabbing his red jacket and walking away from the boys, ignoring their calls to come back.

“We just keep getting worse and worse, don’t we?” Louis asks to no one in particular.

“We’re going to get through this,” Harry reassures them, rubbing Louis’ shoulder and gazing at Zayn as well.

“So what do we do now?” Louis asks, “Niall can’t be in the same room with Liam for like 30 minutes, Liam loves Danielle, Zayn hates me, I hate him—”

“Lou!”

“No offence taken,” Zayn says, looking at Harry. “It’s mutual.”

“And Harry, stuck in the middle of all of this. How did we get here?”

“Maybe it was the day we called ourselves One Direction?” Harry laughs a bit, lightening the mood. “We should’ve been called Niall and the Potatoes.”

“Or the day Harry said he liked being naked,” Zayn chuckles.

“Or when Liam told us he was afraid of spoons,” Louis giggles.

“No,” Harry says, “it’s definitely when our fandom grew bigger and bigger every single day.”

“Or when Zayn was obsessed with his hair,” Louis says and high-fives Harry.

“Or when Larry couldn’t be more than just a bromance,” Harry says, his tone fills with regret.

“Or basically all our relationships,” Zayn shrugs. “I mean, I dated Georgia and I think I was high during our entire relationship.”

“Lesbihonest, what about Cara and I?” Harry tells them. “I mean, she turned out to be a lesbo immediately after we were through!” Both Zayn and Louis throw their heads back in laughter. It was a Tuesday when they, surprisingly, all were seated down at a Chinese restaurant and it was on the news that Harry had just broken up with Cara – and that she was dating somebody else already, a female!

“That was a horrible day,” Harry chuckles, remembering the day very well.

“Or when your boyfriend over here got a stripper for his birthday,” Zayn says, nodding his head at Harry.

“It wasn’t me,” Harry whines, “it was Grimmy!”

“Or when we watched the last Harry Potter movie,” Louis says, “I think we each cursed ourselves by watching it. I mean, we’re muggles for crying out loud.”

“I’m still waiting for my letter from Hogwarts,” Harry says in a serious tone and Zayn nods.

“September 1st, we wait on it,” Louis says.

“When we start our tour?” Harry questions and Louis nods. “Why 1st?”

“Hogwarts regulations,” Zayn says. “But the letter is meant to come earlier, like a few days earlier so you go shopping with Hagrid.”

“Maybe it was on July 23rd, when we were put together,” Louis wonders. The three lads fall in silence for a moment. From afar, it looks like Louis, Zayn and Harry are not talking at all, as if they are all complete strangers who have been thrust into a booth at Nandos and forced to just _stay_. Louis has his head laying on Harry’s broad shoulders, the latter’s head facing the ceiling and Zayn sipping his drink through a white straw.

“I think it was when we all auditioned for X Factor,” Zayn says, sipping his Sprite mindlessly. “That’s how we all got here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Niall be loooking fiiiiiiine in white trousers playing golf... or just playing golf. Or wearing white. Or being Niall. Or Niall. Yep, just Niall.


	9. Platform 50¾

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall takes Zayn out to a club with his clique.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long chapter here.... this is what happens when you listen to a song for the first time & IMMEDIATELY GET OBSESSED BY IT !

> **_—_ ** _I’m at a party in a mansion, I’ve got fridge full of champagne, I’ve got friends in high places, there’s a lot of high fashion, look at all their pretty faces, people lining up to meet me, I’m living life in a fast lane, and I’m cooler than I’ve ever been. Yet, you’re stuck in my head **—**_
> 
>  

 

“Let me go home,” Zayn whines into his cocktail drink.

Niall (along with Robin and his lingerie model girlfriend, Lativia) had busted into Zayn’s house earlier, grabbed him and dragged him for a night out with Niall’s friends whom Zayn has never heard of!

“No,” Niall shakes his head, his right hand holding his pink drink with pinky finger sticking out. Zayn’s eyebrow rises at the sight of him being stereotypically gay. His other brow rises further up to his forehead when he sees Robin drinking through two pink straws and his wrist swishing in the air talking to his girlfriend.

Zayn whines, “But I really want to go home!”

Niall slams his glass down on the glass table, surprising Zayn who is sitting on the black, suede couch. “No, you aren’t going home to a silent house or worse, your ex-fiancé with her new girlfriend.”

“Perrie is not gay,” Zayn says firmly. Niall wriggles his eyebrows. “And neither is Eleanor.”

Niall’s eyes penetrate Zayn’s. “Have you met Eleanor?”

“Nope but apparently you have,” Zayn says, shifting on his seat. Niall wraps his arm around Zayn’s shoulders, leaning closely to his face.

“Yes I have,” Niall nods, pouting his lips. “And that bitch is very sneaky. She’ll come up behind you all nice and then snatch your fiancée when you least expect it… like right now.”

“Perrie isn’t gay and Eleanor isn’t snatching her,” Zayn says firmly, “she’s stronger than that.”

“I know she is.” Niall leans to Zayn’s apple and strawberry shampoo hair and kisses it. “Any time lovely,” Niall smiles.

“But I still want to leave.”

“Nobody is leaving because Rich is here!” A diva in purple pops out of nowhere, behind him a waiter holding a tray of small tot glasses.

“Rich!” Robin squeals standing up and hugging the Diva In Purple.

“Where the hell have you been honey?” Niall asks, in a squeaky voice that Zayn has never heard on him. Before Zayn can process Niall’s new behavior, Rich begins blabbing about.

“Well girlfriend, here’s the dish!” he begins. He crosses his legs at his knees, his Gucci skinnies hugging his toned thighs. “Remember Paige the Bitch? Well that stupid girl does absolutely not know how to drive and I hitched a ride from her to come here—”

“Don’t you have a car?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, that convertible you got from Tim!” Robin’s girlfriend chips in.

“Who’s Tim?” Zayn asks. Rich covers his mouth in a gasp, his eyelids batting quickly.

“Excuse me?” he asks Zayn baffled.

“His ex-boyfriend,” Niall explains.

Rich waves his arm in the air, dismissing them. “I lost my car yesterday in Soho living it up. B.T.W guess who I saw there? Tristan Soten!”

Robin’s girlfriend beams, “Oh-em-gee! The socialite diva?”

“The one whom Harry liked?” Zayn wonders sipping his cocktail drink.

“I’m _the_ socialite diva, not Tristan!” Rich corrects them.

“He’s supposed to be here tonight guys,” Niall says, practically jumping off his seat in excitement.

“You betch,” a blond girl with long extensions, long Puerto Rican nails, shouts above Lady Gaga’s _Donatella_ playing in the club, “you were supposed to walk in with me to make Jason jealous!”

“Whatever!” Rich picks up a tot glass and hands it to her as she sits near Zayn. “Here girl, drink up! Tristan is coming.”

“Who’s this?” Zayn whispers in Niall’s drunk ear about the girl who has just joined their crew. He murmurs something along Paige, or maybe he hears Bitch. Or is it Paige the Bitch?

“I heard Grimmy’s coming too,” Robin’s girlfriend says, scrolling down her phone, “I’ve missed that whore!”

“Me too,” Niall adds, “he owes me coke from last time.”

“Girlfriend,” Rich says, snapping his fingers, “me too!”

“Jason has been texting me all of yesterday night and today morning,” Paige says, flipping her extensions over her neck, “what does that mean?”

“Pics or it didn’t happen, honey,” Niall shouts in a drunken voice.

“Yeah, we need to see bae or else he doesn’t exist,” Robin agrees, his hand squeezing Niall’s knee firmly. Paige pockets out her iPhone 6+ from down in her breast implants and the phone goes round the circle.

“He’s fabulous,” Niall screeches when the phone reaches him.

“You already have the new iPhone?” Robin’ girlfriend asks.

“I have a friend who works in Apple,” Paige explains, “No biggie.”

“And you didn’t get us one?” Rich inquires.

Paige ignores him and asks them, “Should I be worried that he’s texting me too much?”

“A guy like that wants a booty call,” Robin says pouting his lips and snapping a selfie on his phone. “And you need that hoe, it’s been ages since you got some.”

“Yeah,” Niall laughs, gulping down green jello shot. “Your vagina practically has cobwebs now.”

“Paige or Robin’s?”

The six of them turn and see Nick Grimshaw standing before them, his hairy chest exposed by his flowery, chiffon Burberry shirt.

“Grimmy!” Niall screeches, standing up and hugging him tightly. Grimmy smacks his lips with Niall’s and they sit down, Zayn’s mouth hanging to the floor from his face. Are they together? he wonders.

“You and Grimmy?” Zayn questions Niall. Niall snaps his head to his and winks.

“I had sex yesterday with Mark,” Paige says from the conversation before Grimmy interrupted them all.

“Your job does not count Paige,” Robin’s girlfriend says, smirking.

“If God gave me these,” she says, her hands pushing her breast implants up to her chin. “Then I should use them.”

“Aren’t those fake?” Zayn asks and they all burst into laughter apart from Paige. Zayn murmurs apologies upon seeing her angry face behind her fringe extensions. “I… they… I… um—”

“Don’t sweat it Zay, they are fake!” Robin reassures him, massaging his arm lovingly. Zayn lets the hand-massaging thing slide and takes a huge gulp of Vodka. The blaring sounds of Lady Gaga are now infused into his brain, he is already singing along to the song playing loudly in the club. Plus he is tipsy already. He should be at home, he says to himself, curled in bed catching up on _Naruto_.

Nick asks, “How much did they cost?”

“Double D,” Paige smiles.

“They haven’t done anything for you sweetie,” Rich says, “you still have a flat ass and until you get a bigger ass and look like Nicki Minaj, then you’re still basic.”

“You’re basic!”

“Your anaconda don’t hun.” Niall snaps his fingers at her. She abruptly stands and walks away, in the direction of a man with dark eyes. “She runs off to her next customer. Jason Derulo.”

Zayn is perplexed at the African-American figure chatting with Paige. “That’s Jason Derulo?”

“The one and only,” Robin’s girlfriend responds and then turns to Zayn to ask, “Hey Zayn, tell us all about you! We practically know nothing apart from your pending divorce.”

“That blows,” Robin says, grabbing a lighter from the glass table and lighting his Dunhill cigarette stick.

“They aren’t married Rich,” Niall says, “and we’re not going to talk about that bitch, solve your relationship issues with Handsome over here before you come to Zayn.”

“Easy there tiger,” Grimmy says, his eyes firmly on Niall who is fuming through his nose underneath the neon lights in the club. “It’s just a curious, innocent question.”

“Yeah… and why do you care so much?” Robin asks Niall who shrugs. “Do you like him?” Zayn darts his eyes to Robin, then Niall who catches his glance.

“No,” Niall shakes his head firmly. “No I don’t. He’s a friend.”

“Yeah whatever,” Rich waves his hand in the air.

“Bitches!” a voice behind them screams in the club to them; all of them twisting their heads to match the voice to the body.

“Cara!” Robin cheers, running up to hug her tightly. He lifts her off the ground, a squeal escaping her sleek glossed lips, and twirling her around.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Nick asks, the moment they have all hugged her and taken two rounds of shots because she is here.

“Modeling, obviously,” she says, crossing her legs, her short Cheetah dress riding up her skinny, milky thighs.

“And a new tattoo,” Niall says, tracing the tiger tattoo on her finger, “tell us more honey!”

“My girlfriend tattooed this on me when I was drunk,” Cara says, laughing through her sentence, “and ohmygosh you guys,” she laughs loudly,“then we went on top of the Empire State building and she proposed to me! To Jamaican music!”

“Congrats gorgeous!” Robin’s girlfriend squeaks. “When did this happen?”

“Screw that,” Nick says, “is this why you didn’t come for my Burberry fashion show?”

“I was eloping you fat pig!” Cara laughs, showing off her inked finger.

“Where’s your ring?” Zayn asks, noticing that he had not yet seen any ring on her finger.

“Forget the ring, let’s celebrate!” Rich grabs a tot glass, along with the others, and they drink up. “But sweetie, why the fuck are you wearing cheetah?”

“Why not?”

“It’s tacky!” Niall says, his mouth turned down in disgust.

“Fuck you Horan!” Cara flips her middle finger at him laughing and the others laugh loudly too, Robin choking on his drink. “Fuck _you_!”

“I’m coming back,” Zayn says in Niall’s ear, excusing himself to leave.

“Finally he left!” Nick heaves a sigh of relief when Zayn wobbles away from them.

“You don’t like him?” Robin’s girlfriend asks.

“I do,” Robin giggles with Rich, agreeing with him.

“I wanna ask you guys something about Harry,” Nick explains, “and I feel like he’s gonna rat me out to him.”

“He won’t Grimmy,” Niall shakes his head. Nick raises an eyebrow at him. “I’m serious. I’m practically his only friend!”

“So y’all bitches know Harry and Louis are so in love they’re practically tied at the hipbone,” Nick says, the others nodding. “So is it bad I want them to break up?”

“Yes,” Cara says, laughing, “they’re in love Grims, and you just have to face the fact that they’re beautiful together and you were just a booty call for Harry for what, three years?”

“But I want him to be _mine_ ,” Nick whines.

“Get over it Grimmy,” Robin says, “He is gone and he’ll never come back to you.” He chunks down a quarter of whiskey down his throat, several eyes in the dark watching him. He wipes off crystal liquid remains off his mouth. “Unless something were to happen to poor Louis.”

“Something like what?” Cara asks, not laughing for once.

“Like he dies or… gets herpes,” Robin says, “Or whatever, I really don’t know.”

“That could happen,” Niall says, “he had chlamydia once.” The lads all gasp at once.

“My poor boy!” Rich huffs.

Cara’s mouth forms an ‘O’ in shock. “Get out of the room!”

“Your boy?” Robin questions Rich.

“He got it from Lana del Ray,” Niall explains to them how Harry got his STD. “But he got it cured cause he found it in the early stages.”

“Oh thank heavens, I still have a shot of fucking him,” Rich cheers.

“Back off, small dick,” Nick defensively says, “He’s mine and mine alone. If anyone is to fuck him it’s me.”

“He’s already had trash,” Rich says eyeing Nick at the corner of his right eye, “Now he needs—”

“Smaller dicks?” Nick questions. “At least my dick is too big for his mouth, as for you, he’ll swallow you whole like a chicken nugget.”

“This is so uncomfortable,” Niall groans. He rolls his paper money into a thin circular tube. Leaning down towards the glass table, above Rich and Nick arguing on whose penis Harry would choke on, he snorts a line of snowflakes.

“You’ve snorted like five lines of coke already,” Robin whispers to Niall, “You should probably go easy on it.”

“I have been going easy on it because Zayn has been watching me all night,” Niall says, lazily laying his forehead on his shoulder. “I miss Liam.”

“I know Jamie,” Robin tells him, his hands all over his body.

Niall smiles fondly at Robin’s nickname for him, remembering that time in June when he came over and told him ‘I’ll call you Jamie, not Niall’ and he wondered why. He went ahead to tell him that whenever people called him by his name, it would have a lot of sad strings attached but nothing was attached to James. “Jamie it is,” he had said to that day. And that was final.

Robin lifts Niall’s chin using his index finger to look up at him, loud chattering around them. “Zayn means well in stopping you from snorting way too much coke, smoking too much weed and quite frankly stopping all the alcohol in your body from destroying your liver. I love you Jamie and I don’t want to see Liam destroying you.”

Niall snorts. “It’s going to take more than a straight Liam to destroy me.”

“Good.” Robin brushes his alcohol filled lips with Niall’s, tangling his hands into Niall’s blond hair. Niall shifts closer to Robin on the couch, swinging a leg over his thigh. He moans into his mouth when Robin grabs his face with his massive hands, tracing his tongue on Robin’s bottom lip.

Robin breaks the kiss gently and they both quickly look around their circle to see if anybody has seen them but none of them have, even Robin’s girlfriend Lativia. Robin then lays his forehead against Niall’s. “Don’t let Liam destroy you.”

Before Niall can whisper back, “He already has.” Robin’s girlfriend continues the conversation going with Rich arguing about Harry’s penis size. Niall keeps the smile on his face radiating when Robin joins the fingers together in the lit club.

“We all miss Harry,” Robin’s girlfriend says. “We all miss the days when he would come here and hang out with us, King and Ed too but things change and so did Harry.”

“I think when Ed died, everything else did,” Cara says melancholy, not laughing.

“Besides, people like Larry more than Gryles, Grimmy” Robin says, holding a cigarette between his perfectly, manicured fingers.

“I want him back,” Nick says frustration heavy in his voice. And in flash his frustration is gone, as well as the heavy mood around them, when Zayn comes back. The cheery, light air that Zayn had left had comes back.

“But who cares,” Nick continues, and with a lighter note, “I’m sort of seeing somebody else.”

“Who?” Rich practically screams, Niall gagging on his far-too-many shot.

“Troye Sivan.”

“Troye Fucking Sivan?” Niall asks, gasping.

“The YouTuber?” Zayn asks.

“The phantomagorgeous sexy man that—”

“The one who winks in his videos and my pants just magically end up on the floor?” Robin asks.

“With your hand on your dick?” his girlfriend implies, laughing her ass off.

“So we went on a date,” Nick continues, “on Thursday and we were meant to have sex because it’s our third date and all but—”

“But you couldn’t close?” Rich asks. “Happens to me too when I’m with male models.”

“Because having 4 inches isn’t bad enough you can’t close as well,” Niall laughs.

“It’s not 4,” Rich shrieks. “It’s bigger.”

“5 isn’t so big,” Nick says. “We’ve all seen it.”

“Seen and felt.”

“Felt?” Zayn asks.

“He’s had sex with all of us, apart from you, Cara and Robin’s girlfriend,” Niall explains, “and it feels like a pinky finger up your ass.”

Rich asks, batting his eyelids forcefully, “So anyway Grimmy, what happened with Troye?”

“It’s wasn’t that,” Nick shakes his head. “We… I… um, I may or may not have accidentally screamed Harry during sex.”

“During?” Zayn asks.

“No shit!” Robin’s girlfriend screams.

“Girlfriend you’re lying,” Rich squeals in his spot.

“Shut up!” Niall screams in surprise with the others as Zayn rolls his eyes. It is heading for midnight and his eyes are droopy from sleep. Or being drunk. He swears he has not drank that much, yet he cannot recall how many shots he has had… or gulps of Vodka.

Nick covers his face with his hands. “I’m so ashamed!”

“Who fucking cares, tell us what happened after,” Cara says, laughing between her words.

“After screaming Harry’s name, he gave me this ‘What the fuck Grimmy, I’m not Harry, I’m Troye’ look and I… I sort of told him I loved him, y’know to make up for it, but he didn’t buy it so he walked out of my flat,” Nick finishes his story.

“You can’t let that booty go away,” Rich says, “If you do, be sure I’m going after that ass and tearing it up…”

“And remembering its owner’s name during sex Rich,” Robin’s girlfriend says, motioning her glass in a ‘Cheers’ manner.

“Aren’t you in a relationship?” Niall asks, shooting her daggers with his eyes.

“Yeah bitch, leave Troye for us single men,” Nick says, high-fiving Niall and Rich. She flips them off with her middle finger.

Robin leans in and whispers loudly to the circle, “Tristan is here.”

“Where?” They collectively ask, looking around the club for a dark haired, pink lips and 6’3’’ man gliding around the club.

“There!” Robin’s girlfriend shouts, shoving her finger in the air at Tristan.

With disgust, Rich asks, “Near Paige?”

“I think it’s with Paige,” Nick groans. “Great, I lose Harry and now Tristan as well.”

“You forgot Troye,” Niall says covering his smile by taking a drink, the others laughing loudly without shame. “But that’s none of my business.”

“We should call him to come over,” Rich suggests.

“No need, Paige is bringing him over,” Robin says.

“Hey guys,” Paige says, holding Tristan by the hand behind her, “So Jason said hi but guess who this is!”

Robin rolls his eyes. “We can see it’s Tristan betch.”

“Tristan, hey!” Rich gushes with happiness, air kissing him and lingering around him for a tad too long.

“Hi Richard,” Tristan smiles at him and then closely whispers in his ear, “but with a penis that small, I shouldn’t be around you.”

Rich’s face falls, breaking piece by piece, including his made up hair. “Why?”

“It might be contagious.” Tristan winks at him, taps him on his shoulder and sits opposite Cara, near Zayn. “You’re a hottie dark-haired guy.”

“My dick isn’t small,” Rich mumbles to himself.

Tristan continues complementing Zayn who is shifting uncomfortably near him. “And your shoes are so precious.”

“Um,” Zayn mumbles uncomfortably. His eyes ask for help at Niall. “I…I have a fiancée.”

“And I have a boyfriend but this is life,” Tristan says, his hands grazing Zayn’s paralyzed body. “We shouldn’t live it by being tied down to just one person—”

“Back off Tristan,” Niall warns him, coming to Zayn’s rescue. “You’ve had one One Direction member, you’re not getting another.”

“Two,” Tristan corrects Niall. “I’ve had two.” Zayn wriggles his eyebrows in confusion because as far as he knows, Tristan and Harry hooked up once and that was it. He turns his head to Niall, about to ask him who the other lad was (perhaps Louis?) but he sees it on Niall’s downcast eyes.

“No Niall,” Zayn gasps. “You didn’t!”

“He did,” Tristan chuckles.

“It was once,” Niall says, “immediately after I got out of the hospital.” He takes a shot of whiskey. “I was lonely.”

“But it’s Tristan!” Zayn gasps some more.

“It’s Tristan,” Niall says and he adds winking, “He’s divine in bed!”

“It is small, sweetie,” Paige says to Rich about his penis size. She turns her attention back to Tristan, after they en masse take three rounds of shots, and asks him about his latest scandal.

“What’s up with you and Tyler?”

“Tyler?” Niall asks, “As in Tyler Oakley?”

“Oh yeah,” Tristan says, leaning into the couch. Niall, Nick, Robin and Rich hang their mouth wide open when Tristan coolly runs his fingers through his hair and Zayn rolls his eyes. “We’re sort of dating. Or whatever he thinks we’re doing because all I’m doing is fucking him but poor boy thinks we’re dating.”

“What a loser,” Robin giggles.

“Aren’t you dating your girlfriend?” Zayn questions.

“We’re not dating,” Robin says, feeling Zayn’s biceps through his tight shirt. “Not dating at all Zaynie.”

“He’s straight Robin,” Niall says, removing his arm from Zayn’s and rolls his eyes to Tristan’s story. “So what then? What’s the scandal?”

“He ended Tyler’s Youtube career in a flash,” Cara says, laughing at the same time.

“Literally in a flash,” Rich smirks.

“You know about it?”

“I’m Googling it right now,” Rich says, scrolling down his iPhone 5C with his pinky finger. “You dirty dog, what the hell did you do that for?”

“WHAT?” Robin’s girlfriend screams at Rich. “WHAT DOES IT SAY?”

Rich looks up from his phone and slashes off her head with his eyes. “Calm down betch.”

“I fucked him—”

“Tyler’s a bottom?” Niall questions in complete utter shock. “It’s not like him!”

“So like I was saying, I fucked him and he didn’t know I was recording what we were doing,” Tristan explains. “And he somehow forgot to tell me he had a boyfriend—”

“Who’s the boyfriend?” Robin asks.

“Lonjanus,” Rich says deadpan.

“His name is Lonjanus?” Zayn asks.

“The fuck is that name!” Cara laughs.

“Actually I’m lying, it’s Jack Harris,” Tristan says. It feels like the music has stopped playing and everything is pin-drop silent yet it’s just the table that is suddenly quiet. And then the hysterical screams begin, and rows of questions shoot from the drunken mouths.

“The Jack Harries?” Niall asks.

“The Youtuber?” Rich asks.

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?” Cara wonders, laughing too.

“How the fuck did that happen?” Nick questions. “It doesn’t make sense, Tyler and Jack.”

“You’re right,” Robin’s girlfriend agrees with Nick’s confusion. “I thought Tyler liked Troye.”

“He does,” Paige explains. “Tyler is dating Jack to make Troye jealous and finally ask Tyler out.”

“Oh that’s fucked up,” Robin says.

“No, that’s what you get when you’re a bottom honey,” Niall corrects. “Rich would know.” Everybody apart from Zayn erupts into loud laughter that for what feels like forever that they are louder than the music itself.

“So like the whole time he was screaming my name during sex,” Tristan continues, “I was recording everything and the next day I saw that he was uploading some Ask video he did with Kingsley. I deleted it cause he gave me his password and uploaded _our_ video to his Youtube channel.”

“Where the fuck is your sex tape?” Nick practically screams at Tristan and in some weird telepathical move, Niall is furiously typing in the search box on Youtube and Robin (and his girlfriend) is on PornHub looking for the sextape.

“It’s not on Youtube,” Tristan says as if reading their minds. “Youtube took it down along with Tyler’s career but mine flourished, not surprised there. Now all he does is send hate to me, along with his stupid fans,” – he groans – “how boring.”

“He’s a bottom,” Nick says, furiously scrolling down his phone.

“Where can we find it then?” Niall asks fervently sweating through his fingers. “Where?!”

“Pornhub I think,” Tristan answers. “I don’t know. Where can I get a damn drink?”

Zayn casually looks at the circle of people on their phones, furiously looking for Tristan’s sextape somewhere out there on the dark side of the Internet. “Can you find it?” Nick asks.

“Nope,” Cara shakes her head, laughing at the same time.

“It’s not on PorbHub,” Robin’s girlfriend sighs.

“This is bigger than Kim Kardashian’s sextape and we still can’t find it?” Rich wonders, light from the iPhone 5C illuminating his face.

“Where are the damn waiters with drinks?” Tristan asks, clicking his fingers together.

“Damn you internet, don’t fail us now!” Robin curses.

“Found it!” Niall gushes.

“Really?”

“No,” Niall says disappointingly, “it’s not the sextape with Tyler but with Cameron Monoghan.”

“Oh yeah Cameron,” Tristan smiles fondly. “Great ginger head.”

“You’re into gingers now?” Paige asks.

“I was going through a phase and Cameron was perfect for me,” Tristan says. “But he wanted a relationship and I didn’t so….” He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

“Tell us where your sextape is you bastard,” Nick says.

“On one condition, if you’ll keep me warm at night.” Tristan winks at Nick, a bulge growing in the latter’s skinny jeans.

“Yes he will,” Rich says. “But I can volunteer.”

“I ca-can’t,” Nick says, losing his breath.

“Why not babe?”

“Why the fuck not?” Niall curses at Nick. “We want to see the sextape!”

“Take one for the team!” Paige chips in and Zayn wondering how she has been quiet all this time.

“I can’t film a sextape even if it’s with Tristan,” Nick says, his brains swimming inside his skull. “I’ll be fired at my fashion design job at Burberry.”

“Then me!” Niall volunteers happily. Tristan’s eyes glee with cheekiness at Niall but immediately disappears when he sees Zayn’s frown.

“No,” Zayn shakes his head firmly. “Absolutely not.”

“Then you?”

“He’s straight,” Niall says.

“Me!”

“I’m not having small dicks in my sextapes, Rich,” Tristan says, heaving back to his couch.

“Remember that time I helped hook you up with Harry,” Nick says, a smart plan forming in his head. “You owe me for that.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do,” Nick says and is supported by the rest.

“I was there that night,” Cara agrees, giggling. “You personally said if Grimmy got Harry for you, you would do anything for him. Whatever it was.”

“And finally that day has come,” Rich cheers.

“Fine.” Tristan gives in to their demands. He raises his arms and signals for his bodyguard to come. He comes forth holding an Apple laptop. “B.T.W the sextape is on my website.”

“Who puts a sextape on their own website?” Zayn asks to no one in particular.

“Haven’t you heard of sex sells Zaynie?” Tristan asks. Zayn uneasily shifts away from Tristan’s drunken breath on his face

“Why didn’t we think of that?” Niall groans, squeezing as close as possible to the laptop screen, the rest following suit.

“Nobody cares about his website, that’s why,” Nick says when the video buffers.

“B.T.W,” Tristan says, standing up and buttoning his loose shirt. “You can keep my laptop Niall, my gift to you. But remember that day when you said _you_ owe _me_ a favor?”

“Nope,” Niall shakes his head, ignoring Tristan because the sex tape has started playing.

“What did he do?” Zayn asks.

“I helped him hook up with Andy Murray and he owes me for it,” Tristan says, a mischievous, evil smile creeping on his perfect lips. “So now, I’m using that favor.”

“Which is?” Cara asks, gazing away from the laptop screen.

“When Grimmy set me up with Harry, I didn’t want to forget what happened that night so I filmed the both us,” Tristan says. Zayn’s mouth drops to his lap in shock and realization – Harry’s sex tape is out there! Somewhere in the world there is a video of Harry and Tristan having sex. Somewhere! Tristan continues, “And the video has already uploaded the moment you began watching the Tyler Oakley sex tape.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Niall says. “This can’t be the favor.”

Rich squeals in happiness. “Who cares girl, Harry Styles has a sextape!”

“You will all get to see the 8 inch,” Nick smiles.

“And fantasize about it,” Paige says.

“He’s not interested in you Paige.” Rich rolls his eyes.

“Really small dick?”

“Wait pause,” Paige says.

“This better be important bitch,” Nick says, pressing pause on the laptop.

“Jason Derulo just texted me,” she says and reads the text out loud. “Hi Paige, I had a really good time with you, talking dirty and all. Are you up for showing me your ghetto booty? Winky face.”

“Booty call girl,” Robin calls out. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“But I like him,” Paige says.

“And he likes your flat ass,” Niall says.

“I gotta go guys, my girlfriend is here,” Cara says, laughing a little. She stands up “See y’all tomorrow, right?”

“Right,” Nick says, hugging her. He sits back at his spot and asks his circle, “We’re not going, right?”

Niall shakes his head. “Nope. Who the fuck goes out on Mondays anyway?”

“Ratchet bitches like Paige,” Rich laughs.

“Fuck it,” Paige curses, grabbing her clutch bag and applying Flaming Red lipstick on her lips. “I’m going home with Jason.”

“No,” Rich screams at her, hysterically waving his arms in the air. “You can’t leave girl, how the hell am I going to get home?”

“Get your convertible back,” Paige simply says.

“We could drop you home,” Niall says. “Or better yet, come over.”

“Thanks girlfriend,” Rich says smiling at him and waves off Paige. “Bye betch!”

Paige leans down and kisses his cheek. “Buh-bye!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These eecards are never not funny [;


	10. - 3 doors down -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall and Zayn do a bit of stalking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOOOOOO back baaack again!! Sorry for the lack of updates, I'm a terrible update-er person, as well as texting back. But hopefully I'll be updating several times a week, like twice? thrice?

 

> _— **the xx:** you leave with the tides, and I can’t stop you leaving —_

“Coming!”

Zayn grudgingly gets up, slips his feet into his fluffy Deadpool slippers, and walks out of his bedroom. He rubs his eyes walking down the stairs, the doorbell relentlessly ringing. He opens the door to find a hyper Niall, smiling like an idiot holding several white papers.

“I’m writing a book,” he glees happily at Zayn, whose eyes are half closed. Niall looks at his band mate up and down and frowns. “Why are you sleeping? It’s only seven o’clock.”

“Yeah, well I like sleep,” Zayn says walking away from the door and up the stairs heading for his bedroom. “Make yourself at home.”

“No,” Niall jumps in front of him, blocking the door to his bedroom. “I won’t allow my best friend to take it to the bed. You and I are going out.”

“No,” Zayn groans. “I don’t want to go out with your friends again—”

Niall fake gasps. “Firstly, I’m insulted because my friends are absolute _divine_. Second, we’re not going to a club or something like that. Just us two.”

“Oh well, that’s good I guess,” Zayn says, sighing of relief he does not have to go out to a club or some place that plays Lady Gaga far too many times for his liking with Niall’s über active friends. “Why can’t we stay here though?”

“Because this place is depressing,” Niall says, looking around Zayn’s badly lit bedroom. “Now you’re going to jump into the shower honey, wear comfy clothes, one that hopefully doesn’t scream ‘I’ve been dumped by my fiancé’ and we go out together.”

“Just what I need,” Zayn groans walking past Niall and into his large bedroom, “a friend who’s high on cocaine and weed to take me for a night out.”

“This is me sober F.Y.I,” Niall tells him. Zayn stares at him, not believing a word he has just said. “Okay fine, the last time I stoned was nearly five hours ago when Louis called me.”

“Louis called?” Zayn asks from the shower.

“Yeah, he wanted to know if we’re rehearsing tomorrow for the tour,” Niall responds and crossing his legs by the knee, busy texting on his phone. “’Twas a tad weird that he was asking but I think he was checking up on me cause of that day we were at Nandos. He’s fine, B.T.W.”

“Didn’t ask.”

“I know, that’s why I told you,” Niall says. His gaze shifts to a photo of Perrie on his bedside table, the frame in pink and gold – Perrie’s favorite colors. He looks closely at the photograph of the blond-haired girl and sees small colorless spots on her face, one on her brown eye with a horizontal trail to the bottom of the frame. “Zayn,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Zayn asks, surprising Niall. He did not hear the shower being turned off and seeing a naked Zayn wrapped in towel by his torso standing at the doorway, water dripping off his jawline.

“Uh, nothing.” Niall shakes his head, getting his thoughts together because it is not every day you see freshly showered Zayn standing before you. “I was just looking at Perrie and thought that she should be the one sitting right here on your bed not me.”

Zayn bites his bottom lip, his eyes filling with blues. “Hmm. Well, she prefers to spend her time with her best friend than her fiancé. Ex-fiancé.”

“Fight for her honey!”

“Did you just call me honey again?” Zayn questions as Niall smirks at him. “You didn’t fight for Liam,” Zayn retaliates back at Niall who cows back in his position. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring Liam into this.”

“It’s fine,” Niall says, furiously texting on his brand new iPhone. “And there was nothing to fight for.”

“You don’t know that.”

Niall’s gaze meets Zayn’s from across the room. “I lost him Zayn. I didn’t let him go, we didn’t end it mutually, I lost him. And what do you fight for if you lost it?”

“What was there I guess,” Zayn says and spins around on his spot. “What do you think?”

“Since when are bandanas back?” Niall questions, talking about the bandana Zayn has tied around his neck. He is adorned in a black shirt with leaves drawn all over it, ripped indigo skinnies paired with black boots. His hair, as usual, is gelled up.

“They’re back,” he says defensively.

“You’re bringing sexy back, aye?” Niall laughs.

“You’re bringing eye liner back,” Zayn says talking about the eye liner Niall has applied.

“It’s a hot look.”

“It’s gay,” Zayn says deadpan. “And who are you texting?”

Niall looks up from his iPhone. “Uh, just my divine friends that you find annoying.”

“Y’know I was just joking about that,” Zayn tells him. He is adding more gel to his already gelled up quiff. “We can hang out with them anytime.”

“I know,” Niall smiles at him and sends the last text. “Cara keeps asking me which shade of white is better for her wedding: dirty white or violetta white.”

“The fuck is violetta white? You know what, I don’t care m’just glad I’m not gay,” Zayn says. “Or getting married. My hair look good?”

“Not as good as my eyeliner,” Niall teases.

“It’s still gay.”

Niall gets off the bed, places a kiss on his jawline, saying, “I _am_ gay sweetie.” and they walk out of his bedroom door.

The two lads head out into the streets and corners of London, wandering around under the night lights of the busy city surprised they have not been spotted by fans. They stop at candy shops, practically buying every candy in the shop, the beer shop (for Niall, who feels weird being sober for nearly four hours), at gift shops that sold pictures of Larry together and Ziall just had to buy one where Harry was laughing at the camera, holding cuddly Louis in his arms bridal style.

“We should probably wrap it with Christmas wrapping paper,” Niall suggests as they are both walking down a street.

“It’s not even December Niall,” Zayn says. “It’s August.”

“So?”

“So we should use a normal wrapping paper like normal people.”

“Louis isn’t normal and nor is Harry and nor am I!” Niall explains. “Remember when we were put in a group and it was Harry’s turn to do a twitcam and he did and he wrapped a present for Louis on his birthday all by himself?”

“Yeah…”

“If we wrap the painting in a Christmas wrapping paper then those cute memories will come flooding back and they’ll fall deeper in love. It’s literally divine!”

“Only you would think of that,” Zayn grins. “Sure, let’s do it then. Now where do we find wrapping paper at this time of night?”

“It’s only 11,” Niall sighs, removing imaginary hair from his face. “How old are you?”

Zayn looks at his Batman watch and says, “It’s 1 in the morning retard—”

“According to my non-Superhero watch,” the gay one says, “it’s 8:20PM not 1AM.”

“Are we going to argue about my Batman watch?”

Niall points to a tiny brick-walled shop with the neon sign ‘Wrap it Up!’. “How about there?”

“Not so original on the name,” Zayn says. Before they both cross the street to go to the shop, Zayn spots Perrie standing near _the_ shop. She is busy talking to a tall, slender girl with light brown standing before her.

“Hey look it’s Perrie,” Zayn says.

“And Eleanor,” Niall finishes. Just then Eleanor and Perrie enter a black taxi and it speeds off. Niall grabs Zayn’s hand and pulls him onto the street, damned be the fast, oncoming cars. He opens the door and pushes confused Zayn in, instructing the taxi man to step on it. “Follow that car!”

“Where are we going?” Zayn asks.

“What does it look like honey, we’re following Louis’ ex-girlfriend,” Niall says looking straight ahead not to miss the taxi Perrie is in.

“This is nuts,” Zayn says, trying to spot a black cab in the London night life.

“Maybe but don’t you want to know what Perrie does when she’s never home with you?”

Before Zayn can answer, the taxi in front of them stops and they both get off and walk down the street. “Let’s go,” Zayn says. They pay the taxi driver and they head the same way as the two British girls.

“Do you know where she’s going?” Niall whispers to Zayn.

“Nope, do you?”

“Nope.”

“Why are we whispering?” Zayn wonders. “They can’t hear us—Oh shit, they’ve stopped walking. Jump!”

“Jump! What. Where?” Zayn quickly pushes Niall into the hedge falling flat on the cement ground on the other side of it. “My nose!”

“That was close,” Zayn sighs, his heart beating as fast as a Formula 1 car on a race track.

“For you maybe but my nose hurts,” Niall says, using his shirtsleeve to block blood running down his nose. “Drack fack, it’s bleeding!”

“Drack fack?”

“Something Robin says.”

Zayn wonders, “Isn’t your nose always bleeding?”

Niall instead asks, “What are they doing?”

Zayn shifts on his feet and looks over the hedge. It takes him a while to spot his ex-fiancé in the dark but he sees her. She looks happy, smiling as usual (or even more, Zayn cannot tell), her nose piercing is gone and her tribal attires too. Mechanically, his glance shifts to her fingers and sees the empty spot on the one finger. His aching heart shatters on the cold, hard ground.

“She’s not wearing the engagement ring,” Zayn says, not taking his eyes off Perrie animatedly talking to Eleanor.

“Who? Perrie?”

“She took off her engagement ring, Niall, she took it off,” Zayn cries. He wills himself not to start crying. “She took it off.”

“Maybe just for today,” Niall says from the ground where he is trying to stop his nosebleed.

“No,” Zayn disagrees with him. “When we were engaged she would never take it off, not once, not ever. She would wear it wherever she went; to her concerts, shower, shopping, interviews, pet shopping, even to bed she would sleep with it. Once I took it off her finger and place it in the sink holder but it slipped and fell into the sink hole,” – he turns and looks at Niall who is intently listening – “you should’ve seen her Niall, she was crying hysterically, begging me to get it back. She then started crying that her ring was lost, the ring I got her was lost and I kept telling her it’s just a ring. It’s just a ring.”

“Did you get it back?”

“I had to,” Zayn answers, chuckling a little bit. “What do you do when your fiancé is half crying half angry-shouting at you to get her engagement ring back? When I got it I sort of proposed to her again and she said yes and you know what she said? She said, “I’ll never let you go.” to the ring but I think she was talking to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Niall says.

“Thanks for… for doing this with me,” Zayn says, curling his lips upward. “I really don’t know what I’d be doing if you weren’t here for me.”

“Don’t worry about it honey,” Niall reassures him. He grabs Zayn’s hand into his and tells him, “And you and Perrie will be fine, you’ve gone through so much shit that this is just a setback upon many to come to both of you. She’ll come back.”

Zayn glees, hugging Niall tightly, “Thanks bud, I love you so much!”

Niall kisses his hair. “I love you too. Guess what?”

Zayn turns his head from the group to Niall and asks, “What?”

“Cara asked me to plan her wedding!” Niall squeals excitedly. Zayn frowns his face turning his attention to the group. “What? Is that not a good idea?”

“No it’s awesome, it’s just that, you’re writing a book and you’re in a band and we’re touring soon and it’s a really huge deal you know. Besides, I thought she was just asking you for color opinions,” Zayn explains.

“Yeah but now she wants me to design it and I’ll be fine,” Niall assures him. “Besides, it’ll help me move on from Payno.”

Zayn turns back to stalking Eleanor and Perrie and his mood changes to surprise. “Oh shit, he’s here.”

“Who? Payno?” Niall quickly pokes his head above the hedge to see Liam emerging from a taxi, behind him a curly-haired lady walking with him, hand in hand. “Danielle?”

“What is she doing here?” Zayn wonders.

“She’s on a date with Payno,” Niall informs Zayn, whose mouth slightly opens. “Danielle tweeted about going on a date with him but I didn’t know where.”

Zayn grabs Niall’s writs and yanks him over the hedge. “We’re going to see what they’re up to.” The two mischievous band mates enter the restaurant that Perrie, Danielle, Liam and Eleanor have popped into and they sit in at a table where they can easily see them yet they cannot easily be seen.

“Lobster?” Niall gasps. “Liam ordered lobster? He said he didn’t like fancy food.”

“He does now and besides, lobster tastes really good,” Zayn says absentmindedly.

“It actually does,” Niall says, tasting the lobster that Zayn has ordered. “But it’s still disgusting.”

“So Perrie’s on a date with Liam and Danielle, and El?”

“That’s weird!”

Zayn’s eyes shift from Perrie sitting across the restaurant to Niall indulging in lobsters. “You were telling me that you were writing a book?”

“Oh yeah,” Niall says excitedly. “I’m writing a book called _P is for Puzzles_.”

“ _P is for Puzzles_?” Zayn asks again and Niall nods frantically saying it will be a divine book. “What’s it about?”

“I don’t actually know. I got the idea from Nick in _New Girl_ where he wrote a book about zombies that had a plot similar to _Twilight_.”

“What’s yours going to be about?

“I don’t know,” Niall’s eye casts downward to his plate with half-eaten lobster.

“Well I do, it’s somehow going to be about Liam, innit?” Zayn smirks when Niall’s mouth drops to his table, mumbling words incoherently that he was wrong and he absolutely would never write about Liam because Liam was in the past where he had left him. “So it is about Liam?”

Niall shake his head. “It’s about puzzles. For goodness sake, the title is what the book is about so I don’t know where Payno even came about.”

“Niall?” A voice behind Ziall asks them and they slowly turn to face a curly-haired boy. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Harry,” Zayn greets him, yanking him down to a chair so as not to attract attention from either Perrie or Liam. “We’re looking at Eleanor to see what she’s up to.”

“Really?” Harry questions, his eyebrows furrowed in the middle. “Why her though?”

“Because we love her and we want to make sure she’s fine.”

“But she has,” Harry says trying to piece two and two together, “Liam, Perrie and Danielle, why would she need extra protection?”

“Because that’s what friends are for. I would ask you what you’re doing here too.”

“It’s a restaurant Niall,” Harry sighs. “People come in to eat food or order out. I’m one of those people ordering a take away for Louis and I. So what are you both really doing here?”

Niall explains from the beginning how they ended up in the restaurant in the first place. “I’m sorry Zayn,” Harry says apologetically to him. “I really had no idea about you and Perrie. Are you really going to get a divorce?”

“We weren’t married,” Zayn huffs.

“You guys practically were,” Harry reasons out.

“I don’t know but she called off the engagement and Modest! told me to go with it and agree with her but I can’t. I can’t get over her.”

“Tell her that.”

“She’s always with Eleanor, that’s the problem,” Niall says.

“Problem? I don’t get it,” Harry says, stealing a bite of the lobster.

“Perrie is always with Eleanor, like always always and it’s a tad creepy but that’s none of my business. Whenever I ask her that we should hang out in the park or go out for dinner she says that she made plans with Eleanor already. It’s always El this, El that, El, El, El and more El.”

Harry leans in close on the table and whispers to them, “You think she likes Eleanor?” The three of them turn to Perrie’s table. “They do seem pretty close.”

“Too close,” Niall says. “Far too close for a normal person.”

“Louis did say that Eleanor is the clingy type,” Harry suggests. “And is that Danielle? Oh I didn’t even see Liam. Are they all here together?”

Niall shrugs. “Who knows.”

“What happened to that Jacob guy?” Zayn asks.

“What Jacob?”

“Jacob Whitesides. Louis said El is dating him so El can’t be dating my fiancé,” Zayn points out.

“Jacob is bae,” Niall nods to himself, his eyes rolled to the ceiling in fangirling.

“I could go in and find out what’s happening and tell you the deets later,” Harry volunteers.

“The deets?”

“Details, Zayn,” Niall rolls his eyes at him and then turns to Harry. “Please find out and tell us everything.” Harry stands up and walks over to Liam and Perrie’s table, chatting all four of them up. He takes a considerably long time that even his take away food, that the waiter already brought, was already cold. After nearly 15 minutes later, Harry heads back to the Ziall table and tells them everything.

“Well, Perrie and Eleanor are on a date,” Harry begins, “Perrie is bisexual and Eleanor is one too though she hesitated when she said so. And Jacob dumped her.”

Zayn wonders, “Bisexual?”

Niall asks Harry eagerly before he can reply back to Zayn, “What about Liam?”

“Liam is definitely on a date with Danielle but she didn’t really look happy to be around Liam or maybe to see me.”

“Are you sure?” Zayn asks.

“Yup,” Harry nods. “That’s what she said. Oh, I also asked her about her engagement ring and she said she returned it to the shop.”

“Returned it?” Zayn questions, his heart falling deeper into his body. “Like to have it resized or?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head. “To return it. As in to never get it back again. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Zayn shakes his head, hot tears falling down his jawline to the table. “It can’t be.” Niall stands up and wraps his arms around Zayn’s aching body, his hot tears seeping through his shirt onto his milky chest. “It can’t be.”

“I really didn’t know Zayn,” Harry profusely apologizes. He gapes at the sight before him – Zayn weeping loudly, snort and everything and Niall calming him down, never mind how these two became such good friends. “I didn’t know Perrie was ending it with you. I didn’t even know about Eleanor!”

“It’s not your fault Harry,” Niall says to him. He rubs circles on Zayn’s back, calming him down. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

“She’s leaving me,” Zayn weeps, inhaling a gush of air. “She’s leaving me for Eleanor. Ele-fucking-nor!”

“Or Eleawhore as we all call her but Lou never has to know,” Harry laughs, along with Niall and Zayn too afterwards. “But El isn’t gay, that’s for sure.”

Zayn asks, “How do you know?”

“My gaydar, obvs,” Harry says. “I mean, I had a hunch Cara was a lesbian and I was right.”

“That was so obvious honey,” Niall says, swatting imaginary hair off his face.

“Was not,” he tells Niall and turns to Zayn, “El’s just using Perrie for fame like he did with Jacob Whitesides.”

“Oh the skinny American,” Niall says remembering that Paige, his blond friend, had a huge crush on him. “He’s pretty rad.”

“So you think Perrie is going through a phase?” Zayn questions.

“Of course,” Harry assures him. “Now c’mon, you can’t go back to your place so both of you come to ours.” He is met with blank stares that are about to turn down his request. “Please, for tonight. It’s the least I can do after being a shitty friend.”

“Sure,” Niall nods, rocking Zayn back and forth.

“I got your gift by the way,” Harry tells them after they fell into five seconds of awkward silence. “Really pretty.”

Niall wriggles his brows mischievously, “And the wrapping paper?”

“Was the Christmas wrapping paper your idea Ni?” Harry questions.

“It was,” Zayn answers, barely whispering.

“I should’ve known, if it’s not Louis doing all the crazy things, it’s always you Niall,” Harry chuckles.

“I’m not as crazy as your boyfriend.”

“I think you’re worse than Lou.”

Zayn, silently listening to Harry and Niall argue about who was crazier between Harry’s boyfriend or Niall himself, his thoughts drift to the blond girl who wears far too many tribal bracelets on her arm that practically reach her elbows, the one who prefers wearing army boots to six inch heels, the one who would wear American booty shorts in November without tights, the one who would go for an ice-cream run because it’s ice-cream for crying out loud… his thoughts continue drifting to her and further and further they drift into a world where neither of them exist together.

_A world where Zerrie is over._

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha i don't even like fish =P


	11. - bend over -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry make love to the sounds of Beyoncé.

> _— **pussy cat dolls:** but I can’t seem to get you over here and help take this off, please don’t leave me asking me for more —_

_ _

"Round two please,” Louis whispers seductively in Harry’s high-on-sex ear.

Harry chuckles. “You need to rest for a while, you’re pretty worn out. And I can tell from your rugged breathing.”

“I’m fine, please.” Louis heaves off Harry’s chest and rests both his hands on his torso. He smiles down at his boyfriend. Three months of waiting to have his flower plucked by a boy and it was _worth the wait_. Harry was worth every second, every day, every single thing that he had to go through to _wait_ , it was beautiful, charming and erotic, he didn’t think Harry had it in him.

“Honestly, you find new ways to use your tongue,” Louis says.

“Tongue tornado,” Harry says, lifting himself off the bed into Louis’ arms. “It’s a classic move, can’t believe you’ve never heard of it.”

“Well Eleanor didn’t like dick in her mouth,” Louis wails.

“And keep talking dirty to me Sir,” Harry mumbles to Louis’ shoulders. Louis’ breath hitches when Harry finds his sweet spot on his milky flesh.

“I’m ready, I’m ready, take me now,” Louis mumbles.

“We have to wait,” Harry says, not stopping on his shoulders.

“I want you, I really want you,” Louis pleads. “Please take me now. I give… I give my all to you.” Harry falls back on the bed, Louis pouting his lips down at him. “You suck.”

“So did you,” Harry smirks, his finger raking down Louis’ toned torso.

“Are we too self-absorbed in our own lives?” Louis asks after a moment of silence between them. He turns his head on the pillow seeing Harry taking a selfie. “Are you serious right now? Taking a selfie?”

“Well of course,” Harry smiles gazing at him and then back at his camera. “I’m taking a post-sex selfie for our Instagram account.” Harry gazes back at his boyfriend, giving him the ‘Stop being an arse’ look. He quickly posts his selfies, turns his phone down on the bedside table, and turns to him listening.

“I know us being together has been more than wonderful, it’s been great and all—”

Harry interrupts him, bearing him in his arms, “But.”

Louis smiles at Harry finishing his sentence. “But we’ve completely shut out the world! And taking selfies for the Larry Stylinson IG account doesn’t count as connecting to our fans or whatever. I mean, it was literally two days ago when Liam and Zayn came crying to us about their horrible relationships and we had no idea.”

“Well, to make you feel better, Perrie wasn’t calling off their engagement just resizing her wedding ring. Apparently, spending time without Zayn made her lose all that extra weight off…. owh! Why did you hit me?”

“Because you’re being mean and is it bad that I agree? She was fat before,” Louis giggles.

Harry laughs along.“I know right?”

“But why are we talking about her when Liam is freely walking all over with Danielle without caring about Niall.”

“Niall?”

“Yes,” Louis says, his eyebrows forming a V on his forehead. “Niall, our friend is going through a horrible break up and we should try and help him, not just Zayn.”

“But Zayn is fine with Perrie so he’ll help him and I should,” Harry says, kissing Louis’ chest and lower, “help your problems.”

Louis shuts his eyes, tingles and pins ripping throughout his body. “What problems?” he breathes.

Harry stops kissing his torso and looks at Louis through his thick eyelashes. “Your hard problems,” he says hoarsely.

“But we have to talk about Niall.”

“Niall can wait, you can’t,” he says, knitting Louis’ happy trail between his teeth. He feels Louis’ sex knocking his chin. “Looks like somebody is ready for round two.”

“But wait,” Louis says, pushing him off himself and reaching for his bedside table. “We need music this time.”

“We had music the first time, you blocked it out my screaming out for my name,” Harry chuckles, sitting cross legged on the bed in his birthday suit. He notices a spread of blush on Louis cheeks, his thins lips forming a curvy circle. But that is not what he is looking at, nor is he looking at Louis shuffling through his iPod for sex songs. He is looking at his boyfriend; the one and only he ever truly loves, the one who he would swim oceans to see him smile, the one he would fly a thousand miles to be able to hold him in his arms, the one who he would use his last breath to tell him…

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Louis mumbles as he continues shuffling through Harry’s iPod, “We could listen to Ed Sheeran but that would be in poor taste—”

“No Lou,” Harry says, shaking his head, “ _I love you_.” Louis stops and gazes across the bed to Harry, naked, his long hair ruffled on his Cheshire head which falls over his forehead. He puts down the iPod and crawls on top of the sheets, his naked knees knocking Harry’s.

“I really, really love you and it’s scaring me. It scares me so much that I’m falling in love with you this fast. Heck, I’ve loved you since the X Factor days when I met you in the bathroom and your pee splashed on my dick and from that day I didn’t want to lose you. When we lost the X Factor I thought I lost you as well, when you dated Eleawhore-nor I, for a very long time, thought I lost you and when I left for two years I thought I had for sure lost you.”

“Why did you leave?”

Harry gazes at him without saying anything. Louis connects their palms, a dark shade of red spreading on Harry’s cheeks. He blurts out, “I didn’t want you… to be unhappy. I thought if I left then you’d be happy without me. All I did was make you scared, afraid of me and sometimes terrified.” He draws circles on Louis’ knuckle, not making eye contact once with Louis to scared to see his facial expression. “I was always drunk, high on pills, overdosing on them, each and every single time I would look into your eyes and all I would see is fear. And I couldn’t stand seeing that anymore.

“I’m always scared that I will lose you and I know I shouldn’t be but I am and that’s just me; I’m always scared of losing people,” Louis squeezes his hand and he loses his breath for a second, “That’s way I may seem clingy, why I don’t talk about Niall or Liam when we’re together, why I’m selfish, why I may come off as arrogant but to the world I am this sweet, cheeky, flirty lad who loves monkeys… you’ve seen all of me. You know me more than anybody else does. Even more than King or Grimmy because I love you more and more every day if it’s even possible to love someone that much.”

“Hey,” Louis palms his hand to Harry’s warm cheek, “you don’t have to be scared about losing me,” Louis calms him. He places both his palms on his warm cheeks, his thumb resting on his cheek bones. “I will never let you go Harry. I’ll be here as long as you want me to be here, I’ll never leave you because I love you.”

Their lips touch in love, Louis slowly pulling Harry down with him on the silky sheets. Harry’s fingertips lightly scratch Louis sides, resting on his curvaceous hips. Louis keeps the kiss slow yet adoring, his fingers fisting into Harry’s long hair.

“But first,” he says, breaking the kiss, “music!”

“Fine,” Harry says, heaving on top of him. “But you’re not moving.” Harry stretches his arm to the bed side table for Louis’ iPod. “How about Lil’Wayne?”

“Eurgh,” Louis shakes his head, “Never. Lana?”

“She’s the mother to my son. I don’t think I want to ride you while listening to _Ride_.”

“Justin?”

“You’re kidding right? All I’ll think about is Niall.”

“Nicki Minaj?”

Harry pauses and gazes at Louis. “That could work with Anaconda.”

“My anaconda want,” Louis chuckles.

“Ooh, Beyoncé?”

“Beyoncé yes. Anything from her new album of course.”

“ _Partition_?” Harry suggests.

“Yes!”

Harry presses play on the iPod after fixing it into the player. On maximum volume, he turns to Louis and says huskily, “Hey Mr Tomlinson.”

“Heeey,” Louis sings.

“Say hey Mr Styles,” he sings.

“Heeeeey Mr Styles,” Louis sings, chuckling.

Harry lowers down to the bed, brushing his lips with Louis’. He kisses Louis slowly and then passionately, biting on his bottom lip enough to make his bottom lips flaming red. Harry traces his jaw with his tongue, nibbling the subtle little hairs along it as Louis’ fingertips clinching deep into his own skin.

“You’ve got a jawline that can cut through glass,” Harry mutters in his raspy, sex voice. He continues his delicious journey of Louis’ body down to his hips, stopping on his V-line. “Have you been working out?”

“I want you I want you I want you,” Louis barely whispers above Harry. His cock rises and bumps at Harry’s left ear. “Now please.”

“But I want the taste of—”

“No blowjobs please, I want you in me, now,” he begs.

“So quick and hasty, I love it,” Harry winks. He spreads Louis’ legs before him and kisses his thighs, leading to seventh heaven. “Are you ready?”

Louis nods, feeling the warmth that is radiating from Harry’s glistening chest. “I love you.”

“Forever.”

“And Always,” Louis finishes. “Now suck my wet dick!” His mouth forms an ‘O’ when he feels Harry entering him, his grip tightening on his shoulders, forgetting how _large_ Harry is blessed. He shuts his eyes the deeper Harry goes into him, pain mixed with pleasure rippling through his body in waves. Perhaps he should have let Harry scissor him with three fingers, not two. But he likes it rough.

“Faster,” Louis breathes on his hot skin.

Sweaty Harry does not need to be told twice. His strong, muscular guns hover above Louis, his palms pressed to the red wall. He pushes into him hard, a grunt escaping from the back of Louis’ throat. He rides him again with his dick, Louis pulling his body up by his torso. He moves in, and then out, and slams back into his boyfriend like wrecking ball into the wall, smashing bricks and stones to the floor.

“Fuck me harder,” Louis moan-yells.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Harry hoarsely whispers to him. Louis brings his legs up and rests them on Harry’s shoulders, the latter slapping his balls with full force on Louis bubblegum ass. Louis grunts to Harry’s ear when he hits his prostrate, the red marks on Harry’s back _hot hot hot_.

“Do that again,” Louis breathes. “Th-that was nice.”

“Anything for you love,” Harry obeys in his raspy, sex voice.

Harry rides him hard, each time hitting his prostate, a grunt, groan, scream and orgasm shout coming from his boyfriend’s red, swollen lips. Rocking the bed back and forth with them, Louis manages to open his eyes to lock them with Harry’s dark eyes filled with lust. He arches his head back into the pillow when Harry hit his prostate right, and then left and then…

“H-har-fuuuuuck,” he cries out to the room. Harry feels the boy below him stiffen, mouth forming a perfect ‘O’, eyes wide open and shots of semen flying on his chest, some landing on his nose. Harry leans down and kisses his nose.

“You’re gorgeous love,” he tells him softly. Louis flips them around, Harry’s arms firmly on his hips. Louis flinches when Harry is completely in him again, not fully aware that it is a different feel when he is sitting on Harry’s hard cock.

“Surfboard?” Harry questions, his eyes full of lust. “Me gusta.”

Louis raises a cocky smile, supporting himself on Harry’s glistening abs. Legs bent on the knees, he rolls in a figure eight on Harry cock, his hips moving round and round like Shakira’s hips and not once does he leave eye contact with the boy below him who is breathing ruggedly through his open lips.

“Bring your knees up,” Louis commands. He rests his hands behind him Harry’s knees his chest forming a concave shape. He bounces on Harry’s body shocking penis, each _down_ hitting his prostrate, harder than the last time.

“I’m close,” Harry groans, hands on Louis’ hips, helping him bounce on his blowing cock. “So… fucking…close.”

“Cum for me baby. Cum for me.”

Louis looks down and catches Harry’s lustful eyes, his grip on Harry’s knees tighten when he feels Harry’s fingernails digging into his skin. Harry bucks his body up, orgasm shooting through his sweaty body like _guns ablazing_. He arches his head back on the pillow instantaneously filling Louis’ asshole with pieces of him, not leaving one single drop. The sensation of Harry’s fingers gripping his hips, his own shaking body stiffens at the sight of Harry’s cum face, clouds his head and rolls his head backward. His cock ejaculates for the second time spilling to the red wall and dripping down like _art_.

Louis falls forward on Harry’s sweaty torso, their rugged breathes simultaneously joining with sounds of _BEYONCÉ_ wafting through the smell of sex in the air. Louis kisses Harry’s neck, feeling the vein on his neck beating against his lip, and on his back Harry’s hand holding onto him.

“I love you,” he whispers, warm breath hitting Harry’s cheeks. He turns, glowing in delight, and kisses him back, slow yet light. “But I gotta say, I think I love Beyoncé more.”

“Her?” Harry questions.

“Another,” Louis says, sitting up on the bed. He looks straight ahead at the fresh semen still dripping off the wall. Harry shifts below him and sees it – like diamonds glistening in the sand.

“If that wasn’t sperm, it’d be beautiful,” Harry says. He raises his arm above his head, scoops some off with his finger and dips his finger between his closed lips. Louis’ eyes grow in wonder and admiration, a breath escaping his lips. “You are.”

“I’ll never let you go Harold,” Louis says, his eyes stuck on the red wall. “Never.” He gazes down at Harry, who is smiling at him with bright green eyes, running his fingers up and down his arm.

Unknown to them, in their heads, they both say, “Never say never.”

_Unknown to them._

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.I.P Muhammad Ali !
> 
> iSN'T THIS ALL OF US? AHAHAHA


	12. - oblivion -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is losing control in their own way: Harry, Gemma, Caroline, Niall...

“Gemma!” Harry shrieks when he walks into the kitchen on a bright Friday morning. He runs up to her, hugging her tightly and spins her around. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“Me too!” Gemma gushes, happy to see his brother. “And thankfully you have pants on this time.”

“Shut up,” Harry smiles at her, “Sit, let me make breakfast for you and Louis.”

“Where is he?”

“Dressing.”

“Morning sex,” Gemma says, “that’s what I miss most.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Aren’t you meant to be studying psychology or something?”

“Well there’s this awesome thing called end term where we go home—Louis!” Gemma cheers happily when she sees Louis walking into the kitchen.

“I thought I heard your voice from upstairs,” Louis cries in happiness, embracing his boyfriend’s sister. “It’s been months, honestly!”

“I know,” Gemma squeals. “And you’ve become so toned.”

“It’s because of this one,” Louis says, looking at Harry, “he’s got me working like a clockwork.” He walks up to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his waist and kisses the back of his neck. “Morning love.”

Harry hums, “Hmm. Morning bun.” and twists his head to kiss his boyfriend’s lips.

“Morning sex huh?”

Louis asks how she knew. “How did—?

“She’s horny,” Harry says, butting in on their conversation. “Don’t mind her.”

“What brings you here gorgeous?” Louis asks, sitting on the kitchen table with her across it.

“Do I need a reason to come down and say hello to my favorite band member in One Direction?”

“Suppose not,” Louis says. “You dyed your hair?”

Gemma flips her hair behind her back, winking at him, “What do you think? Does blue and lilac go with my skin?”

“The blue reminds me of Demi Lovato.”

“Well my gay best friend told me to mix two colors because nobody does one color anymore,” Gemma explains. “And to wear boots and chiffon because they’re _in_ right now.”

“You’re getting fashion advice from a gay guy?”

“By gay I mean Grimmy and by best friend I mean Duane,” Gemma says, laughing and Louis joins in.

“Duane?” Harry questions. “Who is this Duane?”

“My gay best friend,” Gemma answers. “Honestly Harry, are you even listening to me?”

“You should’ve come with us for Nick’s fashion show in last month,” Louis says. “It was perfect!”

“You got bored halfway,” Harry says.

“Harry please,” Gemma says, “Louis was talking. You’re just like Georgia, always interrupting.”

“That’s your sister right?” Louis asks.

“Yep, my older sister,” he says, placing plates on the table for breakfast.

“Oh BTW Harry, she’s back.”

Harry spins so fast on his spot, spatula on one hand, the other gripping the cooker. “Who’s back?”

“Georgia silly,” she says.

“That’s fantastic,” Louis says and turns to Harry, “Your sister is back!”

“No it’s not,” Harry shakes his head, getting four glasses from the cabinet above his head.

Gemma informs him that her older sister is coming to visit on Sunday. Harry’s hands freeze and let go of the four glasses in his hands, one by one they smash on the floor into hundreds of pieces, some poking at his feet.

“Harry!” Louis screams, standing up quickly. “Don’t move.” He rolls off a large piece of paper towels and runs back to his boyfriend, squatting before his foot to remove the piece of glasses.

Gemma continues, not bothered by her brother’s reaction as she knows he does not like Georgia that much. “She’s been here for a while. Called mom who called me to tell me that she was here. Do you know she’s married?”

Harry remains mum on his spot, looking straight ahead blankly.

“She’s married to some guy called Pablo Escobar. Mom said his name was Sir but, you know how these South Americans like to be called.

“Pablo Escobar?” Louis questions. “The drug dealer?”

“He’s a drug dealer?” Gemma questions.

Louis turns his attention back to Harry’s foot. “Yeah, he sells cocaine, selling millions of tonnes to America! He literally owns the Columbia with his drug business having lots of camps set up in the forest to make the coke to sell it and stuff. He was even named the richest guy on the earth by Forbes but—”

“Harry,” Gemma calls out. Louis looks up at him growing pale, his eyes practically black from fear. “Harry!”

Louis stands up quickly, touching his boyfriend’s face with his hand. He calls out Harry’s name but he does not budge from his place. The black in his eyes grow larger, the green in his orbs practically gone. Louis, in vain, shouts his name and he panics some more when his heavy body leans against his and slides off Louis’ body like water on a duck’s back.

“Gemma please!” Louis shouts. He turns to Gemma who is frozen in her spot. He feels something vibrating on his hand and he sees it is Harry; he’s on the floor shaking, sweating and his teeth clicking together.

“Get the pills,” Gemma says quietly.

“He threw them out,” Louis says frantically, Harry on the floor besides him.

“Get the pills,” she says again, almost whispering.

“Let me call King,” Louis says, dialing King’s number using the house phone.

“It’ll be too late,” Gemma whispers.

“Shit,” Louis curses, “voicemail.” He drops the phone down and runs up the stairs, falling on a few on his way up. He barges into their bathroom, looking for pills. He remembers last time he did this he was with Eleanor on the phone and he had found them in the toilet bowl.

He grabs the plastic bag and sprints down the stairs, falling in the same spot again. He rushes into the kitchen, Gemma is still sitting looking at her brother with worried eyes and Harry violently shaking against the ceramic floor.

“Get him the pills,” Gemma whispers.

He grabs his arm, Harry’s gaze shifting to Louis, and sits him up, still shaking in his grasp. He opens the bag, a few pills spewing across the kitchen floor. “Here,” he motions to Harry. Luckily, Harry obeys and swallows a few, drowning them down with water. After a few minutes, Harry returns to normal on the couch where Louis has him laying down.

“My head,” he grunts. He is immediately encompassed in a hug by Louis, crying out that he is happy he is okay. “What happened?”

“You did it again,” Gemma says in a low tone, her arms crossed at her chest. Harry and Gemma remain looking at each other, Louis frantically switching between them. “Oh,” he says when he understands. “Georgia.”

“What about Georgia?” Louis asks.

“I have to go,” he says, standing up quickly, looking for his car keys and jacket.

“Where are you going?” Louis asks, confused.

“Don’t go to Caroline!” Gemma begs. “Please.”

“Why is he going to Caroline?” Louis asks. Nobody answers him; Gemma is giving his brother worried looks while he is looking for his car keys. “Somebody answer me please.”

“Found my keys,” he says. He stops before Louis, holding him in an embrace. “I’ll be back before you know it but this is something neither you or Gem can help me with.”

“So Caroline, you ex-girlfriend can?” Louis asks. What he does not understand is that, despite the many rumors and hate about Haroline, she is the one that Harry truly loved and bore down all his secrets. She understands him without judging, questioning him and right now she is the only person who knows of his fear and hate for his older sister, Georgia.

“Don’t do this Harry,” Gemma says.

“Yes,” Harry replies to Louis. “I’ll be back.” He kisses his forehead and leaves him befuddled.

*** * ***

“Georgia is back,” Harry says, sitting down opposite Caroline in jail.

She stops munching on her Oreo cupcake that Harry has brought for her. “Georgia? As in Georgia your older sister in Colombia?”

“As in Georgia my older sister in London,” Harry says. “She’s been here for some time. Seven months tops.”

“I’m going to Court tomorrow,” Caroline says, as she continues eating her cupcake. Harry does not say anything, his palms together on the table. “I’m going to plead not guilty again because I am not guilty.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he confesses. “What if she’s back to what she used to do to me?”

“Your diary fucked me up you know,” she says. “You really should’ve burned it!”

“It’s not my fucking fault,” Harry angrily says to her, “that Zayn decided to be Mr X. Now listen here you fucking pedophile, my sister, Georgia, who used to be a drug dealer is back and she might need me as her drug mule!”

She set her cupcake down and looks at Harry for a long time silently. “Your sister doesn’t give two shits about you. Not then when she left you in Anne’s house and not now when she’s back. Look, she’s sunk in too deep now to ever get out of her drug dealings, I mean she married Pablo Escobar.”

“I know.”

“She’s back for revenge Harry and you better be afraid. You used to tell me that Des never really liked her, only you and Gemma and when he got sick she would use you as her drug mule to transport dope to people across the country, right?” Harry nods.

“What if she’s not back for revenge but for forgiveness?” he asks her. Caroline holds his hands, tightly into hers.

“Whatever it is, she’s seeking blood and she’s after yours.”

“What about forgiveness?”

“I don’t think so,” Caroline shakes her head. “But you need to be positive, always.”

“And forever,” he says automatically.

“What?”

“Uh nothing,” he says quietly. “It’s just something Louis and I usually say to each other. Forever… and always.”

“Oh ‘kaaaay,” she says, not understanding him. “Where is he? Usually he wouldn’t let you come here.”

“I… I left him at home with Gems,” he responds. She tightens her grip on his hands. “I went into an attack and he helped me with it. You know, I saw it in his eyes. That scared look. That look of fear that he has of me, the look that one gives to a cancer patient on their last days.”

“And Gemma?”

“I don’t know. She wasn’t there. Like last time, she wasn’t there Caroline.”

“I’m so sorry,” she says. He takes a last sniff, batting his eyelids shut to stop any tears from seeping through. “I’m here Harry. No matter what Georgia does to you, I’m always here.”

“I…I have to go to Louis, he’s probably worried,” Harry mumbles, shuffling around, grabbing his keys, jacket and one last cupcake. Caroline stands as well and walks around the table to embrace him in a hug. She takes a step back to look at him, sweeping away hair from his eyes and swallowing a big gulp of saliva.

“I have to go,” he repeats. As he walks away, Caroline takes a good look at his back wondering why he always came back to her. She sits back down on her chair, munching on her Oreo cupcake, deep in thought.

“Caroline Flack,” a police attendant calls out. She stands up and follows her through white walls and finally into a box room. She sits down on a grey chair and in front of her is a clear glass with a telephone on one side. Her eyes grow wild when she sees Gemma Styles appears on the other side of the glass and sitting down. Gemma picks up the phone as also Caroline shakily grabs hers.

“Surprised to see me?” Gemma begins. “I know Harry has come to see you, I saw his car but this has to stop.” Caroline remains silent. “You need to stop letting Harry come see you. You need to let him be Caroline.

“You raped him when he was 17 yet he thinks that was love. You let him believe that what both of you had was love yet it wasn’t, it was distasteful, ugly and downright cruel!” She wipes away a drop of tear off her face with her manicured fingers. “You scarred him for life he doesn’t know the difference between love and hate. You need to tell him what you did. You have to tell him. You’re the only person he’ll believe when you tell him what you did.”

“I did nothing but love that boy.”

“Please,” she begs. “Please let him go.”

Caroline asks, holding the phone tightly through her sweaty palms. “And what do you propose I do?”

“Tell the court that you’re guilty.”

For the second time, she sees a Styles walking away from her, this time she sees figure of Harry walking away. She knows why he always comes back to him. It is because she held him down like an anchor. She held him down so hard she could not see him drowning before her eyes.

He is gasping for air, his lungs crying out for oxygen not water. He opens his eyes and gazes at her with his loving, innocent eyes. He does not ask for help, does not ask for anything really (because Harry never asks, he always _does_ ), just looks at her. He forgets about the aching pain in his lungs that are begging for oxygen, using the last bubble of air in his alveoli. And the sad part?

She wants to keep him in this state, to keep him gasping for air.

She wants him.

She wants _him_.

“C’mon Miss Caroline,” the police attendants calls her.

“I can’t,” she cries to the clear glass. “I can’t go.”

“Yes you can,” the police attendant says, holding her up by her arm. “Stand up.”

By now she was full blown crying, snort, tears and the ugly face. “I can’t,” she cries. “I can’t let him swim. I will not let him swim.”

“Breath Ms Flack, breathe,” the attendant tells her, soothing her back. “Breath, it’s all going to be all right.”

“Breathe,” Caroline repeats what she is being told. “Breathe. Don’t breathe Harry, don’t fight it. Don’t fight for air, just drown. Please drown.”

“Keep breathing Ms Flack,” the attendant continues to soothe her. “It’s all going to be over.”

“Drown!” she shouts. “Drown Harry, drown!”

“Hello,” the attendant says into her walkie talkie, “Paramedic assistant in Call Centre 89 immediately.” She then turns her attention to Caroline who is screaming incoherent words. “Please remain calm Ms Flack, please remain calm.”

“Drown!”

“Breathe Ms Flack.”

“Drown!” Caroline shouts back at her.

“Breathe.”

“Drown!” And then silently she cries, “Please drown Hazza.”

 

**_* * *_ **

**_ _ **

“I’m sorry for leaving you, Lou,” Harry says as soon as he walks into the house. He stops his apology when he sees Niall and Louis rearranging the furniture in the living room. “What are you guys doing?”

“Rearranging the furniture for Niall,” Louis explains lifting the polka dot couch with Niall. “It’s for Niall’s wedding.”

Harry puts down his groceries on the table. “You’re getting married? To Robin van Persie?”

“No,” Niall shakes his head, “and remove those groceries from the floor, I need it.” Harry looks at Niall then at his boyfriend with the ‘What is going on?” look. “Are you deaf honey, move it!”

“Louis, kitchen. Now!” Harry commands.

Louis picks up the groceries that Harry left and calls out to Niall, “Coming Niall.” He walks into the kitchen to find Harry leaning his back against the counter. “What happened today? Gemma left immediately after you did and then Niall called saying Robin’s getting married. Or was it Cara?”

“I’m sorry for leaving like that in the morning it’s just that—”

“Harry, Gemma explained it to me. She told me that you and your sister never got along when she was around,” Louis says. He embraces his boyfriend in his arms, kissing his forehead before going on. “She said that you were her drug mule and she would force you to do it. Then your dead father found out and literally threw out your sister from her house and she’s now back to haunt you. Or something. But I don’t get why you’re scared of her.”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to,” Harry says. “Robin is getting married to his model girlfriend? When did they get engaged?”

Louis lowers his voice, praying in his mind that Niall would move his furniture more quietly. “You really scared me. You scared the hell out of me when you were writhing on the floor in fright and I didn’t know what do to. Lucky I saw this before years ago when you nearly panicked in the bathroom and started saying, ‘Kill my demons’ and ‘I don’t want the monster to live in me’. That was then and this is now. Now I know how to take care of you, I know what to do now but why, just tell me why you hate her?”

Harry presses his lips to his. “Don’t ask questions you want the answer to.”

“Don’t want the answer to,” Louis corrects.

“Exactly,” Harry says, nodding to him. Louis frowns his face in confusion at why Harry was avoiding the question and also that he did not get what he has said wrong. But mainly why he is avoiding the question.

“You girls in there, I need help moving this chiffon pillow,” Niall calls out.

Louis wonders, “We got a chiffon pillow?” and Harry asks out loud, “Since when are we girls?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMEMBER: no life equals another, no life is greater than another and your life is no more important than a strippers, a presidents or even your friend, you’re all equal [=


	13. - just dance -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis takes Ziall to the London Aquarium Park as Harry spends time with his long lost sister, Georgia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next four chapters shall all be taking place on ONE day but at different times which will be indicated at the beginning of each chapter not to make anyone confused.
> 
> Enjoy [=

 

 

 

> _— **example:** I’ve never been afraid of highest heights, never afraid of dying or flying but you’re scaring me because you changed the way you kiss me —_

_ _

*****morning**

“Where are you going?” he casually asks Louis. He has been watching him get dressed, fumbling with his button-up shirt only to change it to a tribal pattern vest. “I like that vest.”

“I’m meeting up with Zayn and Niall at the fish zoo,” Louis replies. He twirls around in his walk-in closet, shaking his derriere for his boyfriend.

Harry brightens up. “You look great in those shorts love. But seriously, fish zoo?”

“Yeah.”

“Because Aquarium is too mainstream,” Harry smirks.

“You get me so well,” Louis smiles while clasping his hands together. “Like how you get I prefer Xbox One than PS4.”

“Anyway, why can’t you stay with me today?”

Louis walks over to him, Vans on his feet. “Because you need to stay here with both of your sisters, who are both coming in the next hour to see you,” he presses his lips to Harry’s cheeks, “Aren’t you excited?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head, “It’s my sister, I hate her. I’m scared of her.”

“But you like Gemma.”

Harry gives him a deadpan look. “Georgia. That’s the sister I’m talking about. I don’t trust her at all. I’m… She zaps in the fear through me. Please stay with me.”

“You need to stop being paranoid,” Louis assures him, rubbing circles on his back. “This is family bonding time and it’s been a long time coming. I mean, you haven’t seen her since 2010!”

Harry gets down on his knees quickly, his hands clutching tightly onto Louis. He gazes up at Louis through his thick eyelashes pleading, “I am humiliated by what I’m doing right now but please, please” – he is tearing a little – “please stay with me, please don’t leave. If there was anything I ever wanted to ask you and will never ask you for anything else and it’s this time, please don’t leave. I’ll do anything, anything to make it up to you but please stay with me when Georgia comes.”

Louis’ eyes grew wider and wider each time, never seeing this side of Harry – pleading for him, even for sex he never did beg. He sighs, “Harry it’s just your sister!”

“It’s not just my sister, it’s _my_ sister!”

Louis has had enough of watching a 12-year old version of Harry Styles, crying and begging and draining anymore blood from going to his fingers. He tells him off harshly, “Harry grow up! You need to grow up and realize that Georgia is your family, she’s part of it and she’s never going to leave just because you hate her. No matter what she did to you, you need to forgive her because siblings let things slide because nothing should ever come between them. Nothing. But you’re letting your past with your loving sister come between you and that’s not good, I will not let you and your sister fall apart. Do you want to end up like you and your mother?”

Harry remains quiet, not answering his question. Louis continues telling him, practically commanding him, to spend time with the one person he is afraid of in this entire universe. The one person who made him hate himself because of who he is. The one person who when she touched him, he wanted to burn that piece of skin that she touched. He wanted to burn the memories in his brain of his childhood with her.

He loathes Georgia!

But he could not. He had to live with the abuse he got from his sister Georgia when he was younger, he had to live with the insults his sister would throw at him for being a “worthless wanker”, a weak brother, a brother who did not deserve to live on this planet because he was gay. A gay who would rot in hell, as his eldest sister kept reminding him. He would burn in Hell alongside Satan. In fact, he had a special hot seat reserved for him on the left-hand side of the Devil to burn. The living sin of the gay monster would take him there for sure…

To Harry, everything always came down to the gay monster living inside of him. No matter how he tried, no matter how good it got, there was always Hell when you came back down. He may have gotten everything he ever wanted yet with everything, his past would always linger. His sister Georgia would always appear in his dreams, tormenting him, laughing like an evil clown, spitting his face because he is gay.

“… so stop ruining this and bloody spend time with your fucking sister,” Louis concludes, Harry not having heard a word Louis had been saying.

Curled up in a ball at Louis’ feet, Harry mumbles, “Whatever.”

“Thank you Harold,” Louis smiles down at him. He plants a kiss on the top of his head. “Thank you for this, you won’t regret this. I’ll see you for dinner.”

“I already do,” he whispers when Louis has left their mansion. He walks into their shared bathroom, locks the door and removes all the rainbow pills he can possibly find. “Just like last time, Harry, you’re going to drown yourself in all of these pills until you can’t think about yourself being gay,” he tells himself staring at the mirror.

He gulps one, drowns it with clear, crystal Vodka. He looks deeply into the mirror, still seeing the gay monster deep in his eyes. He chugs down four more pills of varying colors and pushes everything down with more crystal Vodka. He repeats again, each time the number of pills increasing and with it the quantity Vodka, until he forgets things about himself being _a monster_.

 

**-    -    -**

 

As a promise to his charming boyfriend (and because he wants to) Louis decides to spend the day with Zayn. He wants to be his brother again, like before. Louis walks into Zayn’s white, 18th Century mansion and after hugging him, he asks, “Is that vanilla essence I smell?”

“It’s all Niall and his weird herbs,” Zayn smiles. “He’s redecorating my house, apparently it’s ugly.”

“Ugly?” Louis questions. Zayn shrugs his shoulders and Louis slightly chuckles. Louis’ eyes casually gaze up at the ceiling and on the corners he sees a camera. He sees two more at corners in the house and he keeps seeing more and more but he does nto say anything, brushing off that Perrie probably put them there for safety. They both walk to where Niall is, sipping on some fine wine.

“You’re going to finish all the wine in the house, Nini,” Zayn says grabbing the bottle from Niall’s hand.

“Wine is for drinking honey,” Niall says and smiles widely upon seeing Louis. “Louis-lou, I’ve missed you!”

Louis hugs his band mate back, happy to see him as well. “I missed you buddy. Heard you’re officially the wedding planner for Cara’s wedding.”

“Yep,” Niall cheers, waving his wrists dramatically in content. “She called me and said she wanted me, _me_ Niall James Horan, to be her wedding planner. So I was like, ‘Girl, I’m going to give you a fierce wedding.’ The fiercest!”

“Fiercest?” Louis questions. Zayn shakes his head signaling for him to let it slide at Niall’s new über active attitude.

“So we’re going to the Aquarium to get inspiration for my divine book, _P is for Puzzles_ ,” Niall tells them the plan for the day, “and then we go to Louis-lou’s house for dinner with Harry’s sister Georgia!” he turns to Louis asking, “Is she gorg?”

“I didn’t see her,” Louis says.

“Bummer,” Niall broods. “I would’ve wanted to see her.”

“Why?” Zayn asks. He takes away the glass of wine from Niall’s hand and he pouts. “If you keep drinking you’re going to want to go to a club instead of the Aquarium. You did that last week so we never went to the Lion Safari Conservancy.”

“That place sucks anyway,” Niall says, rolling his eyes.

“It’s amazing, I hear,” Louis says. They all walk out of Zayn’s house and drive to the Aquarium Park. It is a 44-minute drive of Niall singing Lady Gaga’s albums, her hit songs, her singles, and way too many times he sang to _Just Dance_ (that Louis may or may not have joined in). If that was not torture to Zayn, Niall put _BEYONCÉ_ and sang the alto, bass, soprano and the vocals (not forgetting the instrumentals) in all of the songs on her album!

“You can’t rap so why did you rap Nicki’s part in star star star _Flawless_?” Zayn asks, his voice tired.

“Who says star star star flawless?” Louis wonders.

“I do.”

Niall sings, snapping his fingers to the beat of the song. “Because sometimes shit go down when there’s a billion dollars in the elevator. You wake up….”

“Flawless.” Louis joins in with Niall singing. Zayn is dragging his feet behind them, his fingers inside his the pockets of his midnight blue jeans.

“Ridin’ round in it…”

“Flawless,” Louis sings along, walking down the path to the Aquarium like it was a runway. Zayn is behind them, hiding in embarrassment at his two band mates.

“I woke up like dis,” Niall sings, cat walking down the path to the Aquarium Park.

“We flawless, ladies tell ‘em,” Louis hums.

“I wake up looking this good.”

“And I wouldn’t change if I could.”

“If I could, if I, if I could.”

“And you can say what you want, I’m the shit.”

“Yoncé!”

“No, that’s the beginning,” Louis tells Niall, momentarily stopping their singing. “It’s _It stay Yoncé, your yoncé in that lingerie_.”

“What’s after?” Niall asks. He bites his lip in thought, Louis letting him think about the next line of the song. Niall then sings the following line, remembering the lyrics, “On that chardonnay, it’s gonna touch down like a runway.” He lights up saying, “Hey, that rhymes.”

“I’m Texas forever like Bun B, and I’m rebound yo.”

“Beyoncé is from Texas?” asks Zayn

Ignoring Zayn, Niall sways singing, “Boy you know I look good as fuck.”

“You wish I was your baby momma.”

“Eurgh,” Zayn sneers, making a face, “How about no.”

“Goddamn goddamn goddamn,” Niall cheers near Zayn, practically bursting his ear drums. The walk through the gate and into the park (lightly singing) and for two hours they walk around looking at the different fish behind clear glass.

“These are beautiful,” Louis says mesmerized at a purple and blue fish wading through water. “But how is this supposed to help inspire you write your book?”

“It will, honey,” Niall says, “just like fish, books are puzzles.”

Louis creases his eyebrows. “What? I’m confused.”

“Fish are puzzles, but really P is for Puzzles,” Niall smiles. He kisses Zayn on the cheek, Louis surprised, and walks away from them. The two sit near a fish tank scooping ice cream they bought for five pounds.

“What was that?” Louis asks.

“What was what?” Zayn asks.

“That kiss from Niall,” he says. “A boy practically had sex with you and it didn’t bother you at all?”

“So?” asks Zayn, stuffing his mouth with ice-cream suspiciously. Louis narrows his eyes at Zayn, this is not like him at all.

“So you’re a homophobic douchebag who hates boy touching you or even looking your way because you say it’s so gay!”

“We’ve become really close, that’s all and he kissing my cheek is like our thing.”

Louis pokes his spoon into his ice cream and takes a long look at his mate. “You guys have a thing?”

“Hey.” Zayn stops eating his ice cream. “We’re not together or whatever you’re implying. I still particularly don’t like homosexuals but thanks to Niall I’m working on it. I mean, I’ve spent nearly an hour’s drive with two homosexuals!”

“So proud Zayzay, so proud,” Louis says, hugging him with his free hand. “Now, what’s up with this book _P is for Puzzles_?”

“It’s his way of moving from Liam,” Zayn explains. “I mean, he’s completely changed as you can see; he’s über active, always running up and down, taking on way too many tasks as if being in a boyband isn’t stressful enough. He’s now an interior designer and a wedding planner for Cara’s wedding in December. On the side, he joined a local football club and even played three days ago.”

“Why didn’t you call us for his match?”

“He didn’t really want many people to come,” Zayn says.

“I had no idea he was hurting so much that he has to write a book about it. This is all Liam’s fault, innit?” Louis asks, putting two and two together.

“It is. Niall used to be the fun one in our group. I mean he still is but he’s masking his break up. It’s okay that when you break up with someone you go through some sorta cleanse from them—”

“Cleanse?” Louis questions him about his word of choice.

“I go through a cleanse, I don’t know what you go through,” Zayn tells him.

“Closure Zayzay, closure.”

Zayn ignores his comment. “Niall’s cleanse is keeping himself too busy, always on his feet so that he absolutely doesn’t have to think about Liam or what he put him through.”

“If Harry left me for a girl then I would be devastated. I don’t know what I’d ever do if he ever.”

“Would you be so devastated when everywhere you look you see Liam happily moved on from Niall, is dating his own ex-girlfriend Danielle and doesn’t give two cents about Niall? Whenever Niall takes a cleansing step forward and he sees something positive about Liam, he takes 50 steps back.”

“Meaning he’ll probably never move on,” Louis suggests.

“This is where _P is for Puzzles_ comes in,” Zayn concludes.

“Fuck Liam,” Louis grits through his teeth. Zayn raises a surprised eyebrow. “I’m serious, fuck Liam and I don’t see why Harry still defends Liam.”

“Harry is on Liam’s side?”

“Yeah. He keeps saying he understands why Liam did what he did blah blah blah and it annoys me because he knows Niall is hurting way more than Liam but—”

“Hey don’t be upset,” Zayn assures him. “Liam and Harry are closer than he is with Niall or me in the band so it’s only natural that he’ll support—”

“But he should realize that Liam is wrong, he’s completely wrong and Harry should realize that—”

“Something on your mind?”

“Something like?”

“Are you and Harry good?”

“He’s acting like a complete fucking baby at the moment.”

**_~ to be continued ~_ **


	14. f(actories)ish wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall wants to buy a Kraken Fish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three (this one too) chapters shall all be taking place on ONE day but at different times which will be indicated at the beginning of each chapter not to make anyone confused.
> 
> Enjoy [=

**_***mid-morning_ **

> _— why can’t I have the things I want? —_

_ _

Zayn and Louis have gotten another scoop of ice-cream from the small, Asian man near the shark tanks and sat on a wooden bench, leaning on shiny walls. Both of them can watch Niall bouncing from tank to tank, glass wall to glass wall, looking as if he is looking for a rare fish that is kept only in aquarium parks as they are endangered.

“He looks like a 6-year-old,” Louis smiles fondly at Niall’s face plastered on the glass wall, his eyelids moving left to right.

“Until you realize that he’s snorted five lines of coke, and one blunt, and drank lots of Guinness,” Zayn says blankly. “So tell me about Harry and his family visiting today.”

“He’s being such a baby right now. This morning he kept asking me to remain with him in the house when Gemma and Georgia come over. I didn’t want to because hey, this is his family that he hasn’t seen since 2010 and I would be intrusive if I just stayed.”

Zayn momentarily puts down his spoon thinking about Louis’ situation. “So you left the house after Harry practically begs you to stay with him?”

“Well when you put it like that....”

“I know you don’t see it because you’re pigheaded but Harry would literally do anything for you. When I say anything I mean anything,” Zayn says to him.

“I know and ditto.”

Zayn shakes his head. “You don’t get it. If you told him to jump, he would jump. He would even go the extra mile and ask how high or how low you want him to jump.”

“Zayzay what are you saying?”

“I’m saying he’s only doing this because you asked him to. He’s going to meet his old sister he hasn’t seen in years because you asked him to. Whatever he’s got to do, he’ll do it because it makes you happy and he loves you.” Zayn chuckles to himself. “Sometimes I think love is truest form of madness. He’s mad right now, doing whatever he is doing. Whatever you’re making him do.”

“I’m helping him be friends with his sister. Family is important. Something you wouldn’t understand,” Louis retorts at him. “You don’t care about your family, you don’t talk to them anymore so you don’t know what family means to people. You don’t know what _family_ means!”

“This isn’t about me,” Zayn says calmly. He knows Louis is full of rage when people indirectly (even directly) talk about Harry negatively or if he is accused of doing something that would harm him yet he cannot see it. “This is about Harry and you stopping him from doing something he absolutely does not want to do.”

“He does, he does want to do this. You don’t know what family does to people. It protects you, it defends you, it loves you and above all, it will always be loyal to you, something you clearly don’t fucking understand because you don’t talk to your family anymore,” Louis angrily schools him. Zayn maintains his calm, not being drawn into Louis’ angry remarks, lest there be a showdown right here in the Aquarium.

“Louis, I don’t know who Georgia is but If I were you I would go home right now,” Zayn says in a warning tone.

“And why the fucking hell would I do that?”

“You forget that I was Mr X—”

Louis shoots an eyebrow at him snarling his mouth. “I didn’t forget.”

Zayn continues, ignoring his interruption. “You forget that I was Mr X and that I read Harry’s diary. In all his entries, not once did he say something nice about Georgia. Not one. They were all negative and they talked about how much he feared her and felt small whenever he was around her. It was all like reading a dream if that’s even possible but it’s true. You know how you read dreams?”

Louis flatly says, “No.”

“Anyway, from what I read about her I would be scared to be in a room with just her alone.”

“Except he’s going to be with Gemma.”

“Gemma’s just… Gemma. She won’t help Harry with whatever because she’s also scared of Georgia but she doesn’t show it.”

“How do you know?”

“I was Mr X.”

“Harry needs to spend time with his family because when we’re gone, they’re all he’ll have and he needs to realize that and stop being such a fucking a baby.” Louis remains mum, his lips in a sharp line.

“Think about Harry and what you’re doing to him.”

“There’s something called tough love, Zayn. This is going to hurt him just a little but at the end of the fucking day he will realize that I was doing more good than harm. He will know that I meant well in letting him spend time with Georgia, his sister that he hasn’t seen since 2010. You should love your families unconditionally—”

“It doesn’t mean that you should let Harry visit his sister who was a bitch to him all the time. His sister hated him, he hated Georgia, it was bloody mutual. Not all families are always a close-knit one. Not all families are like yours Louis Tomlinson!”

“Doesn’t matter because I believe that time fucking heals after it teaches you what you need to know. Harry and Georgia are both learning what they need to know which is to be together, to be there for each other even if they have to do this, they will learn.” And, as if convincing himself, he says quietly, “They will learn.”

“Why does it matter to you so much that Harry meets Georgia?” Zayn asks trying to understand where Louis is coming from.

“Because in the end, they’re all that matter,” he replies softly. Zayn gazes at him, his eyelids gazing at the trees behind Louis. Louis adds softly, “When One Direction is over, when we stop touring the world, when we completely stop singing and finally live a normal life, we won’t be there. Harry will be back to his family and if there’re not there then what will he have left?”

“He’ll have you.”

“I’m not enough.”

“Yes you are. After One Direction, you’ll both get married, have kids and be a family. The family that you so badly want Harry to have,” Zayn says, his eyes fixated on the trees in the foreground.

“Georgia is his family.”

“But it’s Georgia,” Zayn says, continuing to press.

“Family is important and I suggest you fucking talk to yours or else when we’re over you may not have anyone to go home to.”

“You’re my family Louis!” Zayn lashes at him.

“I’m not your fucking family Zayn,” Louis lashes back. His mouth hangs open realizing what he has said. “I… I didn’t mean it like that.”

“That’s exactly what you bloody meant Louis,” Zayn says, anger seething through his pores. He closes his eyes, amidst Louis furiously apologizing, and counting down to zero. “I’m not your family, I get it.”

“You lost Perri—”

“Louis don’t,” Zayn warns.

“You lost Perrie, you lost your best friend and now your family as well and apparently you think you lost us.” Louis continues talking as well as watching Zayn’s knuckles grow pale and his jawline clenched.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up!”

Louis doesn’t think twice or need to be told twice so he does _shut the fuck up_. He leans back on the bench, finishing his ice-cream quietly. They both fall into silence, Zayn calming himself down as Louis forgets the conversation already and is gazing at people walking around the Aquarium.

“He looks happy,” Zayn says. Louis follows his gaze to Niall somewhere off in the distance. The blond lad’s face is glued to the clear, crystal glass with fish swimming on the other side of it. “And high on kush.”

“We’re like two parents watching our baby,” Louis agrees with him fondly.

“I’m not gay,” Zayn says sternly.

“Jeez,” Louis sighs loudly, “I wasn’t talking like that. You need to calm down about this whole gay thing.”

Zayn puts a mocking voice. “Jeez! You need to stop bringing it up.”

“You heard anything about Liam?”

“Weeks ago we met Liam on a date with Danielle and Perrie and El,” Zayn says in a factoid manner. “She ate lots of salad.”

“That’s so Eleanor.” Louis scoops a large chunk of his strawberry ice-cream. “What did Liam eat?”

“I meant Perrie not El. And I didn’t check I was too busy wondering why my fiancée was on a date with your ex-girlfriend and shocked Harry who apparently was oblivious to anything happening in the band,” Zayn says in his factoid manner.

“Are you accusing me of loving my boyfriend?” Louis asks, his voice raised and his eyes a little squinted. Zayn looks at him surprised at his sudden outburst but blamed it on Angry Louis persona which occasionally comes out when Harry is often mentioned or remotely involved in.

Niall skips over to them, with a tour guide, adorned in a blue shirt and yellow pants, from the Aquarium Park. “So I’m getting a fish but this guy won’t let me have it.”

“You can’t have a fish,” Louis says.

“He’s right,” the tour guide speaks up, having a slight Argentinian accent. “You cannot own any fish in this Park. It’s owned by the Park.”

“Who owns the park punk?” Niall asks him rolling his eyes and facing him.

“No Niall, you are not going to buy a fish from this place.”

“But Zayn I need the fish for my book _P is for Puzzles_ ,” Niall explains to Zayn. Louis watches the three figures in front of him talk, well Niall is frustrated that he is not getting a fish, and he remains in the back, scooping his ice-cream.

“But it’s owned by the park therefore owned by the British government,” Zayn explains, “so technically, and legally, you can’t have it. We can go and buy you a new fish.”

“I don’t want any bitch fish Zayn, I want one from here. They’re exclusive, divine and special and not just for everyone.”

Zayn exhales a huge sigh. “What fish does he want?” he asks the tour guide.

“He wants the Kraken Fish which is an endangered species in this Aquarium Park and only found in the Coast lines of Bali,” the tour guide explains.

“Kraken Fish?” Louis questions. “There’s such a thing?”

“Where else can we find it?” Zayn asks the tour guide.

“Only in Bali and there are 12 in the world. Or 10 as of now.”

“As of now?” Zayn repeats.

“Where are they?” Niall asks, flipping imaginary hair from his face. The tour guide states that six are in the very Park they are in, three are in the Bali Conservancy and one is owned by Oprah. He later adds that there were twelve but the two had been killed by water pollution – oil spill incident. Niall turns to his friends and tells them cheerfully, “So we go to Bali and get one. Or ask Oprah.”

“Ask Oprah?” Louis repeats. He turns to the tour guide and tells him he can leave. Niall stops him, asking him if they could possibly buy one since they had at least six of the rare Kraken fish in the world. Louis forcefully tells the tour guide to leave.

“What the fuck Louis?” Niall shouts angrily at him, passerby’s stopping to stare . “Why the hell would you take my one connection to being normal away?”

“Being normal?” Louis questions him.

“Louis don’t do this,” Zayn warns him.

“You think a fish is going to help you be normal? You’re not going to be normal by getting a fucking fish. A Kraken Fish will not help you be normal because you think it’s Liam. You think this stupid fish is Liam and it’s not. It’s just a rare fish that’s from Bali and that is all it is,” Louis lectures, watching Niall’s face go from anger, to sadness, to teary eyed and then back to anger. “The only way you’re going to be normal is get closure from Liam not writing some stupid book, being eccentric or acting stereotypically gay.”

“Louis, hush!” Zayn grits through his teeth.

“Liam is not yours to keep Niall,” Louis continues to tell Niall. The latter boy is weeping in angry gasps, Zayn shooting daggers through his eyes at Louis to stop talking. “Liam belongs to the world and belongs to anybody he chooses which isn’t you. You lost him and you need to accept that. You need a fucking reality check that Liam just used you and that’s all there is to it. No love, no caring, and definitely no soul mates.”

“Louis shut the fuck up for the second time!” Zayn yells at him. He pushes on his chest backwards almost stumbling to the ground. “Is this what happens when you’re _not_ with Harry, you lash out at everyone and everything because you have the best moral compass? Well sorry your Highness, I didn’t realize we had to be perfect like you.”

“No need to be sarcastic Zayn!”

“You’re so bloody insensitive sometimes, you know that,” Zayn tells him angrily

“Why can’t I have what I want?” Niall asks. Zayn wraps his arms around him, holding him tightly, Niall’s head rolling against Zayn’s shoulder. “Why?”

Zayn places his hand on Niall’s head and rubs down to his neck repeatedly, Louis raising a surprise eyebrow. “A wise book called _The Fault in Our Stars_ once stated that the world is not a wish granting factory.”

Niall smiles up at Zayn. “That book is amazing.”

“And that’s why we don’t get what we want but if we pray upon it, God will give us what we want if we ask Him,” Zayn says.

“But I want the Kraken Fish,” Niall says. He sniffs and holds Zayn tighter around his waist, his fingers digging into his shirt. “I already bought a fish tank, the food and those little playing stuff that fish like.” And quietly he says, “I need the fish for my book.”

Zayn then whispers closely to his ear, “We’re going to get the Kraken Fish from this place but don’t tell Louis.” Niall backs up his body from Zayn and smiling widely up at him. Zayn winks at him and the smaller lad smiles even wider. “Promise,” he mouths.

“I spot a Liam coming this way,” Louis says and Niall sprints faster than a cheetah from them. “Well that was weird. Hi Liam!”

“Hey guys,” Liam greets them, giving Zouis hugs. “What are both of you doing at this Aq—”

Louis finishes for him. “Fish zoo.”

“Fish zoo?” Liam wonders.

“What are you doing here Li?” Zayn questions.

“A fan spotted you, Louis, a tour guide and Niall walking in the zoo so I was like, ‘Hey the gang is here’ so I drove here,” Liam explains.

“The gang?” Zayn asks.

“Why were you guys talking to the tour guide? And why was Niall fighting with him? And where is Harry?” Liam asks all at once. Zouis exchange glances between each other and then starkly look at the British boy standing before them.

“Harry’s at home and the weirdly dressed tour guide was a misunderstanding. Niall thought he could get a Kraken Fish,” Louis says.

“Oh those rare fish. I heard there were only ten in the world,” Liam says. He leans his head to the left as if in thought and then says, “Can you believe Oprah has one? Or did have one. Tyra Banks got it in some stupid bet she had with Oprah.”

“How do you know this?” Louis asks him.

“Tyra and I are friends,” Liam says casually. Zayn walks up to Liam, his face inches from Liam’s body. He looks down at his feet, gathering his thoughts, his lips in a tight line on his face made by the gods.

“Liam,” he begins. “You need to give Niall some space.”

“Space?” Liam asks.

“Liam, you haven’t said two words to him since you both broke up. Both of you came back and he disappeared for a few weeks yet you still didn’t talk to him when he was at the hospital. Now you’re dating Danielle and it’s killing him. Seeing you here would make him die inside even more if that’s even possible. You may have moved on from Niall but he hasn’t. We’re here in this fish zoo,” – Louis giggles behind Zayn – “because he thinks that getting a Kraken Fish will help him move on from you, get the cleanse that he is still trying to get.”

“That’s why I came so I could talk to him,” Liam says worriedly.

“Now’s not the time. He’ll come to you when he’s ready and right now he’s far from it. Louis told him harshly that he needed to stop replacing you with a fish.”

“A fish? The rare Kraken Fish?” Liam asks.

“The same one your friend Tyra has,” Louis says.

“He can have it if he wants.”

“No,” Louis shakes his head. “He needs to learn that he can’t replace you with things in his life like the Kraken Fish, or a book, or being an interior designer, or hanging out with Grimmy—”

“Niall’s an interior designer?” Liam asks. “That’s pretty rad.”

“Yeah, don’t forget wedding planner.”

“Who’s getting married?” Liam asks excitedly.

“Cara!”

“To whom?”

“Riri?”

“Rihanna?!” Liam exclaims.

“We’re going out of topic here,” Zayn says a little louder. “You need to leave right now and give more space. Wait for him to come to you.”

Liam is unable to look at Zayn or Louis. “I miss him.”

“You let him go!”

“Can’t I miss him?” Liam asks rhetorically. “You don’t think that I feel ashamed with myself. You don’t think I feel bad enough for taking his virginity? For lying to him that I wasn’t gay at all? That the whole time I was with him I knew I wasn’t gay and I was in fact thinking about him as a girl form? Did you not once understand that it was not only Niall who was hurting? I hurt too Zayn, I really did. And I beat myself every day for lying to him like that. But the pictures I see of him on Twitter or Tumblr or wherever, he’s smiling widely, his eyes glowing and having that carefree mofo attitude and I feel like he’s moved on. I get the happiest smile on my face which I realize is not true because when I want to talk to him he shuts me off. I came down here to talk to him but he ran away from me and learnt he wants to replace me with a fish.”

Liam stops talking and sees Niall’s eyes pinned on a glass window and he looks farther right to see that he is looking at a fish. The very Kraken Fish. “I miss him too Zayn, I miss him too.” Zayn and Louis turn their bodies to where Liam is looking at. They see Niall’s amazed eyes gawking at the fish swimming behind the glass, Niall mumbling words to it. The old tour guide tells Niall to back off from the glass window but Niall refuses. He pushes the tour guide behind, and shoves him again when he tries to pull Niall from the glass wall all the while the Kraken Fish is swimming around, safe, in its water home.

“Shouldn’t we do something?” Liam asks.

“I’ll go get him,” Zayn says and walks away from them. He pulls Niall off the tour guide, gripping his arms so as not to hit the tour guide further. “Sorry, I’m really sorry,” Zayn apologizes to him. The tour guide huffs and walks away, and Niall gets off Zayn’s grips.

“Let go of me,” Niall shouts at him.

“Liam’s here,” Zayn says. He ignores the looks the passerby’s are giving both of them for making unnecessary noise. He sees a fan snapping a picture of both of them and knows there is going to be a Modest! meeting soon about this. Great.

“I know,” Niall murmurs, his voice deep and angry. His arms are crossed tightly at his chest. “What’s he doing here?”

“He came to see you.”

“Why?”

“He misses you.” Niall raises his gaze at Zayn, momentarily his face turning soft and then back to his previous fuming face. “He really misses you if he came all this way,” Zayn says softly to him, not having been around Angry Niall.

“Does… Is…Did he…” Niall mutters, trying to bring his thoughts together. Tears are streaming down his face, his hands on his head and his back sliding down the glass wall. Zayn squats before him, his thumb grazing his cheek softly, wiping off the tears. “Does he miss me?”

“Yes he does. Very.”

“Is he still dat-dating her?” Niall looks up at Zayn, his eyes red from crying, his mouth in a downward smile and tears flowing down the crinkles by his mouth. Zayn’s heart melts inside him, seeing his ol’ buddy hurting from a break up that happened months ago. Sure people break up, they have a hard time moving on but not Niall. Niall laments on the situation for a long time, he finds things to keep him busy (or make him forget) to keep him from thinking about it and somehow wishes that it had been all a dream; that his relationship with Liam never happened.

“Yeah buddy.”

Louis and Liam watch Niall crying heavily on Zayn’s shoulder from a distance. Some people stop and look at the two boys on the floor then a second later, their eyebrows shoot to their hairline realizing that it is 2\5 of One Direction and they take photos of them, secretly. Yes, they take photos!

“Fucktards,” Louis curses. “Why are they taking photos of him crying?”

Liam agrees. “They should help them! This is a cruel world where people only think about themselves and not others. I wish people were more considerate. Just because we’re celebrities it means we don’t weep, we don’t break down and cry sometimes? We’re human just like they are.”

“They’re fucking assholes!”

“Jeez! Why so mad all of a sudden?”

“It’s the fucking paparazzi, what do you think?”

“Let me go see what’s wrong.”

Liam says softly, “Yeah, that’d be great.”

Louis spins on his heels. “No, no no no no no Payno. You probably should just go home or to Danielle or whatever. Oh hold up, I’m buzzing!” Louis fishes out his Samsung phone out of his shorts and answers it. “Hello! Hey King…why are you so upset?... Me? I’m at the fish zoo…”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Oh boy.”

“Yes the fish zoo. Why are you asking?... Yeah they came this morning to visit Harold and so I left him because you know – What? Why?... I’m at the zoo I can’t go home now because Georgia and Gemma are there… Why are you so angry it’s just the sister!”

“What’s wrong?” Liam mouths.

“King is saying I should go home right now,” Louis answers him. “Uh no I was talking to Liam… Okay, okay… what happened to Harry?”

Liam mouths. “What happened?” Louis’ bottom lip trembles, his hand gripping his phone tightly. “Louis what happened?” Liam asks again but Louis shakes his head, his eyes becoming more red and eventually the water works begin. “Louis no, don’t cry. Tell me what happened.”

Louis chokes on a sob, his palm wiping tears from his cheeks. “King said he’s been shot.”

 

**_~ to be continued ~_ **


	15. money power glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys all come face-to-face with the Georgia, Harry's feared older sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two (this one as well) chapters shall all be taking place on ONE day but at different times which will be indicated at the beginning of each chapter not to make anyone confused.
> 
> Enjoy [=

**_***_ afternoon**

 

> _— **voldemort:** you’re a fool Harry Potter and you will lose everything —_
> 
>  

“What?” Liam asks, highly perplexed.

“Harry’s been shot what do you think?” Louis shouts angrily at him.

“I heard you the first—”

“Why the fuck did you ask me then?” he shouts again at him, hot, red tears running down his cheeks. He rubs them off hurriedly and talks really fast to Liam telling him that they should leave immediately. Liam calls Ziall and they all drive very fast to Larry Stylinson’s mansion. They find King and Grimmy already at the white mansion. Nanoseconds later, Danielle rushes out of her car with Perrie and Eleanor tailing behind towards the house.

“Why the fuck are they here?” King wonders.

“Who the fuck called them is a better idea,” Niall says in the same disappointing tone as King.

“I called Danielle,” Liam says, running behind them.

Louis barges into the house, calling for Harry’s name. He finds the house turned upside down: the cabinet doors are on the floor, the couches ripped open by something rugged, the glass table is broken from the middle, water dripping from the wall across the room and Gemma lying unconscious on the floor with a blood-stained shirt. Louis screams at the sight, the rest catching up to him and seeing Gemma groaning on the floor breathing ruggedly. Danielle is the first to speak up.

“Gemma!” she cries dropping to her knees before Gemma. “Gemma, are you okay?”

“Is she okay?” Perrie asks standing behind Danielle.

“Obviously not she’s been shot!”

“Call 999,” Perrie says.

“Why don’t you call 999,” Zayn suggests. Niall rolls his eyes and calls the ambulance, Louis and King ignoring the commotion and running up the flight of stairs. They call out for Harry’s name, opening each and every door until they reach one of the many bedrooms down the long corridor. King barges in and Louis follows running into the room but stops.

A lady in with piercing emerald orbs turns her head to the open door, her waist-length hair lightly waving at her sudden movement. Her red matte lips curve into a smile, her sparkling white teeth glowing underneath her charming smile. Louis’ gaze falls down from her to the sniper in her leather gloved hand as King’s gaze drops to Harry, lying in a pool of blood by his upper arm.

“Harry!” Louis cries when he sees his boyfriend on the floor.

“So nice to finally meet you, Louis William Tomlinson,” the woman says calmly, her voice very charming and cool yet chilling to the bone.

“Georgia, so nice of you so come and visit—oh, hold up!” King says and immediately shoots his arms upward when Georgia points the sniper to his face.

“Holy fuck!” Niall curses when he walks into the room, along with Zayn and Nick behind him. “Who’s this?”

Georgia cocks her head to the right mechanically, the tightening sound of leather around the sniper ringing in their ears. “Georgia Cox-Escobar, you must be Niall James Horan from South Africa and Australia, am I right?” Niall nods frantically, afraid to say anything at all. “And you Zayn Javadd Malik from Mexico, right?” Zayn remains quiet. “Grimmy.”

“Hey Georgie,” Nick smiles, and steps forward. To everyone’s surprise, he calmly walks over to Harry, Georgia making no attempt to shoot him. King attempts the same and Georgia shoots at him the bullet grazing his thigh. Louis, Niall and Zayn taking sharp intakes of breath their heart rates going through the roof. King curses in pain, his hand firmly on his thigh as blood begins to stain his pants.

“Is-is he ok?” Louis asks.

“You talk and I shoot you as well,” Georgia says in her charming yet chilling Cheshire accent. Louis swallows hard and looks at Harry being comforted by Nick. His head is on Nick’s thighs, his hands tying his own shirt around Harry’s arm to stop the gunshot wound from excessive bleeding.

“It should be me not Nick who’s with Harry,” Louis pleads watching Harry wincing on Nick’s lap.

“Don’t be stupid Louis,” King groans from the floor. “This woman is pure evil!”

“I heard lots about you Louis William Tomlinson,” Georgia says and Louis’ attention shifts to Gerogia, Harry’s older sister. “A real, faggot charmer. Did you know you met Harry two years before his audition?”

“I did?” Louis questions. Her voice sending chills down to his kidneys every time she speaks.

Georgia nods, her fingers near the trigger. “As you know Harry was in a band called White Eskimo and you were in The Rogue. Both of you were the finalists for Battle of the Bands along with Bring Me The Horizon. Bring Me The Horizon won, unfortunately for both of your bands.”

“Why is she saying this?” Niall whispers to Zayn. Zayn shrugs and continues to listen to the lady with fiery, red matte lips narrating.

“Unfortunately for me my story starts then. In 2008, my brother saw you through that sweaty crowed in Battle of the Bands and what I thought was nothing turned out to be something because he would never shut up about a guy in The Rogue who he thought was cute. All day and all night he would practice every day on his singing, he’d bloody forget about school which would make Anne and my step-father, upset because his grades weren’t so good. But it didn’t matter what he thought, what mattered was what my mother thought of me, or lack thereof.”

“What does this have to do with me?” Louis questions. His gaze is transfixed on his boyfriend on the floor with Nick. Harry’s eyes are tightly shut, probably because of the pain poking all over his body as if small needles are digging to his veins in an endless repetition. His non-wounded arm is gripping Nick’s shirt, almost tearing it at the seams. He badly wants to stretch his arm, his hand, to just hold Harry, hold him close and take it all away. But he was here, hopeless and couldn’t do anything to save his dear boyfriend.

“Louis don’t be stupid and ask her dumb questions,” King hisses.

“See Harry was a lady’s man, never a man’s man,” she says calmly. Her emerald eyes are transfixed on Louis who cannot dare to break eye contact in case she shoots him between the eyes in the blink of an eye. “You made him gay. You made him into a disgusting human being that suddenly loved boys? All because he saw you through a sweaty, musical battle which he should have never gone to in the first place? You made him gay, you made him the monster that he is today.”

Louis’ eyebrows rise in surprise and then he understands. That terrible night when they found Harry crying on the bathroom floor, pleading to them that they should kill the monster in his heart, clutching on his shirt, his face wet with tears, begging them to kill the _gay_ monster. It was Georgia all along. She was the one who told him being gay was a terrible thing, that he would never see the Kingdom of God (a reason why Harry stopped believing in Him) and that monster should never be loved. “He’s not a monster,” Louis says forcefully.

“Louis!” King hisses in a warning tone.

“It’s okay, King,” she smiles a cunning smile, her voice rattling the spines of those in the room. “My mother spent all her energy encouraging him to practice, to sing all day, to perfect it so that perhaps one day he would get a call and become a famous singer like Keith Richards, or whoever.” Georgia becomes emotional, a single tear rolling down her _L’Oréal_ face. “She didn’t care about me. I was a shadow to her. She even liked my scumbag of a sister Gemma more than she did me. And do you know what the worst part was? She didn’t care that I ran away two years later, a month before Harry went for X Factor auditions. She fucking didn’t care at all!”

“Harry knew Louis was going for auditions!” Niall exclaims.

“He didn’t,” Georgia disagrees then she turns to Harry and asks, in her calm voice, “Or did you?” Harry doesn’t respond, only silently crying. She asks him again, pointing the sniper to his forehead. “Did you?” Louis hearts jumps out of his chest! Harry shakes his head forcefully as more water works fall down his red cheeks to the floor.

“I somehow found myself in India transporting drugs, no surprise there. I used to be a drug dealer in Cheshire and Harry here was my little transporter,” Georgia smiles and in a split second Zayn sees a flash of horror on King’s and Nick’s face.

“No.” Nick shakes his head at Harry. “No no no no no, please tell me this isn’t true.”

“What?” Louis asks, panicking. “What isn’t true?”

“Old habits die hard, Grimmy,” Georgia snickers.

“No no no no no,” Nick cries to Harry, his own silent weeps getting louder but not enough to irritate his sister. “Please tell me she didn’t use you as her drug mule, please tell me it ain’t so.”

“It is Grims,” King says from across the room still on the floor.

“How do you know?” Louis asks.

“I can see that look on H,” King says. “The same look I saw in 2011 when Georgia mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and the first time we met. She inserted drugs into Harry’s body, ready to be transported to some Filipino drug lord.”

“Haven’t you had enough?” Nick shouts angrily at Georgia.

She responds, calmly as usual, “You keep talking to me Grimmy and I will shoot you dead like Gemma.”

Niall whispers to Zayn, “Gemma’s dead?”

“Maybe she’s bluffing,” whispers Zayn.

“Hell no, this woman is the definition of being fierce,” says Niall. Zayn is about to answer when a bullet barely misses his head from Georgia’s leather-gloved hands to her sniper. “Fuck me,” Niall barely whispers.

She continues her story unperturbed. “My little, gay drug transporter then auditioned for X Factor and well, my delivery job was on the line. See, Harry knew information that could get me killed which coincidentally meant that he too could be killed but lucky for him he knew nothing so that left me dead because I let him loose. I tried to convince Anne to not let Harry audition, for him to quit or else I would die.”

“I didn’t know,” Harry whispers, talking for the first time.

“Shut up Harry!” she silences him by shooting his leg, missing it by a thread. The boy shrieks out in pain because the bullet grazes him, and Louis, by instinct, runs from his spot to save his boyfriend. Georgia shoots centimetres from his right leg and he stops dead in his tracks. He cowers back down in fear, his emotions running wild at watching his boyfriend writhing in pain. And Nick comforting him.

“Louis, I’mma tell you one more time, don’t be a fucking idiot!” King hisses at him angrily. “You’re going to get Harry fucking killed at this rate!”

“She would not listen to me. She just would not,” Georgia says, her voice not calm anymore but still chilling to the spine. She is crazily waving her sniper at Louis, King, Zayn and Niall, the only thing in their eyes is pure fear that she may accidentally pull the trigger. Or on purpose. “So what choice did I have? I had to run from home or else _they_ would find me and kill me for letting Harry loose. I went to India, Mongolia, Kazakhstan, anywhere really that _they_ wouldn’t find me and then I wound up in Honduras. I lived on literally nothing,” – she turns to face Harry, her sniper on his forehead – “did you hear me?! I lived on nothing at all.”

Nick pushes Georgia off Harry but she raises her sniper at him and without blinking shoots his shoulder blade. The lads in One Direction gawk and gasp as they watch his body falling on the ground behind him, Ziall gripping onto each other for comfort. Louis gets hold of his hair, pulling tightly onto it, unable to control his rapid heartbeat, his ragged breathing and the fact that his boyfriend is in terrible pain and there is nothing he can do about it but agonizingly _watch_.

She continues angrily talking to Harry who is watching her through tear-filled eyes. “It’s your bloody fault I was on the run. You made me a poor person. My entire life ended when you went for those stupid auditions because you thought you would become something while I on the other side of the world had nothing. I lived on the streets, I lived on bread alone, I lived by stealing coins from tourists and the rich. For days I would be so unlucky not to find food for days, not even a sip of water. The tragedy of existence, huh?

“Until one day, Pablo Escobar finds me on the street and saves me. He gets me out of the streets and he listens to my story. He listens to me and understands my pain. He understood why you were a monster to me; why you were an ungrateful monster who had no care for his sister.”

Louis doesn’t hear any more of what Georgia has to say. His eyes are glued on the sniper in her hands, its end pinning Harry’s forehead to the floor, tears streaming from the corner of his eyes and dripping down to the floor like a river flowing south. His heart is slowly sinking, his thoughts racing through his mind, his body growing weak by the second. Some way, the events of this morning play through his mind like a broken tape, playing and then rewinding, playing and then rewinding.

He plays the scene where Harry is on his knees on the floor begging him to stay with him when his sisters come to visit and he tells him not to be a fucking baby, to grow up, and just talk to his family. He rewinds and listens to the pain in his boyfriend’s voice pleading him to stay and he hears his own anger. He rewinds further back to his boyfriend’s touch on his arms, his knees on the floor and orbs gazing through his sorrowful eyelashes yet again he feels the anger seeping through his veins at his boyfriend’s childish behavior instead of listening to his boyfriend.

The tape stops playing in his head when his boyfriend gazes at him. His heart stops playing. His life practically stops playing. He blocks out the world; he ignores the small sobs from Niall and Zayn behind him, the bitter hisses from King, the groaning body of Nick near Harry, the deceitful voice of Georgia talking over Harry about her life in Colombia, and the sniper cocked on Harry’s temple and but most importantly, the fact that Harry’s life could end at any moment.

He studies Harry hard, really hard. He memorizes his two pimples on his forehead that he constantly is ashamed of, always saying that if a blind man could touch his forehead they would spell out the word ugly. His cute button nose that looks even cuter when he stuck a red button on it for Comic Relief. His long hair that makes him look more like Johnny Depp, a man he aspired to be when he retires from the entertainment industry which Louis would laugh at him for thinking so. His cute dimples which would pop out whenever Harry would give him a present, like the Christmas gift he wrapped all by himself back in 2010 when he had gone for the holidays with Stan to Doncaster.

Most importantly are his eyes.

His dark green eyes, that would turn blue under fluorescent lighting, are always shining, crinkling whenever he is laughing, wide open when he would do funny faces for their Larry Instagram account, would look bored when they had a meeting with Modest!, would be dancing in their sockets when at concerts – and even more when they were on a date. Or together really, Harry never cared where they were as long as they are together his eyes would always be dancing. There would be fire in them. An excitement. A fiery rush.

But now they are numb.

“Harry,” he mouths to his boyfriend. Harry blinks at him, a breath escaping his dry, cracked lips. “I love you.” Harry doesn’t change nor do his eyes light up. He mouths, “Always.” Harry does not change. “And forever.”

“Time is running out,” Georgia says.

“Ru-running-g-g ou-ut-t-t-t?” Louis manages to spit out his nerves all over the place.

“Time Louis,” she says softly to him in her usual charming yet chilling voice. “Harry got everything. Everything I deserved he got it and since I can’t get it from him, I’ll take it away from him. All his money I will take, his power, I will strip and his glory,” – she stops and gazes down at her brother – “you’ll destroy that by yourself.”

“You can’t do that Georgia,” King hisses from the floor. “You can’t take away everything he has built over the years.”

“I can and I will. I want to take everything he’s got, everything he is I will take because it’s rightfully mine. You stole what was mine and now it’s too late. This is what is going to happen, each and every one of you is going to die, one by one,” – she looks at Louis –“everybody that Harry loves will be killed.”

“Wh-what?” Niall asks, trembling at her charmingly deceiving words.

“What are you talking about?” King questions.

“You out of all the people know what I’m talking about King,” Georgia says, her charming, cool attitude back. “Each and every one of you will be dead and then, only then, will my revenge be complete. Only then will you,” – he looks at Harry –“understand the pain I went through all these years.”

“Fuck you.”

Georgia cocks her head, her eyes wild with fury yet every other part of her face is calm. “What was that?”

“I said _fuck you_ ,” he says more forcefully. “You can’t threaten me anymore. Unlike you, I have people who love me. I have my boyfriend Lou, my awesome band mates, my best friends and you have nothing.”

Georgia pulls the trigger and shoots his palm, Harry – arching his head back – shouts in pain at the sudden ripples of pain and ache beating through his entire body and then at the sight of blood, rapidly forming a pool around his palm and staining into the carpet floor.

“Harry!” Louis shouts in a high pitched scream.

“I have everything right now unlike you Harry.”

“Fuck you!” Harry curses through gritted teeth.

“You’re a fool Harry Edward Styles and you will lose everything.”

With that, she walks out calmly nobody moving an inch to stop her. Liam barges into the room hurriedly, seeing Louis rushing to Harry’s rescue, Niall and Zayn holding onto each other for dear life, their bodies shaking. He sees an unconscious Nick on the floor, a gunshot wound on his shoulder and near the door he sees King, hissing in pain.

“Do something Payno,” he hisses. “Like call the ambulance or something.”

“No,” Nick says, surprising King and the others because holy damn, is he really awake? He tells them, “Don’t call them. I’m fine.”

“What… weren’t you shot?” Zayn asks, perplexed at a moving Nick. “Was that all an act?”

“Yes,” King says, standing from his spot quickly. “C’mon Grimmy, we have to get Harry in the bathroom now before he passes out and explain why he has illegal drugs in his system _again_.”

“Again?” Niall asks, looking at the other puzzled lads.

“But… but you were all shot!” Zayn exclaims not believing his eyes.

As Niall, Zayn and Liam watch Nick and King carry Harry’s body into the bathroom – Louis’ loud cries asking what they’re doing with him – they stand still on their spot perplexed at what is happening. For a moment they question whether the event that has just occurred has really happened but the stains of blood on the carpet and Louis’ loud weeps confirm that indeed it has happened.

“The fuck is happening?” Liam asks in a whisper.

“No fucking idea,” Zayn shakes his head.

“Please let me see him,” Louis begs, his hand pounding on the door.

“Am I the only one who wants to scream and shout?” Niall questions, his body still trembling.

“Same here mate,” Zayn says, his body hugging Niall’s closely. “Same here.”

“What are they doing to Harry?” Liam asks. Louis bangs on the door asking to see his boyfriend.

“Let me see my boyfriend, please,” Louis weeps, both his fists loudly beating the door down. “Let me see my dear Harold.”

“Guess we’ll never know,” Zayn says. Three heads all look at the shut, blue bathroom door, unknown what is going on the other side of it.

**_\+ to be continued +_ **

**_ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE HARRY POTTER!!!! especially the quote by Voldy Modly really got to me - it was perfect & oh thank goodness Harry got a grip of himself and realized he is NOT like Voldy despite their similarities.


	16. blo(st)od

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King and Nick play doctor, then the Gemma and Harry have a heart-to-heart in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The past few chapters have all be taking place on ONE day but at different times and this is the last chapter of the ONE day series.
> 
> Enjoy [=

> _— **charles dickens:** it was the best of times, it was the worst of times —_

 

**_***night_ **

“Lay him on his stomach,” King instructs Nick above the weeping noises of the Cheshire lad in pain. “Remove his pants and underwear like last time.” He continues to instruct, “Call Niall in now.”

Nick walks to the door calling out for the pale-faced Niall. The latter lad rushes into the bathroom, the others following quickly before Nick shuts the door in their face.

“How…” Niall’s eyes fall first on Nick. “How did you fix your bullet wound?” Niall asks him.

“Niall, I need you to find gloves and bandages…” King instructs. Niall’s eyes are now glued on Harry on the bathroom floor, his heart falling to the ground at the sight of him in so much pain yet a lot more blood than he has ever seen in his life. “Niall!” King tags on his hand, pulling him out of his trance.

“Bandages?” Niall asks again.

“Yes bandages, now, before Harry passes out and we take him to the hospital,” King commands.

“Uh-h-h…,” Niall stutters, his eyes not leaving Harry crying quietly. “Can-can I please say something to-to him?”

“My stomach hurts,” Harry groans in pain from the floor.

“No,” King refuses. “You need to get those—”

“It’s bloody Niall for crying out loud, King,” Nick cries, motioning for Niall to come forward. He walks slowly to Harry’s body on the floor, his face lying softly on Nick’s lap. He crouches down and Harry’s gaze meets his, his red puffy eyes daggering through Niall’s body. Shivers run up and down Niall’s arm when he holds Harry’s cold hand into his own, his heart beating very fast but in a mellow tempo.

“My stomach,” Harry moans to Niall.

“Your stomach hurts?” Nick asks. Harry nods.

“Harry,” Niall says softly. “Harry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry—”

Before he continues, King pulls him away from Harry and instructs him to get what he asked for quickly. He throws him out of the bathroom and locks the door tight. He walks to the cabinets, searching for Harry’s pills.

“I can’t believe he threw out his pills,” King says.

“For Louis, who else,” Nick mutters, palming Harry’s sweaty forehead. A few minutes later, Niall brings in the materials and Nick shuts the door on Niall’s face before he can enter. King hurriedly pulls down Harry’s pants and underwear as Nick puts on blue gloves, snapping them at the end.

“Seriously?” King muses.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” Nick smiles. “Now Harry, this is going to hurt a bit.” With gloves on, Nick’s fingers find their way inside Harry’s arsehole looking for the drugs that Georgia inserted in him in the afternoon. “I can’t find anything.”

“My stomach,” Harry cries a little louder.

“Just a minute buddy,” King tells him softly, his hand being crushed by Harry holding onto him. “Hurry Grimmy we need to tie up his gunshot wounds.”

“I’m serious there’s nothing in here—oh crap! We’re looking in the wrong place! It’s in the stomach.”

“What?” King asks.

“It’s in the stomach,” Nick says quickly, his thoughts all juggling in his head at once. “It’s in his stomach.”

“Stomach?”

“That’s why his stomach is hurting, the drugs are _inside_ his body,” Nick explains, adrenaline rushing through him. King nods and they both flip Harry to his back, his shirt stained in big blotches of blood everywhere. “He’s bleeding!”

“She put the drugs in his body,” King says, mostly to himself. “Clever. Like in that movie _Lucy_.”

“So we just cut off the stitches, get the drugs, and stitch him back,” Nick says. He looks at King and says sincerely, “I don’t think we can do this alone.”

“You have to,” Harry says hoarsely, controlling his breathing when really he is controlling his pain. His fingers are tightly clutching his stomach with his free hand. “For me you have to do this alone without those guys.” He gulps loudly, if possible gulping the pain. “If Caroline was here it would be fine but none of them—”

“Listen now,” Nick says but King stops him. He calmly gazes at Harry and tells him they cannot stich him all up just the two of them and they will need help from the lads. “So who?”

“Liam,” Harry whispers confidently. “Louis is going to pass out cause of the blood.” Nick stands and opens the door calling for Liam and then instructs Niall to drop the materials King had earlier asked for. “And a change of clothes would be great.”

“Can I see him?” Louis pleads.

“Soon,” Nick says. “I promise.”

“Why Liam?” Zayn asks from behind Louis.

“Well, to be honest, he would have picked Louis but you’d pass out cause of the blood,” Nick explains and Louis chuckles to himself. “Clothes!” He shuts the door and they begin cutting Harry’s abdomen open.

“I’m ready for business folks,” Liam chants happily, his mind ignoring Harry’s low piercing cries filling the large bathroom. He struggles to smile, the two lads gazing at each other as if to wonder why Harry picked Liam to be with them.

“Great, welcome aboard partner,” King says, playing along.

“What can I do for yah?” Liam asks them.

“For starters, stop talking like that,” King says, dropping the act and Liam’s nervous smile is off his face in seconds. “You’re going to be handing me whatever Grimmy gives you.”

“I-I can do that.” Liam nods more to himself. He positions himself opposite King, his knees aligned to Harry’s mid-section. “This is exciting lads.”

“Cutting Harry up is exciting?” Nick asks.

“N-no…” Liam pales, “not that just… acting like we’re doctors that’s all,” Liam mutters, his eyes darting between King hovering over Harry’s body and Nick somewhere behind him.

In a bid to distract Liam, King asks, “You wanted to be a doctor?”

Liam shakes his head, sudden strong smells of blood overwhelming his nostrils. “A fireman like my father. But I guess the idea of saving lives is in both professions, a doctor and a fireman.”

“Then you became a singer?” King asks. Liam takes a deep breath through his mouth and tightly shuts his eyes, the smell of blood crushing him. He opens his eyes and sees King staring at him with a bloody knife in his right hand. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Liam assures him weakly. “Just…,” his eyes refuse to leave the blood-dripping knife King is casually holding, “the blood. That’s why I couldn’t be a doctor. It’s a horrible smell.”

“I also wanted to be a doctor,” King informs him. “More of a surgeon than a general doctor. But with my tall height, I thought I would be better of being a b/ball player.”

“But you’re a footballer now.”

“Things change,” King says passively. “Life happens; you become a football player,” he briefly gazes at Liam, “or a singer.”

Liam nods seeing the conversation becoming a personal issue with King. He therefore asks, “So…” he looks down at Harry squeezing his eyes tight on the bathroom floor, “can-can Harry die?”

“Whatcha mean?” King asks. Harry winces again, a lot of wrinkles forming around his eyes, as King cuts through his abdomen again.

“Like,” he deeply breathes, “a chance, even 0.000000001 percent chance, of Harry dying?” Liam asks.

“We all have a chance of dying Liam,” Nick says, patting him on the back. “No biggie.”

“No but, can he die because of what we’re doing to him?” Liam asks, this time in a serious tone.

“Yes,” King answers not looking at him. “Last time he almost did but that was last time and this time, we’re better than last time because this time isn’t last time.”

“Doesn’t make me feel better but sounds positive with a lot of ‘last time’s,” Liam says, steading his breathing after he has just learned his mate could _die_. And the overpowering smell of blood. “Jeez the blood.”

“The blood?”

“I feel like I’m going to pass out,” Liam confesses, gulping.

“Whatever you do, don’t,” Nick tells him solemnly.

“I will not pass out,” Liam chants when King cuts through the stiches on Harry’s abdomen. “I will not pass out.” His face has grown pale, his lips chapped and light. “I will not pass out.”

“Are you going to keep singing that?” Nick asks Liam.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Liam says and then chants: “I will not pass out.”

“Guess not,” Nick hums and returns to sterilizing the equipments in Vodka.

Liam squints his eyes open and then shut. And opens them again. “I just learnt my friend can die, so you know,” his lips tremble, “it’s taking a toll on me.”

“Just keep breathing and you’ll be fine, ignore the stench of blood is what I do,” Nick advises.

“How do you _ignore a pool of blood_?” Liam gawks at Nick, his mind going in a frenzy state.

“Harry don’t pass out on me,” King says forcefully when his gloved-fingers are deep into Harry’s abdomen and all Liam can see is red, crimson red, bloody red, strawberry red… just red everywhere. “You too Liam.”

Liam takes in a deep breath and exhales. “I’m good, I’m goody good good.”

“Good,” King smiles and hands him a blue bag drenched in thick blood. “What is this?”

“Looks like crystal,” Nick says, taking a closer look. Liam, on the other hand, is struggling to get his breath; his eyes switching from Harry’s dead stare at the ceiling to his cut-open abdomen. He is not having the best of times.

“Blue crystal?” King wonders. “What could it be? It’s not coke or heroine or those ordinary stuff we use.”

Liam blinks several times, his eyes darting to Harry’s blank face, then quickly to Harry’s free hand that his clenched tight to a fist.

“Looks like it’s something dangerous, like worse than what we know,” Nick continues staring at the blood-dripping bag. “It looks like CP4.”

“The pregnant hormone thingy maginy?” King asks. Liam’s eyes, like a robot, zoom in and zoom out on Harry’s open abdomen, almost seeing his intestines. He is _definitely_ going to pass out now!

“Fuck,” he shrills. “I touched his intestine!” He immediately shuts his eye when something inside pumps against his fingers and continues his old chant of: “I will not pass out.”

“How much does this cost in the black market?” Nick wonders turning the bag around in his hand.

“Like couple hundred thousand pounds,” King says examining it and ignoring Liam’s chants of “I will not pass out.”

“Can we stare at the bag later and stitch Harry up before he dies on us,” Liam pleads with them.

“Fine. Stitching time,” King instructs them. Nick hands Liam the needle and thread already in place. He dips it in the bowl full of Vodka and hands it to King. Liam holds his breath when King pierces through Harry’s skin a thread following through the small hole, pokes the other part of his skin the thread bringing the torn skin together and Liam finally exhales.

King continues stitching, each time Liam inhaling and then exhaling when King successfully passed the thread through. “Shouldn’t he be alive?” Liam asks, motioning at an unmoving body belonging to Harry.

“He is alive,” Nick says. He is calmly removing hair from Harry’s sweaty forehead. “He is alive.” Liam is not sure if he is telling them or to himself. “He’s fine.”

“Grimmy you’re sounding more like Liam over here,” King says, still stitching Harry up; thread in, thread out.

“His nervousness is rubbing off on me,” Nick says.

“Harry’s alive or not?” Liam asks more forcefully.

“I am,” Harry whispers surprising Liam (and secretly, Nick). “The more I talk the more pain I feel.”

“Oh right, sorry,” Liam says. “Don’t speak. I won’t speak to you. We will not speak to each other. Got it.”

“Liam really,” Harry chuckles softly.

“Stop talking Harry, for Louis, stop talking,” Liam instructs him. Harry faintly nods. “He misses you. He was really scared cause he thought you would die. But here you are, safe and sound, well, almost safe and sound. You have three bullet wounds and an almost stitched up abdomen.”

“It’s done,” King announces.

“Oh thank goodness,” Liam heaves a sigh of relief. His relief is short-lived when King says they need to work on all three bullet wounds. Liam’ heart sinks inside his body and he continues his regulated breathing. “I will not pass out. I will not pass out.”

“I’m not,” Nick grunts. “And I’ve stitched his hand. You do his leg and you, Liam, do his arm.” Harry’s fading eyes frown at Nick at the suggestion.

“Arm?” Liam questions in surprise. “Me?”

“His arms are shaking so no,” Harry manages to say. King can tell it is taking all of Harry to speak.

“Don’t talk,” Liam shushes him. “You aren’t meant to talk and I’m going to stitch his arm.”

“Nah,” King shakes his head. “I was joking. Besides, I already stitched his leg so now his arm then we’re done.”

“Good, we’re almost done. Did you hear that? Almost done Harry, almost done.”

“Bandage Liam,” King instructs. He wraps it around the arm gunshot wound and also on his palm. “We’re done.”

“Really? All done?” Liam asks, his breath rugged. Nick and King remain silent. “You guys tricked me? You tricked me again?”

“It’s quite funny,” King laughed.

“I’m going to pass out if I don’t take my pills,” Harry barely whispers. Liam jumps straight on it and the three of them do the finishing touches on Harry. Louis had long stopped pounding on the door but his soft cries can still be heard. His body fell into the bathroom when Nick emerged through, looking down quizzically at him.

“He’s all yours,” Nick says and Louis dashes into the bathroom.

 

***                 *                    ***

After the whole stitching Harry up episode, a shower, a few good tears (mostly by Louis), Liam vomiting in the other bathroom (more than once), and the boys sitting around and eating midnight snacks, they went to sleep. Or Larry go to sleep.

Louis has his arms over Harry’s muscular body, as the bandaged boy is laying his head on Louis’ toned chest both of them covered in Superman duvets (Harry’s fault). Truth be told, Harry has not fallen asleep since they both went to bed. One, his abdomen is in excruciating pain, he accidentally slept on his bullet wound arm, and he was craving a fag. Cigarette, his brain corrects. Cigarette.

He shifts on the bed. He lightly removes Louis’ hand on his shoulder, sliding off the bed but he underestimated his weakness and falls off the bed. He groans in pain at the sudden pain on his wounds, Louis still snoring lightly. Breathing out a low, “Phew!” he gets up slowly, feeling a little moist on his upper arm, and changes from his PJs to his clothes. Well, just his pants as removing his PJ shirt proves difficult and painful

“You’re leaving?” Harry spins on the spot to see Louis sitting on the bed. He flips the switch on the wall lighting the room in fluorescent lighting.

“Uh….” Harry stalls, words unable to come out of his mouth. “I need to sort out some stuff.”

“What stuff?” Louis asks. He gets off the bed and walks to his boyfriend. Harry has a hard time making eye contact with Louis, his eyes wandering across the room except at the Doncaster boy standing inches from his face. “What stuff, love?”

“Just random stuff,” Harry replies vaguely. He shuts his eyes rapidly, willing the pain away.

“Listen Harry, you might be going through post shock. Your sister was shot, you were shot, your friends were shot and your evil sister came out of the blue,” Louis tells him gently, caressing his non-wounded arm. “You need time to rest not wandering around town in the wee hours of the morning.”

“I need to see Caroline.”

Louis is taken aback at his words, not understanding why he has to see her at this time of night. “Why? Why Caroline.”

His breath is all of a sudden rugged. “Lou, please.”

“Don’t ‘Lou please’ me, why Caroline? What can she do that I can’t?” Harry remains calm, willing his pain to _go away please_. “Tell me Harry, tell me so that I can understand. Explain what she does to you that I can’t do for you.”

Harry cannot explain it to his boyfriend; cannot explain why he always seems to go to Caroline when everything comes tumbling down, when his problems are spiraling out of control, when he just wants someone to talk to, someone who will not fucking judge him like the world does. Louis takes a step back from Harry, ignoring the hurt look on the Cheshire lad’s face.

“Can I go?” Harry asks softly.

Louis snorts. “‘Can I go?’ You can do whatever you want big boy cause apparently she—”

“Louis, please, don’t say—”

“No Harry, no. Last time you left you didn’t come back for two years. You just left without a word.”

“I came back for you,” Harry reasons out. He shifts his body weight to the wall, all this standing making him weak.

Louis shouts at him. “For Caroline! Do you know how pathetic I feel whenever something huge happens in your life you never come to me. You either go to Caroline, or King, or even cockhead Nick but never me. You treat me like how you treat Liam, Niall, and Zayn. I’m your boyfriend Harry! You’re meant to tell me these things first before everybody else.”

“I came back for you,” Harry repeats. There’s a knock on the door, three heads peeping through to see what the noise is all about.

“Everything alright?” Zayn asks. His eyes immediately fall on Harry leaning his body against the wall, dressed in jeans and… a PJ shirt. “Are you going somewhere Harry?”

“Yeah to see Caroline,” Louis says tight-lipped.

“Why Caroline?” Liam inquires.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Harry says excusing himself, managing to heave himself off the wall. He turns to Louis and tells him that he is not leaving like the last time.

“Liar,” Louis hoarsely whispers when Harry walks out of the room. He falls on the bed, his palms covering his face and invisible tears. “What if I lose him again?”

“He’s not leaving Louis,” Niall soothes him, seating besides him. “He needs time to figure this whole Georgia thing out.”

“I can help him!”

“You refused to listen to him when he asked you to stay,” Liam says. Louis charges for Liam, Zayn caught off guard. Liam dashes onto the corridor, making a beeline for the bathroom but unfortunately for Liam, Louis catches him and pounces on him. Hard.

“Let him go Louis!” Zayn shouts. “Let him go!”

“Don’t you think I know,” Louis mutters angrily to Liam, his arm pinning his neck to the wall. “Don’t you think I know what I did? Don’t you think I feel bad for leaving him all alone in the house after he begged me not to leave him with his sister? Don’t you—”

“Then let him go,” Liam shouts at him.

“Never,” Louis screams, pinning Liam’s body further into the wall. “I will never let him go. Not to Caroline, not to Nick, not to any of you. Why? Because I love him way too much to do that. I will never do it.”

“Do something,” Niall tells Zayn when Louis continues angrily talking to Liam. “He’s going to kill Liam if you don’t stop him.

Zayn lightly places his hand on Louis’ shoulder. “He needs to be alone at this time.”

Louis turns to face Zayn, letting Liam be free. “With his on and off boyfriend?”

“I thought you liked Nick?”

Louis snorts at him. “I don’t. I know he still likes Harry and he’s going to take him away from me.”

“That’s true,” Niall says. “Nick does like Harry.”

“The point is,” Zayn says to Louis, “that Caroline and Nick have been there way before you have. Therefore, don’t feel bad that he goes to them first when something huge like this happens in his life and you’re not the first person he talks to but you’ll always be the one he thinks of, always and forever.”

“Yeah, well thanks for reminding me that I was too dumb to notice my boyfriend was in love with me when the entire world knew,” Louis yells. “Thanks for reminding me that Harry loves me yet I… I always somehow manage to screw it up.”

“You haven’t screwed—” Zayn says but is stopped when Louis opens the door to whatever room is on the other side and shuts it, leaving the three of them speechless. They hear another door closing from downstairs too.

Zayn groans internally. Shit, Harry had not left yet.

“I should probably go to the hospital to check up on Gemma. The girls are there and so is Dani–uh, let me just go,” Liam say awkwardly. He gives Zayn a hug and Niall who backs away from him and Liam scurries off.

“What are we going to do?” Niall asks Zayn dejectedly.

“I really don’t know,” Zayn responds. “But for now, we raid their kitchen for food.”

“Yaaaaaaass,” Niall cheers the both of them running down the stairs.

 

 

1,2,3 hours later, Ziall are still watching TV (some Mexican movie they don’t remember)(it was Niall’s fault they were watching it, something about connecting Zayn to his culture), Louis is crouched on the floor having cried himself to sleep, somewhere is Harry talking to Caroline and Liam in the hospital with the girls (Danielle sleeping on his lap) in Gemma’s room.

3,4,5 hours later Gemma flutters her eyes open, feeling the warmth of the sun’s rays lightly touching on her skin in the hospital room. The first person she sees is her brother, curled up on the uncomfortable couch. Danielle sleeping on Liam’s lap and the boy resting his head on her hip, Eleanor and Perrie having turned the floor to a bed with their wooly sweaters.

“Harry,” she croaks and he flutters his eyes open. He quickly stands up to by her side and takes her arms into his. As if on cue, the others in the room wake up as well rushing to the sibling hug, all of them glad she is alive and well, and wrapping all their arms around the both of them.

“How’re you feeling?” Perrie asks.

“Good, I’ve been better,” Gemma smiles.

“What did they do about the gunshot wound?” Harry asks.

“Stitched it all up,” she says. She tags on her hospital gown and pulls it down her chest, the visible scar between her breasts. “It’s pretty neat, innit?”

“It is,” Danielle says eyeing it.

“It’s better than a tattoo,” Liam jokes.

“Hey guys, can I talk to my brother for just a sec,” Gemma requests and they oblige, walking out of the room. “I know I was shot by my sister, I could’ve died, say what you will but I’m more worried about what it did to you. What did she say?”

Harry sniffs once. “Basically everybody I love will die. You, Lou, Liam, Niall, Zayn, King, Grimmy, Conor, Caroline, Lana, Baby Edward… everybody I love Gems, everybody. How…” he shakes his head, “what am I going to do?”

Gemma holds Harry’s hand tighter in her arms. “You’re going to keep on living life like you’ve always done.” Harry blinks down at her. “You’re not going to think about anything she said, anything she did to you or what she meant by all those horrible things she said. You’re going to focus on you and Louis, you and your band and most importantly you’re not going to run.”

“Run?”

“C’mon Harry,” Gemma chuckles, “I know you. When faced with a problem, you run. Your whole life you’ve been running from your problems because you don’t want to face them. You don’t want to know what’s on the other side when you solve the issue. So what do you do? You run in circles,” – she points her index finger to the ceiling and turns it in a circular motion – “you keep running and running and one day, you stop running, and fall down from all the dizziness.”

“What happens then?” asks Harry.

“This is where you are now. When you fall Harry, you never move. You don’t make an effort to move. You always think your problems will leave? You think they’ll leave because you run? They won’t,” she says determinedly, “They fade away because you’ve been running for long but they don’t leave. Whatever Louis told you, you need to confront him. Tell him how it felt for you. Tell him because he doesn’t understand. He’s trying too,” she adds as an afterthought.

“He won’t understand.”

“I know Caroline will but try and tell Louis,” Gemma tells him sincerely. “And stop running.”

“I have great legs for a runner,” Harry jokes. His face then softens and he sniffs twice, his shoulders slightly moving and his cries are silent. “I… Truth be told Gemma, I’m at rock bottom. Louis doesn’t trust me, my sister swore she’d kill me,” his eyes are glassy, “you were almost dead, my ex-girlfriend is still in jail and my best friend is dead. My life is tumbling down around me and I’m doing nothing to stop it.” The back of his hand runs across his cheek. “I want to run from it all Gems, I want to run away.”

Gemma places her palm on his face, her head cocking slightly to the left. “Don’t you dare, you dolt. Don’t you dare run. Louis will never forgive you for it.”

“But I want to so badly,” Harry cries to her. “I’m a monster who wants to run. I want to just go away from everyone and everybody. I hate this place. I know I mess thing up sometimes but I’m really trying. I don’t know…” Harrys sniffs a couple of times, Gemma wiping off the tears crumbling on his face. He gazes at her soft glance and tells her wholeheartedly, “I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m lost Gemma. I’m so lost I don’t know how to find my way back.”

“You know if you told me the same thing three months ago,” Gemma says smiling lightly, “you actually would not have told me. You would’ve just taken your pills and that would be that. End of story.”

He ducks his head down. “They were always there when nobody else was.”

“I was there. Your band mates were there. King, Nick, heck, even Ed was there.”

“Before he died,” Harry mutters. “Sometimes, I feel like ripping apart my skin and searching for a reason for why I’m a fuck up.”

“You’re not a fuck up Harry!” Gemma scolds.

“Tell me Gems what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Somebody once said, when you’re lost in the woods. Stop walking, use your damn map and follow the trail.”

“Dad,” Harry smile fondly at his father’s (odd) words of wisdom. “And if the trail cannot be seen, create your trail and it will be—”

“—the road not taken,” Gemma ends. They both chuckle in their moment of fondness. “I’m so used to running I don’t know what to do when running isn’t an option.”

“There is no magic cure sweetheart, no making it go away forever. There are only steps upward; an easier day, an expected laugh, and a pill that will never be swallowed. Now is when it all starts Harry. You’re at the beginning of your life. Today is the first day of your life and everything is somehow going to start falling in place.”

“When will that start?”

“It already has.”

“How do you know?” Harry asks her completely clueless. Gemma motions with her head towards the door and he twists his body in the chair. At the hospital door, he first sees his smiling boyfriend, the blond lad, the cool, calm and collected lad and the Daddy of them all.

“What are you guys doing here?” Harry asks them.

“To see Gemma silly,” Louis chuckles walking in the room. “And you.” He quickly steals a peck from his lips as the other lads sit around Gemma. There’s another loud knock and it’s the girls: Danielle, Perrie and Eleanor. Another knock interrupts them and in comes King and Nick and they too join the family formed in the hospital room.

The room soon becomes a humdrum of chit chat about anything really; the stale hospital food, the World Cup matches, how prices of ice-cream have gone up, why _Sing_ is not coming soon, when will Drake’s album be out and if anyone has seen the _Anaconda_ video yet. Basically, everything is calm at this moment and Harry could see it. He could sense the galaxies piecing his life together and even if it took his crazy sister shooting him three times, he would stop running.

He would stop running from everything, pick himself up from being too dizzy, brush off his shoulders and tell life, ‘You hit like a damn bitch’ and walk off proudly.

Amidst laughter and song, Gemma winks at him and mouths, “Today is the first day of your life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "BITE" by Troye Sivan is *heart eyes* great song, great meaning behind it and it oddly reminds me of "Wrong" by ZAYN... ahah cause they sorta have the same meaning but Troye's is a little less hurtful, I guess.


	17. - photographs(tars) -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry Stylinson are honest to each other while Zayn feels loneliness creeping in on him... all on Liam's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you thank yOU for reading so far & my radio silence on this fanfic, sorry about that. the summer hurt like a mothertrucker /=

> _— **anon:** there are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses —_

 

 

Harry is healed.

Physically, at least.

A week later after the hospital room incident, he was driven to the hospital, an order by Simon, because of the shots of pain that would appear randomly and his gunshot wounds were properly taken care of. Including the stitching on his stomach his he dumbly replied to all the questions regarding _why_ he had a stitched stomach.

Luckily, Gemma is out of the hospital too by the time Harry has left the hospital. Several days later, Louis and Harry have talked about Georgia and Louis has learnt more about Harry’s absent older sister and Louis again and again beats himself up for forcing Harry to spend time with his sister.

How thick can he be?

Unfortunately, Harry has already forgotten what his sister told about killing all the people he loves. Georgia thought he needed a reminder and indeed, Harry had been reminded when he was called at 2AM by the police that Conor was shot point blank in the head. It had happened so fast; Harry, King and Nick drove really fast to the scene, the entire area had swarmed with policemen and detectives. 30 hours later, they were looking for a coffin and the last thing he remembers is them burying Conor’s body six-feet under.

That was two weeks ago. Currently, the boys are in a studio rehearsing for their concert in three days on September 1st.

“Liam,” Paul, their choreographer yells across the large studio room. “I need more energy from you... Niall, I love the energy and remember to take the crowd with you… Harry, stop kissing Louis and go stand near Zayn… Zayn put down that blunt! Liam get back on the stage near Louis.”

“It’s not mine,” Zayn defends himself.

“Whose is it?” Paul asks in his loud voice.

“Niall’s,” Louis answers, grinning at Niall.

“No, it’s Harry’s,” Niall responds.

“I don’t even smoke weed,” Harry denies. “It’s Niall’s definitely.”

“Niall, you know the rules,” Paul says, sighing. “No smoking or drinking in the studio.”

“Sorry Your Highness,” Niall says sweetly, swatting imaginary hair from his face, “won’t happen again.”

“I’m sure,” Paul chuckles. “Let’s do this one more time and we’re done for the day!”

***   *   ***

** **

“You need to hire a nanny Ray,” Harry tells Lana, the mother of Baby Edward.

After rehearsals all of them part ways; Niall goes to Cara’s wedding venue, Zayn is MIA, Liam heads to his new girlfriend’s apartment to spend more time with her and shop for his party tonight, and Louis **and** Harry decide on going to visit Baby Edward at Lana’s place. Or possibly doing her a favor by babysitting the baby as she is going for a photo shoot for _Rolling Stone_.

“Food is in the fridge,” Lana says, running late and carrying a bunch of keys off tables in a hurry. “Breast milk in the place thingy. Ta!”

“Bye,” Louis says mostly to himself and the last thing he hears from her is a loud bang from the door. They play with Baby Edward, feeding her and mostly trying to get her to sleep after hours and hours of running around the apartment (Baby Edward tripped on a lego once and cried for _years_ ).

“He’s sound asleep,” Louis says lightly, swinging the baby crib.

“And I’m exhausted.” Harry heaves down on the couch and rolls to the floor, his body aching all over. “I should really exercise more.”

“Cardio?” Louis asks, sitting cross-legged across Harry on the floor.

Harry’s face is buried into the carpet floor. “Ew. Cardio sucks.”

“Or jumping stacks,” Louis says. Harry lifts his head up settles it on top of his boyfriend’s heavenly thighs and shuts his eyes. “I don’t know really.”

“Are we going for Liam’s party?” Harry asks.

“Yup,” Louis says. “’Twill be so much fun. It’s not at Funky Buddha again, is it?”

“You know it is and the theme is most likely danger.”

“Why danger?” Louis wonders. “Why not Christmas? Y’know something cool.”

“If I had a theme party it would be something like off the 1920s.”

“Why, old soul?” Louis muses. Harry, generally, can be mistaken for being a 40-year-old if one has not seen him face-to-face. He hangs out with people way over his age, he dates above his age, listens to a lot of country (to which his ex-girlfriend Taylor influenced him more) specifically 80s music, and admires the late Joan Rivers. Anything of this century, Harry veers off it. Well, apart from Louis.

“You mean mature?” Harry inquires his head laying still on Louis’ thighs.

“No, I mean an old head on young shoulders,” Louis says wisely.

“Someone reads Shakespeare?” Harry muses and Louis nods. He angles forward kissing Harry’s temple.

“Is Baby Edward yours?” Louis asks out of the blue. Harry opens his eyes up at Louis who is gazing down at him on his lap.

“What?”

“You heard me the first time, is Baby Edward yours?”

Harry consciously controls himself not to swallow the saliva in his mouth begging to be released from his mouth or else appear guilty for something. He wills himself not to break eye contact with his boyfriend either so as not to appear guilty. And above all, he wills himself to not lie.

“No.”

“Is he Lana’s then?” Louis continues to probe.

“Yes,” he answers not breaking eye contact. “How did you know?”

“Baby Edward has nothing similar linking to you,” Louis tells him. “All the time we babysat your so-Baby Edward I don’t see anything in him that screams you, only Lana… and I wasn’t sure. But you did the whole christening thing and you named a baby that isn’t yours after me….”

“It was part of the deal,” Harry answers in a monotone, his gaze not leaving his boyfriend’s. “I signed a contract to date Lana, remember? When she got pregnant, an amendment was made to the contract which stated that I would be the father of Baby Edward and Lana the mother.”

“And you just agreed to all of this?” Louis questions.

“You know what contracts do Louis, you have one with Modest!”

“But you could’ve… could have said no. Being a father at this early age is an absolute no. Plus you’re a touring singer.”

“Issues came in,” Harry says, ending the conversation on that subject.

It is as if Louis is on a roll on knowing the truth beneath the charming Harry personality that he beams to the world. After the Georgia incident weeks ago, he has taken it upon himself to truly know who his boyfriend is. Past, present and future. “Who’s Des Styles?”

Harry paralyzes on his lap at the question, his mouth slightly hang open and his heart sinking to his liver.

“He’s…uh, he is my father.”

“Do you still keep in—”

“He’s dead,” Harry says, his gaze shifting to the white ceiling.

“I’m sorry—”

“Why are you asking me all of this?” Harry interrupts, closing his eyes again. He feels his boyfriend palming his forehead gently, then tucking his hair behind his ear.

“Because before Georgia I didn’t know anything much about you apart from your mother, Anne, and her husband, Robin Twist. You have two sisters, Gemma Styles in Sheffield University and Georgia Cox who’s married to the richest man in the world, Pablo Escobar.”

“Wow, stalker much,” Harry says impressed by Louis’ knowledge about his family. Not many people know about his late father nor about his mother, Anne except the fans who know everything. Harry opens his eyes to gaze up at Louis’. “Should I be worried?”

“Your sister almost killed you, so I had to do some background-FBI shit. So tell me everything about you.”

“Like what?”

“Anything! I want to know your secrets.”

“Um.” Harry flutters his eyelids, thinking what to say but most importantly why Louis is acting weird, wanting to know so much about him all of a sudden. “I like sea horses.”

Louis lightly chuckles. “Why?”

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess it’s because I want one and also because it’s only thing in this world that’s male that can be pregnant. We should get one Lou, it’ll be fantastic.”

“We can if you want,” Louis smiles fondly. He patiently waits for Harry to go on and once he starts he does not stop talking. That is who Harry is; each new secret more passionate than the previous revelation.

“Baby Edward is not my son, which you now know. Georgia is my biological sister but we don’t share the same name. She’s Georgia Cox, Gemma and I are Styles.”

“Cox?”

“I don’t know,” he responds quietly and feels ashamed about the lack of knowledge concerning his family tree. “I’ve never known.”

“It’s fine Harold, go on,” Louis reassures him.

“I… I secretly can play the guitar. For a long time I had a huge male crush on Kanye West during the first days when I knew I was gay. I’m scared of horses and I have agrophobia.”

“Agrophobia?” Louis asks.

“It’s the fear that ducks are always watching you,” he answers. “When I used to be set up with many girls to date publicly then the media would call me a womanizer… is it bad that I sort of liked it?”

Louis shakes his head, still smiling fondly at him.

“I like fishing like an old man, it’s calming and free. More free than golfing, by far. I really miss the bakery. I terribly miss selling bread to customers, giving a free cupcake to a child when their parent isn’t looking and the smell of fresh baked croissants from the oven is heavenly. Absolutely heavenly. I like chocolate ice-cream more than any other ice-cream. The three people I trust most in this entire world I King, Caroline, and you. I would say Ed but… you know. I miss him so much, Lou.”

“I know,” Louis says, his hands grazing lightly on his long hair.

Harry continues saying whatever is on his mind, his thoughts spilling at the pores. “I think dragons exist. I know it’s crazy but I seriously think they do. I believe in UFOs. I actually don’t like drinking alcohol like how most people do. I drink solely to forget what I am.”

“Why?”

“I don’t like myself that much,” he shrugs. Louis opens his mouth but Harry has moved on. “I like the smell of fresh laundry more than anything because perfume is boring but laundry,” his eyes roll up and his mouth hangs slightly, “laundry is something else. I like to watch men exercise. Caroline said it’s probably a weird porn fetish but I just like watching men exercise, not in a sexual way, not assaulting… not anything sexual just exercising.”

“Did you used to watch us exercise when Jarvis was training us?” Louis asks, amused.

Harry bites his bottom lip, his eyes crinkled at the edges. “Maybe.”

“Fuck you!” Louis chuckles. “Did you like what you saw?”

Harry shifts his head to gaze at Louis. “You totally want to know if I was ogling your dirty, big ass.”

“Were you?”

Harry raises his middle finger to him and then continues spilling his secrets. “I weirdly wanted to be a serial killer when I grow up then I realized I’m not good with guns. Or knives. Or arrows. So instead I’m addicted to _Criminal Minds_ , _The Mentalist_ , _CIA:Miami_ … uhh, I’m kind of a pathological liar. I wish I was a computer nerd, you know those who type really fast while looking at the screen?” Louis nods, “Yeah, those ones. I don’t believe in God anymore. Sometimes I wish I never audition for the X Factor but then I look at the good times I’ve had and then I’m happy I auditioned. And I love Sprite. And babies, I love babies to bits.”

“What about meeting King at 11 everyday?” Louis questions.

“I like it,” Harry says deadpan.

“Dragons probably do exist,” Louis says, “In China.”

“That’s their festival not actual dragons,” he says.

Louis presses his lip to Harry’s, lingering there for a few seconds. “Thank you for telling me sweet cheeks.”

“Anytime.”

“Did you lie to me at one point?” Louis asks.

“Why’d you ask?”

“You said you were a pathological liar,” Louis reasons out.

“I forgot to add that I will always love and care about Caroline no matter what anyone says,” he says to him and then more seriously, “Even you Louis.”

“Why?” he asks. “I don’t understand.”

“Don’t ask then.”

And that was the end of it.

 

***   *    ***

 

“Skinnies?” Louis questions after he is all dressed to the nines for Liam’s party which has already started. Harry looks at his boyfriend’s outfit and sees they’re both wearing black, ripped skinnies but different tops from Nick’s collection.

“So now we dress alike?” Harry muses. “C’mon, we’re already late.”

Louis picks up the keys when they reach the bottom floor. “No one goes to parties on time. If they say seven, you arrive at eight or if you’re a diva like Niall you arrive at nine.”

“Or if you’re a proper diva like Grimmy, at midnight,” Harry concludes. They drive to Liam’s party venue, luckily it’s not Funky Buddha.

“It’s already full?” Louis questions when Harry opens the door for him and gets out of the car. There are thousands of people queuing up to Liam’s party, the sounds of music seeping through the building walls. Cars have been lined up and down the street that it is hard to believe that this is Liam’s party. Liam!

“Remember when Liam said nobody came for his sixteenth birthday party?” Louis states. “And now he has like a thousand people here, waiting just to get in.”

Harry tangles his hand with Louis and they walk down the street to Liam’s party. “It’s good now. He has lots of friends, lots of money and so many places to splash it for his birthday. He’s living his life fully, you can’t exactly blame him for all these gatecrashers.”

“I don’t, I’m just proud of him.”

They reach the door and walk into the club not noticing Niall and Zayn pulling up in front of the club in Zayn’s Bentley. They both get out of the car and walk towards the entrance. Zayn turns back, seeing Niall is not walking with him anymore.

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asks Niall, walking back to him.

“I… I can’t do this,” Niall says, shaking his head at the same time. His speech gets slurry. “I don’t think… I can’t go to Payno’s party. I just can’t. I don’t want to see him… I _can’t_ see him.”

“It’s fine Niall, stop pushing yourself to be friends with him,” Zayn says to him, concerned. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Niall shakes his head slowly. “No, you can’t skip his party because of me. You go and I’ll call Rich to come pick me up.”

“Rich as in Richard, your drug addict friend?”

“Yeah,” Niall responds already texting Rich.

“No, you’re not staying with that guy. You’ll just snort too much coke before you pass out and do weird shit.”

“He does acid, not coke,” Niall points out. “Plus he’s a divine fuck buddy.”

“You have a fuck buddy?”

“Who doesn’t sweet heart?” Niall asks, rhetorically.

“Me!”

“What a boring life you must have,” Niall says. He puts his phone back into his back pocket. “Rich is coming for me.”

“No! Absolutely not,” Zayn says strongly. “You’re not going home to have sex with him.”

“We’re going out first honey,” Niall smirks. “Why are you so worried anyway?”

“Because it’s Rich. I don’t like that guy. Nor Paige, she’s too wild with her nails. As well as that guy… Robin’s girlfriend. She’s really fishy. And Tristan is an egotistical person.”

“That’s nearly everyone I chill with,” Niall says.

“You have weird friends.”

“You’re my friend sweetheart,” Niall reminds him sweetly.

“And I’m not eccentric,” Zayn says.

“You’re the worst wingman ever, running my chances of getting some tonight,” Niall huffs, a cheeky smile playing across his face. “Honey, I’m never telling you my plans ever again.”

“Well here’s the new plan. I am dropping Liam’s present and then you and I go wherever you want,” Zayn says. Before Niall responds Zayn has disappeared into the building. He pockets out his phone and sends a bunch of texts to Cara about finalizing the perfect venue for her wedding.

Zayn walks out of the club, trying to block out the buzz of noises outside the building. His body is paralyzed on the spot, his eyes fixated on Niall’s body lazily leaning against his Bentley, Niall’s fingers magically typing furiously (probably typing out ‘divine’), and the more he stares at Niall in a new light (or the neon lights from the club), ignoring the small conscious voice telling him to _stop_ , the more he opens his mouth for air to pass right through it.

“Hey Zayn,” Niall greets him. “Did he see your divine present?”

Zayn snaps out of his short episode. “Yeah, he loved it. Told him that I was going to get drinks. Louis says you owe him 20 pounds from yesterday’s rehearsal.”

“20 pounds?” Niall gasps. “It’s only 10, that con artist.”

Zayn shrugs, ignoring the pulsating artery on his neck. “That’s Louis for you. Where to Ni?”

“Anywhere you want honey,” Niall smiles. “Food first though.”

“McDonald’s it is then,” Zayn smiles at Niall. For all that is good and evil Zayn is happy that his rapid heartbeats and whatnot have stopped by the time they are parked in the parking lot, eating food that eight years from now will clog their arteries.

“What was Liam’s theme?” Niall asks, his mouth full of fries.

“Danger, what else?” Zayn asks rhetorically.

“He kept talking about since last year.”

“How goes the wedding plans?”

“Horrific!” Niall sighs back into the car seat, chewing. “Cara and her fiancée don’t know what shade of damn white they want for their wedding theme. Cara wants a violette white and Riri wants—”

“Riri? That’s her name?”

Niall nods. “Yeah, she’s so sexy and fierce.” He shows him photo of Riri on his iPhone. “She’s a bikini model with Burberry… oh, that makes sense. She knew Grimmy and he introduced her to Cara. So that’s how they met!”

“You never knew?”

Niall shakes his head. “No. I just figured it right now. I just always wondered why she has the same nickname as Rihanna. Bit strange but divine though. Imagine your girlfriend being called Riri.”

“Yeah, imagine that.” Zayn takes a huge bite off his burger. “Why don’t we do this every day?”

“It’s—”

“Do not say divine,” Zayn warns before Niall can say his overused word. Niall chuckles to himself. He sets aside his food and turns his body to face Zayn seating in the passenger seat. “I’m listening.”

“Huh?” Zayn’s French fry is hanging mid-air, his mouth wide open.

“It’s a full moon out. Let’s go on the roof then tell me everything.” Zayn quickly munches of the fry and he also sets aside his food. They both go out of the car and settle on top of it, their legs dangling on the windscreen and the moon and stars in front, above and behind them.

Niall pockets out his phone and takes a picture of the moon and stars for his Instagram and another of him and Zayn titled _Moon Walkers_. Niall breaks the silence after admiring the moon for a while. “There’s something on your mind and I can see it so tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Louis is a brat,” Zayn says dryly.

“We know that.”

“He forced Harry to see his sister and look what good came out of that.”

Niall knows he is being sarcastic but nevertheless says, “He got to see his sister. His hot _hot_ sister.”

“Are you serious Ni?” Zayn asks, looking at him in disbelief. “She is a bloody killer and you think she is _attractive_?”

“Bonnie was pretty cute.”

“Unbeliable,” says Zayn shaking his head.

“You’re not telling me what’s on your mind.”

“What are you, Facebook?”

“I’ve got no limit on my credit card in a McDonald’s Drive-Thru, I can do this all night, honey. Sadly for you, I know you don’t do much of junk food.” Zayn sighs, biting his bottom lip. He swallows hard before telling Niall he is afraid that his fiancée is not coming back to him.

“Perrie? Why would you think so?”

“Because… remember those cameras Harry’s sister put in my–our house?” Niall nods. “I watched the tapes back and forth, and Perrie usually came to the house when I was out rehearsing, out with you, or basically when I was not in the house. She was always with El tailing behind.”

“Stalker,” Niall says under his breath, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

“She kissed her. Passionately kissing her and at one point they almost—”

“There’s a sex tape of your fiancée?” Niall alarmingly asks. “Perrie has a sex tape with El and you’re telling me now?”

Zayn frowns at Niall, then shakes his head slowly. “They didn’t. She got a phone call and immediately left with El. Packed her bags and everything. That was a week ago and I’ve tried calling, texting, sending her Snaps… everything really but she’s still not answering. I called El once, said she was getting back with Jacob Whitesides.”

“The dapper Jacob?” Niall swoons.

“Yeah. I figured that since she was getting back with Jacob, Perrie was there to help her get him back,” he answers him.

“That’s not possible,” Niall says, his eyebrows in serious thought. “Jacob isn’t dating El, he’s dating Paige… Paige the Bitch… the one with Puerto Rican nails!”

“Oh yeah,” Zayn says remembering Niall’s creep friend with long, long nails. “I know her… I hater her. She’s dating Jacob? Then if El isn’t going to see Jacob, what was she doing with Perrie with packed bags?”

“Is she running away?”

“What are we Niall, a bunch of teenagers?” Niall hands him a French fry and Zayn looks at him quizzically. “What is that?” Zayn asks him.

“A French fry,” Niall tells him. Either it is Niall’s learned-by-heart Irish accent or the light on Niall’s hair, Zayn’s heart beat rises again like before when it did at Liam’s party, his mouth going dry.

Zayn snaps himself out of his episode again and asks, “Do you think Perrie is running away with El?”

“Perrie and Eleanor…” he says slowly, his eyebrows knitted together, “Peleanor is running away together. This is so exciting,” Niall cheers, shaking Zayn by his shoulders, “a mystery. A divine mystery,” Niall ponders.

“You know what’s not a mystery?”

“That El is a famewhore?” Niall winks at him.

“That I’m alone right now,” Zayn says in a monotone voice. “I’m so alone I didn’t think I would feel this way.”

Niall’s cheery mood flatlines and he scooches on the car to sit closer to Zayn. “Why do you think so?”

“Because they said when you’re famous, everybody loves you, you’ll always have friends but not me… you know you’re my only friend?” Zayn chuckles dryly. “You’re my only friend.”

“Is that why you didn’t want me to fuck Rich tonight?” he asks blatantly.

“Nah, I just don’t like that guy,” Zayn says.

“You have Louis, Harry, Perrie, Payno, me, your family—”

Zayn splutters. “My family? I don’t have a bloody family, Niall. My family left me immediately after I confessed I was Mr X. The boys left me too, the fans turned against me, the media, my own fucking fiancée left me for another woman. Even you at one point you left me.”

“I know I did and I’m sorry for letting Louis scratch your arms with a wine bottle without stopping him. But you’re never alone Zayn, never,” Niall tells the miserable Mexican.

“I am now.”

“How do you know?” Niall asks him.

“A year ago I would have never imagined myself sitting on top of my Bentley, watching the stars and moon with you. I would’ve thought that I would be on top here with my fiancée talking about the future after One Direction and Little Mix are over… yet here I am.” He locks eyes with Niall. “So face me and tell me that you don’t think I’m alone.”

Niall faces him. “You’re not alone.”

“Liar.”

“Because you’re never alone, it’s just how you _feel_.”

“How sure can you be?”

“Lie down.”

“Lie what?”

“Lie down,” Niall orders him. Zayn lays down completely flat on the car roof, the cold hitting his back instantly but the stars in the sky take it away. He feels his shirt riding up his torso, Niall’s fingers brushing on his milky skin. He swallows… hardly swallowing because his mouth is as dry as the Sahara desert.

“What…what are you doing?” Zayn asks, his voice quivering.

“Showing you that you are not alone honey,” Niall responds to him, his face in Zayn’s view. He lines up pieces of French fries (covered in BBQ sauce) in straight lines up until where his two nipples align. Next, Niall bends down and eats them, his tongue lightly grazing Zayn’s sensitive skin. Zayn lets out the breath he had been holding in, his chest forming a hollow. He inhales again, biting his bottom lip (almost tasting blood) and holds his breath in.

“Relax Zayn,” Niall chuckles. “You have a divine body.” The boy lying down on the car roof nods and gazes up at the stars as Niall eats down his body. He tries not to think about what Niall is doing to him, trying not to think about Niall’s tongue slightly nibbling his skin, trying not to think about that this is _slightly_ gay but definitely not about his rapidly beating heart.

His heart gets stuck his mouth when Niall tugs on his happy trail and more when he feels warm saliva left over. Niall comes to his view, all smiles and tells him it is his turn.

“You… you have sa-sauce on your mouth,” Zayn stutters. He slowly, with his thumb, reaches up to Niall’s face and wipes off the BBQ sauce at the corner of his mouth. “There you go.”

“See, now you’re never alone,” Niall says. “Now you do me honey.”

“Do you?”

Niall nods. “Mhmm.” He lies down in Zayn’s previous spot. Zayn repeats what Niall did to him by aligning fries with the BBQ sauce up and down his body, his mind currently foggy.

Zayn takes a huge breath and goes down on Niall. He eats the fries aligned perfectly on his body. He smells a faint soap smell off his body as he chews down a French fry. Zayn scolds himself, take a grip of himself before he does something stupid. Something like pouting his lips on Niall’s happy trail, his teeth sucking on his little hairs and he actually enjoys it.

He loves it!

He goes into a complete frenzy when a little giggle escapes from Niall’s lips and he cannot for the love of all that is good stop himself from going even more down on Niall than he should. His tongue feels the cotton of his boxer, his mind boggled whether he should follow the trail to see where it leads.

Zayn’s phone buzzes in his pocket, stopping him from going further on Niall’s body. “Hello?” he answers. “Harry… oh yeah, okay sure. Nah, I’m at McDonald’s with Niall…” Zayn remains quiet, listening to his phone as Niall continues eating. Zayn gazes at Niall with a huge smile on his face. “… bye then.”

“Don’t forget his money says Louis to you,” Zayn says after ending his call.

“He should give it up, I’m sure he makes 70 pounds by just breathing.”

“You make the same amount so why not pay him back?” Zayn asks him, not exactly paying him any attention but more to his fries. “It’s also just—ow! What you hitting me for?”

“Because you’re meant to be on my side,” Niall says. “The divine side.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “The only divine side of this conversation is that the stars are pretty awesome.”

Niall gently lays his head on Zayn’s shoulder. He feels him tense beneath him but then relaxes after. Generally they try to make out the sky facing south. They pinpoint some of the Zoadic signs, mainly Zayn really. To the East, Zayn could piece Pisces then to the a bit higher in the sky was Delphinus.

“What’s that?” Niall asks.

“Dolphin,” Zayn replies. He continues to point Aquila near Delphinus. “That’s Eagle,” he says when Niall asks him what that is. To the West are Scorpius, Libra and Virgo and a little to the north are other stars such as Hercules, Conorna Borealis, Ophiuchus and Boötes.

“Boötes?” Niall asks.

“Yep,” Zayn says.

Niall twists his head a little on Zayn’s shoulders and his eyes meet his god-like of a jaw. “How do know you all this?”

“Apart from Art and English, I loved Science… It does look like a boot though, does it?”

“Nope, looks like an oddly shaped donkey.”

“Donkey?”

“Yeah, Boötes looks like a donkey,” Niall stresses.

“I think someone smoked too much kush,” Zayn says nonchalantly.

“No,” Niall says, almost too quickly. “Okay, yeah I did but no. It does look like a boot—you know what, we’re doing to settle this right now on Insta.” He snaps a picture of the stars and posts it on Instagram, asking if it looks like a donkey or a boot.

“Still can’t believe you liked Science in high school,” Niall chuckles, typing on his phone.

“What did _you_ like?”

“Football. Oh, and lunch,” Niall says happily

“Only you,” Zayn grins at him happily.

Half his mind is admiring the many stars up in the night sky while the other half relishing in looking up at the stars with his _brother_ from the tops of his car. Niall’s words ringing in his head, reminding him that even though we are born alone, and we die alone, we are never alone.

That’s just how we feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and a dash of ziall... [;


	18. - f(t)our -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Direction hold their first concert in Bolivia.

> **_— voltaire: _**_the man visited by ecstasies and visions, who takes dreams for realities, is an enthusiast_ **_—_**
> 
>  

“We’ve got 2 minutes before the rest of them come into the bus,” Harry whispers hotly in Louis’ ear.

“Let’s do this,” Louis nods. He jumps on his feet and Harry captures his legs and wraps them around his own waist. “Sink!” Louis orders. Harry settles his boyfriend on the bathroom sink, pounding into him like what he saw on XXX videos on Pornhubdotcom last night.

“I’m gonna fuck the lights out of you babe,” Harry hoarsely whispers. He pushes him up against the wall, Louis’ ass sliding to the end of the sink. Harry’s fingers dig into Louis’ skin as he thrust into him, his head buried in Louis’ neck.

“I love you,” Louis says hoarsely. He throws his head back, his nails dragging down Harry’s bare chest. “I love you so muuuuu-Haaaa… rry!”

Louis cries out when Harry hits his prostrate on the spot, right again, and centre and more left, harder each time, a higher orgasm ripping through Louis’ body like a phone vibrating on a loop.

“I’m… I’m almost…I…Har-Harrry,” Louis mutters incoherently, his mouth in an ‘O’ form with his fingers traveling down Harry’s sweaty chest.

“C’mon babe, come for me,” Harry sucks on his neck, “you’ve got 10 seconds,” Harry says, his voice low and husky. “Come for me.”

As if on cue, Louis spills all over both their sweaty chests, the back of his head having hit the wall hard to leave a dent. He drags his nails down Harry’s bicep, and his legs tightening around Harry’s waist. Seconds later, Harry spills into Louis’ body, his hands gripping Louis’ hips tighter and both their orgasm radiating through each other’s bodies making them one.

They get dressed quickly upon they hear the other lads entering the bus, Niall’s voice the loudest as usual. They exit the bathroom door, the three lads meeting their post-sex eyes.

“Oh no,” Louis mumbles beneath his breath. He can stop his guilt showing all over his face at having sex in their communal bathroom.

“You guys didn’t!” Zayn is the first to express their shock.

“They did,” Niall says smiling mischievously. “Harry has sex hair and Louis has guilt written all over his face. Plus, there’s still cum on Harry’s chest.”

“Ew.” Zayn and Liam say in disgust, their eyes fixated on Harry’s chest.

“Guys it’s nothing!” Harry tells them, pulling Louis with him. The five of them settle into their bunks; Liam in his own bunk upstairs, Larry share one, Niall and Zayn downstairs.

 

They have their first concert today in La Paz, Bolivia and everything is successful: they sing all 30 songs in the span of two hours and a half, the half was mostly the interlude where they take questions from the crowd and it somehow goes for over the allocated 15 minutes that it was clocked for.

“Colombia,” Liam shouts to the crowed during their first OTRA concert. “We are so lucky to be here, singing to you and we’ve been trying to come here a long time now.”

“This is the first country for our tour and the first country in South America that we’re performing in.” Louis continues the enthusiasm. “We are so proud and so should all of you.” The 98,000 people shout and scream in joy, the five lads smiling fondly at all of them.

Niall continuously shouts at the crowed, the screams growing louder and louder. “South America is the home of some of the greatest football players like Neymar and Sanchez.” The crowd goes wild in a frenzy, mostly because it is Niall talking to them. Or simply that Niall is an actually person not just a picture on the Internet. “We’re going to start on the Instagram questions and the first one is from  Jenniksta.” He turns to the crowd. “What a name, huh?”

Jenniksta pops up on the big screen and asks them what is their favorite Colombian food so far. They move to the second Instagram video, and third. Liam convinces the lads that they do one more video and they agree. Luluanney asks them who their favorite football player is.

Niall is first. “Neymar is the greatest footballer player of all time.”

“James Rodriguez, from Colombia, is my favorite football player which makes Real Madrid my favorite football team,” Harry says and there is a louder cheer than before.

“Messi from Argentina,” Liam tells the crowd. “He could be the next Maradona.”

“I go with Sturridge from Liverpool,” Zayn says. “True Jamaican man, wah gwan!” The crowd goes into a frenzy of shouts that for nearly 20 seconds they do not speak  into the microphones, letting the crowd go wild.

And finally it is Louis’ turn. “Give it up for David Beckham folks!”

And the crowd does!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gif is beautiFUUUUUUL


	19. - the power(epetition) of… -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry Stylinson skype with Lana... and Payzer have their final talk.

> **_— nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know —_ **
> 
>  

“Greatest concert ever!” Niall exclaims happily.

They three lads (Niall, Zayn and Louis) are playing FIFA: World Cup Edition on their flat screen after their first concert of the OTRA tour. Harry is out drinking with Lou Teasdale and Ben Winston and Liam is in his room.

“We should be having a concert every single day,” Niall cheers on.

“We do have one every day,” Zayn says and retracts his sentence immediately, “ _almost_ every day.”

“If we had one every day then we would be exhausted,” Louis says his eyes glued on the TV screen.

“But aren’t you guys super excited about going on the road again? It’s been years since we last went and we finally get to do the thing we love most,” Niall tells them excitedly. He is more active than usual, he can feel the blood pumping in the chambers in his heart. He feels like swimming to Fiji and back! “We should though right?”

“Should what?” Zayn asks, his mind completely focused in the game.

“Perform every day!” Niall bellows. “It’s absolute divine that we do this all day every day and we should not waste a day in not performing at—ahh jeez Zayn, defend!” 

“Don’t forget playing FIFA after the concert after getting drunk,” Louis says.

“And I win,” Zayn cheers, the words ‘GAME OVER’ appearing on the screen. “Again.”

“Why didn’t you guys go for Liam’s birthday the other day?” Louis asks them casually. The two boys freeze on their spots, their eyes gazing at each other suspiciously but Louis does not see it and he continues. “It was really fun y’know. Liam got a tiger to his party and there was a lot of fire. As in fire _fire_ ; actual fire at his party. I thought the entire place would burn down but it didn’t. Thankfully.”

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun,” Zayn says. Niall suddenly stands, murmuring that he needs his beauty sleep before tomorrow’s second concert in Bolivia. Louis asks endless of questions at Zayn when Niall leaves; questions like why he was suddenly tired after just being super active.

“He’s fine, don’t worry.”

“I’m not,” Louis says softly. “I better go sleep as well. Have you seen Liam?”

Zayn shakes his head. “Nope. Goodnight Tommo.”

“G’night Zayzay.” Louis smiles at him, kissing the top of his head. Thankfully, Louis does not linger too long to see the uneasiness on Zayn’s face. He grabs the game console and plays a new video game.

Niall pops his head into the room of the bus, whispering to Zayn if Louis is still around. “Nope,” Zayn says, his eyes still on the flat screen. “If he was, I wouldn’t be playing Black Ops.”

Niall plops on the couch, resting his head on Zayn’s smooth shoulders, lightly moving from playing a bit forcefully. Zayn continues playing as usual, Niall’s presence on his shoulders not a determent. Before, Zayn would have forcefully removed him from his shoulders but not anymore. Not now.

“If you’re sleepy you should sleep,” Zayn says, noticing Niall’s head sliding off his shoulder and then quickly back onto his shoulder. Niall shakes his head against his shoulder.

“No I’m not.”

“Nini, you’re dozing off,” he tells him, using his nickname for him. Niall’s shakes his head again on his shoulder.

“I’m not sleepy, I’m fiercely awake.” His voice betrays him and soon his actions when his head slides down Zayn’s arm to his lap.

Zayn chuckles to himself. He walks around the bus, looking for a blanket big enough for the two of them. He returns, Niall already quietly snoring on the couch. Zayn wraps the blanket over his small body and he climbs in as well, the blanket covering both of them warmly. Niall instantly cuddles closer, his arm draped over Zayn’s waist and his fingers curling slightly over Zayn’s back.

“G’night Nini.”

Zayn kisses the top of his head and he swears he hears Niall purring. Meanwhile at the back of the bus is Larry getting ready for bed, Louis furiously brushing his teeth, talking at the same time and Harry patiently listening. Or half listening as he is reading a random brochure.

“What are you reading?” Louis asks him. Harry looks up from the brochure and watching his boyfriend massaging his fingers with the lotion he just applied.

“Uh, nothing much.”

“How was the club?” Louis asks, applying night cream to his face. Harry cringes at the sight, imagining an 87-year-old Louis applying night cream to his face to smoothen the wrinkles.

“Uh,” he drones, slightly confused. “Why are you putting night cream?”

“I don’t want frown lines when I’m 28!”

Harry rolls his eyes. “The club was okay. Lou got too drunk too quickly so we decided to leave. How was FIFA?”

“How did you know I played FIFA?”

“C’mon Louis, you don’t play anything else.”

“Fine. Zayn won again, you weren’t there to help me,” Louis pouts at his boyfriend. Harry throws his brochure away and patting the spot on the bed besides him. Louis climbs in and sits on Harry’s lap, his legs bent at the knees. He curls his arms around his neck, at times massaging the back of Harry’s neck.

“You know I love you,” Louis says.

“Is this where you become mushy mushy because we’re not having sex?” Harry rhetorically asks.

“And I love you even when we’re not having sex but you make me mushy mushy all the time but I love it,” Louis continues. He watches Harry’s smooth face change from admiration to deep thought, his lips fish-mouthing, his orbs fixated on something behind him and his eyebrows crunched in the middle. “What you thinking so hard about, sweet cheeks?”

“Should this be the last thing I see, I want you to know it’s enough for me,” he says in a melody.

“What?” he asks confused.

“It’s something Ed sang in his album _X_.”

“He had an album?”

“He was going to release it after his tour with Taylor Swift then Ellie happened.”

Louis is absentmindedly carding his fingers through Harry’s curls, the handful of hair a soothing feeling to him. “What’s the song?”

“ _Tenerife Sea_ ,” he answers. “He wrote it for me about you.” Louis’ mouth hangs open. “Those days when I was head over loafers,” Louis laughs at his choice of footwear, “over you and yet you didn’t even notice so Ed used to joke that moments before I died or left you, and you were the last thing I saw, I would be happy for the rest of my life.”

“That’s horrible!”

“Not really,” Harry disagrees.

“How is it okay?”

“Because I was in truly, madly deeply in love,” Harry says. He kisses Louis’ forehead, lingering for a while. “Love is madness, my love.”

“Love is beautiful,” Louis says to him, kissing his heart-shaped lips. “Love is you and me. Love is Larry Stylinson.”

“Do… when we… oh gosh.” Harry covers his face in his hands, unable to utter words he wants to say. Louis massages the back of his neck, lovingly kissing him gently.

“Tell me what you want to say.”

“Do… do you ever think of the future?”

“As in us?”

Harry’s face lights up like a 6-year old child. “Yes. Us. Do you ever?”

“Of course. All the time. Like where we’ll live, how many kids we’ll have, what we’ll be doing on a Thursday afternoon. I picture you owning a huge bakery and since you’re still into baking you would be waking up every morning to go to the bakery even though you don’t have to because you’ll be super rich and big. Then I would be in one of the English Premier League football clubs like Liverpool or Manchester City.”

“Or Arsenal.”

“Fuck no!” Louis shakes his head, both of them laughing. “Then our kids… I would like two or three.” Harry nods, signaling for Louis to continue. “They would be at school and everything and in the night we would have dinner on the beach because we’d have a house there and we’d watch the stars in the sky and… gee, life will be beautiful.”

“But first, we’d have to get married.”

“Right.”

“I’d love to marry you. Not today but someday. Like soon-someday not future-someday,” Harry says, adrenaline rushing through his veins. “I would first take you some place romantic, or some place you cherish and propose to you over the midnight stars so that nobody would steal you from me. So that we’d be together forever.”

“And always,” Louis adds. “And we’d get married on the beach like you’ve always wanted.”

“What about you?” Harry asks, his eye darting between Louis’ orbs. “Where do you want to get married?”

“Darling, as long as I’m standing on your right side I don’t care how or where we get married. We could get married at Disney World for all I care as long as it’s you I’m marrying,” Louis tells him sincerely. He presses his lips on his boyfriend’s red ones, lingering for seconds.

“Till death do us part?” Harry mumbles against his lips. Louis flutters his eyes, confused at what Harry has just said. Aren’t those part of the wedding vows, for when you’re married?

He asks him, “What are you talking about Harold?”

“Let’s live in a world where we’re married, where we’ve said vows to each other and we’re together.”

Louis places his palm on Harry’s tanned face. “But we are together silly,” he says. “When we walk down the street people thought we’ve been together for a long time, when we’re shopping for groceries, they think we’re already married, and when we were at the park the other day, those kids thought we were forty!”

“Seriously,” Harry giggles, “what was up with that?”

“And that’s why I put on night cream, to tell those motherfuckers I’m not forty!”

Harry’s face grows serious and he penetrates deep into Louis’ gentle, lovely eyes. “So what do you say, as a promise to always love you no matter until death do us part,” Harry says. Louis smiles and nods his head, a part of him not fully understanding what he is promising exactly to Harry. All he knows is that he loves Harry motherfucker very, _very_ much.

“Till death do us part,” he tells his boyfriend as a promise. “It’s like we’re married, huh?”

“According to the world we already are,” Harry speaks into the kiss he is planting on his boyfriend’s luscious lips.

“I love you.”

“Always,” Harry hums against Louis’ cherry lips.

“And forever,” Louis adds.

Harry suddenly asks, “How did you know I wanted to work in a bakery?”

Louis replies, “When… when Zayn was Mr X he posted a few more chapters about you and you said one thing you terribly miss ever since you auditioned for the X Factor is working at bakery. I don’t want to take that away from you again so….”

“It’s fine, I just didn’t think you knew I wanted to bake again,” Harry says his arms wrapping firmly around Louis’ middle.

“Of course I _know_ sweet cheeks,” Louis smiles widely at him. “What boyfriend would I be if I didn’t? And you know what else I know?” Harry shakes his head, pulling him closer to his chest. “I know you love kids. You adore them so much. I can see how you are with Baby Edward.”

“Baby William Edward,” Harry corrects him.

“Baby Edward is faster to say and plus it sounds more right than Baby William Edward,” Louis says.

“He’s adorable.”

Louis shakes his head. “That’s not it. You love that boy and he possesses zero percent of your DNA yet you care and love him like he is your very own son. The way you look at him, I just know that you would move earths and planets and galaxies just to see him grinning at up you. You would anything for that boy and that’s what I love about you so much. You _care_.”

Harry’s heart swells at Louis’ sweet words. He tightens his embrace around his boyfriend. “Lana’s practically never there for him. I know she loves him but she’s always busy with work, making music videos, writing songs, partying all night and day, travelling to Japan every other month and she leaves him with the nanny.”

“Harry,” Louis hums softly into his ear.

“He’s going to grow up not knowing his mother, he’s going to think the nanny is his mother as if an absent father isn’t enough. That’s why I try, no matter how tight my schedule is, I try as hard as possible to see him. Even if he’s sleeping, playing or taking bath I just want to make sure he knows someone will always be there. That not everybody leaves, not everybody you bring into your life leaves; that some of them stay.”

“Lana’s still a great mother,” Louis tells him softly.

“She’s an incredible mother,” Harry agrees.

Louis hops off Harry’s lap, the latter confused by Louis sudden adrenaline. He sees him grab their laptop and placing it on the edge of the bed, Louis lying on his stomach facing the screen. Harry lies on his stomach as well near Louis, one arm draped over Louis’ back. On the screen, Louis has logged on their joint Skype account called LarryISLOVE91xx.

“Are you calling Lana?” Harry asks. “It’s past midnight in London.”

“She’ll answer if it’s you,” Louis says confidently. True to his words, she does answer their Skype call. However, it is not Lana who appears but the nanny.

“Hi Gray!”

“Hey Louis,” she says. Gray is currently studying Biomedicine at Cambridge University. “How’s the tour?”

“Fiercely fierce!”

“Why are you awake?” Harry asks. “Shouldn’t you be studying anatomy… or something?”

“Or are you on a date?” Louis wriggles his eyebrows.

“Date?” Gray asks confused.

“He means date, the social interaction with the opposite gender in a romantic sense,” Harry explains.

“Or same gender,” Louis says to Harry. “Here I thought you were for gay rights.”

Harry rolls his eyes, laughing lightly. Gray responds, “I don’t go on dates very often. I’d rather spend my day in the library and nights here taking care of Willy.”

“Willy?” Louis asks.

“Edward Del Ray,” she clarifies.

“You call him Willy?” Louis asks. He pats his eye with his finger, emotions taking over him. “That’s so cute.”

“He asked for you by the way,” she says. “He said where _Unca Uwee_ was. He’s adorable Harry!”

“May we see him?” Harry asks, smiling widely and silently laughing at Louis being dramatic. Gray gets up from her spinning chair and shifts the camera, walking towards Baby Edward’s room. “Where is Lana Gray?”

“Out with Josef,” she says.

“Who’s Josef?”

“Her music producer who is romantically involved with her and she knows it and I think she’s literally going to sleep her way to the top,” Gray says. “You didn’t hear this from me though,” she adds looking rather alarmed.

As if on cue, Larry both say, “Our lips are sealed.” Gray hums and Larry gaze at each other their eyebrows wriggling on their foreheads. They turn back to the laptop screen upon hearing a three-year old’s voice.

“Hey Willy,” Gray coos, setting the laptop on the ground. Her feet are shuffling towards the bed, calling for him to wake up and talk to ‘Dada Hawee’ and ‘Unca Uwee’. Baby Edward jumps up at the screen, laying on his stomach so that he could see Larry’s faces. Baby Edward has grown really fast, Harry notices. His black hair was full on his head like his mother, his cheeks a little plump and his eyes the same color as his father’s.

“PAPA!” he cheers and Harry cannot help but laugh a little. Baby Edward’s head shifts upward and says excitedly to Gray, “Papa! It’s Papa.”

“I’ve missed you bub,” Harry says in all honesty.

Baby Edward agrees. “Me too!”

“Looks who’s here,” Harry says and Baby Edward’s eyes shift on the screen to Louis and he cheers as well, “Unca ‘Ouis. Unca ‘Ouiiiiiiiiiiis!” Larry both chuckle in fondness.

“You’re so big bud,” Harry says, taking all of Baby Edward’s features before he miraculously grows again.

“Lana not ‘ere,” he says disappointingly.

“M’sorry bub but she’s busy all the time but she’ll be home soon,” Harry says, a wave of _something_ overpowering him. He swallows a slump of saliva and bites his bottom lip hard. It is a heartache with a side of anger.

Louis steps in. “Are those Batman bed sheets?”

Baby Edward turns his head towards the bed behind him and nods enthusiastically at the screen. “Papa got ’em for me!”

Louis gives Harry a sideway glance full of fond and awe.

“G’ay got me t’e Batman t’y.” He holds up a Batman figurine at the screen and all they can see it the Batman sign as the child is practically smashing the figurine at the laptop camera.

“You didn’t have to do that Gray,” Harry says. She pops her head to the screen, pushing her glasses up her nose bridge.

“I wanted to, don’t worry about it.”

“Bud, what did I say about asking people to buy you things?” he asks him sternly. Baby Edward recognizes the scorn and his bottom lip trembles.

Louis steps in. “It was a gift right, bub? You didn’t beg anyone to get it for you?”

Baby Edward shakes his head vigorously at him. “No Unca ’ouis.”

“Then it’s fine Willy,” Louis tells him but Baby Edward shifts his gaze to Harry and asks tentatively, “Papa mad?”

Harry shakes his head. “No bub. M’just making sure you grow up to be a nice person. Did you say thank you?” Baby Edward instantly beams that Papa Harry is not mad at him. He then nods his head dramatically. “I love you okay, bub?”

“When is ‘ana coming home Papa?”

Harry remains tight-lipped having told his ‘son’ that Lana will be back before he can count to 20. It was something he taught him, mainly to get him to sleep at night. Yet with each day, he grows older and wiser and he sees beyond the tricks Harry has that he nowadays does not know what to tell Baby Edward. Mainly because he’s afraid that one day Baby Edward will count to 20 for heaven knows how long, maybe 90 times, and Lana won’t be back. Ultimately, he is afraid Lana will not come back to her son.

Harry however repeats what he knows best. “Very soon, before you know it.”

“I counted to 20 already,” Baby Edward pouts. “Twice.”

“Count with me, will you?” Louis steps in to help Harry. “This time to thirty and Lana will be back.

Baby Edward nods enthusiastically and together with Louis, the count from one until thirty. Before thirty, Lana’s voice is heard from downstairs at 22 and by 29 she walks into the room. Baby Edward cheers and shouts happily at her.

“Hello my Iron Man,” she coos. She asks Gray, “How was he?  Not too much trouble?”

“No,” Gray responds. “Not at all. He was Skyping with Harry and Louis.” Lana appears on the screen, her face youthful as always.

“Harry my love,” she greets. “And Lou!”

“Hey Lana,” Louis glees happily. He pauses, waiting for Harry to greet her as well but there is an awkward silence and he sees the frown lines on his boyfriend’s forehead and his tight lips. He turns back to the camera at Lana’s _still_ youthful face, asking her about her date with Josef.

“Josef is amazing!” she glees. Baby Edward has left with Gray to go to bed. “He’s this dapper Scottish guy with tattoos up and down his arm like you Harry… he’s the motherfucking real deal.”

“I have to meet him soon!” Louis glees.

“Yes you do,” she agrees equally joyful. “He’s… I think he’s the one.”

“Lana,” Harry stops their animated conversation. “Why were you on a date when you should’ve been at home?”

She sighs loudly, leaning back against the chair. “Can’t I have a life?”

“You go out every other night leaving Baby Edward with Gray all the time,” Harry says.

“That’s what fucking nannies are all about,” she says. She is looking for her pack of cigarettes, the conversation boring the _life_ out of her. She gladly finds it and lights it like off a scene of a 1970 black-and-white movie.

“He asks for you every night yet you’re busy fucking your boss, or going on a date with him or flying off to Japan!”

“That was once,” she says, raising her voice, “I don’t go to Japan everyday like you fucking think.” She blows out a cloud of smoke from her red, matte lips.

Harry appears angry and he feels his blood boiling at her parenting skills, or lack thereof. “Lana you need to be more of a mother than an artist. You need to start thinking about Baby Edward more than you think about yourself!”

“Everything I do is _for_ him, he’s all I think about.”

“That’s pretty hard to see from where I’m standing,” Harry says, deadpan.

She exhales out the last puff and butts her cigarette on the table. She gracefully gazes at the screen and right through Harry. “Why the fuck do you care?”

Harry know better than to argue. She is having one of her nonchalant days whereby she could care less what happens to her baby, or for his well-being. Sometimes Harry thinks she will drop him off in front of a church and drive off at the sunset.

But he cannot let it go. He is enraged how indifferent and detached she is about her own baby, her own blood and skin, why he is always the one putting _more_ effort to raise _her_ son!

Louis thankfully steps in. “Both of you are tired, especially you Lana from your date. So how about we say goodnight and talk tomorrow?”

“Fucking good idea!”

And the screen goes black and thereafter Harry slams the laptop shut and storms off into the bathroom leaving Louis heaving a sigh loudly on the bed.

***     *     ***

** **

Liam is hidden upstairs in the bus, laptop on top of his bare chest and his head on his pillow. On the screen, he is Skyping with his girlfriend, Danielle Peazer. “What’s up, baby girl,” Liam greets her happily.

“Anything you wanna say to me,” she says curtly. Liam takes a better look at her; she has been crying, her hair is tied in a hasty bun on top of her head, her make-up completely ruined with black lines falling down from the corners of her eyes, lipstick stains on her plump lips, no earrings… basically, she looks horrid.

“Are you okay?” Liam asks her. He sits up on his bunk. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”

“You tell me,” she says, her voice short and somewhat threatening.

“Tell you what baby girl?” Liam asks. He truly does not know what is upsetting Danielle, or why she is even upset in the first place! As far as he knows, they are jolly.

“Fucking hell Liam,” Danielle screams at the screen and he lowers the volume on his laptop straightaway. “I know you cheated on me. I know you did with that slut Tyra Banks.”

“I didn’t,” Liam tells her. “I didn’t cheat on you. I swear, baby girl.”

“This is the third time you’ve cheated on me. I’m going to want to hear your excuse now,” she says grunting angrily. Liam swallows hard. She knows. She knows he cheated on her. He had covered his tracks properly so how the hell would she have known?

He swallows again. “I can explain.” His voice shakes.

“That’s what I’m counting on bastard,” she cries, her voice quick and cutting.

“It…” His eyes look up from the laptop screen and around his bed bunk. This is literally not what he had imagined when he decided to Skype his girlfriend. He thought of Skype sex perhaps, or Skype date… not him explaining how he cheated on her with a supermodel.

 He breathes through his mouth as his eyes fix on her lips. “We were both drunk and she asked me to go to her hotel and I did, you know, to make sure she reached there safely. So, then, she starts saying that she likes me, and that she’s been alone for years.” He scratches the back on his neck nervously. “Her last boyfriend dumped her during one of her fashion walks and had sex on the same floor so now she said we could do the same thing to her current boyfriend.”

“You let her cheat on her boyfriend?”

“He was her ex-boyfriend, the same boyfriend as the one before,” Liam says. “She dragged me to her bed and since I was drunk I couldn’t call anyone to take her.”

“Harry was there, Louis, Zayn and Niall!” she quickly mutters, counting the names on her fingers.

“Harry had left with Louis,” he says scratching his neck, “Zayn was somewhere in the party and,” he tries to remember where Niall was that day, “… Niall…” He ducks his head down, and apologizes, “I’m so sorry, I really—”

“No.” She stops him forcefully. She takes a deep breath in and exhales slowly. She narrows her eyes at him through the screen and her bun falls slightly to her left. “I can’t do this Liam. I can’t keep getting back with you and then you cheat on me, all the time. I should’ve learnt the first time but no, no I didn’t. I trusted you but broke my trust yet again.”

“Wha… you can still trust me Danielle, you can!”

“No,” she screams and he lowers the volume from his laptop once more. “I can’t. We’re fucking through Liam.” She waves her arms around in the air too fast that it freezes on Liam’s laptop. “And this is it. You’re never going to hear from me ever again.”

“Dani please,” he whimpers.

“Don’t try to call me, text me, see me, message me, tweet me or even…” She stops rumbling frustratingly. She is crying hot tears of anger, her fingers clutching and unclutching again and again near her scalp.

“Danielle, please.”

“Get out of my fucking life Liam James fucking Payne!”

And the screen goes black. He sees his reflection on his laptop and everything is deathly quiet.

He is shocked. Gobsmacked. Is… did Danielle really end their relationship? Before his eyes, he sees a paper falling off the wall of his bunk, and soon, in his head, every single paper, picture, post-it, lyrics, memories… are all falling off the wall. The tears begin to fall. His hands grow cold. His mind is foggy.

He slams his laptop shut and shoves the laptop to his right, hard. The laptop slides off his bunk bed and down on the ground and Liam does not care. The past begins to question him: why? Why would he cheat on her? Why would he cheat on her if he loved her? What went wrong? Why did he become the person he hated most?

He shuts his eyes hard, trying to block the endless, tearful questions banging on the front of his head and all he can do is apologize. Apologize for his actions, for his past mistakes that seem to follow him.

Little did he realize that Danielle has said the same words that Niall had told him months ago: to leave him completely alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seems like a lifetime AGO when payzer was a thing O:


	20. s(outh)afa(frica)ri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry Stylinson go on a safari in South Africa...

> **_— anon: the torture of a bad conscious is the Hell of a living soul —_ **

 

 

THE BOYS ARE NOW IN Africa for their OTRA tour.

They have gone to plenty of countries such as Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria, Equatorial Guinea, Botswana and just before landing in South Africa, Mozambique. They arrived the day before and their concert is tomorrow, where they will have three concerts in Cape Town, two in Johannesburg, and then off to Australia for the Oceania leg of the OTRA tour.

Larry decide to take the rare opportunity of free time in their schedule and go to the national park in South Africa for a safari ride and ogle some of the beautiful animals that are the Big Six and others too.

“Lion!” Louis shouts, pointing animatedly at the wild animal. Harry positions his expensive camera at the wild beast and snaps a photo. “Did you get it?”

“Yeah, it’s amazing,” Harry says, looking at the photo on his camera. “Where’s the wife?”

“Sometimes the wife is taking care of the cubs and is often not with the male,” their tour guide says.

“Oh look, an elephant,” Louis says once they continue driving around the game park. “And baby elephants!”

“Aren’t they adorable,” Harry coos, snapping many photos of the elephants walking on the brownish-greenish grass. “Look at the baby’s trunk, it’s so small and cute.”

“Like Niall would say, divine!” Louis laughs. “Let’s take one for the Insta account.”

Harry stands behind Louis, his chin on his shoulders and Louis snaps a selfie for their joint Larry Stylinson Instagram account with the caption: _Larry Adventures_.

“Pretty lame title Lou,” Harry says watching his boyfriend press ‘Post’ on Instagram.

“It’s pretty sexy,” Louis smiles and kisses his boyfriend’s heart-shaped lips. “So we’ve seen an elephant, lion, cheetah, rhino and we need one more to complete the Big Five.”

“South Africa is actually the only country in the world to boast of the Big Six,” the tour guide tells them.

“What makes it the ‘Big Six’?” Louis asks.

“The sharks of course,” the tour guide smiles at them through the small rearview mirror.

“After this we can go and see the sharks,” Harry suggests.

Louis opts for another option. “Or we can go tomorrow so we actually see all the sea animals,” Harry nods in confirmation. “I wanna see the dolphins.”

“Me too. And sea horses.” Harry snaps a photo of a mother elephant laying its trunk of its baby.

“Can we buy a sea horse?” Louis asks the tour guide. He shakes his head and looks at them as if they are mad. He dismisses the notion as “damn these white tourists” and continues driving the tour van towards the rhinos.

“It’s nice to come to these exotic places and just relax,” Harry says gazing at the vast land before them. He has his camera dangling around his neck. “Just watching, admiring, taking photos… basically living life.”

“Cliché much,” Louis giggles. “But I know what you mean. And what makes this more amazing is I get to do it with the person I love the most in the entire universe.”

“Hey, I’m the sappy one in this relationship,” Harry says.

Louis winks up at him, his hand tightly around his torso. “You’re infectious, babe.” Harry leans in for a snog. “Any plans for when we finish touring the Australian leg of the tour?”

“I can’t believe we’re going to Fiji!” Louis says excitedly.

“And Samoa,” Harry adds. “What I can’t believe is Modest! actually said yes to going to these small islands for concerts. Four thousand people only!”

Louis smiles with crinkles by his eyes. “I’m going home for Christmas, haven’t seen Fizzy and Lottie in ages!”

“How’s your mom’s new boyfriend?”

“Fiancé you mean. They’re getting married when I get back home,” Louis tells him excitedly. “Are you going to Cheshire?”

“Nope,” Harry says, popping the ‘P’.

“Why?” Louis tears his gaze from the cheetah walking around their tour van to his boyfriend.

Harry snaps a photo of the cheetah. “Because I said so.”

“Harry, talk to me,” Louis says holding Harry’s hands into his own. “Don’t do that thing where you ice me out because you think I will love you any less. I won’t. Remember till death do us part?” Harry nods. “C’mon then Curly, tell me.”

Harry sighs, setting his camera down just a little. “I don’t exactly have anybody to go see back home. Gemma’s not there anymore, my mot—Anne lives there with her husband Robin, and Georgia is back in Colombia with her husband. So who exactly am I visiting for Christmas?”

“What about your grandparents? Cousins? Aunts or even nephews?” Louis wonders. He is unable to comprehend how Harry simply does not have a family to speak of, or go home to because to him family is everything!

“My grandmother from my father’s side lives in Spain so I guess I can go there but everyone from my mother’s side lives here and because I don’t acknowledge Anne as my mother, they don’t exist to me.”

“Harold,” Louis says softly and Harry curls his lips upward.

“Don’t worry about me,” he tells him, with his ‘Everything is fine’ voice. “I’ll be fine. You five are the only family I’ve got.” Harry snaps a photo of the breath-taking landscape of the national park.

Louis shakes his head. He does not understand Harry! Family is everything, he knows that, he was taught that growing up. Family is absolutely everything.

“We’re not enough,” Louis insists. “Your mom is your family and I know that saying this is really hard but she’s the only mother you’ve got and perhaps all these years she’s been thinking about you and wanted to contact you but you’ve been ignoring her. She loves you Harry—”

“I blame her for my father’s death, I have ever since he died,” Harry tells him. “She knows this and every time I get the chance I remind her in case she’s forgotten. But it looks like she did when she married that fucktard of a Robin. That’s the only thing Georgia and I have in common, we both hate Anne and if the worst came to the worst, we’d team up together if it was spiting Anne.”

Louis’ mouth momentarily hangs open then closes it. Harry turns back to taking photos of the animals in the national park. He is trying to take in everything to save for later. The tour guide alerts them that they are on the move again, looking for rhinos this time.

Louis, not having dropped the subject, later asks, “And Gemma?”

“Gemma loves Anne, after all, what normal person hates their mother?” Harry forces a chuckle. “Only a serial killer would. Or a psychopath. I don’t talk about Anne with her because she doesn’t see her for what she truly is. She doesn’t see that Anne killed my father.”

“You never… you never told me what happened to him,” Louis says, hoping Harry will tell him. Harry has his camera pressed to his face. Louis however sees his clenched jaw and the pads of his fingers gripping the camera tightly.  “Tell me what happened sweet cheeks,” he asks gently again after seconds of silence.

“I can’t Lou,” Harry’s voice trembles, his face in his camera still. “I can’t bring myself to tell you… I can’t tell you. I can’t.” Louis nods at him, then by rubs his back up and down.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Louis says gently. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

Harry gazes down at Louis, his face filling with guilt. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbles.

The tour guide stops the van and tells them they have arrived. “The rhinos are over there by the lake.”

 

***            *            ***

 

Liam, on the other hand, had been sleeping all day long in his hotel room that Paddy, his personal bodyguard, wanted to take him to hospital. Liam did not let anyone into his hotel room, his food was left uneaten outside his door and at 12:46AM, there was still silence from Liam.

“Paddy what’s wrong?” Harry asks Liam’s bodyguard when he walks down the corridor to Liam’s hotel room.

“I think Liam’s sick,” the bodyguard says. “He hasn’t eaten anything, he won’t answer me, nor Zayn and even Simon tried calling him but he didn’t answer.”

“Have you tried Danielle?” Harry asks.

“She’s not picking up. Neither is Sophia,” Paddy responds. “Please talk to him. He might listen to you or Niall.”

“Where is Niall?”

“At home with his family,” he answers. Harry knocks thrice (his own signature move) on Liam’s hotel door and… nothing. He tries again, this time his ear pressed to the door to listen for any movement.

“Liam,” he calls out. “Payno. Please open the door.” Silence. “You haven’t eaten all day and I know you’re probably starving.” Silence. “I know you are starving, Li. Open the door please.” Silence. He then hears the bed bouncing and that is all.

“I know you can hear me and you’ve been hearing Paddy’s voice all day but please listen to mine when I say take something to eat,” Harry says. He hears a faint “no” on the opposite side of the door. “Don’t listen to what I say but listen to your stomach begging for food.”

“My stomach can survive,” Liam says and he sounds as if he is right behind the door. Harry looks down at the door and sees a slight dark shadow and knows Liam is sitting on the hotel floor.

“You have a lot of food stored in the room don’t you?”

“Yeah, Oreos. And wine.”

“Wine?”

“From South Africa, _his_ home.”

“Whose home?” Harry asks. Liam remains silent.

“I think Niall’s,” Paddy whispers to him.

“Li, talk to me,” Harry tells him softly.

“I have nothing to say.”

“We always have something to say,” Harry tells him. Liam does not say anything else to Harry, and for a time Harry thinks Liam has fallen asleep on the floor so he stands up and leaves, leaving Paddy guarding the door.

Liam gets up from the floor, turns on his laptop and immediately logs onto Twitter. He quickly composes a tweet, breathing in and out as he did it.

 

 

_**liamtheegg** @Real_Liam_Payne **  
** We all have something to say as @Harry_Styles reminds me and what I want to say is that I am extremely sorry. I am sooo sorry for everything I have done to you, put you through and left you with. I hope you accept this as an apology._

He tweets it and before he can process what he has typed, the number of Retweets shoot through the roof and the Favorites even more. He reads through the Mentions, half of them asking for a follow, others voting for the competition and a small percentage asking what his tweet is about.

 

**_Bands_ ** _@bandsthatsave  
 Liam is not a horrible person no matter what he says #LiamIsNotAHorriblePerson_

**_#LIAMISNOTHORRIBLE_ ** _@PayneTrain  
I love you so much please follow me x6548_

**_NIALL IS LIFE_ ** _@screwmeniall  
RT IF YOU LOVE LIAM PAYNE NO MATTER WHO HE IS #HarryBelievesInYouLiam_

**_Raghdad_ ** _@stylesmyface  
Liam da man what you talking about son? #liamyouarenotahorribleperson_

**_youarelouvely_ ** _@louisassisass: **  
** @Real_Liam_Payne: Why do you think you’re a horrible person?_

**_liamtheegg_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne **  
** @louisassisass: Because of my past mistakes =[_

**_1D updates ASS_** _@1d_updates_ass:_  
We all have mistakes Liam, people will forgive you nevertheless  
  


**_liamtheegg_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne **  
** @1d_updates_ass: Do you really think so?_

**_#WELOVEYOULIAM_ ** _@zerrieperriezayn:  
@Real_Liam_Payne yes, I believe so. I really do._

**_HARRY &LARRY_ ** _@criminalarryminds  
@Real_Liam_Payne  can you tell us who it is?_

**_#PAYZER4EVA_ ** _@LarryisALWAYSREAL  
@Real_Liam_Payne  you are NOT a horrible person because of what the media says!_

**_liamtheegg_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne  
@LarryisALWAYSREAL itttt’s not ttthe media. I did somettthing bad to @NiallOfficial ttttherefore I’m a horrible person._

**_nialldeirish_ ** _@irishsauce  
Niall loves you, the fandom loves you, Harry loves you…WE ALL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!_

**_Harry Styles._ ** _@Harry_Styles  
@Real_Liam_Payne  You aren’t a horrible person Li, you’re an incredible person._

**_liamtheegg_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne  
@Harry_Styles Noooo I’m nooot. I was mean tooo Nialler and I finally knooow what I did tooo him!_

__  
**Harry Styles** @Harry_Styles  
@Real_Liam_Payne  What did you do?

**_liamtheegg_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne  
@Harry_Styles You told me we aaaaalways haaaave something to saaaay. This is me saaaaying I’m aaaa horrible person._

**_Harry Styles_ ** _@Harry_Styles  
@Real_Liam_Payne You’re not horrible, you’re human #WeLoveYouLiam _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> liamtheegg was an iconic time!!


	21. - li(nstagram)ttle talks -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are having dinner at Niall's parents house.

**_ _ **

> **_— white apple tree: feeling like I know the words of a song I haven’t wrote; as a I wake up from a distant dream, I stand up dazed as I look around: what is this place I have found? —_ **

 

ONE MORE CONCERT FOR THEIR Africa leg of the OTRA tour and it will be Australia, Australia, Australia. But first, the boys are invited for dinner by Niall’s parents as a celebratory moment for the band for how far they have come over the years. Nearly six years of being in a band together and it does not look like they are stopping any time soon.

Niall and Zayn are in the kitchen, preparing dinner with Niall’s mother giving them a helping hand. “I’ll go set up the table Nini,” Niall’s mother, Maury says, kisses Niall’s dyed blond hair and excuses herself.

“She calls you Nini?” Zayn muses. Niall elbows him jokingly.

“Shut up,” Niall chuckles. “I can’t believe she still calls me that!”

“It’s cute,” Zayn grins. “I think the sauce is ready.”

“Really?” Niall grabs a teaspoon nearby and scoops a tiny amount of sauce from the pot and samples it. His lips soft against the silver metal, Zayn’s head beginning to feel foggy. He blames it on the kitchen heat. “Try it.”

“What?” Zayn snaps out of his trance. He sees Niall holding the same spoon to his mouth, the soft smell of spices filling his nostrils. “Oh, it looks really chili.”

“You’re Mexican, you should be used to a little spice,” Niall says. “It’s divine.” Zayn gives in and leans forward to the spoon. He closes his eyes, letting the sauce drip down his throat, tasting the slight chili in the sauce.

“It is good.”

“Good?” Niall asks, as if Zayn was completely off in saying that. “It’s divine.”

“Yeah whatever,” Zayn says, chuckling softly. Niall calls out his mother, informing her that the sauce was ready.

 

Larry Stylinson were in the living room, looking at a range of framed photos but what they are looking for are embarrassing photos and then post them on their Instagram (Larrystagram_xx) (the “xx” is because of Harry’s insistence on adding it) for all to see.

“This one’s good,” Louis laughs. It is a photo of baby Niall, sleeping with his mouth wide open, saliva drooling forth. “He’s adorable. He looks like Theo.”

“Post it, post it,” Harry encourages as Louis snaps a photo of it. “Name it _Drooler baby # 7_.”

“Drooler baby?”

“Yeah,” Harry says. He presses ‘Post’ before Louis changes his mind on the picture title for the umpteenth time. “How about this one?”

“What is that in his mouth?”

“His foot I think,” Harry says. He leans forward to examine the photo in which a 9-month old Niall seems to be biting his foot. “It says here _Nini at 9_.”

“Nini?” Louis wonders and they both laugh between themselves.

“Everything fine boys?” Maury asks. Larry both jump on the spot and turn to face Niall’s mother smiling fondly at them.

“Yes Maury, just looking at Niall’s baby pictures,” Harry answers, Louis too busy snickering at the back on his own. “He was a lovely boy.”

“He still is,” she says and walks back to the kitchen. Harry lets out a sigh and they continue posting more pictures of baby Nini on Instagram where Directioners are fangirling over Niall’s fetus photographs.

 

Liam is upstairs, alone, in Niall’s old bedroom. He has been up there for a while and hence had fallen asleep on Niall’s old, tiny bed. Zayn came upstairs to call him down for dinner but stopped upon seeing a snoring Liam on the bed. He fishes out his phone and snaps a picture for memory, smiling at it.

“Liam,” he whispers to him, gently shaking his shoulder. Liam groans.  “It’s dinner time.”

“M’not hungry, m’sleepy,” Liam grunts, his eyes shut. He shifts on the bed, his body away from Zayn.

“They made really good food, so c’mon,” he tells him, pulling him up. Liam tries to protest but Zayn is surprisingly strong. “Jeez, you need to stop going to the gym, you’re so heavy.”

“Lately, I’ve been so sleepy it’s not even funny,” Liam says, his voice a little hoarse.

“What were you doing in Nini’s room?”

“Nini?”

Zayn smirks. “Yep, that’s what Maury calls him. Like an old joke in the family or something.”

“It’s cute,” Liam says, stretching his arms to the ceiling.

“C’mon, I heard they also made South African cuisines,” Zayn tells him as they leave Niall’s room.

At the table, they are all seated, having already prayed and are now eating heartedly. Chats, laughter and songs are loud at the table, each one talking to the other about everything and anything under the sun. Most important thing is that they could eat a home cooked meal, a long time coming break from fast foods and ‘bus food’ which was basically _more_ fast food with lots of alcohol.

Liam and Gregory, Niall’s oldest brother, are talking between themselves over the starters. Liam takes a bite of a thick green cream. “This is amazing,” Liam gushes.

“Only ma’ makes the best,” Greg tells him, taking a huge bite of his own. He swallows and then says to him, “I can see you you’re worried about him.”

“Who?” Liam asks, feigning ignorance. Gregory looks at him as if it is obvious who they are talking about. “I’m not worried about Niall.”

“Yes you are.”

Liam shakes his head. “No I’m not.”

“Liam I can tell. I’ve seen it before and I’m seeing it now.”

Liam gives in. “How can you tell?” Gregory does not respond to him. Liam takes a bite of his own and swallows, buying time to think of what to ask Niall’s brother. “Why is he so happy?”

“Happy?” Greg asks. He stops chewing his food and asks again, “Don’t you want him to be happy?”

“Wrong word. I meant why is he so hyperactive?”

Gregory nods as if he has already heard this question before. He takes a sip of his wine, slowly savoring it. “I’ve seen him like this before.”

“Before?” Liam asks, inching his body forward to him. “He’s been hyperactive before?”

“Yep he has. With his ex-girlfriend, whatshername.”

“What happened?”

“After they broke up, he told me he was fine. I believed him and that was my first mistake. He suddenly became this active brother that did everything and anything he said he would do, whether playing football all day, singing, playing guitar, painting classrooms, going on hikes… really anything that he normally wouldn’t do, he was doing.

“I, at one point, thought he had bipolar disorder turns out he was just heartbroken. He bottled his emotions up and distracted himself with all these activities that were ridiculous. At least the singing paid off, am I right?”

Liam chuckles, agreeing with him. “Then what happened?”

“He burst into flames. Everything came tumbling down. One night I heard a thud and I ran into his room, seeing his body shaking on the floor. His entire body was covered in goosebumps and then he simply stopped shaking. I called Ma’ and Dad and we took him to the hospital and by the time we reached, he was in a coma.”

“Coma?” Liam asks, surprised. “You’re kidding!”

“I wish I was,” Gregory says regretfully. “Coma for nearly 2 weeks and at one point, his pulse was off and the doctor pronounced him dead for three days. Three days, Liam!”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I thought I lost my brother that day.”

 

Seated next to Gregory is Zayn and Niall, both of them talking animatedly over the main course that Maury has brought over with the help of Harry and Niall. Niall is already forking his food down his throat, faster than Zayn can even manage to swallow a small bite.

“Slow down cowboy, there’s a lot of food,” Zayn tells Niall.

“Greg is going to finish it before I can even _taste_ it,” Niall tells him.

“Taste? You’ve eaten pounds of food already.”

“Because it’s divine,” Niall says, swallowing a huge bite. He drowns the food along with the 15 year old wine. “Nothing as good as South African wine, huh?”

“It’s ait,” Zayn says. “Italian isn’t so bad either.”

“Italian?” Niall asks, as if disgusted. “So I designed this couple’s house last week and they absolutely love it. Da Vinci or some name.”

“Da Vinci?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah, him,” Niall nods. “So then I told them about my book, and how I want to give it to a publisher.”

“Congrats Nini,” Zayn cheers. Niall lightly elbows his stomach.

“Stop calling me Nini.”

“Congrats though. I mean, you’re going to be famous. Like J. K. Rowling famous!”

“I’m a divine boyband singer so I’m already famous. I guess I’m going to be better than that old woman,” Niall chuckles. “So then I told them that I was collecting fish and they asked which fish and I said only the fiercest.”

“The fiercest? Niall, did you know something about this couple before you designed their house?”

Niall gives him a cheeky look. “They’re both marine biologists in London and Cape Town.” He leans in closer to Zayn. “So get this, I design their house and they get me a rare fish.”

“You mean the Kraken Fish,” Zayn says, his look penetrating.

“Your words not mine,” he says. Zayn eases closer to him and whispers that they do not need _them_ to get the Kraken Fish, they both can get the fish if need be. Niall asks him what the plan is.

“We fly to Bali of course,” Zayn says. “After the second Aussie tour, we have three free days. We can go then to Bali, get the fish and be back on time.”

“Sounds like a divine plan,” Niall says.

“As divine as Cara’s wedding?”

Niall’s face lightens. “It’s going to be wedding of the year. If you’re not there, you’re just not there. You are coming right, it’s on the 23rd of December.”

“I’ll be there,” Zayn informs him.

“So did I tell you about the football match I’m going to play in, with Robin?” Niall tells him, his eyes glittering and Zayn indulging him.

“Tell me more!”

 

Larry are seated in between Zayn and Niall’s parents. Louis leans into Harry’s left ear over desert and whispers, “Did you hear?”

Harry is busy deciding which cake to eat first that is piled on his plate. “So much to choose from!”

“Pick a cake and eat it!” Louis says exasperatedly.

“I don’t know,” Harry sighs. “It’s too much!”

“Take the black forest one first.”

Harry takes a big bite of it and he tastes the splash of _everything_ in the cake from the chocolate, vanilla essence, strawberry and cherry and a tinge of wine. “Fuck Lou! So good.”

“Are you going to listen to me now?” Louis asks.

“Hear what?” Harry asks.

“Cara’s wedding!”

“Oh yeah, it’s near Christmas time,” Harry says, eating the second type of cake on his navy blue plate. “Maury’s really good at baking cakes!”

“So aren’t you worried she hasn’t invited you?” Louis asks.

Harry dips the fork into his mouth and slowly and deliberately licks off the chocolate syrup on the fork. Louis swallows hard, knowing his boyfriend is doing it on purpose.

“You fucking orgasm and we’re not having sex,” Louis whispers angrily at him.

“I can go 90 days without sex baby boy, it’s you who should be worried,” Harry cheekily says. “What’s stopping you from taking me right now, right here?”

Louis’ entire face glows the color red. He darts a glance at Niall’s parents, then harshly whispers to his boyfriend, “Maury for one.”

“What is she gonna go, spank me?” Harry winks. “I thought that was your job?” He watches Louis’ breath getting speedier. “Maybe I should let her do it—”

“No,” Louis says, a little forceful that the table grows silent and looks at Louis who is flushed.

Harry tells him, “She can’t do sh-ye-t.”

“Fuck you,” Louis growl-whispers.

“Yes you will.”

“Stop!” Louis begs, voice hoarse.

“Say my name,” Harry says in a low, husky tone that drives Louis to the wall! “Say it.”

Louis masters all the will inside of him and says no… or he wants to say no but with a voice like Harry’s, who can?

“Stop Harry.”

Louis is practically begging and he smirks. He continues their previous conversation. “I’m not worried that Cara hasn’t invited me to her wedding.”

“Why not?”

“Because Grimmy already sent me an invitation and you’re invited as well as my plus one,” Harry tells him and the worry is off his boyfriend’s face. “You can relax, we’re going to the wedding, love.”

Louis denies it. “I wasn’t worried.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It’s going to be some dumb wedding.”

“I’m sure.”

“Who needs to go to the wedding of the year, designed by Niall and her gown is custom made by Burberry.” Harry pockets out his iPhone and begins texting. “Who are you texting? If Maury sees you on the phone she might take it away this time.”

“Telling Grimmy that we are not coming,” Harry says. Louis hurriedly grabs the phone and Maury gives them both angry looks. “Look what you’ve done Lou, she might kill me this time.”

“Stop texting Grimmy! I actually have an outfit for the wedding.”

“But you didn’t know we were going, let alone _you_.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I had three invitations; one from Niall, Grimmy and Cara. You had yours from Niall and he doesn’t look like he’s going to invite anyone apart from Zayn.”

“He’s already invited him. He is his plus one,” Louis whispers lowly to his boyfriend.

“As a date?” Harry asks, eyeing Zayn and Niall sitting at the table.

“Friends can go as friends to a wedding,” Louis says. “But guess what?”

“What?”

“It looks like Zayn enjoys hanging out with Niall as if he actually likes it.”

“And?” Harry asks, not understanding what his boyfriend was driving at.

“What if,” he leans in to Harry’s ear, “what if Zayn is comfortable around boys that he actually likes boys.”

“Everybody likes boys Lou,” Harry says, sighing.

“ _No_ ,” Louis stresses. “ _Likes_ boys.” Harry’s eyes flash wide open, understanding what Louis was driving at.

“Like he might be gay or something?” Harry wonders and simultaneously, Larry look over at Zayn and Niall closely whispering something to each other quite passionately. “But Zayn is a homophobe.”

“Think about it,” Louis tells him. He takes a sip of wine. “Zayn and Perrie allegedly break up because I dumped El and she wanted some comfort or whatever.”

“Mhmm.”

“Then Perrie and El start hanging out nearly every day. When Zayn suggests that Perrie and him go to the park to chill or go on a holiday to Greece, Perrie says that El is still trying to get over her break up and she needs her. So then eventually El moves into the house as Zayn technically moves out.”

“And goes to Niall’s place,” Harry says, all jumpy on his seat. “But Robin.”

“Who the fuck cares about Robin?” Louis rolls his eyes and continues. “Zayn and Niall start hanging out more than usual. More than we normally would hang out. Niall is literally depressed over his break up with Liam and since Zayn is a shoulder to cry on, Niall thinks it’s love.”

“Or Zayn thinks it’s a shoulder to cry on,” Harry says.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Zayn’s engagement was called off at first which turns out that Perrie was just adjusting the ring but is it me or does it feel like the engagement is really off for real? I mean Zerrie haven’t said a thing to each other since Eleawhore came in. Remember when we would talk about Zayn and immediately Perrie would follow?”

“Now it’s Niall,” Louis says.

“Exactly.”

“But it doesn’t make sense,” Louis says confused. “Zayn is a pure homophobe he would never like Niall like that, it’s gay.”

“But… anything can happen. Look at Liam.”

“Liam was a jerk.”

“What is he talking to Greg about though?” Harry wonders and they both look at Liam and Greg across the table. “Looks pretty heated if you ask me.”

“So Zayn is using Niall and Niall is using Zayn. There’re using each other for comfort from their break ups.”

“Niall is using drugs.” Harry offers another suggestion. Louis turns to his boyfriend, his eyebrows crunched in the middle. Harry, with his index finger removes the wrinkles on his forehead. “What’s wrong love?”

“Is this going to be us when we’re old? Gossiping about others?”

Harry chuckles lightly. “I don’t know but whatever we’ll be doing or gossiping about, I hope it’ll be with you.”

“I love you.”

“Till death do us part?”

“Always.”

“And forever,” Harry hums on his lips.

 

***     *      *  
**

 

Zayn is outside in the backyard, pacing up and down, cigarette stick stuck between his fingers. He puts it between his lips and huffs and puffs and huffs, all the while pacing up and down the grass. He takes his last puff, drops the cigarette on the ground. He opens a new pack, lights a new one and huffs and puffs, all the while walking around.

He repeats this until there are dozens of cigarette butts on the grass. He stares down at them as if he cannot recognize them, like they are tiny extraterrestrial beings.

Niall.

His name pops in Zayn’s head.

Niall.

And again. A small warmth spreading through his heart.

NiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiall…

It keeps popping until he cannot control it anymore. Images, dozens of them, appear like flashing lights in his mind and he just cannot stop them.

“Ni-ni,” he cries out. “Niall.”

NiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiallNiall…

His body feels warm and light, his fingers sweaty around the cigarette. His throat is suddenly dry and his knees weak, he drops to the grass in a small thud.

“It can’t be,” he says as if in a daze. “It can’t be.”

He remembers clearly the first time this happened. It was with some local girl called Ashley. She had been taller than himself, he clearly remembers that. She was in 12th grade, he in 9th. She had a boyfriend and he had avocado sandwich for lunch. She said he was not good enough for her, he was not her type but he did not care. He would get her.

_He walked down the road to his house in Bradford and there she was, leaning against the wooden fence, cigarette on one hand, her other busy talking on the phone. Her legs were up on the fence, her short skirt flying ceaselessly against the wind._

_“Hey,” he had managed to choke._

_She turned around and he felt like his heart would combust inside his body. Or maybe a cardiac arrest, whichever came first. She had a lovely voice is all Zayn remembered, her faint lavender perfume lingering in the air between them._

_Out of the blue she got off the fence (finally, he thought, she seemed to be glued on it!) and he felt like a small extraterrestrial being before her._

_“Zayn, right?” she asked. He nodded frantically. “You know you’re cute.”_

_“I love you,” he blurted out. He did not need to question it twice, or even once, he just knew it. It was in his DNA. He was in love with her. “I love you.”_

_She giggled (that sweet giggle!). “You don’t love me Malik.”_

_“I do.” he disagreed with her._

_“You don’t love me I know you don’t and neither do I,” she said. “But you are cute.”_

_“I love you and I always will. Forever and ever and ever and ever.”_

_“Since you’re so in love with me, I dare you to kiss me on the same level as me,” she said. He was confused._

_“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”_

_“He doesn’t have to know,” she smirked. He should have known to stop there but who can argue with a beating heart and conquest for love? But now his challenge was to kiss her on the same level as her face – basically, he had to be as tall as she was._

_“Aren’t you going to do something?” she asked after Zayn was standing there like a post. He moved into action. He saw a brick by the fence and instructed her to step on it._

_“Bring it here,” she commanded in her sweet, angelic voice. He did as told. He stood on the brick and finally, he could see eye to eye with her. “Now kiss me.”_

_That was then_ and this is now.

He is in love with Niall and he cannot deny it because that (with Ashley) was the last time he felt that way about anyone, not even with Perrie. And it is bugging the shit out of him because now he is feeling the same about Niall.

Stronger.

“I’m not meant to like him!” he angrily shouts. He pulls out another cigarette and lights it. “Fuck you feelings! Fuck you in the fucking feels fucktards! I fucking hate you, you fucking fuckers of fuckville!”

He takes a long drag.

“This is not supposed to happen,” Zayn says loudly, more angrier. “I’m not meant to like you Niall.”

“What?”

Zayn’s blood freezes when he hears the voice in the dark. He turns around slowly, his eyes wide, heart beating incredibly fast and light smoke from the cigarette blocking his eyes. He sees _him_ standing right behind him and his heart relaxes just a little.

 It is not Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so we continue [adds suspense music]


	22. -snakes on a pl(ads)ne-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos erupts on the plane.

> **_— anon: being yourself in a world that is trying to constantly change who you are is the greatest show of courage —_ **

 

** **

ONE DIRECTION HAVE SOLD OUT their concerts for Australia, New Zealand and other neighboring islands before their Christmas break and a break from the OTRA tour. Their last concert was in Cape Town yesterday and today is their travelling day to Adelaide where their first concert is going to be held. They are on their exclusive, private plane: the Airbus380 One D on their way.

Larry Stylinson are in the bathroom, zipping up. They open the door to see Liam looking at them in disgust after smelling sex in the air.

“We all use that bathroom guys,” he grunts in disgust.

“So did we just now.” Harry winks at him. Louis is viciously blushing and excuses himself to go to Zayn who is lazily sitting at the bar.

“Hey,” Louis greets him. “Drinking at the bar, huh?”

“Free bar,” Zayn says, expressionless.

“Don’t do this Zayn.”

“Do what?” he asks, his finger rimming the whiskey bottle.

“Chase Niall away,” Louis says. “Remember I’m the one who caught you in Niall’s parents backyard saying you like Niall?”

“I don’t.”

“You totally do. Don’t push him away because you think you like him.”

Zayn growls at him angrily, “I’m not gay.”

Louis continues blithely. “Don’t push him away because you can’t solve your own damn issues. He’s worried okay? He thinks he did something wrong to you.”

He chugs down a gulp of his drink. “None of this was meant to happen. I like Perrie. Liam likes Danielle and then there’s you who’s confused with Harry. That’s how it’s meant to be. Clean and not sinful.”

“I’m not confused,” Louis says to him. “I love Harry.”

“Leviticus 18 verse 22, no man is to have sexual relations with another man,” Zayn tells him like a factoid.

“You memorized that?” Louis questions. Zayn gives him a penetrating look sending shivers down Louis’ spine. He goes ahead and narrates Revelations 21 Verse 8 from memory, too.

“Have you memorized the entire Bible?” Louis asks but Zayn ignores the question and continues to condemn homosexuality.

“You do know you’re going straight to Hell because of your love and people are going to judge you.”

“You’re scared of liking Niall because of what people think?”

“I’m going to rot in Hell,” Zayn says mechanically. “If I admit it, I’ll be doomed to go to Hell. There’s no way around it.” Louis frowns at him. “I just don’t like Niall.”

“Whether you admit it or not, those feelings are still there. You will still have feelings for Niall at the end of the day. But please, don’t push him away. Look what I did with Harry, I pushed him away cause apparently I was suffocating him. He left and didn’t return after two years.”

He stares down into his glass. “Niall would never run away from me.”

“I said the same thing about Harry and look what happened; for two years we were idiots flying around the world trying to catch him.”

“I don’t care what you say I’m not going to admit anything because as far as I’m concerned, I don’t like Niall that way. I never will.”

“You’re blushing, Zayzay,” he coos, poking his left cheek.

“No I’m not,” Zayn denies, his tomato-colored face contradicting him.

“Whatever you say.”

“I’m serious,” Zayn tells him, walking away. Unfortunately, he is not even serious. He is not sure what he is. Is Louis right in saying that if he admits it or not, his feelings for Niall will always be there? That he would be (gulp) _gay_?

He walks over to where Niall is sleeping on the plane. He stands by the doorway, watching his chest move up and down, his mouth slightly open for him to breathe out. He likes _this_ Niall; he is not hyperactive, running about creating this, writing this, fishing that, snorting whatever comes his way, he is calm. Stable. Peaceful. Like the old Niall he used to knew.

Zayn is truly stuck between Hell and the deep blue ocean.

He can neither admit he likes Niall, nor forever hold his peace. Either way he vows not to hurt him like Liam did. Speaking of the Devil and he appears.

Liam comes by and stands near Zayn, both of them watching Niall sleeping. “He looks so peaceful.”

“So divine,” Zayn says, amused. Liam gives him a questioning look. “Something he says.”

“I was a horrible person to him,” Liam says. “I get it now. I understand what he was going through. I know what it feels like, all the lies, all the kisses, the touches, the love making, the sweet messages… the love. Faux love.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Fucking months later you realize what you did to him!”

“He said, ‘Leave me alone Liam James Fucking Payne’ and I did which was my first mistake,” Liam says desperately. “That was my first mistake which I shouldn’t have done. I should’ve been there for through the break up not Robin.”

“He didn’t mean it literally, you fucktard.”

Liam casts a sideways glance at the Mexican boy. “Jeez, you’re in a mood!”

Zayn folds his arms across his chest. “Air sickness.”

“Since when?” Liam inquires. Not once, since the beginning of the band in 2010 has Zayn complained about air sickness.

“It’s new.”

“Perrie’s still not back, huh?” Liam attempts to understand why Zayn is in a foul mood. He, on the other hand, is attempting to come to terms with his new… he cannot even define _what_ this is to him.  “She’ll be back before you know it.”

“Don’t, Liam!”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t attempt to understand my life when you fucking don’t know the half of it!” Zayn shouts angrily, waking Niall up.

“Did I say something wrong?” Liam asks, surprised at Zayn’s outburst.

“Yes!” he shouts.

“What’s wrong Zayn?” Niall asks gently, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

“Everything I stand for is about to crumble down before my eyes, and if I can’t fucking fix it,” he growls, throwing his hands in the air. “There’s no fucking reason to be alive anymore. That’s what’s wrong!”

“You’re not making sense Zayn,” Liam tells him, his eyes wide in surprise.

“Everything I stand for, everything I believed in, is being tested right now. God is testing me and I feel like I’m failing Him. I’m a failure! Don’t you get it?”

“What’s going on?” Louis asks, walking in with Harry to a hysterical, angry Zayn on the plane floor.

“Zayn’s acting crazy!” Liam tells them. They turn to Zayn who is violently shaking, clutching and unclutching his pale fingers.

Niall kneels before Zayn, who somehow had found himself on the floor. Niall holds onto his shoulders. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“I’m a fucking failure. I failed Him,” Zayn mumbles.

“Failed who?”

“God!”

“How?”

Zayn blurts out loud, “I hate gay people. I fucking hate them. Turning me into something I’m not.” Niall is taken aback, and so are the others. “You wouldn’t understand, you wouldn’t understand,” he mumbles quietly into his own hands.

“Explain it to me,” Niall tells him softly.

“God won’t forgive me,” Zayn cries.

“God forgives those who repent, even the wicked,” Niall says to him softly, his hands on Zayn’s shoulders. “You told me that, remember?”

“Don’t Niall,” Louis says.

“Don’t what?” Zayn asks him angrily. “Don’t what, Louis? Don’t stand for what I believe in? Don’t fight the evil spirits standing before me? Don’t fight for my own beliefs and values? Don’t fight for what I believe in?” By now he is on his feet, facing Larry and Liam while Niall is standing on his left. “I don’t fight for myself? Ask God for forgiveness? You don’t want me to do that?”

“We do but think about who you’re hurting,” Louis tells him.

“ _I’m_ hurting and I see no one caring about it,” Zayn yells. “Nobody cared from the beginning. You were all fucking lies.” He abruptly snaps his head to his left. “All of you, especially you Niall, you were the worst. You’re a lie, all lies. Nothing about you speaks the truth.”

“Zayn, stop!” Louis yells at him. Zayn continues yelling, and more angry shouting about living a lie and not being sure about what he stands for anymore. “Zayn calm the fuck down!”

“Stop being a douchebag Louis!” Niall shouts at Louis.

“He’s being fucking rude, isn’t he?” Louis defends himself just as aggressively.

“He wouldn’t hurt someone on purpose for the fun of it!” Niall yells. “And you know that!”

“Stop defending this low bag, douche bag!”

“I will defend who I want and if it’s Zayn, then I will because he did nothing wrong!”

“He’s blaming Christianity for his rude behavior.”

“Those are his values and if you can’t respect them then take a sit, and shut up!”

“You’re just a fucking pussy and can’t realize Zayn is—” Louis shouts, his face filled with fury.

“Louis!” Harry hisses loudly.

Niall stand and points an accusatory finger. “You dare say something rude about Zayn and I will personally drag a fucking broken glass across your hands like you did to Zayn years ago.”

Louis spits angrily at Niall, “ _Tu es un fils de pute!”_

“What the fuck did you call me?” Niall charges at Louis. “Say it in English fucktard!”

“Guys, let’s calm down,” Liam says coolly.

“I dare you to hit me punk,” Louis challenges. Niall jumps to Louis aiming straight for his face with a knuckle punch. “You punch like a nine-year-old!”

“Fuck, fighting again!” Liam curses. “And angry Louis is scary Louis.”

“He’s not that bad,” Harry tells him. In front of them, Louis and Niall are in a huge fist fight and Zayn is crouched on the floor in a fetal position.

“Niall’s pretty strong,” Liam notes. “What’s really happening here, Harry?”

“I don’t know why Zayn is being extra homophobic all of a sudden and Niall is weirdly defending him from Louis,” Harry tells him. “So basically, I’m as lost as you are.”

“Do you think this is enough?” Liam asks, talking about the fight between Nouis. Harry nods. They both hurl themselves into the fight, Harry pulling Louis off Niall and Liam holding Niall back. Niall, as if on instinct, snaps himself away from Liam.

“Don’t you dare!” he growls furiously at Liam. “Don’t you dare touch me, Liam. Don’t you **ever**!”

“I’m sorry.” Liam stumbles away from him. “I’m really sorry.”

“Let me hit him!” Louis shouts, wriggling himself away from Harry. “Let me hit that Irish punk!”

Harry stops a fetal punch charging towards Niall’s face. “Lou, no!”

“I’m not fucking Irish,” Niall yells at him.

Harry throws Louis’ body over his shoulder, his legs waving in the air, shouting at him to put him down. When Larry have left, Niall attempts to lift Zayn off the airplane floor and lays him to the closest bed he can find as Liam carefully watches them both. He is amazed at how Zayn does not flinch when Niall wraps his around his waist, when Zayn allows Niall to lift off his shirt and tuck him in bed. His mouth drops to the ground upon seeing this, believing his eyes are playing tricks on him. Perhaps he should not have drunk too much whiskey from the bar.

“Zayn has changed!” he remarks. This is the same homophobic Zayn who would probably have brutally murdered any of the boys if they dared pull up his shirt let alone have it removed off him.

“What are you still doing here?” Niall questions sharply. “Don’t you have a girlfriend to Skype with?”

“I know you’re mad but I understand what you’re going through,” Liam pleads.

Niall snaps. “No! No, you don’t Payno. You don’t understand.”

“I do.”

“I fucking trusted you yet you stole everything from me including my dignity and virginity,” Niall yells. “You took everything from me!”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

“Too late for that! Now leave me the fuck alone,” Niall shouts at him. Liam need not be told twice. He immediately rushes out, leaving Ziall alone in their compartment on the plane. Niall lays down on the foamy bed near Zayn, his eyes meeting Zayn’s by accident. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” Zayn asks.

“That I’ll burn in Hell because of what I am,” Niall says softly. Zayn’s face softens hearing the vulnerability in his voice.

“No... yes, I don’t know,” he replies confused. “You know me Niall, better than anyone else. You understand why I’m homophobic and why you all scare me. I mean, I am friends with three gay people and one who pretended to be one.”

“Sounds like a life with crazy friends,” Niall muses.

“But slowly I’m understanding. I am getting my head around this whole gay thing, how two men can love each other and not be disgusted about it. How they can kiss and hold hands and.” He shuts his eyes and his lips curl in a snarl. “Eurgh! I’m disgusting myself already.”

“Then why did you say all those things about what you believe crumbling before you?”

“We all become what we said we will never be,” Zayn says solemnly. He shuts his eyes, breathing slowly. “I’m becoming something I’ve always hated. Something I’ve resisted all my life and I’m becoming it.”

“Whatever it is, you can always tell me, you know that.”

Zayn nods. “I know. I trust you. And I’m sorry for all the hurtful things I said to you.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Niall reassures him. He places his palm against Zayn’s cheek. “I love you despite your brutal honesty that makes you, well, Zayn.”

Zayn closes his eyes ,again, and cuddles closer to Niall, ignoring the voices in his head to _move away from Niall! This is gay!_ “What if being Zayn is bad? It’s destroying so many relationships I have with everyone.” Niall grazes his finger softly on Zayn’s cheek and along his cheekbone. “What if I don’t wanna be Zayn.”

“I like Zayn,” Niall says. “I like you as you are so don’t ever change. I know who you are and know you struggle with homosexuality because of your…” he pauses briefly finding the right word, “religion or something but don’t ever stop because it makes you who you are.”

“But people call me close-minded.”

“Screw those people. You have values and beliefs and I respect that. So you continue believing in them and I will always be behind you, keeping up with your shit.”

“Why do you keep up with my shit, Nini?”

“Because you did.” Niall lifts Zayn’s chin up slightly, the latter’s eyes fluttering open. “I was rude, mean, even angry at you when I was going through my break up with Payno. You were there behind me when I told you my fears, you never once left even after I told you I was still gay, unlike Payno. Basically, you stayed when nobody else did. So don’t think you’re going to get rid of me that easy, honey.”

Zayn’s orbs gaze up at Niall. He bites the bottom of his trembling lip. He wraps an arm around Niall and he sniffs once. And once more until he starts crying silently.

“Stop crying,” Niall says, alarmed by Zayn’s sudden reaction. He caresses his back smoothly. “Please stop crying. Who are you crying for?”

“You. Because I said horrible things to you,” Zayn cries out. “I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t, and Louis was wrong too,” Niall assures him.

“Louis? What did he say?” Zayn asks, panicking.

“Nothing, he said nothing at all. Don’t even think about it. We sleep.”

“But it’s morning in Australia.”

“We land in like four hours,” Niall says. He lifts the covers above them and lowers it on both of them. Niall kisses his forehead, a huge smile plastered across Zayn’s face. Liam too is already asleep. As for Larry, only one of them is asleep, the Doncaster lad awake and disturbing the Cheshire lad.

“Harry wake up!” he hisses, tapping Harry on the back of his shoulder.

“Are we there yet?” he asks sleepily.

“No. I couldn’t sleep,” Louis confesses. Harry sits himself up against his boyfriend’s bare, inked chest and remains quiet in the dark plane, waiting for him to speak.

“If I came with you, would you go to see your mother?”

Harry rolls over and sighs loudly into his pillow. “Not this again, Lou.”

“No, this again Harold. This again every day because you don’t seem to understand the value of family.”

“You don’t seem to understand the concept of butting in affairs you have no business in.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Louis tells him.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles into his pillow.

“What if Gemma is going to be there?”

“Gems is always going home for Christmas, she won’t miss this time just because she was shot by Georgia,” Harry says, his voice heavy with sleep.

“Give your mother a chance. People deserve second chances even Anne Frank thought so.” Harry gazes up at Louis, mused by him referencing Anne Frank… I mean, who talks about Anne Frank in such contexts? “What?”

“You said Anne Frank.”

“So?”

“You hate History Lou, you got an E for your GCSEs,” Harry reminds him, rubbing his left eye with the back of his hand.

“She said, and I quote, despite what’s happened to me, I still think people are kind. What an inspiration, right?”

“What’s your point Louis?” Harry asks, his tone rude.

“Go see your mother this Christmas and if you don’t like it, I will never ask you to meet her for the rest of our lives,” he tells him, stating it quickly.

“Promise?” Harry asks.

“ _Je te jure_ ,” Louis says in all seriousness.

Harry slumps back to his previous position on the bed. He pulls the bed covers to his back, slightly below the dimples on his spine which he knows drives Louis in a sexual frenzy just staring at them. Louis bites his bottom lip and shut his eyes, not thinking what he can do to Harry’s body in a 1 minute 52 seconds.

“I’ll think about it,” Harry murmurs and that’s the end of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONGRATS TO ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYN ON HIS AMA!!! #ZQUAD
> 
> AND NIALL'S PERFORMACE--SPECTACULAAAAAAR


	23. -dian(iall)a-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry plan for their week down in Australia; Zayn asks Niall to turn down the music, only to be surprised by something far..

**_ _ **

 

> **_— part of me wants to die;  
>  part of me wants it to be an accident;   
>  and part of me wants somebody to notice and stop me —_ **

 

IT HAS GOTTEN TO THE point where Larry Stylinson are one and the same. It is not Louis and Harry or Harry and Louis, it is _Louis_ and _Harry_ or Harry **and** Louis. Larry Stylinson if you may.  Everywhere they go, or did, it is done together. If you spot one, the other is with him, if not, more likely is close by. Like a full circle.

“Sydney Harbor bridge?” Louis suggests to his boyfriend. Larry are in their hotel room, their legs entwined on top of their luxurious 5-star fluffy bed making sightseeing plans for their Australian stay. “It’s marvelous so I hear.”

“Do we go tomorrow or on Wednesday?” Harry asks, jotting something down on their sightseeing calendar.

“Tomorrow cause if we go on Wednesday then we’ll be tired for our concert on Thursday.”

“We can’t just see the bridge the entire day. We need to do something else.”

“We can go on the train ride after we climb the bridge,” Louis proposes, his excitement growing. Harry gazes up at his boyfriend, listening. “I heard that you can travel more than 400 kilometers by train without a single curve!”

Harry chuckles at his enthusiasm. “I suppose we can. Then we can spend the night on the train and fly back on Wednesday.” Louis nods, kissing him suddenly on the lips.

“ _Je t’aime_ ,” he says sweetly.

“I don’t speak French Lou!

“I said I love you,” Louis giggles, buttoning Harry;’s nose.

“Oh, then in that case, I love you too,” Harry hums against his lips.

“Always.”

“And forever,” he ends with a peck on his lips. Then he continues their plans for the week in Australia. “On Friday, we can go to the popular restaurants in Perth.”

“Something authentic though,” Harry says, looking through their calendar. “Wait, hold up. We said we’d go to the Great Reef during the weekend which is on the other side of the country in Melbourne.”

Louis looks up from the calendar. “Oh?”

 Harry’s pen is dangling between his teeth, his eyebrows crunched in the middle deep in thought. “How about immediately after the concert we go to Perth and spend the night and the entire of Thursday there and be back by Friday in Melbourne.”

“Yes!” Louis cheers and steals the pen off Harry’s teeth and jots it down. “I love, love, _loooooove_ our plans. Our week is practically full.”

“And our cameras empty!”

“We’re going to have loadsa fun, aren’t we sweet cheeks?” Louis coos. He messily swipes the calendars, papers and pens off the bed. He then pushes Harry back on the bed, climbing on top of him.

“We are,” Harry agrees, his voice raspy. He nibbles on Louis’ shoulder softly, a whisper of a throaty moan escaping Louis’ lips.

“You’re beautiful,” Louis mutters. His eyes roll to the back of his head with each raspy word Harry whispers into his ears. “So beautiful.”

“You know something papi?” Harry asks gazing deeply into Louis’ blue orbs. Louis shakes his head, biting down on his lip hard. Harry tugs down on his boyfriend’s lip with his thumb, softly saying, “I’ve never had hotel sex in Australia.” and snogs him proper.

 

Further deep into the night, Liam is giggling in on the phone with somebody. A female voice for sure. His muscular body is spread on the couch by the window, overlooking the lights of Sydney, his smile widening by the second.

“No, you’re more precious, lovebug,” Liam coos softly on the phone. “I’m serious, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about it.”

He gets off the couch, listening to _her_ on the other side of the phone. He opens the mini-fridge looking over at its contents and picking up a beer bottle and returns back to the couch, legs propped up on the window pane.

“I was just opening a beer,” Liam says. “Yes… you are? Me too. I think I’m crazy in love with you. You’ve been there for me since the beginning and have understood me. You believed me so yes, it’s normal that I love you. I love you so much.”

Silence from Liam as he listens to _her_ replying.

“Me? I’m not gay. Jeez! That was a mistake. A huge mistake that I still can’t explain… No, not even bisexual!”

He chuckles listening to what _she_ is saying.

“How can I be gay when I’m crazy about you, sunshine?” Liam asks. “Niall and I were… are just friends. That’s all we ever were… I told him that I wasn’t gay and he was being a huge child about it,” – he laughs loudly –  “Jeez, do people ever grow up?”

He pauses.

“I’m seriously asking, do people _really_ grow up? Sure dating him was weird, leave alone kissing and oh gosh, the sex!”

Liam laughs loudly suddenly, the voice bouncing off the walls.

“Gay sex is awkward as fuck! It’s so awkward I can’t even begin describe it. I really can’t,” – he takes a gulp of his beer – “I had to stick my dick inside his ass and do you know how many times I stopped myself from puking. Promise me one thing, lovebug… that you won’t make me have gay sex even if it’s one of your fantasies?... Thanks gorgeous! I can’t do that again.”

Silence.

“You? I have to see him every day and the haunting memories are always there. Me, him, us…  together. Thank goodness we never went public about it. If we did I think I would’ve killed myself!”

Unfortunately, Niall has been snooping around Liam’s hotel room, his ear pressed to Liam’s hotel door. Truth be told, he is still not over his dear Payno and occasionally he listens on his conversations when he is not planning Cara’s wedding, hanging out with Zayn (which is all the time), designing house plans for his clients, partying with his exclusively gay friends or even singing in the shower from songs on their album Four.

He continues listening to Liam’s phone conversation, a thousand and one thoughts running through his head. He is sure that Liam and Danielle have broken up, I mean, he had read it on Twitter from the fans. Even Danielle herself said they were over on Facebook!

Lies.

Maybe she lied, Niall reasons out, still listening to Liam’s conversation about _her_ being an understanding… he does not want to think about _what_ she might be to Liam. Maybe she really didn’t end it with Liam! But if they did not end it then why would she say they did? Niall asks himself.

Lies.

Why does Liam always go back to Danielle? he asks himself. Why would you bother asking, he snorts, you know the answer!

Lies.

He is a man who loves women, he violently tells himself. You are a boy who loves boys. You will never be a man. He furiously walks away from Liam’s door, stomping past Zayn’s, and loudly slams his own hotel door. Zayn does not hear Niall’s stomping and anguish because he is busy with his own thoughts.

First is his family. Louis’ haunting words about family is the only thing people have left are etched deep into his mind. He thinks about his mother, his hard-working independent mother, his non-existent father, his beautiful older sister in University of… oh dear him! He does not know which University. He furiously tries to remember but it yields no fruit. He moves down the family chain and next is his second sister, Walihya (whom he remembers going to the beach with often), and his last sister, Sasha.

He is going in a downward spiral from now.

He thinks of himself when he impersonated Mr X and posted Harry’s entries in a futile attempt at helping him come out of the closet. Sadly, nobody saw the good he was doing. He saw Harry slowly killing himself over being gay; taking far too many pills, drinking himself like a fish, smoking down the road to all sorts of cancerous cancers, and other terrifying diseases that would forever cripple his body.

Or worse, kill him.

He abruptly stands from his seat by the window; he does not know whether it is rock music playing from down the corridor or because he did not want to go down this road again or else he would, well, do something worse than being Mr X. He, nevertheless, cannot help himself and his thoughts drift to his (ex) fiancée. He also thinks about her BFF, Eleanor Calder, and a wave of anger ripples through his body and he swallows it down. He wonders if he will ever get to see her, hold her hands within his, make love to her the only way he knows how, and to give her all the dandelions (her favorite) in the entire world because she deserves all of them, and more.

Were they over though?

No, he tells himself hurriedly. He even shakes his head physically for a big “NO” because no they are not over, no they cannot end so abruptly. They have oceans to travel, lunches to eat together, dinners to make and eat them before the fireplace, for fucks sake, they are _fireproof_. They are Zayn and Perrie, Zerrie, and nobody, not even bitchy Eleanor, can break them up!

He hurriedly, fired up inside, dials Perrie’s number off head. It goes straight to voicemail and he leaves a message, asking her if they could eat lunch by the river. He slumps back in his chair, spinning round on it, his head bopping to the metal music seething through the hotel walls. Smoke? He shakes his head. Drink? His mini fridge is empty, he reminds himself.

“What to do?” he questions out loud. Normally, he would be with Niall at this time but Niall had been busy chatting with Cara for her wedding plans so he is technically alone. He could write songs… but they have not started working on the new album. Or he could ink himself? Yes, Zayn sometimes does tattoo himself using his artistic skills, he really is good. He then remembers that he forgot his equipment back at Niall’s house in South Africa.

He excitedly gets up from the spinning chair by the window and he feels his legs go jelly beneath him. He catches himself before he falls and notes not to spin too fast, too long on them chairs. If there is one thing he always does when he is really bored, has completely nothing to do, or no one to call, he paints. Except he does not have his canvas! Internally, he screams out loud, slapping himself as well for forgetting the one thing that makes him escape. And the loud, metal music will just not do.

“What would Beyoncé do if she were bored?” he asks himself. He sheepishly giggles, “Sex.” He deeply contemplates the idea of calling Perrie again, but he has already left eight voice messages, fifteen missed calls and a failed Skype video chat. He hears a loud glass against the wall and the volume of the music seething through the walls rising by pitch… or volume, he cannot tell.

Sleep!

“I can’t sleep, it’s only midnight… oh dear, it’s midnight!” Zayn says and then realizes that perhaps it is quite late and he should get some shut eye. He then decides against it. “What am I, 70-years old?” He paces around the room, images of Perrie in his head, the future of the band, his bandmates, Niall…

“That stupid, metal music!”

He stops his train of thought when the music is too unbearable and he storms out of his room and furiously knocks on Liam’s door and tells him lower the damn volume. Except it is not Liam. The music is coming down the hall and he prays it is Larry listening to metal music for their weird sex roleplaying games. He passes their door and it is in fact Niall.

“Niall doesn’t listen to metal,” he tells himself. He knocks on the door four times, a signature move they both made to know it was either of them on the other side of the door. He knocks another four times, this time calling out Niall’s name.

“Niall, it’s me Zayn. Please lower the volume, metal music is not divine… well, not for me. I wanna sleep,” Zayn continuously says. “You could sleep with me again if you want… I mean, I wouldn’t mind, if you wouldn’t mind… Niall? Niall??”

His ear is glued to the door and he cannot hear anything over the loud music playing. He furrows his eyebrows really hard, trying to hear _past_ the screeching music but all there is the damn music. He calls his name and still the deafening music is playing. His heart begins to beat fast, his palms sweaty and his brain frying inside his head as he thinks what Niall is doing in there (apart from saying divine, he chuckles).

He pushes his body against the door attempting to open it but falls back onto the corridor flat on his back. He slams his entire body with full force the second time to the door and luckily it opens and sends his body down to the ground, along with the cream-colored door. He groans, pain shooting from his left side. Realization hits him like a train when he does not hear Niall’s laugh, or something along the lines of his fall being “divine” in fact he hears nothing and for a second he feels like perhaps this is not even Niall’s room but some old couple on their vacation.

But no! It is Niall’s room. How does he know? Because that’s Niall on the bed.

_His heart beats once._

Niall’s body on the bed, his hands stretched away from his body.

_His heart beats another time._

Niall’s mouth hanging down from his jaw, small drops of drool on the side. His eyes are dead, almost vacant.

_And another time._

It all zaps into his body; the loud metal music, his friend lying helplessly on the bed, the strong smell of _something_ he cannot quite put a finger on it and the fact that the room is quite dark, the only light coming from the illuminating moon.

_And another until he feels it constrict inside of him, behind his rib cage._

“Niall!” he screams running towards his best friends’ body. “Niall!” He nudges him but he is met with dead, piercing eyes that penetrating deep into Zayn’s body. He completely shivers for seconds. He is paralyzed. He cannot move.

How could he not _see_ it?

“Niall!” he silently cries. There is crimson ribbons wrapped tightly his left and right wrist, his fingers clutching on a pen-knife. Realization hits him like an avalanche. “What-what have you done? What have you done? _What have you done?”_

He climbs onto the bed, his vision blurry as the stream of tears fall from his cheeks and land on Niall’s pink T-shirt. He attempts to stop the blood, placing his palms on top of the deep cuts on both of Niall’s wrists.

“What have you done?” he cries to him. “What have you done?... I’m… I’m going to stop the blood, alright buddy? I’m going to save you. I’m going to save you this time.”

“Let me go,” Niall softly whispers and Zayn barely hears him above the loud music. The frightened boy is calling for help, calling for anyone to come!

“Niall, please stay with me,” Zayn pleads, his throat tightening. “Stay with me.”

“Let me go, Zay,” the bleeding boy pleads softly. His lashes are at half-mast, Zayn’s body going in a panic state that if Niall closes his eyes, it could be for forever.

He calls out again for _anybody_ to please help.

“I’m not letting you go Nini, never! I… I can’t live without you Niall.” He chokes. “You’re my best friend, my band mate, my brother and—and all those mixed into one South African boy that knows me inside out,” he wipes his wet cheeks with the back of his hand, “and has never judged me. You didn’t leave and I promised you the same thing; that _I_ wouldn’t leave. Even if it means pinning your wrists down, I will keep my promise.”

“Give it… up Zayn, I’m useless…” Niall is barely able to speak. Zayn knows he is straining but it is the only way he knows Niall is alive, he is still here. Alive. “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me.”

“I don’t hate you Nini, I never did,” Zayn cries to him. Crystal drops visible on Niall’s pale face from the boy above him crying as well as shouting for help. “I love you Nini, I love you so much to not let go. I am not leaving you…”

“Please, please Zayn, let me go,” Niall says, a little bit more forceful than before.

“No!” He shakes his head left and right. “I’m not going to give up on you… Somebody help!” he shouts towards the open door. “You reached out to me when the entire world didn’t,” Zayn cries out, sobs stopping his speech momentarily for the overwhelming flow of his teardrops. “the entire world forgot who I was, they stopped caring about me but you reached out. You took my hand and led me into the light even when God failed me. You saved me Niall without even realizing it.”

“Please… Zayn ask your divine God to forgive me for all of my sins.” Niall’s eyelids shut and open again at half-mast. He is struggling to stay alive, Zayn can tell, the blood seeping through the cracks of Zayn’s fingers.

“Don’t go Nini, please don’t go.” He turns his head back, yelling at the top of his lungs as loud as he can, “Somebody please help me!” Then to Niall, weeping, “You can’t leave me alone, you can’t leave me to be on my own.” He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, smearing Niall’s blood onto his cheek. “I will not let you leave me.”

An angel rushes into the room in the form of Liam. He stops when he sees the scene before him: Zayn crouched above Niall’s body, his palms forcefully on Niall’s wrists and there is a lot of thick, overflowing blood. A lot.

“What’s going on?” Liam asks, rushing to Zayn.

“Liam! Thank goodness!” Zayn cries happily. “Shut the music off and call the ambulance… call the fucking ambulance quickly!”

“Yeah… uh, yeah,” Liam stutters, his breath rugged. He dials the ambulance number on the hotel phone while walking towards the stereo, quickly talking on the phone, saying the hotel name and room number and for them to come quickly.

“Stay with me Nini, stay with me,” Zayn cries to Niall whose eyes are barely open. “Please stay with me… stay for me.”

“I don’t want to stay,” Niall tells him weakly.

“Yes you do, you do want to stay!”

Niall’s eyes shut. “Let me go Zayn.”

“What is he talking about?” Liam asks, his eyes red and puffy.

“I blame myself,” Zayn cries, choking between words.

“For?”

“For not seeing this! For not seeing you dying inside, crying out for help, for listening to the silence.” He grips Niall’s wrist tightly and feels warm liquid seeping through his fingers and he can all but not look at it. “All I heard was your loud noise, saying ‘divine’ far too many times, partying every other night, doing far too many things at once… run-running around and never standing still—”

Niall barely manages to say, “It’s not your…”

“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault,” Zayn interjects. “I should’ve been the one to save you from the house when you disappeared, not Robin. I should’ve helped you through your addiction with coke but I didn’t, I should’ve been your friend when you went out with Rich, Paige and those other weird people… I should’ve been the one you would call at 4AM asking for help.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I’ll never forgive myself for letting you go,” he says. His heart leaps to his mouth when Niall shuts his eyes. His eyes dart to his fingers, more blood than skin, and fresh tears roll down his wet cheeks. “Niall!”

“Is he dead?” Liam asks, shaking.

“Niall!” Zayn calls out, his bloody hands on Niall’s cheeks.

Visibly trembling, Liam asks again, “Is he dead?

Zayn continues pleading to the bleeding boy, “Please… you’re not dead. You’re not dead… you’re not dead,” his voice now a whisper. He fingers curl on Niall’s cheeks and he has to blink several times to see him clearly. “Nini! Please answer me, please Niall.”

“No no no no no no no no no _no_ ,” Liam chants when he, too, sees Niall is not responding, the pool of blood spreading on the floor. He gets flashbacks of Harry when Nick and King were removing drugs from his stomach and there was a lot of blood. “No no no no no!”

“Niall listen to me, you can’t leave me.”

For a blistering second, the two boys in the room feel a wave of relief when they hear him speak albeit softly. “Why?” His eyes are still closed, his face as white as snow, save for the blood stains from Zayn’s hands.

“You’re so divine!” He swears he sees Niall cracking a tiny smile and for some reason he continues and in the back Liam is swinging back and forth of the floor, his arms around his legs. “Because I love you Nini. Please don’t leave me because I love you so much!”

“Surrounded by people yet I had no one to talk to.”

“You had me. You’ve always had me.”

“I don’t… don’t.” Niall cannot say anything more. His entire body is weak and drained and he just wants to sleep peacefully.

Zayn sniffs once as he lowers his head down to Niall’s, and says words meant for him alone: “Listen. I know you don’t care what I have to say and I get it. I didn’t care years ago but you promised me that it was all going to be okay and I’m going giving you the same message. I know it’s tough right now and I can hear the pain in your voice and see the sorrow in your eyes. I’ve been there so many times it feels like home now.”

He is met with closed eyes but he can feel Niall’s weak pulse against his thumb on his neck. He takes a lungful of breath, batting his tears away, and exhales.

“But I need you to listen to me right now, or try at least. You’re here for a reason and I know this is said so many times and you want to roll your eyes right now but God has a reason for keeping you alive this long. There are a million of cells in your body, genetic codes within them that God took the time to align them together, to piece them together like a Jigsaw puzzle. So tell me why you want it go to waste?”

Niall’s eyes are still shut, not attempting to open them. However Zayn’s gaze is fixed on the small pumps on the small hollow at the bottom of Niall’s neck and hearing is fixed on Liam’s small, soft whimpers to his right.

“I know you’re sad right now… and even beyond. I know you wanting to die is the only solution but it’s not Nini… it’s not and.” He exhales. His palms are shaking by Niall’s neck, his throat dry but he soldiers on. “And even though I can’t understand properly I still know you want to die and you will be feeling like this for a really long time but here’s the thing Niall. I may not understand that feeling but I really understand healing, if not better than all four of you.” He softly brushes Niall’s hair off his forehead. “It’s terrible, brutal and hard but guess what, only the strongest conquer it. But you _are_ the strongest, the most divine and the most powerful. I was one of the strongest which you helped me be. And you may not feel strong right now but you are. And even if we have to be the strongest ones our whole lives, it’ll be worth it, you and I.”

He stops to see if Niall has responded. He patiently lets the seconds roll by, his grip on Niall’s wrists tighter than before and the seconds turn to minutes. He sniffs once and then twice and before he knows his, Niall’s face is like the ground full of puddles on a rainy day.

He softly adds, “Please listen to me Nini, stay. Stay with me.”

For some miracle, Niall opens his eyes at half-mast gazing up at Zayn and his mouth curls upward at the corners a little. “Promise me…” his voice is weak, light and low, “promise you’ll be with me when….”

“Thank goodness he’s alive,” Liam sighs a huge relief.

“I’ll always be by your side, Nini,” Zayn promises him. His shoulders move in a frenzy, his sadness seeping through him like a seave. “I’m not leaving!”

Just then two paramedics enter the room carrying their equipment, Larry walking in after them, their faces plastered with worry and shock. Their jaws drop to the floor upon seeing Zayn furiously crying, Liam crouched by the wall and Niall, seconds away from death.

One of the paramedics “Sir, your friend has lost a lot of blood and we kindly ask you to let him go.” Zayn does not budge. “Sir please move or he could die.” Zayn’s gaze is stuck on Niall’s closed wet eyelids, his palms still firmly clasping his cheeks. “Sir please move.”

“Zayn,” Harry calls out. “Zayn let the paramedics do their work.”

“No, I promised him that I would not leave,” Zayn says determinedly.

“He’s going to die if you don’t get off him,” Harry says, clutching Zayn’s shoulders. Harry turns to Louis and asks him to help remove Zayn off Niall’s body. The Mexican boy protests and screams, his legs furiously kicking and arms flapping around when Harry and Louis pull him away and the paramedics attempt to save their dear band mate’s life.

“Let me go,” Zayn shouts, wriggling from Harry’s and Louis’ grip. “I have to save him.”

“The paramedics are going to save him Zayn,” Harry tells him. He holds him by the arms tightly that Zayn flinches for a moment and his eyes drift to the face before him. “Listen to me, you alone could not save him but if you didn’t do what you did then Niall would be dead. You saved him Zayn, you did it!”

“But I promised him I would not leave him and I did,” Zayn whimpers. His body sinks into Harry’s, arms wrapped around his torso. “He’s gone,” he weeps, “he’s completely gone.”

“No he’s not,” Harry soothes him, stroking his back. Harry feels his shoulders getting damp and his upper back as well from where Zayn’s bloody hands are clutching onto his shirt. “Zayn, listen to me. He’s being taken to the hospital and we’re going to go there now so that we can make sure he’s alright.”

Zayn visibly nods his head on his shoulder, still silently crying. One of the paramedics, on their way out, turns to the boys who were in pure grief.

“If it wasn’t for that dark-haired boy, he might have been dead by the time we arrived,” he says and wheels pale, unconscious Niall out of the room and towards safety.

 

> **_— it’s only been four months but you’ve fallen down so far —_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... seem to be taking longer and longer to update but i'm woRKING ON IT. PROMISE [:


	24. - lights(ayonara) off niall james horan -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr Jenkins gives the four boys a diagnosis on Niall.

 

> **_— norman maclean: for it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us —_ **

THE FIVE LADS ARE AT the BIH, Brisbane International Hospital’s waiting room after Niall was admitted a few hours ago. It is a blur for all of them as they all remember small details of the night but nothing concrete: Zayn, who is sitting on the floor, legs up close to his chest, remembers pinning Niall’s wrists to the bed; Louis is sleeping like a cat on Harry’s lap and what he recalls is seeing an unconscious Niall on the ambulance stretcher; Harry’s eyes are fixated on the fluorescent lighting and furiously blaming himself for not having heard Zayn’s cries earlier. As for Liam, he recalls chatting to Tyra on the phone the entire night only for him to have heard Zayn’s cries above really loud metal music.

He is currently on Twitter, tweeting to the fans that Niall will be fine (they had somehow already found out that Niall has been admitted) and he is going to be released in no time. Problem is that neither of the boys believed that.

 

**_liamtheegg_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne  
Niall is going to be fine guys don’t worry #NiallGetWellSoon #YouAreDivine_

He clicks on the small envelope to the right side of his screen to access his DMs. He spots many asking him what has happened to Niall, if the concerts have been cancelled, if Niall will make it… and others asking for follow backs for other accounts. He sees one from Harry and clicks on it.

 

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** He WILL be fine Li!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** then why dont I believe that??????????

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** Because you don’t have faith.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** do you think its my fault??????????

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** It’s nobody’s fault! We’re just lucky Zayn went to help Niall before it was too late. We are very lucky that he’s alive.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** didnt you hear what that doctor were saying……. that he’s in a coma??!!1?????

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** People do get out of comas!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** really like who????

 ** _liamtheegg:_** name one person who does

 ** _liamtheegg:_** name one!!!!1!11!!!!!!

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** Calm down!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** NIALL IS IN A COMA BECAUSE OF ME, ITS ALL MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** I SHOULDVE NEVER DATED HIM!!!!!!!!!! :’(

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** Not everything is about you, Liam! Not this time. This is something between Niall and himself.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** what bout zayn???? is it his fault?????????

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** I don’t think so. Look at him, he’s hunkered down by the wall and hasn’t said anything at all to us. I think he also blames himself for not stopping the bleeding enough.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** I culdnt even help him.i just stood there with my back against the wall, looking @ zayn talking 2 him!!!!!!!!!!!

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** What was he saying to Niall?

 ** _liamtheegg:_** lots of stuff!!!!!!!!!1!!

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** What kinds of stuff? This could help us know why Niall’s in a coma.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** all I rmember is him telling Niall that he will never let him go, that he loves Niall, and God would never forgive him if he let Niall die

 ** _liamtheegg:_** And all I could see as I waited for the ambulance was blood Harry!!! Blood seeping through Zayn’s fingers to the floor and Niall

**_*liamtheegg is still typing*_ **

**_Harry Styles.:_** It’s fine. To be honest it does sound like Zayn, doesn’t it?

 ** _liamtheegg:_** everything sounds like Zayn!!!!!!!!!

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** Stop blaming yourself for Niall wanting to kill himself. It’s Niall’s choice, we don’t get to choose other people’s paths or why they do what they do, we just accept it.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** Were just going to sit back and be like yeah Niall almost killed himself, pass the blunt!????

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** Nooo, of course not. As for now, we need to accept that he did what he did.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** but why? IS HE NT HAPPY????????

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** I don’t know but we need Niall to be awake to answer that question.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** do u think hes happy Harry?

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** You told me that before the ambulances came in that he asked Zayn to promise him to be with him?...

 ** _liamtheegg:_** yea so?

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** I think he was happy in the end… before he went into a coma and I think that’s what’s important now.

 ** _liamtheegg:_** excuse youuuuuuuuuuu bt I think its more IMPORTANT that he’s awake!!

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** Grimmy and KING have just texted me asking if Niall’s OK and nearly everybody in the UK is freaking out!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** I’m getting soooo many DMs asking if he’s okay as well and I can’t even answer them.

 ** _Harry Styles.:_** We have to be strong!

 ** _liamtheegg:_** the fuck does that mean?

 

Harry does not reply to Liam’s DM as Doctor Jenkins, the doctor in charge of Niall, approaches them, all five of them zapping into action and are on their feet. The doctor begins talking, his voice loud and a little tired.

“Niall Horan—” He begins but is interrupted by Liam.

“Is he OK?”

“Sssh!” Harry hushes him and nods to Dr. Jenkins to go ahead.

“Niall Horan, as I earlier told you slipped into a coma minutes upon his arrival. His reticular activating system, automatically responsible for the body’s regulation of heart rate, blood pressure and other essentials, switched off, so to speak, which occurs when we go to sleep or are temporarily unconscious. This means that his brain activities have stopped functioning which then lead him into a coma as his reticular activating system was off.” Dr Jenkins temporarily stops speaking to them as he flips through blue papers on his clipboard. “The reason for his coma is because of poison.”

“Poison?” Zayn questions the doctor.

“Yes. Specifically, alcohol poisoning and other drugs.”

“But Niall doesn’t take a lot of alcohol,” Zayn says to the best of his knowledge.

The doctor’s nose is in his blue papers on the clipboard, reading from it like a list of facts. “On the contrary, Mr Horan has been consuming large amounts of alcohol that his liver has deteriorated terribly.” He looks up at four, mouth-hanging faces. “He’s been diagnosed with cirrhosis.”

“Cirr-what?” Liam asks.

“Cirrhosis is a type of liver disease,” he speaks in a matter-of-fact tone. “You probably may not have noticed this because there usually are no symptoms, if any, and the symptoms that are noticeable do not lead one to think of it as cirrhosis.”

“What are the symptoms?” Harry asks. He explains that some signs include fatigue, jaundice, loss of appetite, “the usual” as Dr Jenkins says. They, in fact, do not know what he means by ‘the usual.’

“It is rare that alcohol usually causes one goes into a coma as some of the common causes include internal bleeding on the brain stem or the brain itself is swelling within the skull. With each intake of alcohol, it is directly poisoning the brain but our kidneys and livers, thankfully, metabolize the alcohol in the body. However, as Mr Horan currently has cirrhosis, his liver could not function properly and the depth of his intoxication was far too great that his reticular activating system switched off the brain activities such as breathing, muscle function, heart rate amongst others and hence his entire body shuts down completely.”

Zayn runs his hand through his hair and grips it tight from the back of his neck. Liam leans his body against the white hospital walls while Louis groans, his body is lightly being held against his dear boyfriend.

“So his liver failure caused his coma?” Liam asks, trying to understand the doctor.

“When the liver’s purpose stops working, the alcohol accumulates in the brain and one has a condition called Hepatic Encephalopathy. This is when the brain function is impaired. Have you noticed Mr Horan being very active suddenly? And especially at night rather than morning? Or perhaps sleeping mostly during the day and the whole night he’s awake?” The lads nod at Dr Jenkins mechanically. “This is a symptom of Hepatic Encephalopathy. Unfortunately for Mr Horan, his liver stopped metabolizing the alcohol and it then started accumulating in the brain leading to severe Hepatic Encephalopathy and hence caused his coma. He could have been dead had he not come to the hospital.

“Unfortunately, cirrhosis is the final phase of chronic liver disease” — Zayn and Liam have horror written on their faces —  “and he will need a liver transplant as soon as he wakes up from his coma or he could get Hepatorenal Syndrome which is when the kidneys cannot clear substances from the blood or worse, he could develop liver cancer.”

“How can he get a liver transplant when he’s not even conscious?” Louis questions, his hand tightly holding onto Harry’s.

“If Mr Horan wakes up, he will need a new liver as soon as possible or his liver will keep getting worse as I have earlier said,” explains Dr Jenkins, his voice monotonous. “Unfortunately, cirrhosis is not the only disease I managed to diagnose him with.”

“There’s more?” Zayn wonders. He runs his fingers through his overgrown jet-black hair.

“What else is there?” questions Liam, his back sagging against the wall.

“Hmm. As a result of too much alcohol, and along with smoking, he has Stage 1 cancer of the mouth. Luckily, we were able to detect it early so we can immediately treat upon it.”

“What about the treatment?” Harry asks, voice calm but strained.

“I need to evaluate him more to see if we need immediate surgery or perhaps chemotherapy or even radiotherapy,” he explains to them

“Are you aware of his cocaine use?” asks Dr Jenkins, gazing at them.

“Yes,” Harry answers as the others nod. “Is that also a cause of his coma?”

“It could have been but it wasn’t, thankfully. We examined him and found very high levels of cocaine in his body that I myself am shocked to find. It is very worrying. He has more levels than that of an usual addict.”

“Are you saying he overdosed?” Louis asks.

“An overdose usually occurs in one event. For Mr Horan, it is a continuous event of high levels of cocaine in his system and I would kindly ask that he goes to rehab or one day he might actually die from it.” Liam swallows audibly. “You see, cocaine is a brain stimulant that has an adrenaline-like effect to the body which then increases the heart rate as well as the blood pressure. This, along with irregular heart rhythms, increases his chances of a heart or panic attack. Or even a stroke.”

“But he’s so young!” Louis says, surprised.

“Anybody and anyone can get a heart attack or a stroke,” says Dr Jenkins in his factoid, tired tone. “Cocaine addiction is as serious as it gets as it is one of the most dangerous drugs in the world yet people do not realize the high likelihood that one can drop dead due to an overdose, or being addicted to it for a long time. I would be lying if I didn’t say that Mr Horan’s long-term use of cocaine did have an effect to his coma because really, the incessant use of the narcotic does have a bad effect on the liver. Had you noticed Mr Horan having some form of delusions or talking excessively?”

“He always talked a lot,” Liam says.

“More than usual,” corrects Dr Jenkins.

“He used to have a lot of nosebleeds and lightheadedness,” Zayn says tenderly. He gets flashbacks of the times Niall would randomly grab his shoulder forcefully and tell him he was dizzy and they needed to sit down or when his nose would bleed (which became a norm to both of them) and he would take care of it. He shakes his head at the thought, slapping himself for not having done _something_ other than wipe his nosebleed with tissue.

Harry speaks up and says, “But he reduced his coke intake.”

Dr Jenkins shakes his head slightly and tells them, “I don’t think so. We found injection marks on his upper right and left arms,” says Dr Jenkins, reading from his clipboard, and their hearts sink to their stomachs. He turns over a paper on his clipboard and asks them about Niall’s injured knee.

“He sort of kept putting out his knee in concerts and he hasn’t fixed his knee injury ever since,” Zayn answers.

Dr Jenkins frowns. “His knee is in terrible shape, I don’t know how he’s been able to walk!”

“How bad?” Harry asks.

“I would say each step is as painful as it gets. Mr Horan would need a very high dosage of painkillers and other stimulants to reduce the pain on his knee,” says Dr Jenkins, and for once his voice is that of concern.

“He had physiotherapy,” Liam explains to him.

“A physiotherapist would not, nay, cannot help him at this point, he really needs a knee surgery A.S.A.P or it might get worse and worse and its damage irreversible.”

“He said he was fine,” Louis says.

“He wasn’t,” says Dr Jenkins harshly. “Did you know he has ulcers as well?”

“Ulcers?” Liam repeats. Dr Jenkins nods and goes on to diagnose Niall with the symptoms and causes of Niall’s ulcer but the lads do not listen to him, their brains having taken so much in.

They watch in in a daze, Dr Jenkins’ lips are moving yet they cannot hear what he is saying. The simply cannot grasp that this is their Niall; that what the doctor is reading from his blue papers is simply him. Niall is not all these complications. He is not overdosed on cocaine, Stage 1 cancer, liver transplant, alcohol poisoning, coma, an “off” reticular activating system, Hepatorenal Syndrome, lightheadedness, suicidal, knee injury, heart attacks, cirrhosis, severe Hepatic Encephalopathy, mouth cancer, pale, chemo or high dose of painkillers.

Yet he is. He was all of these and more. More than the doctor is telling them but they refuse to listen. The want to keep the little piece of sanity they have left of Niall and tuck it in their pockets where it will remain forever.

Zayn interrupts Dr Jenkins, “Will Niall be okay?”

“In my opinion, Mr Horan was the walking dead,” Dr Jenkins concludes, tucking his clipboard underneath his armpit. “He was going to die at any moment. But he’s here and therefore he will be treated.”

“What about the coma?” Harry asks.

“I need to spend more time with him to see his progress in order to give all of you full details of his condition,” responds the Australian doctor. “I urge you to all go back to your hotel and get some rest,” – he turns to look outside where the sun is rising – “it is almost morning.”

The lads’ eyes follow Dr Jenkins retreating body down the ceramic-tiled floor, their thoughts a tangled web. However they had one common thought: they would not leave Niall.

Liam turns to the other lads, leaning against the wall, and asks, “We’re not leaving are we?”

“Not until Nini wakes up,” Zayn determinedly says.

“We’re never leaving,” Harry vows.

“Screw that doctor,” Louis ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alriiiiiiiiiiiight so the fact that niall is in a coma from alcohol is a little far-fetched but not entirely. YOU CAN go into a coma from high levels of alcohol but over a long period of time, say, 15 years but by then so many things will have been affected BEFORE that happens. say, liver failure.


	25. - harry -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry makes promises to Niall about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☺

**_ _ **

 

> **_— robert frost: promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep —_ **

 

**_\+ 8:20PM Tuesday +_ **

HARRY GINGERLY WALKS INTO THE fluorescent lit hospital room where Niall is laying peacefully in a coma on the bed. There are several cream-colored monitors on both sides of his bed, a lot of needles pinned into his pale skin, clear liquid flowing in and out of the tubes. Harry gently taps on Zayn’s shoulder who is curled up on the grey couch facing Niall’s sleeping body. His lashes flutter open and gazes at Harry.

“C’mon Zayn, go get some food,” Harry gently says to him. The dark-haired Mexican glances at Niall.

“I’m good.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be here, I’m not leaving at all.”

“Fine but I’ll be back,” Zayn agrees, albeit groggily. He walks out as Harry takes his warm spot on the couch.

He swipes a quick glance around the hospital room and sees it is quite different than the last time he was in here – this morning. There are definitely more flowers by the table opposite his bed, many ore cards on the table as well as the bedside table, there is a huge teddy bear probably from Nick, Harry muses, and he notices the African paintings on the wall too. All this color is a sharp contrast to the comatose body on the bed.

Niall’s face is pale that he looks like a ghost, Harry notes. His collarbone is very visible under his stretched, overworked skin. His neck is thinner than usual, his Adam apple is not dancing beneath it like it always does when Niall is chuckling loudly or yodeling, ‘It’s divine!’ He swallows deeply when his green eyes move down his body and settle on Niall’s arm and at the end is a white bandage wrapped around his wrist. His fingers are distinctively pale, almost as white as the cold hospital walls. He stares hard at the white bandage, sharp memories of five nights ago when he almost died; when his best friend left them.

Almost.

“Hey Niall,” Harry says weakly at first then clears his throat. “It’s me, Harry. The doctor said that you haven’t responded to the medicine they’ve been giving you but they’re hopeful you’ll come around.” He cracks his knuckles, and pouts his lips like a fish. “To be honest, I don’t know if you’ll… when you’ll wake up. Will it be today? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?

“Doctor Jenkins said that coma patients respond to stimuli in their environments like sounds, smell… something they’re familiar with and they will start responding but it’s been six days Niall, six. He said a lot of scary things when we rushed you to the hospital. Too many things that I didn’t want to hear, I didn’t want to believe that they were _you_. They couldn’t be you because…because you’re, well, you.”

He takes a deep breath and pins his right elbow on his knee, his face resting on his knuckles as the other hand holds Niall’s arm.

“He said that your body was overworked that it just shut down. You shut everything off, buddy that your body joined in. I read somewhere that nobody loves you more than your body. Your body wants you to be happy and if it can’t make you happy it will allow you to destroy it because then you would be happy. That means if coke, alcohol, cigarettes, funny pills and medication make you happy then so be it, your body will comply. We however disregard the danger and in the end it’s too late to notice our body degrading within us and then it can’t make you happy.

“It starts to turn on you. All those many snorts of coke start taunting you, those shots you kept taking in the truth or dare game with the lads… those memories haunt you and you ask yourself why you ever did that. Why did I drink so much? Why did I smoke so much?” He pauses for a moment. “But that’s the thing, no matter what you do to make yourself happy, the pain is so much more and it gets so bad your body shuts down yet what goes on in between must have been excruciating.” He chuckles a little bit. “Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I’m paraphrasing _The Fault in Our Stars_. Yes,” he smiles at Niall’s body, “I read the book the day after we brought you to the hospital. Doctor Jenkins said you had cancer so then I remembered there was a time I heard you and Zayn talking about some girl called Hazel in a book and then it hit me – _TFiOS_! So I went out with Lou and bought the book and read it with him in 5 hours... Louis keeps saying I’m Augustus and he’s Hazel… Load of nonsense, if you ask me. I’m obviously the friend to, ah shit, forgot his name, but the guy who is friends with Augustus.”

He sniffs once. He wipes the crystal liquid dripping down his upper lip with the back of his hand. Too bad, he can’t wipe the other glistening liquid rolling down his cheek.

“I can’t imagine what you went through. You must have been in so much pain; the knee, the constant nosebleeds, the silent screams nobody was hearing yet you never said a word! You never said anything. You could’ve said something. Anything at all and I would’ve listened and if not me then Zayn. Zayn would’ve helped you, he would’ve been there.” He adds silently, “He would’ve stopped you.”

He stops speaking to Niall for a few minutes, his sobs uncontrollable at this point. He feels the weight on his shoulders weighing heavily down on him and blaming himself for not seeing the signs of suicide from Niall. And the guilt.

Oh, the overwhelming guilt!

“I introduced you to this life Niall; the hard life of drugs, sex and alcohol when I shouldn’t have. See, I perfected it. I knew when a lot was a lot, when too much partying had happened and I needed to slow down on the Vodka and on Jack but you didn’t know. You were on a roll buddy, a long roll and I didn’t even see it because I was too busy trying to get Caroline out of jail. It’s all my fault that you’re here, that you’re in a coma.” He cups both of his hands around Niall’s arm just below his elbow. “Please forgive me, I beg of you Niall, please forgive me for doing this to you.

“I was the one who let you take your first and second snort of coke and after two snorts you’re addicted. It was me, you, Ed, King, and Grimmy and we were making a list of who could be Mr X and you snorted your first. I encouraged you to when I should have known better and stopped you. But I was fucked up then… but that’s still no excuse!”

He wipes the last of his tears off his red eyes and swipes his tongue over his bottom lip, moistening it a little bit as it is dry and his lip balm is with Louis.

“Trust me, I know how it feels. If there is anyone here it’s me who knows best what you were going through because not long ago I was like you and wanted to simply wanted to leave these demons in my head. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you, and waiting for everyone to fall asleep so you can fall apart… safely. For everything to hurt so bad you want it all to end. And you beg yourself to just hold on and be strong but you _can’t_. You ask yourself if it ever gets better. You ask yourself who will come when you call them at 3AM because the monsters in your head are saying hello… and that’s when you start to give up on yourself. You sleep too much, you drink too much, you find yourself snorting more coke than air, and all you can think about is the ways you want to leave.”

He digs into his pocket, pulling out a crumbled paper.

“Doctor Jenkins is an ass by the way. I don’t like him maybe because he was saying the truth. Funny that, when we’re told the truth we always fight for a lie,” he says as he is skimming through the square-lined paper. “I wrote down all the things he found inside of you and it’s creepy how long this list is… Some words I haven’t even heard of them like Hepatorenal Syndrome, Cirrhosis, or Reticular Activating System which apparently I should’ve learned in Biology but” – he shrugs – “never cared much for school, too busy being my sister’s drug mule. You’re going to have a completely new liver. He showed us a thingy of your liver, it was horrible… sorry but seriously, it looked rotten! I know that’s mean of me but I want to make a promise here and now.

“I want to promise you that if you wake up, no, _when_ you wake up I will help you quit everything. I lost Ed to drugs, I can’t lose you to them as well. I swear on my fucking life that I’ll help you quit coke, alcohol, cigarettes which I didn’t know you smoked, Nandos because it’s fatty and has far too much cholesterol. We don’t want to add diabetes or coronary heart disease to this list,” – he rattles the square-lined paper in his hand – “of complications you have. Here’s why Doctor Jenkins is an ass: it’s because he thinks you’re not going to wake up—”

His speech is stopped as if his mouth is paralyzed as he hears a slight beep from the monitor above Niall’s head. He quickly glances at the screen but the green light is flat. Flat as a table and still.

He chuckles. “I must be hallucinating! Or maybe I want you to be alive so bad. I really should stop taking my pills but I can’t. So like I was saying, Doctor Asshole keeps hinting that you’re not going to ever wake up but I know you are. I know you will, I mean you haven’t met Neymar yet, you haven’t finished the stadium tour but at least you have performed at the Jo’burg Stadium, your dream! You told us that you used to watch football matches when you were younger and that when you went for the auditions you dreamed of coming here for a long time and you finally did it.”

He quietly looks at Niall’s still body and swears upon himself to bring Niall back to life – not just physically. “I couldn’t save Ed but I will save you. And to begin with, I brought the book!” He shows Niall _The Fault in Our Stars_. He points it to his face and he is all smiles and grins. “I heard you love this book so much and I see why, it’s sappy and romantic and… I have to admit it’s so me.”

He opens the first page and notes to Niall that John Green, the author, wrote other books such as _Looking for Alaska_ and he promises to buy those books as well and read them to him.

“To Esther Earl,” he reads out loud from the book. “I wonder who that is. His wife, maybe?” He flips the page to where he begins reading the book to Niall’s sleeping beauty. “Chapter One: Late in the winter of….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S DAY 366/366 AND OF COURSE I HAD TO UPDATE ON THE LAST DAY - GOTTA END 2016 ON A HIGH [;
> 
> personally, I'm staying up till 12:01 to watch 2016 PROPERLY die!!


	26. - louis -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has too many questions for Niall.

> **_— ay: but isn’t that the scary part? the fact that we can leave with a simple blade, a few pills, or a rope. The scary part is the simplest objects may choose our fate between living or leaving this hell —_ **

**_ _ **

**_ _ **

**_\+ 11:04PM Friday +_ **

 

“IF THERE’S ONE THING I hadn’t noticed before is that Zayn’s always around you,” Louis announces closing the hospital door behind him. “Could barely get him out of here.”

He props himself on the couch, one arm carrying a large slushie and the other two packets of Oreos between his fingers. He slides down the couch and feet propped up on the hospital bed, smiling slightly to himself because he knows Niall would viciously whack his feet off the bed if he were awake.

“Your parents came on Wednesday,” he continues to speak to the silent boy. “They’re pretty wrecked about it. I mean, I am too, but they’re blaming themselves for not having fixed you when this happened when you were younger. Apparently you went into a coma for only five days yet it’s been nearly ten days since you’ve been in a coma and they’re friggin’ out… so am I Niall!”

He opens his first Oreo packet and bites off a large chunk of the delicious yummy-ness.

“I should’ve bought milk not a slushie!” He rolls his head on the couch, his head facing up at the white ceiling. “You should’ve seen Greg. Constantly blaming himself for your coma. Nutty nutty brother, ain’t he? But the fans are worse!”

He rolls his head on the couch so that he is gazing at Niall’s closed eyelids. “They hacked into the CCTV cameras to watch you sleep… Like you would always say they’re crazy fans and that you love them. You always love the fans. I do too but it’s a bit odd, like, more than usual… I’m not blaming you for loving the fans and I know we should because they got us where we are today. But seriously, the fans hacking into the hospital’s security system is bad enough and it’s a serious offense. Don’t they know what privacy is? Don’t they know that we want to be alone??

“They miss you nevertheless, them fans. They’re very worried about you. We couldn’t lie to them you were getting better because now they know you’re in a coma but they don’t know why you’re in a coma and I’m really worried that they might find out. If they haven’t already,” he adds and rolls his eyes. “They’re going to find out that it’s all Liam’s fault that you’re in a coma. That’s what Greg said anyway. He said that your ex-girlfriend dumped you and you were really shaken up that you slipped into a coma. You and Liam broke up and here you are, in a coma for the second time.”

He drinks his slushie, his gaze still not off the half-South African lad.

“Up to this day I can’t believe you met David Becks!” Louis says still surprised that Niall, Liam and Harry had met him before _he_ did. “And Robin van Persie! You’re on a roll here Niall, and you’re practically dating him anyway, aren’t yah? You go giiiiirl!” Louis gasps after saying the latter statement, it is not something that he usually says. “You should introduce me properly when you wake up, I need to hang out with Robin… or better yet, you should date him then we can have a gay double date! It’s going to be fierce!” Louis takes one single bite of the next Oreo, swallowing it down with the slushie. “These are really good y’know, so good.”

Louis asks numerous questions, each rolling out of his tongue uncontrollably.

“Was this a cry for help? Did you want to kill yourself because you wanted us to notice? Were you seeking attention? You already have attention so why would you do this?... I… I refuse to believe that you wanted to die when you had everything! You had a great career, you bought your parents a new house, you attended your brother’s wedding, you came out of the closet, you smashed it at MSG, you had so many sold-out concerts and yet… yet you want to throw that all away by stabbing your wrists? All because of _fucking Liam_?”

Louis bites his tongue, stopping himself from going down that slippery slope of the blame game. He, however, cannot help it. He is blaming everybody and anybody that has to do with Niall’s suicide, which includes the white-washed body in front of him.

“Did you not think about us when you were jamming that knife to your wrists? Did you not think about us finding you bleeding on the floor, and if you did, did you not think of Zayn? Zayn’s the worst out of all of us. He’s bitter, sad, and does not even talk to us anymore. He’s got a lot on his shoulders Niall: the Mr X thing, the whole relationship between you and Liam and now this, not stopping your suicide. He blames himself for everything and for that you’re very selfish!

“You didn’t think about anyone else when you killed yourself. You were about to be gone, and you couldn’t come back. Your friends would wonder if it was their fault, maybe they’re the ones who led to you to the knife, maybe it was us who made the first cut on your wrist, maybe the fans are what made the cuts deeper or was it the fucking alcohol you keep drinking that made you not see there was far too much blood on your wrists? Do you know there would be so many people affected by your suicide?

“People will miss you, people will cry, people will feel terrible guilt, I mean, look at Liam! He’s overridden with guilt but most importantly, people love you and I’m one of those people. I love you so much Niall and I promise you I do from the bottom of my arse…” He laughs knowing Niall would laugh too if he heard it. “…because my arse is bigger. I’m not just talking, I’m meaning it… I don’t know how else to prove that I do but you shouldn’t have taken that knife. You shouldn’t.”

He is heavily breathing now, his knuckles having turned white from gripping onto the packet of Oreos and a slushie on the other. Guilt, what he was earlier talking about, enters his body and he knows what he has just said is hurtful.

“I’m sorry. I’m just not good at this stuff. Not good at suicides and all. I come from a happy family, a seven-member family,” –he chuckles – “yes, we’re pretty big! Actually we’re eight counting my step-sister from Mark. But the more the merrier, right? We got everything we ever wanted… not like that, what I meant was that we didn’t get everything and anything but we got everything we ever needed and for that I am ever grateful. We never lacked anything, my mother made sure that we never lacked the basics, that we were always happy. If we ever had an issue, she told us to work it out. We should never go to sleep with a grudge on our backs or with a huge weight on our shoulders. And so every night, I would happily go to bed because I would talk to her about anything… anything at all Niall.

“Harry told me that not all families are like this” – he snorts –“I mean have you see _his_? Anyway, I was very lucky to have grown in a loving and caring environment. I mean his family isn’t winning Family of the Year awards anytime soon. It’s because of my ignorance that I was surprised when I saw you killing—in your hotel room. I thought you had a happy family, that you and your mother were good together, that you and your father were alright. Greg said that you didn’t really like your mother, blamed her for the divorce.” He exhales loudly having held in a large mouthful of air inside. “Family is everything Niall and I guess for my ignorance about other families, this is the price I pay.

“So you see why am surprised when I walked into the hotel room that day with Harold and Zayn was stopping your wrists from losing any more blood,” he says, his throat becoming dry. “That was the scariest time of my entire life, no joke. So many thoughts were running through my mind at that time, one was what the hell was Zayn doing and why was there so much blood on his hands then there was Liam who was trembling on the floor and Harry who seemed to have taken control of the situation. What’s terribly scary is how easily we can _leave_! All I could think of was how much blood you lost and that… that you… you were going to… to… but you didn’t.” He exhales through his lips. “You’re alive.

“What’s more is that the last thing I said to you was hurtful. I said that you shouldn’t get the Kraken Fish because you were replacing Liam with a fucking fish and that was a terrible way of getting over him… I should’ve known better. I should’ve helped you get that fish if I knew this is what would happen if you didn’t get the Kraken Fish from the fish zoo. I kept thinking that if you were to die, Heaven forbid, if you were to die the last thing you will remember is me telling you that you can’t have the Kraken Fish which, when I think about it now, is totally stupid.

“But that’s this is where I went wrong. That was your cry for help! That was a loud and clear cry for help that I stupidly shut down. I ridiculed you for reaching out to me and I shut you out. I didn’t even listen, I didn’t bother to lend you my hand. _I didn’t listen!_ ” Louis cries, emotions running high. _“_ Why didn’t I fucking listen?”

He opens the next packet of his Oreos and finishes them within two minutes, a record for him. He calls out for his boyfriend who quickly rushes into the room.

“What?” he asks breathlessly. “Is he awake?”

“No,” Louis says. “I’m out of Oreos… would you be a dear?”

“Lou!” Harry groans. “I thought he woke up.”

“Oreos, darling!” Louis says sassily to him.

“Remove your feet off his bed!” Harry instructs his boyfriend and he obeys, albeit rolling his eyes.

“Oreos!”

Louis catches Harry giving him the middle finger as he steps out of the room. During his wait for his delicious Oreos, he sucks on the straw and realizes that his slushie, too, is over. He gazes lazily at Niall, his face going into a frown immediately.

“But you were always happy!” he says, his thoughts in a jumble. “You were the most excited person I’ve ever known yet the unhappiest at the same time. You would always give your 110 per cent during rehearsals and even sometime instruct us how to move across the stage. While on stage, you’d be on one corner of it and the next minute you’ll be walking down the catwalk with Zayn and when I turn, you’ll be sitting next to me! I couldn’t keep up with you and I’m the active one! Yet you were unhappy.” Louis is confused at how Niall was unhappy yet what he saw was a bouncy, ever-glowing Niall who was cracking jokes (mainly Irish even though he is not Irish) all the time.

“Why would you make us laugh when you were so unhappy?” he asks Niall. He is met with deafening silence. “Were you trying to make yourself smile? Were the jokes really for _you_ and not us? I wish you were awake so that you would answer my questions. I’m cracking my brain here for answers yet I come up with more questions than answers.”

He sighs loudly, stating, “The doctor says it’s cause of cocaine but I still think it’s you not the drugs. What I don’t get is how you could move so much with that knee?! Must be really painful—oh good, my Oreos!”

Harry walks into the room with Louis’ Oreos in hand, six packets as he knows if he brought less he would call out for him _again_.

“How’s he?” Harry asks.

“In a coma,” Louis replies already eating his Oreos. “Where are the others?”

“Zayn’s literally outside the door, Liam is at the hotel with Greg and Niall’s parents are out getting more flowers,” Harry says. “Were you crying?”

“No.”

Harry sees Louis’ nose flaring and immediately knows he is lying. He squats before him, his arms on his thighs, slightly caressing them. “Why were you crying, love?” Louis fish-mouths his lips not responding. “Tell me why you were crying? Is it because of Niall?” Louis nods. His mouth is curved downwards, his eyes glassy. “You heard Dr Jenkins, he’s making good progress and responding to stimuli.”

“It’s all my fault,” Louis cries out, his tears uncontrollably falling down his cheeks.

“What do you mean?” he asks, frowning.

“I asked you why some people kill themselves and you told me that it’s a cry for help,” Louis explains and Harry slightly nods gazing up at him. “Yet Niall had told me he wanted my help.”

“When?”

“Not directly though. We were at the fish zoo one time… me, him and Zayn… and—oh gosh, it was the day I left you at home with Georgia,” Louis cries, his head buried in his hands.

Harry reaches up to his cheeks with hand and wipes off the hot tears rolling down his boyfriend’s cheek with his thumb. “You cannot cry because of that. It was a long time ago.”

“No. I—I—Nia… Niall… he had been crying out for help by saying he wanted some rare fish and I blew him off. I angrily told him that he couldn’t get that fish and that it won’t help him get over Liam. I bashed him saying that he was a coward for not confronting Liam about their break up and I kept on going regardless of Zayn was telling me to stop, I just kept on going…I didn’t know he was hurting this bad.”

Harry wraps his body around Louis’ fragile one, feeling his boyfriend’s shoulders vibrating. “Don’t blame yourself for this love. It’s not your fault. You thought that was the best way to help him so don’t beat yourself over it.”

“He practically asked for my help and I… I didn’t help him. I didn’t help him at all.”

“Louis, we can’t save everybody,” Harry says closely to his ear.

“Why? Why not?

“Because right now, Niall has to fight to live. He has to dig deep down, find the will, and live. He controls this whole thing, if he lives, doesn’t,” Louis whimpers and Harry soothes him by palming his arms, “he needs to fight.”

“We could’ve tried to save him.”

“Baby boy, you did absolute everything you could to save Niall—”

“And look what happened, he’s in fucking coma.”

“It’s hard,” Harry softly says, rubbing circles on Louis’ back. “You don’t understand suicide and I know. It’s hard to explain it too but what Niall did was bound to happen sometime and if not then he would’ve died by his own devices.” He unwraps himself from Louis and gazes deeply into his boyfriend’s glassy eyes. “Nevertheless, one thing is with suicide is not to beat yourself up for not having seen the signs of it early to stop it.”

“I did see them though. He showed them to me… I saw it in you too.”

“I… I wasn’t going to kill myself,” Harry confesses. “I was stupid, overdosing on drugs, drinking alcohol like it was water but I wasn’t going to kill—”

“Bullshit Harold!” Louis cries bitterly to his boyfriend . Harry makes no attempt to talk back but patiently listens to his downpour. “You tried to kill yourself more than twice and each time it was a surprise. The first time you were unconscious in front of my bedroom door in our flat after gulping nearly an entire bottle full of fucking pills. The second time you were on the bathroom floor and we had to call King again to make sure you didn’t die… and each time I felt like a fool not having stopped you. But you think I would’ve learned, you think I would _know_.

“But I don’t because here is Niall who was about to kill himself. He was ready to leave this fucking world and I would have stood by and let it happen because I didn’t know he was so unhappy,” he says. He stops blubbering his thoughts, emotions on an all-time high. He gently says, “Yet he was always happy… just like you always were.”

“Baby, we were just too dumb to notice,” Harry hums the lyrics to _Guns and Roses_ and Louis immediately smiles, albeit with tears.

“Fuck you,” he sweetly says, sniffing. “Do you think love could’ve saved him?”

“We loved him,” Harry responds softly, his boyfriend gently in his arms.

“But love saves people,” Louis insists gazing into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Love saves people,” he adds softly.

“We did love him,” Harry repeats his left hand brushing Louis’ jawline.

“But we lost him.”

“Hey, Zayn saved him,” Harry says but Louis snorts.

“Yeah, great job he did Curly. We should award him with Life Saver of the Year.”

Harry slightly frowns. “He saved Niall, didn’t he?”

“Coma!”

“He’s not dead.”

“Yeah cause being in a coma is a good use to us,” Louis scorns and curses under his breath. “Fuck this shit!”

 Harry holds Louis hands in his and gazes longingly at his boyfriend’s dashing blue eyes. “Baby, there are to some people like Niall whereby people aren’t the medicine.”

“So what saves them?”

“Only they can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of YOU are taking care of yourself and keeping safe [:


	27. - zayn -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn hates what he has to confess to Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☺

> **_— wilfred owen: if anything might rouse him now / the kind old sun will know.  —_ **

 

**_ _ **

 

**_\+ 4:32PM Sunday +_ **

ZAYN DRAWS THE CURTAINS TO let the sun’s rays to light Niall’s cold body and then slumps himself on the grey cushioned chair facing Niall’s bed. He had ran many errands today morning, amongst them, buying fresh daisies for Niall’s room, and bringing in fast foods (Dr Jenkins says even smell can help with Niall’s recovery), and not forgetting to change the water for the Nemo look-alike fish, and of course, spending more time with Niall than the other boys, Greg and Niall’s parents.

“Fucking fish eats a lot,” Zayn says, pointing to it with his thumb. The Kraken Fish, you ask? Well, they flew to Bali, hand in hand, after their concert in Botswana and they almost got the rare Kraken Fish. One of the ten in the world! Zayn snorts at the thought. “You would think being in One Direction has privileges like getting a rare fish!”

Zayn lies back in his chair, the sun rays feeling warm against his body on this sunny afternoon. He places his clamped hands on top of his stomach, his sweatpants-clothed legs outstretched in front of him. Like a ritual, he begins with facts about his health before indulging his best friend with other things such as his fears of lying in a coma, each day hoping that the line on the monitor will jump.

“The Aussie tour leg has been postponed to next year January. The fans are really worried about you. Your psycho friends have been endlessly calling me for the past two weeks asking about you and Rich even came. Two days ago. Him and Grimmy, Paige the Bitch, Robin aren’t here and Cara is worried… about her wedding!” He snorts. “Typical, huh? How about that guy, Ladavid or something… he’s here as well and also Chloë Mortez came by. Was a tad awkward... but still, she came and I was wondering when you met her then I remembered that I don’t care. But she’s pretty, I get it.”

He gets off his chair and drags it closer to his body so that he can hold Niall’s dangly, lifeless left hand and the bundled bandage on around his wrist.

He begins by asking him, “Was it something I said? I did say that you were a liar, the biggest of all and worse than Liam.  When I said that I meant your friends. Like Rich or Paige the Bitch,” – he chuckles at the rhyme –“they make you a fake, shallow person who lives off gossip and other people’s misery while forgetting about their own. You were—are like that. When we’re together, you’re real with me but once you go out you’re this whole new person with no soul!

“I told you this, all of this but you didn’t budge. You defended me from Louis when he was insulting me. I couldn’t even do anything but you kept defending me and for that I am grateful. But you know me Niall and I will ask why.” He smiles to himself, one of those knowing smiles. “I know you’re going to say I shouldn’t ask why but simply say ‘Thank you for helping me’ but I won’t. I think that, no, I know it was my trigger. I triggered you to go ahead and kill.” He gulps, not wanting to _think_  about that day in the hotel room. “But thankfully I found you. A tad too late though.

“Louis wasn’t too happy. It’s like he’s upset I saved you, he’s upset I found you before you died,” he says to him, slightly squeezing Niall’s fingers. “I know I was late and I should’ve left my room earlier the moment I heard you playing metal music. I thought it was Liam’s but, ugh, I should’ve known. I should’ve seen the blank looks you had, the too much alcohol, the nosebleeds should not have become a norm, the late nights with Robin at the club should have been a sign, the ‘I’m fine’s should’ve been… I saw everything and yet I didn’t know, I didn’t realize.

“I’m the one who sees everything before any of you do it so why couldn’t I see you dying?” he asks rhetorically. He strokes Niall’s arm gently, feeling the graze of the bandage beneath the pad of his finger. He digresses off and thinks of dolphins and how they both planned on seeing them when they were in South Africa but never got the chance so now when we they are in Australia, they could visit the Coral Reef. “I hear the Corals are beautiful during a sunny day… and today is sunny, and not the sweating-through-my-balls sunny but good warmth.”

He stretches his hands to Niall’s face and turns it slightly towards the window so that the rays sunshine can light his face. “You know Wilfred Owen once wrote a poem titled _Futility_ about bodies that grow cold in the fields of war that they even freeze to death.” His palm is gently on Niall’s face, his thumb grazing down his cold cheek bone. “The sun rises from the East and lights the world up by melting the snow off the plants so that they can revive. If the dear, old sun can melt the cold off plants, why not humans?”

Zayn feels small lightening sparks beneath his skin. His head is dizzy, his face warm and definitely the warm feeling spreading deep in his stomach up to his lungs and neck. He momentarily wonders if the sun’s rays work that fast to warm a body. He quickly retreats the hand on Niall’s face and hugs his body tightly. He chews on his bottom lip, his thoughts in a jumble.

“Except am I liar too,” whispers Zayn. His eyes are downcast to the ceramic floor. “They’re back, the sparks.” He looks up as if expecting Niall’s gaze on him and his gaze drifts off to the African paintings on the wall. “I keep calling you fake yet here I am…’not divine’, you would say. But I’m not divine Niall, I’m a hypocrite. I’m a liar myself. See, I… this is hard… I—I love you.” He heaves a sigh. He dares a glance at Niall, checking if his chest has moved or his lips parted to let in air into his body. “I love you Niall James Horan and I’ve been denying it this entire time. I told Louis about it and he said that I was… I could be… but no I’m not.” He swallows the sickening feeling. “I’m not gay. I’m just not!”

His eyes fall for a moment on the daisies dipped in Jack Daniel bottles (an idea from Louis) sitting by the window pane. He raises his voice, his eyebrows stuck together in the middle. “I’m gay. I’m bloody gay, I got the bloody disease from you! But I know and I’ve heard it a thousand times that being gay is not passed to people like bacteria but it’s innate. You’re either born gay or you’re not, nothing in between. You don’t just wake up and be like, ‘Oi! I like boys.’ You told me something triggers it, and you feel something that’s usually not meant to be there. Something unusual like a good mystery book of _Goosebumps_ or _Scooby Doo_. And then it explodes like a bomb within you.

“I can’t explain it. Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of touching you, holding you and the urge to feel your lips on mine is so powerful… I… I then have to go pray. I pray upon this feeling, asking God what is it, why He’s punishing me, why He is making me be.” He chews on his bottom lip. “Then I think of all my sins and being Mr X and I know I’m being punished for making Harry suffer. That must be it; that must be the reason why I’m being made to be gay, why I have these feelings.”

He takes a deep breath, his mind in a rumbling with so much to say but nothing at all. He nibbles on his bottom lip again until he can taste blood.

“I know you feel the same way. I’m not dumb. I know you like me just like I like you. I see the way you look at me, how you act different around me, when you always ask me if I’m okay, if I’ll be safe going home in a taxi, asking me to take you places like the London Aquarium, the conservancy when you could have easily taken Rich or Grimmy or even Cara’s fiancée but you choose me each time. I took you to an EPL match for goodness sake and I don’t even like football. I’d rather lay on my couch eating Tacos with far too much spice for your liking. And now that I think about it, you did do that once with me.”

He laughs remembering when he gave Niall tacos with too much chilli and he kept shitting through his asshole for hours in his bathroom. Zayn then joked that he would not last a day in Mexico, or even India.

“Liam hurt you and I won’t do what he did. I won’t pretend to love you when I’m not gay… I don’t know if I am really gay, I’m so unsure. I could be bisexual… ugh, this is not the point I know.” He takes in air through his nostrils and out through his mouth. “I’m not going to hurt you like Liam did and that’s my promise. Which means I won’t do what he did to you and why?

“Because you deserve flowers on your doorstep, and coffee in the morning. You deserve notes left on your dashboard and ice cream sundaes at 4AM. You deserve honesty every day and to be kissed every hour because you’re beautiful. You deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are. But I can’t give you that. I won’t act on my feelings because gay is…” He pauses and takes two seconds to think about what he says and he does, but rambles them. “Being gay is committing a sin and no matter how many people come out or people say we should accept gay people, at the end of the day it’s still a sin. Period. Just because being out of the closet makes you free and you get to be yourself and it all sounds so inviting… I mean look at Harry and Louis, they’re so much happier than they were when they were in the closet. They love each other more than normal, straight couples do.

“It makes you wonder why then are people so against being gay, right? Is it because gay people look happier in relationships than them? That they can make it work when straight people can’t? Because secretly I don’t like ‘Larry Stylinson’” – he air quotes the words – “because they love each so much than Zerrie does. I mean, the hell is up with that, yeah? Why do they get happiness when the Lord does not even approve of their relationship? Why do I suffer when I am clean and without sin?” He bows his head shamefully, his elbows pinning into his thighs. He snaps back his head to facing _him_ on the bed. “You always said that we’re divine beings, filled with sin yet full of God’s divine mercy and that shall save us. No matter who we are, we’re God’s divine children and therefore we all deserve to go to Heaven. Even as dirty as we are.

“What was it, the verse that you memorized for my sake when I was really uncomfortable around gay people…” he thinks to that moment when Niall narrated to him the Bible verse. “Oh right, seven thirty-seven. Luke Seven, Verse 37: do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.” He exhales through his nostrils. “But that does not mean I am going to be gay. It’s against God himself, his Son, the Holy Spirit, his teachings and the Scriptures… and I really can’t be in the same room with you after admitting that I love you more… than a best friend.”

Zayn blushes profusely at the thought and even more when he imagines Niall being alive and hearing it. Oh the horror! He takes a sharp breath inside but a long, cloud of air out as if draining something in him. Perhaps his gay disease, he thinks. He shakes the thought and loves the warm embrace of the sun’s rays on his body as well as on Niall’s face and he knows, with God’s mercy and compassion, the sun will wake him up.

“Just because we can’t be together,” he says while standing at the door, half of his body already out on the corridor, “doesn’t mean I won’t like you.”

 

> **_— written on these walls are the colours that I can’t change —_ **


	28. - liam -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam, admiring the sunrise, asks Niall of one thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☺

**_ _ **

 

> **_— **norman maclean :** at sunrise everything is luminous but not clear —_ **

**_\+ 5:07AM Thursday +_ **

LIAM JAMES PAYNE HAS THE biggest guilt towards Niall’s tragedy. Guilt is a powerful thing; it eats you up like cancer because guilt demands to be felt.

Liam places his fish tank containing the very rare Kraken Fish across the room. Luckily, he got the rare fish from his very good friend Tyra Banks who did not really like the fish, said it “looked creepy” or summat.

“You’re a good fish aren’t yah,” Liam coos through the medium-sized fish tank, watching it swim around and around in the clear water. “Awesome fishy you are, can’t believe Ty didn’t want you. Do you think Niall will love you?”

He walks over to Niall, this whole episode still surreal to him even though it was been nearly four weeks now since he went into a coma. He still cannot believe that Niall Horan is in the hospital, unconscious and not speaking like he always does or even jumping around with 110% energy in his system.

“You’re so quiet!”

He mentally slaps himself for stating the obvious.

“Greg came to see you yesterday. It was Louis’ turn to be with you but he insisted on spending the entire time with you,” Liam tells him, hovering above his body. “He really misses you… especially Aunty Maury. She wonders every day when you’ll wake up. Zayn and her spend the most time with you than either of us do… doesn’t mean we love you any less. But it’s true though I mean I would spend more time if I had found you but Zayn did.

“If he wasn’t there then I don’t know where you’d be. You could be dead! Every time I see your frozen face I remember that night like it was yesterday: Zayn was shouting at me to call the ambulance and get bandages yet all I could focus on was the blood. Oh, the blood! There was a huge pool by the bed and on Zayn’s arms, like up and down his hand was soaked in your blood. Then Zayn had to snap me out of it and call the ambulance, again.” He laughs a little to himself. “You’d think I’d be used to blood by now especially when Harry was shot by his sister but I really don’t like blood. Makes me wanna vomit.”

He shifts uncomfortably on the steel chair by Niall’s bed. “I heard your entire conversation with Zayn,” he says seriously. “I saw someone who had given up, who did absolutely not want to be alive and you tried so many ways to be alive, you tried so many things that would make life be worth living and death was just something you haven’t tried.” The ends of his mouth curl upwards but the smile does not touch his eyes. “You so badly wanted to close your eyes and I realized that you… that you were fading into a mem—memory before my eyes and soon I would be talking about you in the past. Like,” his voice is shaky, “at your funeral I would say that you were a chatty lad, I would tell the fans that you loved Nandos a tad too much, to my children I would say you were my bestest friend and to my wife? One of the best singers in my band. I guess I don’t want you to be somebody I used to know but somebody I know.

“I’m not an idiot though,” he says, a little more determination in his voice. “I know the lads are all saying about me. That it’s all my fault you’re even in a coma. I drove you into alcoholism, into being a coke addict, I triggered the worst side of you yadda yadda yadda. I don’t blame them though, this could be my fault. I mean, Greg practically told me what would happen and here I am, watching it happen when I could’ve stopped it. He said that you went into a coma for four days after your ex-girlfriend dumped you, couldn’t handle the pain. Greg said that he beat himself up for all those days, regretting regretting and more regretting for not seeing the signs, for not helping you get closure and right now,” – he mechanically smiles more to himself – “I think he’s going to kill me if you don’t wake up, if Louis doesn’t already.

“To be honest, Louis is quite scary now. Remember when Harry had left and he’d be all evil karn evil on Zayn? Well now it’s me. He literally hates me and I’m just thankful Harry’s always around cause if not then I think I would have worse scars than Zayn got from Louis. It’s pretty ironic to say I feel safer in here with you than out there with all those people worried sick about you. I guess,” – he breathes through his nose – “I guess I can’t handle the guilt.

“What I don’t understand is what led you to suicide? Was it me? Obviously yes but what exactly was it? In trying to figure this out, I feel myself asking “why” than “what” more often than not and then I fall deeper into pits of the abyss with just the darkness to keep me company. And then with my overthinking I see that that’s where you were. You were in the abyss for so long you didn’t like the darkness and you wanted out. Then we go back full circle and I ask myself the “what”. What made you click and have the courage to use the knife for your release?”

Liam runs his right hand fingers through his small Mohawk. He grabs onto it the small hair on the back of his head tightly almost pulling it out. He groans loudly, his body reeking of exhaustion. To be fair, the only life the boys have been having is: hotel, hospital, and back to hotel (if they were not the ones not spending the night at the hospital room) and nothing else in between. He pushes his chair to be able to see Niall’s frozen, pale face.

“You’re still beautiful even when sleeping,” he says remorsefully. “Or half-dead as the fans say.” He breathes deeply and begins the apology that Niall had been waiting for four months now.

“It’s funny how when people are either dead or very sick that we reveal our true selves to them, that we say what we should’ve said when they could _hear_ us. But here it is, what you’ve always wanted to hear: I am sorry. Sorry is a little too late but… but hear me out. I am extremely sorry for what I did.

“I should’ve never used you the way I did. I—I was bored, lonely, missing Danielle a lot and you were always so kind to me. You made me laugh, smile on the days I didn’t want to smile and would always be there for me and I guess I confused my loneliness for love and your kindness for love and in the end, I destroyed you when I realized this is not what I wanted.

“And that’s when it started. I knew deep down that what we were would never work because I wasn’t gay but I couldn’t stop it, I was going to make love to you,” he says apologetically. Then a little more in an alarming voice, “I made love to you. The next morning I cou—couldn’t face the mirror, I didn’t want to see myself anymore but you were happy and gleeful and I just… I couldn’t say that to you.” He holds a little too hard onto Niall’s arm. “I took your innocence in a way that it shouldn’t have been. It should’ve been somebody like Zayn or even Robin, y’know, people who love you that way not like me a fraud. And why did I go it?”

He stands up suddenly and walks to the other side of Niall’s bed, dragging the steel chair behind him, to sit in front of the window with the sunrise peeking through in the horizon. His back is to Niall’s body but both their faces are looking at the window before them, one anticipating what is to come, the other hoping to see the anticipation.

“It wasn’t love, it’s clear to me now. So clear. And that’s why I took away your virginity, I mistook my depression over my break up with Danielle and Sophia with your kindness. Desperation is what Harry called it. But don’t let what I did to you make you miserable and obsess over this fact of dying. There are so many people in your life who would cry every single day because you’re gone… like Zayn.” He shakes his head at the window. “Oh Zayn. Then your mother and father, Greg, Robin who’s here as well, also your creepy friend Rich who deep down is caring and don’t forget Grimmy. I see why him and Harry are great friends, that guy will drive up and down the continent to see a smile on your face. He’s the one who’s been buying all these flowers for you. The daisies are from Zayn.”

He twist to look at Niall’s unmoving face. “He says they are your favorite.”

He turns back to look at the sunrise through the hospital window. “But Niall please, I’m the last person to ask you this but stay. Stay with me… don’t ever leave me. I know it’s hard, I know what it’s like to be at rock bottom but I always talk it out. That’s it, talk it out. I’m the last person to want to talk to but please talk to anyone, anybody who can help you to stop overthinking about what we were. I know it’s funny to ask but please don’t ever wish to be dead. If there are wishes to be asked it’s going to be to want a unicorn, live in a chocolate house, to have all the money in the world, to get endless EPL tickets, even tickets for The 1975 but never for death. Why?”

His chest moves upward slowly then downward even slower, exhaling through his lips staring sightlessly before him.

“Truthfully, I don’t have an answer right now but the sunrise is beautiful,” he says, turning his body round on the chair to face the calm face. “If you wish to be dead then you would not enjoy the sunrise.” He turns back to the sun rising and feels the morning, fresh rays glittering on Niall’s face and reawakening the soul in Liam’s body.

“It’s stunning,” he says almost in a trance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Finally done with EACH of the boys session with Nialler over here...time to move on.


	29. - berzerk -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall has visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOOOOOOOOOOOOY ☺

**_ _ **

> **_— one direction: I won't act my age, no, won't act my age —_ **

 

PEOPLE ASSUME MONDAYS ARE GOING to suck but according to statistics, it will be a good day.

There will be more than 9,000 weddings, 25,000 childbirths and 48 million hugs occurring throughout the American continents. Also, there will be at least 6 people that will win the multimillion dollar lotteries, 700 people will get promotions at work and 5,000 people will lose their virginity. There will be also 400 dogs adopted, 67,000 balloons sold, and 800,000 skittles sold. Plus, the words “I love you” will be said over 13 million times.

So, again, Mondays’ apparently suck and one assumes it is going to such but smile because according to statistics it should actually be a really nice day.

And a nice day it is.

The elevator dings at the end of the hospital corridor and the boys emerge out of it, the usual dead faces on their face and walking down the corridor like nothing is new or different. But as earlier stated, today is Monday and Monday is a good day. Down the corridor, Zayn’s eyes spots doctors down the hallway, muttering to themselves in hush tones in front of Niall’s room. That is usually never good news.

He sprints down the hall, rushed thoughts digging into his brain about what they could possibly be whispering about. The others boys catch up to Zayn once he has started running.

“Zayn, why are you running?” Louis asks, huffing and puffing behind him. Zayn does not listen but continues running and increases his speed when one doctor leaves.

“What’s going on?” Zayn asks, his chest moving up and down rapidly. “What happened to Niall?”

“Mr Horan,” begins Dr Jenkins, “woke up several hours ago and” – Zayn does not hear the rest and barges into the room – “the door is closed Mr Malik.”

“Why?” Zayn asks, pushing his body against the door, again, with force.

“Mr Horan woke up several hours ago and his parents were in the room as they are first priority so we rang them earlier. We have also informed your managers about his recovery and they are flying in as we speak.”

“Is he okay?” Liam asks.

“He’s completely fine” – Louis clutches onto Harry’s wrist with relief – “but the last thing he remembers is not really a thing but you, Mr Malik,” Dr Jenkins tells him. He smiles a little for the first time since Niall had been admitted and it is rather unsettling for them. “He remembers you and anything on that fateful day is a bit hazy but his memory is coming back slowly. Thankfully, he has full knowledge about his life and his friends and therefore you are lucky.”

“Lucky?” Louis echoes.

“We are not lucky!” Zayn screams at Dr Jenkins.

“Calm down, Zayn,” Liam says to him.

Dr Jenkins explains, “Most coma patients forget everything in their previous life and the memory takes a long time to come back but he remembers everything… or what is important such as his name, where he lives, what he does… except the does not know how he got into the One Direction band.”

 “What do you mean by that?” Harry asks.

“He does not remember the X Factor auditions,” he says.

“Can we see him?” Louis asks.

“You may but Mr Horan is very—”

“Can we see him _now_?” Zayn demands. Just then the door opens and out emerges Niall’s mother and father, all smiles, grins and tears of joy at their little boy having woken up. Zayn roughly clashes shoulders with Niall’s parents on his way into the hospital room and the other three are left profusely apologizing to him.

“I’m so sorry, Bob,” Liam apologizes.

“He should watch himself!” he angrily says.

“He’s just really excited to hear that Niall’s alive… we all are!” Harry tells Niall’s father happily.

“I guess it makes sense then,” Niall’s mother says, soft smile appearing on her lips. “I’m going to freshen up and come back later. Keep him safe boys!”

She hugs each of the boys apart, followed by Niall’s father, and they then enter the hospital room to find Niall sitting upright, several pillows on his back to support him.

“Hey,” Zayn softly says, high thigh pressed to the edge of the bed.

“Hi,” Niall says. His voice is soothing to the ears of his band mates because it has been nearly a month and a half since they last heard his deep accented South African voice. His real voice, not the fake Irish one.

“How’ve you been?” Zayn asks. He instantaneously feels the sparks going off everywhere internally. His stomach is in doing flip flops gazing down at Niall smiling and _alive_.  He feels giddy, like the one you want to feel because the amount of happiness within you is so much that it is spilling through every opening in your body.

“You know, in a coma,” Niall responds, equally happy yet his happiness was more to the fact that he is alive.

“How was it?” Liam asks. Niall’s eyes widen in surprise at seeing Liam, then Louis and Harry standing at the foot of his bed, then plants a soft smile on his face.

“Numb,” Niall responds turning his attention back to Zayn. His gaze not leaving Zayn’s face when he adds, “Like what most coma patients would say,” and neither has Zayn’s. They simply cannot.

Zayn is afraid if he does then maybe, just maybe, he might fall into a deep slumber again. Plus, there is a warm pool in the pits of his stomach spreading to his lungs.

“That’s sad,” Liam says.

“Was it sad?” Louis asks him.

Niall’s gaze breaks and looks at the other three lads. “Numb means you don’t feel anything.”

“How was it like not being able to move but hear everything around you?” asks Harry concerned.

“Frustrating.”

“Was it dark?” Zayn asks. His hand, which has already been on Niall’s arm, trails to his soft cheeks, his thumb grazing his cheekbone. Niall stretches his IV-tubed arm to his Zayn, slightly pulling his T-shirt down from his neck.

“Of course it was dark,” Liam answers rolling his eyes. “It’s a coma, Zayn.”

“I know it was _Liam_ ,” Zayn says sternly. His gaze then softens when it lands back on Niall who’s gripping down on his shirt tightly. Yet to Zayn it does not feel the same way because Niall is weak and therefore it is a small tug.

“The doctor said that you remember Zayn from that day?” Louis says, more of a question than a statement.

“Yeah,” Niall responds, his gaze momentarily flicking to Louis then back to Zayn’s. “It’s a bit hazy but the last thing I saw was Zayn’s face crying.”

“I missed you,” Zayn says softly.

“I did too,” Liam says. This time, Ziall do not leave each other’s gaze. By now, Zayn face is inches from Niall’s – like really close that Niall’s breath is warming his moistened lips. His own chest is moving up and down rapidly like he just ran from a marathon.

“I think we all did,” Louis says adding to Liam’s comment.

“You’re breathing so hard,” Niall whispers, his eyes darting between Zayn’s orbs.

“Am I?”

Niall nods, biting his bottom lip and this is it. Zayn’s mind goes crazy and, opening his lips, he smashes them with Niall’s. He feels Niall’s fingers digging into the back of his neck lightly, though it feels more like a feather, his lips moving softly with Niall’s rough – yet smooth – rosy ones. He so deeply wanted to savour the taste of Niall, the feel of his lips on his that he has been reeling over for _who knows how long_ and finally, finally he gets to taste Niall.

A moan escape from the back of his throat when Niall massages the back of his neck softly at first and then gripping the hairs on it, then softly massaging the _aching_ spot later. Niall tugs on his bottom lip and feels, _fucking_ _feels_ , him smile through it. He wants to keep it slow and sweet but Zayn just could not. He traces his tongue on Niall’s bottom lip, his fingers gripping Niall’s _fucking_ hip to the bed firmly. He moans loudly as the post-coma lad explores the depths of his mouth – thankfully he ate something minty – and oh bless his little heart, he might just get a heart attack any moment!

“Fuck you guys no!” Liam screams, pulling Zayn off Niall forcefully.

“What the fuck Liam?” Zayn shouts at Liam. Harry and Louis, standing at the foot of Niall’s bed, have their eyes wide opening, darting between Zayn and Liam, and still in shock and surprise from _the kiss_.

“What are you doing?” Liam asks.

“Kissing is what it looked like,” Harry says, snickering along with Louis.

“Jealous, Liam?” Zayn asks, tauntingly.

“No,” Liam says, hesitantly. “I’m not. You shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Guys,” Niall says, in an attempt to stop their bickering.

“I can do whatever I want,” Zayn says to Liam, jabbing his index finger on his chest. “And besides, who are you to tell me what I can’t or can do?”

“You can’t, you’re a Christian,” Liam points out. “And kissing Niall is… well, gay.”

Louis snorts. “You are?”

“No. But that’s not the point.”

“You pretended to be gay, at least I know I am,” Zayn says and there is a complete silence in the room. Harry and Liam’s eyes are wide open, their mouths hanging, Louis is busy smirking and Niall? He does not react at all, who is blaming the drugs that are making his reactions slow.

“Did he just come out?” Louis asks and Harry’s too busy holding his mouth from hitting the floor. Literally.

“Wh-wh-whaaaaat?!” Liam splutters. “What do you mean you’re gay?”

“I missed you guys y’know,” Niall says yet nobody listens.

“I’m not coming… I’m not gay though,” Zayn says, trying to form words to roll out of his tongue. “I am, yes, gay but I’m not gay though… get it?”

“Yes,” Louis says as both Liam and Harry utter, “No.”

“I seriously missed all of you,” Niall says again, but the lads are not paying attention to him. Instead they are bickering amongst themselves and Niall slightly smiles feeling like some things never change no matter what happens.

“No!” Liam disagrees.

“You guys please,” Harry begs. “We’re here for Niall, not who is really gay or not gay and who can or cannot be kissing Niall.”

“Thank you,” Liam says. “Which is you Zayn.”

Zayn shoots back at him. “Oh and you can kiss Niall? You took his virginity!”

“This is just divine you guys,” Niall says sarcastically.

“Which includes you Liam cause you can’t tell Zayn whether he can or can’t kiss Niall and you Zayn, what happened to your values of kissing people of the same sex?” Harry asks.

“Harry don’t!” Niall silently warns and finally the boys _hear_ him talking. Zayn’s face drops and realization hits him like an avalanche. He just kissed a _boy_ , someone of the same sex which is against the Bible! “Harry what have you done?” he groans at him.

“What?” Harry asks.

“I kissed a…,” Zayn says slowly and turning to Niall he adds, “A boy. Someone of the same sex.”

“Zayn don’t do this,” Niall tells him softly, attempting to get off the bed.

“Don’t move,” Liam says trying to stop Niall from getting off the bed.

“Don’t touch me Payno,” Niall spits out angrily. He turns his gaze to Zayn who is frozen on the spot. “Zayn, don’t listen to him.”

“Guys stop fighting!” Louis says forcefully. “We’re here for Niall and you Niall, already causing trouble and you aren’t—”

“Lou!” Harry hisses.

“What?”

“We’re here for Niall not bashing him!” Harry says.

“What was that kiss about?” Liam asks, his hands crossed over his chest.

“I like him,” Zayn responds, his gaze on non-human forms in the room such as the wall behind Liam. “I like him so much. And the worst part is?”

“You’re gay and a Christian?” Liam asks rhetorically. “Yeah, pretty sure that’s the worst part.”

“It’s overwhelming and I feel it more than I do—did with Perrie,” Zayn explains.

“Zayn,” Niall whispers.

“Yeah yeah, you’re all cute and whatnot but still pathetic,” Liam says. “What about Leviticus?”

“Liam!” Harry hisses.

“What?” Liam asks. “Is nobody else worried that Zayn just came out to us and is in love with Niall?”

“Love sometimes just happens,” Zayn says smiling, and Liam rolls his eyes.

“What?” Louis asks.

Liam mentions the verse in Leviticus 18 that he has memorized just for Zayn. Zayn is hit with realization of the verse and _then_ what he has done with Niall. He has gone against the Word of the Lord! He turns to Liam and a flash of contempt is on his face and he knows Liam did that on purpose. He said the Leviticus verse so that he would mess with his head – and it was working!

But no, what about these feelings? What about this euphoria that was stuck within his soul after snogging Niall? That was there when he was holding Niall’s wrist when he was in a coma a few days ago? Was he to ignore it? Liam’s mouth curls upward in a mischievous grin seeing Zayn understanding his plot, the rest of the lads in the room clueless.

“You did this on purpose!” Zayn shouts angrily at him.

Liam, though, feigns ignorance. “Do what Zayn? What have I done?”

“You did this to spite me, to get in my head,” Zayn yells, taking big steps, past Larry Stylinson, to the spot where Liam is standing. “You don’t even care about Niall do you? You don’t care about hurting him?”

“I was protecting you,” Liam smirks, innocently.

“What is he talking about?” Louis asks.

“I don’t know,” Liam shrugs.

“Fuck you!” Zayn shouts and his knuckles come into contact with Liam’s cheekbones. He then quickly knees Liam’s stomach and he falls forward and instantly Zayn brings up his fists to Liam’s jaw and smashes it to the floor.

“Zayn stop!” Niall screams, though it comes out as a loud whisper. Zayn manages to rough him up a few more times before Larry spring into action and attempting to stop the fight.

“Let me go!”

“No,” Harry disagrees, managing not to be swatted by Zayn’s elbow. “You’re hurting Liam.”

“He did this on purpose, he did this to spite me and make me feel—”

“I was reminding you who you are,” Liam spits at Zayn, dark blood spots on the ceramic floor.

“That’s enough guys, out!” Louis scolds and drags Liam’s body out and somehow Zayn’s as well leaving Harry with Niall. Harry exhales loudly, pulling a chair near Niall’s bed.

“Nothing’s changed huh?” Niall asks. His fingers are fiddling with the bed covers.

“You have,” Harry says, his full attention on Niall now that the room was deathly quiet.

“Remember back in 2013 when you were sort of an ass—”

“Hey,” Harry chuckles.

“Oh sorry, when you were a flat ass!”

“I have an ass,” Harry says.

“Not as big as Louis,” Niall smirks.

“I do squats now, okay?”

Niall rolls his eyes. “But remember I had said you’ve changed and you said, “People change” and I said not that fast…”

“And I had said you’d be surprised,” Harry finishes. “I remember that day.”

“I’m sorry I changed too soon too fast without telling you guys,” Niall apologizes, Harry hearing the sincerity in his voice.

“Don’t Niall, you have nothing to apologize for. People technically don’t change, they become more of who they are.”

“People change and forget to tell others,” Niall says wisely.

“Because we don’t want things to change,” Harry adds, smiling to himself.

“I think Zayn has changed and forgot to tell others,” he says quietly. Harry takes Niall’s hand into his, and squeezes. “And I don’t think he wants to change.”

“He’ll have to, trust me on this,” Harry says. He gets a flashback of the times when he did not want to be gay, he wanted to kill the monsters in him but dutifully found out the hard way that the damn drugs won’t fix him. “He’ll have to,” he says, voice heavy.

“Or pain changes people,” Niall says. Harry gazes at Niall with pity full in his eyes. He wants to hold Niall in his arms, to hold him so tight and never let him out of sight.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Niall says, turning his face away from him and fiddles with his thumbs.

“I’m just worried about you, like greatly,” Harry confesses. “I made you be this guy—”

“‘T wasn’t you,” Niall says, shaking his head. “And it was neither Payno as all of you think. It was me.”

“It’s not me it’s you?” Harry asks, laughing along with Niall. “Do you like him?”

Niall’s cheeks tinge just a tiny bit. “I—I think so. I mean, I don’t know.” He makes a lopsided smile at Harry. “I like kissing him.”

Harry winks. “He looks like he is a greater kisser. Was that I moan I heard from you?”

Niall blushes deeply. “No. I… I farted.” Harry snorts. “Promise.”

“I know it’s soon to ask but will you two be together? Or at least, be friends?”

“You’ve seen him, he’s a flight risk. He hates gay people and us, I don’t know, being together or whatever, is far-fetched.” Harry looks sorry for him and Niall takes a deep breath in. “He’s going to be fighting himself, wondering if he should give in or not, what will God think of him now, and it’s going to be torturous watching him.”

Before Harry can comment, the two lads turn their attention to Zayn, Liam and Louis coming in through the door; Liam and Zayn parting ways immediately once through the door and Louis heading straight for his boyfriend.

“You guys alright?” Harry asks.

“Yep,” Louis nods. He plants a kiss on Harry’s lips and sits down on his lap. Niall slides himself on the bed to one side making space for Zayn to sit on the edge and Liam sits Indian-style by Niall’s feet. “How are you Niall?”

“Okay listen guys,” Niall says, sighing loudly. “All of you are not going to give me pity eyes, I’m looking at you Harry, nor will you ask what happened that day at the hotel room, nor will you ask if I’m happy or why I killed myself… no questions.” They faintly nod back at him apart from Zayn who intensely looks at him. “I want us all to move on like I never left. And to do that, I’ll ask what’s new?”

“You’re getting a new liver,” Liam says.

“I heard and apparently I overdosed on coke,” Niall says, uncertainty in his voice.

“You did,” Zayn nods.

“Did you overdose?” Harry asks.

“No,” Niall responds. “I don’t overdose on coke and you know that.”

Louis says, “You could’ve—”

“No he didn’t,” Liam says, glaring at Louis. “Didn’t you hear him the first time?”

“I did. I was just confirming,” Louis says bitterly.

“What I missed most was your smells,” Niall says and the boys look at him with blank looks.

“What do you mean ‘smells’?” Louis asks.

“Like how Harry always smells like vanilla, Louis like Hugo Boss twenty-four-seven, Liam like fresh clean laundry and Zayn…,” Niall says. He holds as tight as he can on Zayn’s hand but to him it feels like a light hold. “…like leather.”

“Leather?” Zayn asks, laughing with the other lads.

“Yeah.”

“You do smell like leather,” Louis agrees.

“It’s like you live in your Aston Martin or something,” Liam says.

“Who brought in Nandos and KFC?” Niall asks, his eyes darting behind Liam. The four lads laugh between themselves and they guiltily look at Liam. “It was you?”

“I was in charge of food,” Liam explains. “We each assigned ourselves what we’d do to spice up the room and I said food because to be honest, that was the easiest. So each day I would pop in to a fast food joint, buy food and bring it.”

“He even made friends with that lady at KFC,” Harry chuckles. “What was her name? Jenny?”

“Jeniqua,” Louis giggles with his boyfriend. “Lovely lady. Asked for Liam’s number couple of times.”

Liam rolls his eyes, then to Niall, “Dr Jenkins said smell will help you wake up.”

“And it worked.”

“I missed your smile the most,” Niall whispers. Zayn’s jaw drops slightly, his breath rugged. His gaze lowers to Niall’s rosy lips (thank goodness they are not pale anymore) and then back at his eyes which are already glued on him, his clutch on Niall’s fingers strong.

“If you’re going to kiss, do it already,” Louis says, darting his glance between the two lads. They make no attempt to kiss yet they’re still gazing at each other.

“We’re waiting,” Harry says, his camera set on “Video.”

“Kiss!” Louis commands, impatient.

“Are we always this sappy?” Harry asks Louis.

“Nah, if we were we would not be together.”

“What are they waiting for, fireworks?” Louis asks rhetorically.

Well, not quite. Ever so gently, Zayn leans in to Niall, his hand tightening in Niall’s grasps and he presses his lips on Niall’s. Zayn reaches up to cup Niall’s face with his thumb, brushing his lips with Niall’s soft ones. He leans in again, presses his lips harder against Niall’s, his lips soft and warm. When Niall lightly nibbles on his bottom lip, playing with it, it just _drives him up the wall_.

“Atta boy Zayn!” Harry cheers, clicking on his camera icon.

Louis joins in on the fun. “Cup that arse boy!”

“Fuck Louis,” Niall chuckles, breaking their kiss.

“Awww shy Niall is the best Niall,” Harry coos and high-fives Louis.

“Where did the Kraken Fish come from?” Niall asks, trying to hide his blush and shift attention from him and Zayn to _anything else_.

“Me!” Liam answers after they all simultaneously turn to see the rare fish swimming in its tank. “It’s stunning, innit?”

“It actually is!”

“I got it from—”

“His girlfriend,” Zayn finishes for him. “His new girlfriend that he was Skyping with the day you… um….”

“I thought it was Danielle,” Niall says, looking rather embarrassed.

“Danielle?” Liam questions. “I broke up with her a long time ago… were you listening in on me?” Niall bites his bottom lip, wishing he could slip back into a coma. “You did, didn’t you?”

“What else was he meant to do?” Louis barks. “He’s in love with you.”

“Lou!” Harry hisses.

“I didn’t know you listened in.” Liam pointedly avoids Zayn’s glares and Louis’ frowns and focuses instead on Niall’s feet beneath the bed sheets. “What were you doing listening in though?” Liam asks, his hand resting on Niall’s leg beneath the sheets.

“Jeez, it doesn’t matter now,” Niall huffs. “It’s over and we should move on.”

“We are,” Liam says, “But we need to put everything under the table.” The lads agree and that is the end of that. Except what happens next is awkward silence between the five of them. Their gazes shift between each other, an awkward smile breaking from Louis’ lips, a long hard stare from Liam between Ziall and a rage-filled scorn towards Liam from Zayn. Harry sighs loudly and automatically the four lads turn to look at him.

“Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” Harry asks. “I’m sorry, Niall but we can’t move on without talking about that night Zayn found you in the hotel bed with blood all over your wrists. We need to put the glass down, like you once said.”

“Please,” Liam pleads.

Niall frowns. “I just found out that I overdosed on coke, I drank much more alcohol than Harry, I was clinically depressed, I think I have cancer, I’m not sure about that one, I also have cirrhosis, whatever the fuck that means so excuse me if I don’t want to talk about _that night_.”

“You have to understand that you were the loudest and happiest lad in One Direction yet you’ve—” Louis says but is interrupted.

“Fallen from grace.”

Niall snorts a “Gee thanks.” as Zayn says, “Shut up Liam!”

“Tough love,” says Louis. “But we do this because we love you. We love you so much that we may seem mean now but you’ll thank us for being tough.”

“What I need now are my friends, not band mates,” Niall says sternly, burying his head deeper into the pillows.

“Niall!”

The lads turn their heads to see Nick walking through the room, calling out Niall’s name in content, his face radiating in lots of color – a multitude of them.

“Were you in a circus?” Harry is the first to ask.

“Maybe,” Nick winks and rushes to Niall and gives him a bear hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“What’s with the make-up, Grims?” Niall asks curiously.

“Not enough,” Nick says in content and goes back to giving him a warm, longer bear hug. “You’re so thin! Do you ever eat?”

“I was in a coma,” Niall says.

“Lads,” Nick shouts in the air. “Come in!”

Niall’s other party friends enter the room and they have ridiculous clown-like make up on their faces: Paige the Bitch, Rich, Robin, and His Girlfriend, Cara, Tristan and Ladavid and Kylie Jenner who were new additions to their squad. They stand in line at the end of Niall’s bed and they erupt in singing a number of songs, each and every single person singing a song that Niall loves so much and to top it off, they have with them a Kraken Fish. Now Niall has not one but _two_ Kraken Fish out of the 10 in the entire world.

He feels like a million bucks.

“I must be the luckiest guy in the world,” Niall glees, holding the bowl with the rare fish swimming around in it.

“We’re not done,” Paige scorns, swatting her arm in the hair. They bow before the lads and Niall claps furiously. “Now we’re done.”

“The dumb fish was Grimmy’s idea,” Rich says, sitting near Liam on the bed.

“My ideas is the best,” Nick says standing beside Niall and Zayn on the bed. “Do like it?”

“I do,” Niall responds. “Got one from Liam so now I have two.” Nick frowns at this expecting to be the first to give Niall a thoughtful gift.

“Mine’s from Bali,” Nick brags.

“Let it go, Grimmy,” Harry sighs.

“I did!” Nick insists.

“He did,” Cara vouches for him. “He dragged us to Indonesia on our way here.”

“And do you know how many sweaty people I had to talk to?” Rich complains.

“You mean suck,” Tristan corrects and there are cackles. Liam shifts on the bed as two of Niall’s friends (he did not catch their names) take up the spot near Niall so Zayn sits near him on the end of the bed. Kylie Jenner and Ladavid and standing by Larry and Harry is doing his best to not look in Kylie’s direction but focuses instead on Niall chatting happily with his _other_ friends.

“So you finally met your match, ey Rich?” Niall winks.

“Fuck you,” Rich giggles.

“You both should,” Robin says, “he had a penis surgery.”

“What?” Louis and Liam ask at once, because of shock mostly.

“Grimmy, what did you do?” Harry asks, seeing his friend laughing by himself.

“I paid for it,” he answers, laughing hysterically.

“Is that even possible?” Niall wonders.

“Yeah, bruh,” Ladavid speaks for the first time.

“It was a stupid bar bet and Rich, as always, lost,” Paige says standing near Kylie. “And he had to get a new dick because our squad does not roll with small dicks.”

“Now bitches take me to dinner first before sleeping with me,” Rich says proudly. “I call this respect.”

“We call it desperation.”

“I have to see it,” Niall winks at Rich.

“It’s massive,” Robin says, his hands aligned before him in a manner of measuring the size of Rich’s new genitalia. It looked about 28 cm.

“That’s fucking huge,” Nick says to Niall.

“You fucked him already?” Niall asks.

“We all did, just you left,” Tristan says. “And you too Harry.” Louis growls at Tristan, tightly wrapping his arms around his boyfriend protectively.

“He’ll be sucking nobody’s dick,” he snaps.

“Just not me though,” Cara giggles.

“Do you always giggling while talking?” Liam asks.

“It’s a condition,” Kylie drawls.

“What condition?”

“Divine condition,” Niall answers and the squad laughs, the four members of One Direction feeling left out.

“What does that mean? Liam persists in asking. For Zayn and Harry, they had learned not to ask such questions because well, the explanation would involve a round of shots and a dumb answers that were even more confusing than the question _itself_. For Louis and Liam however, they are very curious because nobody laughs every single time one opens their mouth. Unless they are, well, odd.

“Give it up Liam,” Harry says. “You’ll never know.”

“Sorry I dropped you as my interior designer,” Cara apologizes, giggling. “I got Ladavid to do it.”

“It’s fine though I was almost done,” Niall says.

“Oops!”

“So when are we partying?” Tristan asks.

“He is not partying,” Louis says. Everyone of Niall’s _other_ friends save for Nick glare at Louis.

“What is he your dad now?” Rich asks sarcastically.

“I’m his friend and you should know—”

“Louis,” Niall hisses.

“What?”

“Drop it!”

“So when are we partying?” Rich repeats the question to Niall.

“Tomorrow?”

“I have to get a new liver first,” Niall says. The squad look at him blankly. “I had something called cirrhosis which means that my liver is terrible so now I need a new one before I can drink.”

There are some gasps and Liam and Louis both roll their eyes. Zayn simply frowns at Niall.

“Is it contagious?” Rich asks. Harry and Nick make eye contact, pause, then snicker between themselves as if on an inside joke.

“No,” Niall answers slowly. “Did you actually ask if cirrhosis is contagious?”

“Yeah,” he answers solemnly.

“Blond,” Nick coughs and fist-bumps with Harry.

“When are you getting a new one?” Kylie asks. To be honest, Harry was feeling a tad awkward with Kylie in the room after dating her older sister Kendall Jenner and shifts in his seat. Rather hard to do what with his boyfriend sitting on his lap.

“I don’t know,” Niall admits. “I need to find a suitable match first and before that I need to be on the list.”

“You’re on the list,” Zayn confirms and they exchange the briefest of smiles.

“I can give you my liver,” Rich offers.

“Ew! No! Small dicks are contagious,” Paige says and the squad erupts in laughter. “Get mine instead.”

“You’re Puerto Rican nails are poison enough, bruh, ” Ladavid volunteers. “So mine.”

“Or mine, sweetie,” adds Rich.

“You’re not having mine,” Tristan says. “It’s insured.” And the squad loudly groan, as if this topic has been discussed several times.

“What isn’t?” Kylie asks rhetorically. “First, your small ass titties are insured.”

“Really, Miss A cup?”

“I have a B cup!” Kylie retorts.

“Padding does not count has having a B,” Robin’s Girlfriend says.

“You’re an A too, sweetheart,” Nick spits.

“I’m the only one with a D, a double D,” Paige cheers. “And another D, if you get what I mean.”

“You and Jason are back together?” Niall asks.

“Yuck!”

“Ew, bruh,” Ladavid says disgusted at the thought of Paige and Jason Derulo actually dating.  Or having sex. “That was so two months ago. Now it’s this new guy called Dylan.”

“Dylan?” Harry asks.

“Dylan O’Brien,” Nick answers.

“Who’s Dylan?” Liam whispers to Zayn who shrugs his shoulder.

Niall’s lips form an ‘O’. “Shut up! Are you kidding me?”

“Nope,” Paige smiles, “we met like three weeks ago and we just clicked and now we’re official.”

“She’s actually dating,” Tristan says.

“Shocker!”

“I got a new dick,” Rich says still hang up on the comment by Paige about his small penis. He unbuckles his belt quickly to show them that indeed his penis was bigger than just three inches as before.

“No, bruh,” Ladavid stops him. “We don’t want the smell of plastic burning inside your pants.” Again, the squad fill the room with laughter along with Niall, the band mates not laughing and henceforth feeling left out.

Rich turns the squad’s attention to Liam by asking him, “So I heard your dick is 10 inches. Is it really 10 inches?” Liam’s eyes bulge out of his orbits and roll onto the bed. “Or are they 11?”

“Uh.” Liam is tongue-tied, unsure if he should answer the question, not answer the question or where the rumor that his penis size was that size started from.

“He has one dick not two,” Kylie drawls.

“What?”

“You said or ‘are they 11’?” Kylie corrects him.

“Are they?” Rich asks.

“Dimwit.” Niall lightly slaps Rich’s arm. “It’s ‘is it 11?’ not ‘are they 11?’!”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Rich insists.

“Oh jeez,” Tristan sighs, burying his head in his hand. “This is what happens when you drop out of high school.”

“And get a plastic cock,” Cara giggles.

Rich ignores her and asks Liam, “So which is it, 10 or 11?”

“Or is it 12?” Nick winks.

“It can’t be 12, that’s too big!”

“Because then it would be half of your size,” Robin says and the laughter that fills the room immediately can be heard down the hall to the elevator which is seven rooms away.

“I got a new dick!” Rich cries out, desperately.

“Made In China,” Tristan says. He signs the letter F in the air. “Fake!”

“It’s real, you sucked it and you know it’s real,” Rich cries out again.

“I tasted plastic,” Robin’s girlfriend says. It was no secret that Lativia, Robin’s girlfriend, likes to give blow jobs to anybody who practically asks but as long as she comes back to Robin and never swallows, then it is fine with her dashing footballer boyfriend.

“You sucked him off?” Robin asks her.

“It was a dare,” Cara giggles.

“A good one, got a good fuck from it,” Paige adds.

“Who?”

“You want an essay bruh?” Ladavid asks rhetorically.

“So is your vagina plastic too?” Robin asks his girlfriend.

“No,” she responds. “My vagina is real, we fucked this morning you know that.”

“Can a vagina become plastic after it is fucked with a plastic dick?”

Louis shakes his head, not believing he is hearing this conversation. Behind him, Harry is desperately holding in his laughter.

“Those are the questions you ask after hitting that blunt, bruh,” Ladavid says.

“It’s like nothing’s changed,” Zayn whispers to Niall. “Still talking about penises and shit.”

“Hey hey,” Rich calls out to Zayn, wagging his finger his way, “what the fuck are y’all whispering for? You share it all out, Zack Milk.”

Liam covers his mouth, trying and failing to contain his laughter and Larry are chuckling to themselves.

“Zayn Malik,” Zayn corrects him, narrowing his eyes at Rich.

Ignoring him, Rich continues, “You share it in the circle, the great jerk circle.”

“No,” Niall shakes his head. “I don’t want sperm all over me and this is not a Bukkake.”

“What’s a Bukkake?” Louis asks, innocently.

“You don’t wanna know,” Harry says.

“You do wanna know,” Nick giggles, the others joining in roaring laughter.

“Is it a party?”

“If you want,” Paige answers and the room bursts in laughter.

“So is it?”

Harry holds his hip firmly. “Drop it Lou.”

“What do you bring?” he asks, ignoring Harry’s subtle pleas.

“Yourself for one,” Niall answers and the squad bursts in loud cackles.

 “Your name’s really Ladavid?” Liam asks interrupting the squad’s conversation.

“Yeah, your name’s really Liam?” he asks.

“Yeah it is.”

“Rhetoric questionm bruh,” Ladavid says and rolls his eyes.

Harry gazes at them laughing over a silly joke and he sees what Niall had earlier wanted. Niall wants laughter, a hearty moment with the people he cherishes most, his family yet they did not even let him have it. They instead had pestered him about why he was suicidal on that fateful night instead of taking those horrible memories away. Yet the moment Niall’s _other_ had entered the hospital room, it is as if Niall even forgot he had been in a coma for one and a half months.

He had forgotten and that was the point.

“What’s wrong, Harold?” Louis asks Harry, running his hand through Harry’s hair.

“He looks so happy,” Harry says, dazed at the sight of Niall laughing and those around him.

“Wouldn’t you be if you got out of a coma?” Louis asks, lowering his voice.

“They made Niall forgot all the pain in under a minute yet we couldn’t do that with a full two hours with him.”

“These people don’t know what he went through,” Louis says. “We understand therefore we’re trying to help him.”

“They were practically offering their livers to help Niall and what we do? Probe him about that night instead of making him laugh or whatever?” Harry points out. “He did not even laugh once when we were with him. Yet with these guys he’s laughed so hard so many times that—”

“They’re shallow assholes and we’re his true friends.”

“Who cares at this point?” Harry retorts, holding Louis’ gaze. “Who cares if 99% of their lives have no deep meaning other than sex, clothes and partying all night long but that 1% of their lives is rarely seen because they know when someone is going through a lot of pain and instead of adding to that pain, they take it away. Even just for a moment. They made Niall forget and look at him, he has.” Louis briefly glances at Niall who is heartedly laughing along with Nick and Rich. “They may be shallow but these are my friends too and no offense, but back in 2013 I would’ve have given anything to be with them than with you four.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis says, pressing his hand to his cheeks. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”

“It’s fine, Lou,” he replies, leaning in to his hand.

“Should we leave?” Louis asks. Harry nods silently. “Hey Niall, we’re going out for lunch but we’ll be back.”

“But you guys just got here,” Niall says.

“Yeah but Tristan actually travelled to Indonesia to get you a fish, I think you need more time with him,” Harry says and that is true. Tristan is the most selfish, narcissistical and arrogant of them all and doing something for somebody else is not in his DNA (unless he is getting something for himself in the process).

“I’ll see you guys then,” Niall says. He watches Liam get off the bed and Zayn as well, who briefly smiles at him.

“Dinner?” he asks.                    

Zayn nods. “Dinner.”

“Are you serious?” Tristan sighs. “ _TFiOS_ refrences?”

“Jealous you still haven’t seen the movie?” Kylie drawls.

“I don’t watch anything I’m not starring in,” Tristan says haughtily.

“Which includes only your sex tapes,” Cara giggles.

Nick pulls Harry aside after they have walked out from Niall’s hospital door. “Thanks for that, Haz.”

“No problem, Grimmy,” Harry says, Louis not-so-subtly ease dropping on the conversation. “I know you would do the same for me.”

“Anything,” Nick smiles. “Is he going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” Harry says. “How’s King?”

“He went to America,” Nick says.

“Why?”

“Modest!” Nick answers. “Why else?”

“What happened?”

“Same thing that’s been happening all along, the Ed and Ellie murder case,” Nick explains. “It’s like it’s never going to end.”

 “We’ll talk about this tomorrow, yeah?”

“Of course, can’t live Aussie without a party with you.” Nick gives a quick hug to Harry and shuts the door behind him. Louis quickly wraps Harry’s slender arm around his shoulder, webbing his fingers with his own.

“Will he be fine?” Liam asks walking in front of Larry with Zayn to his left. Laughter can be heard from Niall’s room and the further they walk they louder it somehow gets.

“He’s with a bunch of clowns, he’ll be fine,” Louis says.

“No, like, will be fine?” Liam repeats.

“Of course he will,” Harry reassures the group yet he himself is not so sure because a teeny tiny part of him thinks that somehow Niall had missed the squad more than he missed his band mates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE'S AWAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	30. - new romantic(hicken diggity)s -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall is being discharged from BIH.

> **_— taylor swift:_ ** _but darling we found wonderland, you and I got lost in it and we pretended it could last forever_ **_—_ **

**_ _ **

 

NIALL BITES HIS BOTTOM LIP in a state of anxiety. It is a couple of weeks to Christmas and he is already packing to go home. _Almost_ packing to go home.

He has already found a match for his liver while he had been in Brisbane International Hospital and the liver transplant had been successful. He was starting his radiotherapy sessions for mouth cancer which he and the doctors agreed to start when he is back in London. His knee surgery is scheduled for the first week of December so that he would be ready for the One Direction concerts by end of January.

As for his drug addiction? He simply does not know. Harry has signed him up – albeit forcefully – to a (rich and exclusive) rehab center in Southern UK near the beach yet every day since his recovery from the coma it has been hard to go with either alcohol or his coke… thankfully he had his weed or else he would simply _die_.

He hears four knocks to his hospital room door and calls Zayn in.

“Hi,” he greets after shutting the door behind him.

“Hey,” Niall greets back, his back to the window where the sun is brightly shinning. Zayn shifts on the spot, his head cast downward to his feet.

“I like your shirt,” Zayn comments. Niall is donned in a BMTH black shirt, ripped red skinny jeans and black Converse on his feet.  “Where’d you get it?”

“Ladavid got it for me.”

“And your skinnies?”

“From Rich,” Niall says.

“Shoes?”

“Meself. And you want to know about my skin?” he asks and Zayn cockily smiles. “I got that from my mom.”

“You don’t sound so sure,” Zayn says, sitting on the hospital bed.

“Does kissing people make you this awkward?” Niall asks. “It’s not divine, Zayn.”

Zayn raises his head to Niall’s orbs. “It’s hard for me, okay?” He fumbles with the hem of his shirt. “I’ve been reading verses and chapters from the Bible about homosexuality, which surprisingly, there aren’t many, and I study them day and night and continue studying them to make sense of everything that’s happening now. Between you and me.”

“And what have you learnt?” Niall asks.

“That God still loves me,” Zayn says, beaming widely and looking relieved. “I thought He didn’t but He does. Truthfully, God does not hate the gays or lesbians but the sin itself.”

“So the moment you act on it then God doesn’t like you?” Niall asks. Zayn bites the inside of his cheek, his gaze shifting to Niall’s suitcase. Niall walks towards him, standing between his legs, and places his hands on his shoulders. “You’re getting frown lines.”

“I’m not,” Zayn disagrees, looking deep into the crooked lines in Niall’s pupils. They look like grey cracks on a blue wall in a grunge-y sort of way… but they are stunning.

“Stop thinking too much about it. I know how you feel Zayn.” Here Niall tilts Zayn head up so he has no choice but to lock eyes with Niall. “I know that the kiss was a mistake. You didn’t mean to kiss me, but I understand.”

“I kissed you twice,” Zayn points out. He could have kissed Niall once but no, he had to do it twice. He feels like a cliché blob when he thinks that Niall’s lips are addictive but that is the thing, they _are_ addictive.

“Hmm.”

“I’m turning out to be like Liam,” he whispers.

Niall shakes his head. “No, you’re not. You’re becoming stronger and stronger and I think this is God testing you because He knows that you’ll overcome this. He gives us nothing that is beyond our strength”

“I want to be with you yet at the same time I don’t. I want to be with you but it’s going to take all of me to walk away from you when all I want to do is banish the thoughts in my head and snog you for hours.”

Niall strokes the Mexican’s soft cheek with his thumb. “Oh, Zayn.”

“You get to live your life being free and I have to stop this… feeling inside of me from getting any stronger until I can’t control it. I’m going to—”

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Niall tells him softly. He brings himself closer to him thenlays his chin on Zayn’s shoulder, Zayn’s head buries in Niall’s shoulder. Niall wraps his arm around his body tightly, his fingers softly massaging his back as Zayn relaxes.

“I want to be free,” Zayn pleads softly. “I don’t want to be chained.”

“You don’t choose who you fall in love with but you can choose if you want to love them or let them go,” says Niall in a warning-like tone. “Let me go Zayn and don’t look back and you will save yourself a lot of heartache and heartbreak.”

Niall can feel the crinkles on Zayn’s mouth curling upwards on his shoulder. “It would be an honor to get my heart broken by you, Nini.”

“No it wouldn’t,” Niall shakes his head slightly.

“Why?”

“You have a fiancée back at home,” Niall points out. Zayn pulls his head back to lock his gaze with him.

“And?”

“Because we’d be perfect together,” Niall heartedly says. “Better than Larry Stylinson.”

“Or Bonnie and Clyde.”

“The gay version.”

“You don’t make sense,” Zayn says, laughing quietly.

“I’m not going to make you be something you’re not. Yes, you’re gay,”— Zayn winces at that – “ but Liam was right, you’re a Christian with strong beliefs that being gay is wrong and I think the world is cruel in making who you are right now but shit happens.”

“You’re full of shit,” Zayn jokes.

“I think Zayn has changed and forgot to tell others,” he says quietly. Harry takes Niall’s hand into his, and squeezes. “And I don’t think he wants to change.”

“I’m going to be like Liam if I let us be us and I know how much it hurts to use somebody for the sake of doing it. I know the pain one goes through when you come out, discover you’re gay and you want desperately not to be… and,” he inhales, “I don’t want you to feel even a pinch of it and that’s why we can’t be together, Zayn. But just because we can’t be together, doesn’t mean you aren’t gay, doesn’t mean you should not change.”

Zayn cries softly to Niall’s broad shoulder. “I don’t want to change.”

“I know.”

Zayn asks, “Will you be happy?”

Niall squeezes his arm. “Only when you are.”

They wrap their arms one last time warmly around each other and let go of whatever future they both thought they would have. Louis walks in when they are hugging and he too stretches his arm around the two bodies, Harry and Liam joining in.

“This was a divine Ziall hug, not for all of us,” Niall protests, sandwiched between Zayn and Louis.

“Get in there sweetums,” Harry says, snuggling his body closer to the group hug. “Don’t let go.”

Louis joins in. “Harder Harold, harder. All in Liam?”

“This feels good,” Liam groans into the hug.

“Was that an orgasm I hear Liam?” Harry asks.

“No, I can’t do this,” Zayn says, backing his body away from the hug. “This is gross.”

Louis turns to Niall and asks, “All packed?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Can’t believe I’m finally leaving the hospital.”

“Neither can we,” Harry says. “It’s been months since you were here.”

“Where are your fish?” Liam asks.

“I gave them to Grimmy to take them home for me,” Niall explains. “I actually have two Kraken Fish out of the 10 in the world!”

“Lucky lad,” Harry grins. “All I have is a copy of the Mona Lisa.”

“And me,” Louis smiles. He tip toes on his black Vans to give his boyfriend a snog.

“But first, we’re going to Nandos,” Liam says cheerfully.

Niall asks excitedly, “Really?”

“Yep, only for you. You can’t just leave Aussie without eating in Aussie,” Louis says picking up Niall’s bag.

“I got those,” Niall protests attempting to carry his own luggage.

“Not today, Nini,” Zayn shakes head. “We’re your servants for the day.”

“Lou, are you serious?” Harry asks Louis who is carrying the toiletry bag alone. “Carry more luggage, like this tiny suitcase.”

“Fine, man hands,” Louis groans picking it up.

“I don’t have big hands,” Harry pouts.  “Liam, tell him I don’t have big hands.”

“You do have big hands,” Liam says and Louis’ laughter echoes down the hospital corridor. “They’re bigger than LeBron’s.”

“Shots fired,” Zayn chuckles, swinging a leather bag over his shoulders.

“Well you have lesbian hair,” Harry retaliates.

“Used to,” Louis corrects. He quickly gets tired of carrying the small suitcase and instead drags it across the tiled floor.

“You still do,” Niall says.

“I do not, I have fierce hair that slays all of yours,” Louis says, sassily.

“According to the fans, I have the greatest hair,” Harry grins. Zayn points out that his hair looks like that of a girl. “Long hair, don’t care.”

“I still have the fiercest hair!” Louis insists.

“Stop shaking your ass,” Liam says, “that only works with Harry.”

Harry says scooping Louis’ booty. “And it’s all for me.”

Liam sneers. “Disgusting.”

Louis turns back and winks at Liam. “You want some of this?”

“My anaconda don’t want none, hun,” Liam forcefully says.

“My anaconda wants,” Harry whispers to Louis.

“Your anaconda will get,” Louis winks, kissing Harry’s pink cheeks.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Ugh, white people.”

“We’re right here you know,” Liam reminds the couple. “And it’s not pretty. Nobody likes gay porn in a hospital.” Liam sees the glitter in Larry’s eyes and he knows. He knows they have already had sex in the hospital. Probably the bathroom, he guesses. As always!

“Actually no,” Louis says seeing Liam’s eyes grow in wonder and understanding. “We didn’t have sex in the bathroom but we should have.”

“We should’ve.”

“Where then?” Liam asks, pressing the elevator button. Harry challenges him to guess. Liam ponders for a moment and then guess several places within the hospital building and they are all wrong. Inside the elevator, Liam asks Niall and Zayn to guess as well.

“I’m out,” Zayn says not wanting to join in.

“Wow Zayn, you’re so much fun!” Louis sarcastically says.

“Carry the bloody bag, Lou!” Harry scolds Louis who immediately dropped his assigned luggage on the elevator floor.

“Jeez, what’s with you today man hands?”

“Lesbian hair!”

“Asshole!”

“Cunt.”

“I love you.”

Harry laughs at his boyfriend. “You ran out of curse words, didn’t cha?”

“Always?”

“Don’t say forever,” Liam groans.

Harry presses his lips down to Louis, his hands at the bottom of Louis’ spine. “Always.”

They laugh, save for Liam who rolls his eyes, and Zayn catches Niall’s eye across the elevator and feels a small tug.

“Okay, that’s it,” Liam sighs, putting the luggage down as well. “We need to stop pretending we’re Hazel and Gus, we are not in that stupid movie, okay?”

The boys simultaneously answer, “Okay.”

“This is going to be the end of me,” Liam sighs.

“Chicken diggity,” Niall says, his eyes not leaving the elevator neon sign at the top. He presses his lips together to prevent himself from laughing.

“The hell is this guy saying?” Liam wonders, in a narrative voice.

“Nobody ever knows,” Zayn says the same mocking voice as Liam.

“It’s a mystery.”

“Only time shall tell,” Harry adds.

“It’s chicken diggity,” Niall says again.

“Someone stop it before it’s too late,” Louis says dramatically.

“It can’t because it’s divine,” Zayn yelps.

“It’s too damn divine,” Louis adds, dramatically fainting.

Niall smirks, “The chicken diggity.” and they laugh; a genuine, for ol’ time’s sake, laugh that speaks and it says the boys are _okay_.

 

> **_— the best people in life are free —_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mY ZIALL HEART! Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay hope you're enjoying this so far, and comments and kudos are ALWAYS welcome ☺


	31. - Bahrain in 199(1)4 -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis head off to Bahrain for vacation.

> _— **anon:** the world was on fire and nobody could save me but you; it’s strange what desire can make most people do **—**_

_** ** _

HARRY GIVES THE MENU BACK to the male, Arab waiter. He removes his Ray Bans on the table near the long, ice cold glass of water and presses his iPhone to his ear.

It is currently lunch time in Al Manama, the capital city of Bahrain, an exotic, exquisite island located near Saudi Arabia and Qatar as an “escape” trip to somewhere foreign, as Louis had requested. It was an attempt to get away from what had been happening to them for the last few days, all the stress and problems were too much that a much needed holiday had been awaiting them on the sunny beaches of Bahrain.

It is Larry’s second day at Bahrain and they are to stay for a week.

“Hey King,” greets Harry through the phone.

_Yo wassup H! Where’s my favorite vanilla boy been at?_

“I still think that’s racist,” says Harry playfully.

_What’s racist is you singin’ them gay ass songs… about that Louis boy._

“Our new album is better,” Harry says pointedly. “It’s an amazing album.”

_Yeah, whatever. Where you at though?_

“Aussie… then now Bahrain,” Harry responds. “Grimmy told me you went to America.”

_Your people came for me._

“My people?” 

_Modest! still on that Ed and Ellie murder thing ‘n’ they still tellin’ the popo that I killed ‘em. Me killin’ people!_

He takes a sip of his ice cold water. “You hired James Bond to kill Ellie.”

_Ed made me do it and y’know it!_

“What about Caroline?”

_Yeah, don’ ask about me if I’m good, ask about your cougar instead._

“Caroline, King.”

_Dunno much. Oh, she was released on parole. Or somethin’ Grimmy said. Which means I can finally come home and turnt up with my hoes._

“What about Shaniqua?”

_Fuck that bitch!_

“I’ll talk to Modest!” Harry reassures him. “How are you though?”

_Should be askin’ you, H. You’re makin’ me catch them stupid shit feelings ‘n’ gettin’ worried ‘bout you._

Harry coos on the phone and King clucks his tongue sending Harry into a fits of laughter. He says, “I’ll be fine, Niall’s started his knee surgery on Monday and—”

_Are they fuckin’, him and Zayn?_

“No,” Harry tells him a little forcefully. “Zayn’s a Christian and all and said he didn’t want to be like Liam so now he’s back to moaning about Perrie… actually, he took Niall for his knee surgery in America. You can go see him.”

_Where are they?_

Harry shrugs. “Florida or someplace, I don’t know.”

_Jeez vanilla boy! You’re so much help, I’ll call Niall myself._

“I have to go, Louis’ coming back.”

_How’s my pretty boy?_

“He’s good, his birthday is coming soon and I don’t know what to get him,” Harry says, watching Louis wade through the restaurant heading for his table.

_I meant Baby Edward._

“Oh. He’s awesome.”

_’N’ then I just remembered I don’ care ‘bout your fake son._

“I feel the love,” says Harry sarcastically.

 _Only for you me love_.

“Fuck you!”

_For Louis, give him somethin’ he’ll never forget, worked for Shaniqua._

“And she dumped you the next day,” Harry laughs.

_Stupid fuck._

“Bye King.” Harry ends the phone call as Louis sits down. He leans forward in his seat to plant a kiss on Harry’s rosy lips, tasting expensive wine.

“Who was that on the phone?” Louis asks. He places his sunglasses on top of his head, pulling his fringe back as well.

“King,” Harry responds. “He’s gonna go see Niall after his surgery.”

“Is that water?” asks Louis grabbing Harry’s tall glass before he responds. “Nothing like cold water in this hot weather!”

“Where’s Gray and Baby Edward?” Harry asks, concern heavy in his voice.

“They’re fine, don’t worry. Gray went to see the Al Fateh Grand Mosque and he wanted to go with. What did you order?”

“A Hamour dish; it has rice and really good fish,” Harry says and just then their male waiter brings their food, the auroma already filling the air around them. “Smells so good!”

They enjoy their Arabian cuisine under the hot sun of Bahrain, talking about the past, present and their future together. Baby Edward and Gray join them an hour or two later and immediately narrates to them the historic adventures she had exploring the third largest mosque in the entire world. Larry gleefully send glances to each other screaming “what a nerd!” as Baby Edward is busy playing with his fish.

“Finish your food, bub,” Harry instructs.

“Fish too big,” he whines, clinking his knife, fork and plate together. Harry stretches his hands, taking the fork and knife from him, and cuts the fish into small pieces for him to eat.

“Do you want more sauce?” Harry asks and Baby Edward nods, his mouth full of rice and fish.

“Yes please,” he mutters.

“Say cheese!” Louis glees and they, including Gray, smile to the direction of the flashing camera, ready for Instagram.

“You all look adorable!” Louis exclaims, as he goes about posting the shot. He does not filter it because Harry does not need filter – _filter needs Harry_.

“I’m going to the museum after this, it’s starting–goodness me–NOW!” she exclaims, looking at her geeky Einstein watch. She scrapes the chair below her, already leaving. Baby Edward insists on going with her. Harry thinks it is because Baby Edward does not like his fish but he kisses him on his lips and says they’ll meet each other at dinner.

“Wuv you,” Baby Edward coos to him.

“I love you too.” Harry waves at him and Gray holds his hand and they turn to the left. Louis wriggles his eyebrows at his boyfriend, looking at him up and down, his eyes filled with a _wickedness_ that Harry knows too well.

“Now?” he asks.

“Bathroom?”

“Yes.”

They both leave their table, and money for their meal, and practically sprint to the bathroom. Immediately locking the bathroom door, Harry grabs Louis by his waist, their lips already connecting, sloppy and wet.

“Off,” Harry commands, tugging down on Louis’ shirt. He hurriedly takes it off, Harry’s shirt joining Louis’ one already on the bathroom floor. He locks their lips, Louis’ fingers on the back of his neck, massaging the long, chocolate curly hair. Harry runs his tongue on Louis’ bottom lip and he lets out an involuntary moan. Harry unbuckles his belt, and pull down his pants along with his boxers.

“You’re already hot for me,” Harry comments, his voice low and husky. He bites down on Louis’ neck and kisses _the spot_ , muttering ‘I love you’s to his stunning boyfriend because he does – and beyond because Louis is everything to him and more that if he ever told anyone, they would think he’s crazy. But that is just it; he is crazy. Crazy in love.

Harry’s fingers scratch lightly round Louis’ hips trailing down his chest with wet kisses. He nibbles on Louis’ happy trail, Harry gazing through his eyelashes at his boyfriend’s red cheeks.

“My green eyed boyfriend,” Louis breathes.

Harry smiles up at him and drops his gaze to Louis’ thick, full dick already leaking. His swirls his tongue on the tip, tasting the salty waters of this _delicious_ boy that he can call _mine_ when nobody else can. He bops his head, sucking, twirling, teasing with rapid and then _slow_ suck that Louis jerks his hips, his cock hitting the back of Harry’s throat. He clutches onto a handful of Harry’s chocolate hair guiding him down there, his legs feeling like jelly.

He looks down and loves the hollow on Harry’s mouth, his fucking dimples, and his pink lips smoothly sucking his cock wet, again and again, and his own fingers twist in his chocolate curls. Harry’s eyes pop into his mind like images on a blank screen, their gaze, their intensity, their love–

“Cum for the baby,” mutters Harry, voice gruff and filled with sex.

–his voice. He cums into Harry’s mouth in his highest of highs, the back of his head banging hard on the bathroom wall, mouth hanging to his chest, and his fist pulling onto Harry’s hair in ecstasy.

Harry wipes his chin with the back of his tongue as he his tongue swipes Louis off his lips. “You’re beautiful when you cum.”

“You’re so good,” Louis breathes hotly on Harry’s neck.

Harry cups his fingers on Louis’ flushed cheeks, rapid breathes flowing out of the worn-out boy. “I love you so much.”

Louis’ eyes bounce between Harry’s emerald ones and mouths softly, “Forever?”

“Till death do us part,” Harry vows and attaches his lips down to his boyfriend’s cherry lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Would love to go to Bahrain, after reading about the land [=


	32. - pe(lope)rfect two -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a romantic surprise for Louis in their hotel bedroom...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☺

> **_— don henley: but there’s a danger in loving somebody too much and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust; sometimes love just ain’t enough —_ **

“KITE HO!”

THE FOUR MUSKETEERS are on the run with their kites flying high in the bright, blue sky. Harry has a Superman kite, Louis has an Ironman, Baby Edward has a Ben 10 kite and Gray has a Marie Curie-themed kite. They are competing in a kite-flying competition like a bunch of weirdos, according to the passerby whose chocolate ice-cream is melting on his hands.

“Fuck you!” Louis signs his middle finger to the passer-by’s back.

“So I’m with Louis,” Gray says, assigning the teams for kite flying, “and Harry with Baby Edward.”

“Hear that bub, we’re on the same team!” Harry cheers to a jumpy Baby Edward. He giggles, start flying his kite already.

“Kite burns!” Gray protests on the ever dangerous kite burns one acquires when flying a kite for a long time.

Louis sighs loudly at her. “How are you ruining this?”

“Just dab some cold water or something,” Harry suggests.

“K’te ’o!” Baby cheers and the kite-flying competition begins… and lasts all afternoon!

Early evening Harry decides to treat Louis to something special, a little heat in the bedroom is something they both have needed for a while. Quite literally because they normally have sex in bathrooms: restaurant bathrooms, their friend’s bathroom, plane bathrooms, concert bathrooms, Comic Con bathrooms… you name it, they have done it.

Harry thus takes it upon himself to make it the most romantic night yet. He dashes red and white petals on top of the fluffly floor carpet of their luxurious hotel room, making sure every inch of the floor at least touches a soft petal with his foot. He sprays expensive Arabian perfume in the room (and bathroom *wink wink*) and to say Harry does not melt into the Arabian _eau de parfum_ is being ridiculous. He swoons and sways at the smell and plops on the bed in a trance. His eyes gaze up to the ceiling of the hotel room and the huge crystal chandelier is majestic along with the glow in the dark moon and star-shaped stickers (which he spent nearly an hour plastering) which will glow up in the dark.

“Candles,” Harry reminds himself. He gets off the bed in a jump and places exactly eight large vanilla-scented candles on either side of the circle King-sized bed. He lines up, in a mix of green and orange (Louis’ favorite colors) against the wall around all the walls in the hotel room and turns out, it really is not crazy that he did that, it is just, well, Harry being Harry.

“Should I light them?” Harry wonders and he slaps himself on the forehead. “Of course, how else will they smell?”

After illuminating every single green and orange candle, he goes beyond and adds red candles in the bathroom – with a bubble bath already warm – and lights them but dims the bathroom lights to a cozy, warm feeling. The final touch is the Remy Martin Louis XIII brandy, one of the most expensive drinks in the entire world laid gently in the middle of the made-up bed.

 _Marry me Harry_.

Harry earlier called Niall to tell him what he has done for Louis. He chews on his bottom lip. “Do you think it’s too much?”

_No! Not at all. Why the fuck didn’t I love you instead of Payno?_

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Harry asks, biting down on his lip again.

_Yaaaaass, he’ll love it and fuck you right there and then at the door._

“I’m nervous,” Harry admits to Niall. He hears lots of voices in the background and distinctively he can tell both Paige the Bitch and Rich are with him.

_Why? You have nothing to worry about. You have gone beyond his expectations for sure. He is going to looooooove it!_

“How do you know?” he asks and he also hears Nick’s voice in the background talking to Zayn.

_Because Louis first of all didn’t expect to go to Bahrain with you and also he didn’t expect you to go all out of your way to make him happy by agreeing to see your mother… you’re so whipped it’s too funny._

“I love him,” Harry says sincerely.

_Giiiiiiiirl, you both are._

“Should I add something else?”

_Nope. Maybe me as a threesome?_

“Not happening,” Harry chuckles. “Is that Grimmy?”

_Yeah. He came with King to Texas for my knee surgery._

“How was it?” asks Harry.

_Scary! But I had to be fierce for it and I was. Ugh, Zayn was panicking for no reason. Him and Rich._

“He was scared he would lose you again,” Harry explains, “And this surgery was a reminder of what happened in Australia.” He hears Niall grunt loudly and pictures him rolling his eyes in his head.

_I know he means well but he was more freaked out than Greg was._

“Your brother’s so chilled about everything I don’t think he even noticed you left for the surgery!”

_Giiiiiiirl!_

“And what about you and him? How are things?”

_We’ve been kissing a lot and I keep playing these images in my head that we’re dating, and we cuddle, and it’s divine, and I love it but then I remember…_

“He’s a homophobic Christian?”

_Can you even be homophobic when you’re gay?_

Harry chuckles. “You probably end up hating yourself.”

 _The saddest part is I want him so bad, Harry. So_ un _divinely bad._

Harry cannot help but smile. “You’ll come around, don’t worry. Though hard to believe that someone who’s in denial about his sexuality can see homosexuality in others.”

_Giiiiiiirl! You’re telling me!_

Harry giggles nervously on the phone, his palm on his face. He sighs aloud, his hand feeling clammy in his hand. “I love him so much you don’t understand.” Niall remains quiet listening to him. “I’ve never been hit so hard in love with him and he broke all of my walls. He makes me a better person… actually, he inspires me to be a better person. He’s my best friend but more Niall, he’s the one person in this entire galaxy who knows me better than anyone else and every night I feel like I don’t deserve him.”

_No! Larry is meant to be forever because you guys are perrrrrfect together, yet I don’t get why you’re so deluded to see that._

Harry dolefully answers, “Because I could live for a thousand lifetimes and I’ll still feel like I don’t–won’t deserve him.”

_Do you know how many fucking people both of you inspire in this world by being Larry Stylinson, especially with your stupid catchphrase ‘bravery’?_

Harry admits he does not know.

_Harry, you inspired, and still do, so many people around the world to be comfortable with being gay. You told them that they are not a monster just because they’re gay, you told them that they should continue to love themselves wholly and they better not be damned ashamed of what they are._

“I did all that?” asks Harry, feeling floored right now. He struggles with being an open gay man everyday but being with Louis he forgets that he is gay and lives like he is a normal human _because he is a normal human_. However, hearing what Niall is telling him makes his heart swell in affection.

_Yes you did. And you know what else?_

“No, what else?”

_You inspired me to love myself because when Payno and I broke up I fucking didn’t like it one bit. I hated myself, I hated that I was gay, I hated that I was inferior to nearly everybody! Like giiiiiirl, you don’t understand what I went through and there was a time when I so badly wanted to be straight because then I would have chance with Payno._

Harry softly whispers his name as he feels his heart ballooning within him. “Niall.”

_But out of all the people who inspired me, it was you and Loubear. Both of you taught me that I should love my fierce, divine self and be proud of that and–and that people may not understand who I am, like Zayn being a homophobe and whatnot, but I should not be ashamed of it. Not one bit, angel._

For a moment Harry has no words for Niall, his eyes glistening at what his best mate is telling him, then he says, “I have–I don’t know what to say.”

_Don’t ever say that you don’t deserve Louis because you do and don’t you feel less of a man being with him because he makes you more of a man._

Harry sniffs back twice and laughs through the water works. “When did you get so wise?”

_Blame Zayn for making me deep, angel._

“Thank you Ni, means a lot to hear that from you.”

_Anytime angel… now are you sure I can’t join you?_

“Nope!” says Harry popping the ‘P’.

_Please.  I’ll bring the lube!_

“Shit, I can hear Baby Edward coming,” Harry exclaims, his heart beating rapidly inside him. “I can’t breathe!”

_Ew! I thought having sex with children is a crime?_

“Wh–No! No Niall! Why would you say something lik–”

_Just calm down! What’s the worst that can happen, Louis leaves you?_

Harry gulps. “Please don’t say things like that because now that’s all I can think about right now.”

_I love you, angel._

“Bye Niall.”

He presses end on the phone and throws it somewhere behind him. He quickly looks down at his feet, hearing their voices louder than before. His feet are clothed with SpongeBob socks (a favorite of Louis’) mixed with ripped, tight skinny jeans that really shows off his thighs and shows his ass – what’s left of it anyway.

“Papa!”

Baby Edward cheers running into the room, ignoring everything in sight apart from Harry who collects him in his arms. Louis and Gray’s mouths dangle from their jaw at the scene before them, soft, cheesy songs playing in the background.

“I missed you, Papa,” Baby Edward exclaims.

“I missed you too, bub,” Harry coos at the baby in his arms.

“Harry,” Louis breaths.

“Wow!” Gray bellows.

In a dream state, Louis says, “I know.”

“This room is a fire hazard,” Gray says and Louis shoots her the _shut up_ look, “but if that’s the ambience you were going for.”

“It’s romantic,” Louis spits, rolling his eyes.

“Arson is not romantic,” Gray disagrees.

“How are you ruining this?” Louis asks, rolling his eyes and smiles fondly at Harry. He places a kiss on his cheek and whispers. “You amaze me every time.”

“Hey,” Harry calls out to Gray, “could you take Baby Edward to the park tonight?”

“Of course,” Gray agrees, carrying Baby Edward into her long arms. “Always love hanging out with my favorite superhero.”

“Yaaaaay,” Baby Edward cheers. Harry smiles deeply, his dimples showing proudly that his son knows fabulous words already. “I wuv you, Papa.”

“To the moon and back.” Harry places a soft kiss on his lips and Gray locks the door behind them. He turns to Louis who is nibbling on a Dutch chocolate which was wrapped in a tiny silver box. “What do you think?”

“I–I don’t–I mean I love it yes, but this–how long–”

“Is it too much?” Harry asks, his nerves eating away at him.

“You don’t understand,” Louis says struggling to get the words to roll out of his lips. Harry gently wraps his arms around his waist, his forehead lazily on Louis’ and swaying side to side.

“What is it, love?” he asks in his husky voice.

“Stuff like this,” Louis shakes his head slow, his eyes gazing into Harry’s, “don’t happen to people like me.”

“What do you mean?”

“These are the things you find people singing in dumb love songs, in fairytales that you dream of being in, of stories that happen in faraway lands like in Mozambique or Narnia or even _Shrek_ , in cliché movies that make you cringe but secretly wish were happening to you like _The Fault In Our Stars_ or _A Walk To Remember_ … yet here you are making it happen to me. What–what did I do to deserve this fairytale Prince Charming?”

Harry tangles his boyfriend’s fingers with his and with his left hand he pulls Louis closer to his body so that their chests are tenderly touching. Louis quietly wraps his arm over Harry’s shoulder.

“Let’s dance,” Harry hums, his nose crooked in Louis’ neck. The dance slowly for a while to the soft music playing while the mix of Arabian perfumes and vanilla mesmerizing Larry Stylinson in a trance.

Louis whispers softly to him. “If I knew how I would love you more–”

“You love me,” Harry simply explains. “And that’s enough for me.”

“This is what I mean,” Louis hums, is nose in the crook of Harry’s neck. “You’re a romantic, sweet and handsome yet here I am, a loud mouth who can’t do all of this–who can’t think of doing this amazing things you do for me.”

Harry backs up and gazes lovingly at Louis. “You’re perfect for me the way you are.”

“I’m not perfect for you.”

“We’re not meant to be perfect, we’re meant to be love.”

Louis smiles fondly at his boyfriend of one year and a half. “Love is us, love is Larry Stylinson.”

Harry trails his index finger along Louis’ long arm, leaving goosebumps along his trail.  “It’s strange what desire can make you do.”

Louis grabs him by the neck and pulls him down to a passionate kiss. Harry squeezes his body tightly to his own, their crotches rubbing each other between barriers of cotton and denim. Harry nibbles on Louis’ bottom lip hard, and then sucks on it gently, _driving Louis up the wall!_ Harry’s hand slides under his thighs and lifting one of his legs and he complies by jumping and wrapping his legs around Harry’s toned torso. He trails his tongue on Louis’ bottom lip but Louis does not open for him. He grabs is great ass Louis gasping on Harry lips who sticks his tongue down his throat. Harry tugs on against Louis soft tongue, a deep-throated groan vibrating on both their tongues in a _red,_ _hot_ _snog_.

“Take me now!” Louis commands and Harry does not need to be told twice. He walks to the bed and lies him on the bed covered with white and blue petals.

“Tonight we’re going to take it slow,” he hums on Louis’ neck but no, Louis wants it fast, fast and faster!

Louis tugs down on Harry’s shirt, roughly whispering in Harry’s hear. “I want it now. Speed delivery.”

“We have plenty of time before that,” Harry moans, busying nibbling, biting and sucking on Louis’ creamy skin on his shoulder.

Louis groans in pleasure beneath Harry giving him an Australian-sized love bite. He bucks up, rubbing his throbbing crotch on his boyfriend’s _take it slow_ thigh. “I want you now! And fast!”

“Fuck it!” Harry gives in – to Louis happiness – and hurriedly unbuttons navy, tight tight jeans.

“Can I top tonight?” Louis asks, his eyes on Harry’s hands down below. Harry snorts and pulls down on the zipper with his sparkling, white teeth. “I’m serious Curly, can I?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Harry hovers above his boyfriend’s already hot, twitching cock. “Because tonight I want you.”

“But I’ve never topped, not once,” Louis grunts when Harry’s warm mouth kisses the tip of his cock.

“Not tonight, love.”

“Why not is what I’m asking! Just this once please.”

Harry’s eyes look up at Louis who is up on his propped up on his elbows, his torso seeming longer than usual. “This face does not bottom, not once, not ever.” Harry goes down on him for the second time. However, Louis, with the strength of Hulk, Hades and Hercules combined, stops him before Harry can suck the orgasm out of him.

“What do you mean your face does not bottom?”

“This face does not get pushed into a pillow,” says Harry sassily. He leans in for a snog but Louis’ head backs away from him. He pushes Harry away with his hand, getting off the bed, covering his dignity. “Wha-what are you doing?”

Louis snaps. “Leaving! What does it look like?”

Harry’s face is full of questions and exclamation marks. “Because I didn’t let you top?”

“It’s always you topping, every single time and I never do. You never let me do it for a change,” Louis spits angrily at him.

“You’re a bottom and you love it.”

“I don’t loooove it,” Louis says, stretching the “love” word. “I don’t _mind_ it.”

“You’re a bottom because your face is one that can be pushed into the pillow!”

“What the fuck, Styles?” Louis curses at him. He grabs the brandy that has been lying at the end of the bed and flings it at the wall to his left – the wall littered with broken glass and expensive liquid.

“That was Remy Martin Louis brandy, Louis!”

He bends down and flicks chocolates on the floor and flings it at him, hitting right on the spot on his forehead. “I don’t give a fuck what it’s called!”

“Ow!”

Louis throws more chocolates at him, some hitting his chest others behind him at the hotel window.

“So you think your face is better than mine?” Harry asks grinding his teeth. “Because it isn’t!”

“Yeah because your dick isn’t all that,” Louis snorts.

“It is.”

Louis is fuming at this point, his anger spilling through every possible opening of his body. “Your dick is so small—”

“Is not! Yours is!” Harry shows him his pinky finger indicating the size of Louis’ penis. “It’s like fucking a four-year old with you.”

“I fake my orgasms to make you stop.” Harry’s mouth hangs loosely from his jaw. “And you know what else?” Harry’s eyes squint so much that there are a lot of wrinkles by his eyes and his jaw is very tense. “I bought a dildo way bigger than your fucking tiny four-inch dick.”

“Big talk from a three-inch dick.”

“Big talk from a dick that doesn’t—”

“I’m a grower, you fucking asshole!” Harry hurls at him. “You buy dildos because you want to feel what it’s like to be a top and you know what, you never will top because you’re a cheap cunt.”

“You have sex with me so who has the whore tendencies?”

Harry cries angrily, “I fuck with no whores.”

“You do because if you did have sex with a normal person then you’d probably never close,” Louis snickers bitterly.  “At least I know Niall can better than you.”

Harry’s eyes widen as big as tennis balls and his knuckles white. “When did you fuck Niall?”

“Jealous?”

“When did you and Niall fuck?” he asks him again, this time his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Why do you care?” taunts Louis. He breaks out a rude smile on his face upon seeing Harry boiling in rage.

Harry asks him slowly, not trusting his temper to do something irrational, like fly to Texas and murder Niall with his bare hands. “When did you fuck him?”

“You know what’s the great thing about Niall?” Louis asks rhetorically. “With him he’s gentle and loving… and he actually cares about how I feel for once. With you, all you care about is dumping your load in me. You don’t care if I’m satisfied, if I come.”

“You always come along with me,” Harry retorts.

“I fake my orgasms!”

“I can’t let an amateur top me because you don’t know the first thing about fucking since your only experience is with that fame whore you called a girlfriend.”

“She is phenomenal.”

“Asshole!” Harry loses it and grabs an unlit candle and flings it at Louis. He ducks it luckily but he is quick and Louis grabs several chocolates, again, fills them in his hand and flings them at an raging Harry.

“Or should I say phenome _niall_ cause he’s a good fucker,” Louis giggles just to piss him off.

“Shut up you wanker!”

“Why?” Louis asks feigning innocence. “Is your three-inch dick catching feelings?”

“Says the bottom fucker.”

“Is little dick hurt?” Louis asks, in a condescending tone. He turns on his heels and heads for the door. He stops when a flying candle misses his face by inches. He turns around and snarls at him.

“What the fuck Harry! I could’ve died!”

“Take that back.”

“Why, because deep down you know I’m right. Because deep down you know you’re not that good in bed and so you top to try and prove, every single time, that you really are good at sex. You really can’t make someone come without toys and whatnots.”

“But you like fucking.”

“But that’s the problem!”

“What is?”

Louis snarls. “Fucking!”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Louis exhales a slow and steady breath and opens his eyes at a fuming and confused Harry. He knows Harry is only angry because he is scared, Harry is scared what he is about to say.

“We stopped making love a long time ago, Curly. All we do are quickies in bathrooms, hot yucky sticky sex with no love at all – I mean, it’s always just you, you and you without me. I have no voice in this fucking sex thing we do because you never ask me what I like.” He has a fistful of petals in his hands and throws them in the air. “I don’t even like roses.”

“What?” asks Harry flabbergasted. “Who doesn’t like rose petals?”

“Me!” Louis stresses. “See, you didn’t even know that I didn’t like them, you just assumed that I did because all those you fucked before me did but I don’t. I don’t like these stupid candles either, there’re too many and the chocolates.”

“They’re Dutch and Belgian chocolates.”

“Just because I’m a sixteenth Belgian doesn’t make me automatically like Belgian chocolates. I prefer Swiss.”

“Anything else you don’t like?” Harry asks impatiently in a sarcastic manner. “Me?”

“If you’re going to be rude, I might as well leave.”

“No!” Harry springs on his feet and runs to the door before Louis. He stops in front of him, his eyes darting between Louis’ blue exasperated eyes. The sight of the stunning boy before him takes his breathe away, yes, as cliché as it sounds, it happens from time to time and Harry wonders how does this boy still have such a huge effect on him. Honestly, he feels his legs going jelly and ultimately gives in at the sight of him.

“I can change,” he says desperately. “I can touch you properly if you show me how, I can make love to you not fuck, I can do so much more as long as you will be satisfied. I will do—”

“Those are just words, Harry.”

 Harry shakes his head. “No, they’re not Lou. I—I love you. I’m _in_ love with you.”

“I want to believe that you’ve changed yet you turn around and—”

“I’m not like most people.”

He snorts. “Yeah right.”

“I actually mean what I say, sweetums,” says Harry sincerely.

“All this” — he twirls his fingers in the air in a circle — “what we are right now, the fighting and whatnot, it makes me wonder what we’ll be like when we’re married,” Louis says softly to Harry. Just like that, all the rage Harry had in him melts away from his body and is filled with a heart-eyes emoji.

“Married?”

Louis nods. “Yes.”

“Yo—you want to get stuck with me for the rest of your life?”

Louis strikes a shy smile across his face. “Yes silly, you’re the love of my life and my heart will love you until I’m 90. But not today.”

“Let’s do it then.”

“Do what?” asks Louis perplexed.

“Let’s elope!”

> **_— and nobody loves you baby the way I do, we must be fireproof —_ **

**_ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 LET'S SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!! WHAT WILL!! WILL LARRY FINALLY FINALLY GET MARRIED? OR WILL THEY... NOT!? O=


	33. - going now(onderland)here -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When kisses are addictive...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☻

 

> — **_taylor swift:_** _I wish you would come, I wish you were right here right now_ —

 

NIALL JAMES HORAN’S LEGS ARE draped lazily over Robin Van Persie on the large couch who is fast asleep after a long night out in Dallas. Tyra Banks and Kylie Jenner are out shopping together while Nick and King are out watching a basketball game and the others? The others are Ladavid La’Duck, Richard Ghoul and Paige the Bitch who are also out while Cara Delevigne is busy planning her wedding for December back in London and Tristan Sivan could not be bothered traveling across the seas (again) to see Niall recover.

It is just Liam James Payne and Zayn Javadd Malik comforting Niall, just like the good ol’ times when it was the boys, not other people who were with them. It felt natural just being the three of them (they are ignoring Robin’s soft snores).

“What are you reading?” Niall curiously asks Zayn, who has been reading something rather intently off his phone.

“Nothing much,” says Zayn evasively.

“He’s reading up on Perrie,” Liam whispers loudly and winks at the end.

Niall’s eyes gorge out. “Perrie? Like Perrie Edwards your fiancée?”

“Yep. Rumor has it she’s on a romantic trip with Eleanor in Fiji.”

“That’s still a thing?” Niall asks Liam about Eleanor and Perrie (Peleanor) and he nods.

“Samoa,” Zayn corrects Liam.

“Are there pictures?” Niall asks excitedly, clapping his hands.

“Stop, he’s already sad about it,” Liam hisses at Niall.

“Who cares about her, Zayn moved on!”

“Kinda,” Zayn admits quietly.

“See!”

“But,” Niall interrupts Liam, “you love me!”

Zayn rolls his eyes playfully. “I do but I still kinda, might be, somehow still like my fiancée but I don’t know… it’s fading.”

“Because of me,” Niall cheers.

“Plus she’s my fiancée,” Zayn adds.

“Oh jeez,” Liam groans. “Are you going to get it out of your head that Ziall is just a bromance?”

“Maybe but the feelings are defo there,” Niall says and blows a kiss to Liam. “Jealous, angel?”

“Oh, I’m buzzing!” Zayn answers his phone and casually walks out of the room, Robin suddenly waking up.

“Hello sleepyhead,” Niall coos. He leans forward and brushes his lips with Robin’s. “Sleep well?”

“No. Still with a fucking hangover!” Robin curses angrily. Niall leans forward and hands Robin a bottle of water and for him a bottle of Vodka.

“Your liver!” Liam shrieks at the sight of the South African boy gulping down Vodka.

“He got a new one,” says Robin casually as if it is not a big deal that Niall had been in a coma for the same reason he is gulping large gulps of Vodka.

“That Vodka is the reason he went into a coma,” Liam says, his eyes still unbelievably watching Niall takes large gulps of the toxic drink to his liver. He is too flabbergasted to even think of _stopping_ him. “And you’re still drinking? Don’t you remember the pain you went through?”

“To be honest,” Niall says, putting down the bottle on the coffee table, “I didn’t feel any pain because I was in a coma.”

“But what about us?” Liam inquires. “Don’t you care about how we all felt when we learnt you went into a coma because you drank like a fish?”

“Or smoked like a chimney,” Robin chuckles.

“You mean Zayn, don’t you angel?” Niall asks Liam. Liam nods sheepishly. “Well Zayn came around when he found out I did coke so he’ll come around with me drinking again.”

“That’s because he looooves you, obviously he will,” Robin reasons with him . “But Liam over here will bug you about it.”

“And Harry,” Liam adds in a serious tone. “He vowed to make sure you will remain clean for the rest of your life.”

Robin snorts. “Good luck with that.” Niall laughs loudly along with him, Liam shaking his head at the manner in which Niall is taking his health lightly.

“You were an addict, Niall and you don’t even realize that.”

“It’s the alcohol poisoning that put me in a coma, not coke,” says Niall as a matter of fact.

Robin turns his head to face Niall. “I’ve not had sex in months.”

Liam asks, “So?”

“So that bitch says she’s waiting for marriage!” Robin says disgustedly about his lingerie model named Lativia. “That slut thinks she’s a virgin, like giiiiirl, please, your vagina is a fucking door knob where everyone gets a turn.”

Niall laughs heartedly, Liam shaking his head (again). “Why the sudden holier-than-thou attitude?”

“Kylie dared her to go to church for once to bless her vagina and now she thinks she’s Mother Theresa!”

“We can fix that angel.” Niall winks at Robin mischievously.

“What do you suggest?” Robin purrs in Niall’s ear.

“I say we go on a beautiful ride on your dick,” he replies.

Liam grosses out. “Oh hell!”

“I keep forgetting he’s here,” Robin admits. Niall shrugs and pulls Robin (surprisingly with a semi-healed fixed knee) off the couch and like horny teenage boys the rush off the room to bounce like rabbits on the bed.

Liam throws his hands in the air. “It’s everywhere!”

“What is?”

Liam spins his head so fast he hears a small crack on his neck. It is Zayn with a granola bar in his hand.

“Gay sex.”

“Where’s Niall?”

“Gay sex,” Liam answers.

“He’s having sex?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Liam huffs at the slow pace Zayn is taking to understanding him.

“Niall and Robin or Niall and Rich?” Zayn asks.

“Robin. Apparently his girlfriend is saving herself for marriage,” Liam says nonchalantly. “Who was that on the phone?”

“Louis. He says hi,” Zayn answers.

Liam asks him, “Why don’t these people have video games?”

“Apparently it’s not gay to play video games,” Zayn says. “Whatever that means.” He sits on the couch (he was standing the entire time) near Liam, his head resting on the arm chair and eyes gazing at Liam at the end of it the couch.

“Don’t you feel bad that Niall’s having sex with everybody but not you?” Liam asks.

Zayn shrugs, his gaze lowering to his granola bar with great interest. “I’m fine.”

Liam softly murmurs, “Zayn.”

He sighs. “It hurts a bit. I feel like he’s completely forgotten about me and that if we ever dated he’d treat me the way he treats all his friends.”

“You out of all the people know that’s not true,” Liam says to him who looks up from his granola bar to look at him. “You know that you’re the one person cares and loves so much in this entire world and he would not treat you like that.”

“How do you know?”

“He loved me with all of his heart so I know,” Liam admits with remorse.

“Oh yeah and took his virginity too,” Zayn smirks at Liam who sighs. Zayn continues, “And he trusted you so much.”

Liam groans. “Can we forget about that please?”

Zayn, his cheeks rosy says, “This is kind of dumb but sometimes I wish he fought for me when I said we could not be together. I wish he had told me that dating him as a gay person was going to be fine, that God would accept us for who we are and that finally we were free… together like Larry Stylinson.”

“But Niall knows about you and your relationship with God. He knows that you’d be talking to God more than you would with him,” says Liam says with a knowing smile. “You’d be asking God why he can’t set you free to be with the one you love as you walk down the bridge in Paris.”

“You mean aisle?”

“No, bridge.”

“What bridge?”

Liam winks. “The one with padlocks in Paris.”

“Never heard of it.”

“Well I would have taken Danielle there before she broke up with me,” Liam says.

Zayn takes in a bite of the granola bar. “She still hates you.”

“So much,” Liam agrees.

“I wish I could wake up with amnesia and forget about these feelings,” Zayn takes a another bite of his granola bar.

“You always told me that everything happens for a reason,” Liam says to him. “That God has our entire life planned on the palm of His hand and He knows what He does when things happen to us. We may not understand right away, or even years from now, but we should take the good with the bad and just roll with it.”

“Because we can never understand His works,” says Zayn nodding. “I know that but why did He make me gay?”

“Bisexual to be fair,” Liam smiles.

“Why though?”

“I don’t know,” Liam admits dejectedly. He feels helpless that he cannot help his brother out, feeling as if he has thrown him out in the cold without any shelter. “I’m sorry.”

Zayn slightly shakes his head, clutching the granola bar between his hands. “I’m just coming to terms with my sexuality, something I’ve been fighting against my whole life, and then I like him.” He turns his head to face Liam. “I _like_ like him. And his kisses,” he adds, his cheeks pink.

“You really do, don’t you?” Liam squeezes his ankle and the black-haired boy gives him a weak smile. “Do you feel dumb when around Niall’s friends?”

“My IQ shrinks to a 50!” Zayn exclaims.

“You’d still have the highest anyway.”

“Some are smart though.”

“Niall doesn’t count nor Harry.”

“There’re others.

“Oh my gosh!” Liam bellows excitedly. “OMG! Zayn Javadd Malik!”

“What?”

“You like one of them?”

Zayn furiously shakes his head.  “I do not.”

“Yes you do,” Liam insists not believing his words. “Tell me who! And Niall does not count.”

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone?” Zayn asks. Liam nods his head, his 1000-watt smile glowing. “PaigeTheBitch.”

“What?” asks Liam as Zayn murmured it really fast.

“Paige.”

Liam’s eyebrows rise to his hairline and his mouth drops to his lap. “Paige the Bitch?!”

“She’s—”

“Paige the weirdo?” Liam asks in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“Paige the Puerto Rican?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says shyly, hiding his face behind his hands.

“The one with long nails?”

“Yes.”

“No Zayn, please tell me it ain’t so!”

“She’s pretty.”

“Yes,” Liam agrees. “For a slut, a whore who’ll use you like Eleanor used Louis. Even Robin’s girlfriend is hotter.”

“She’s gorgeous,” Zayn defends his new mild crush.

Liam scoffs. “Till she takes all your money.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“I thought she’s dating Rich?” Liam wonders.

“Nope, he’s gay,” says Zayn.

“Holy shit!” Liam cries. “You actually have a shot with her then.”

“I don’t want to date her, thank you very much,” says Zayn. “Though Nini told me she has a new date every other day, like 18 in a week.”

“Eighteen?” asks Liam. “How’s that even possible? And why not?”

Zayn gets off the couch. “Because it’ll feel weird dating one of Niall’s friends. I’m going to bed—”

“Hopefully Niall is done,” Liam grins naughtily. Zayn throws him the middle finger and walks off to the sounds of Liam’s laughter behind him. He knocks four times on Niall’s bedroom door of rented mansion that they are staying in duration for Niall’s knee surgery.

“Yeah?” Niall calls out. Zayn gingerly turns the knob, praying Robin is not in the room. Lucky for him he is not and Niall is sitting upright on the bed, his hand holding a remote changing the channel to a live golf tournament.

“Golf again?” Zayn asks, shutting the door and walking to the bed.

“It’s divine!”

“Boring you mean,” chuckles Zayn. He sits on the edge of the bed as Niall presses the off button on the remote. “How was it?”

“How was what?” Niall asks. He reaches to his bedside table and removes his night cream for his hands. He squeezes glitter, white paste onto his olive hands and massages his hands as Zayn watches in amusement.

“The thing with Robin.”

“Oh, the sex?” Niall asks. “It was good… for not having sex for months it was pretty good.”

“Not divine?”

Niall stops massaging his hands midair and his eyes gaze up at the jet-black haired lad. “What’s all this about?”

“Nothing… nothing at all.”

“Are we jealous, angel?” he smirks.

“No.”  Zayn feels all the air zap out of his body when Niall’s (moisturized) hands interlock with his. He lifts Zayn’s chin so that their eyes meet halfway and Zayn cannot help but feel the pins and needles in his stomach, like in the hospital.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” says Niall softly to him. To be honest, truly honest, Zayn feels like in wonderland whenever he is around Niall. He gets lost in it and pretends that this feeling is real, that what they both have is pure and true and will last. He cannot help but feel like life could not be any better than this feeling, feeling this warm, dizzy feeling is what he misses and with Niall, he feels it like it was the very first time.

“Zayn.” Niall snaps him out of his thoughts and the warmth of Niall’s hand above his is enough to send him off to a new frenzy.

“Sorry, I was lost in wonderland.”

“Wonderland?”

“It’s a place where I go and you’re there,” says Zayn. Niall cocks his head to the side, his eyes filled with worry for the broken boy before him. He cups his cheek and softly palms it.

“You know we can’t.”

“I know,” Zayn says understanding. His fingers slip underneath his shirt, palming softly the white boy sitting on the bed. He feels the goosebumps on Niall waist beneath his touch and the slight rosy cheeks on his face.

“I like you,” Zayn whispers.

Niall responds in a heartbeat. “I like you too.”

“I so badly want this feeling to go,” Zayn admits. “It’s like an arrow in my chest and the more I pull it out the more I bleed and the more I pull the more I feel like I’m dying… but the good kind of death.”

“The beautiful death where you don’t fight it when it comes,” says Niall softly, understanding  what Zayn was saying because he is going through the exact same thing except for him he kind of accepted their fate back in Australia – they are not meant to be together. There are, sadly, those people who could be so into each other that the cruel world will not let these souls unite to form one eclipse of love.

“Something like that.”

“Let it go,” Niall sings. “Let it go, can’t hold it back anymore.”

Zayn joins him in singing: “Let it gooooo, let it goooo, turn away and slam the doooooor.” Zayn chuckles softly, getting off the bed.

“Where are you going?” Niall asks in confusion.

“I have to walk it off,” Zayn says, winking sheepishly. Niall chuckles and bids him good night.

“Goodnight Zayn,” Niall says, his head on the pillow gazing at him walking to the door. Zayn’s legs feel like jelly when Niall says his name, loves it when his name rolls of Niall’s tongue. He closes his eyes to compose himself and opens them to catch Niall smirking.

“Do you need anything?” Zayn asks. The latter boy shakes his head against the pillow. “Goodnight then.”

“G’night, angel,” Niall says. He blows him kisses and Zayn switches off the lights. Instead of walking out the door he tiptoes to Niall’s bed softly.

“I can hear you, you idiot,” Niall chuckles in the dark.

“Shut up!” Zayn says amusingly.

“What the hell are you doing in the dark?” he asks.

“Nothing, go to sleep,” Zayn says and surprises Niall how close his voice his, how close his warm breath his hitting his face.

“Are you going to watch me fall asleep?”

“Yes.”

“In the dark?”

“Baby you don’t know.”

“That’s creepy,” Niall says, his voice tinged with laughter.

“Is not. Would-be lovers do the all the time.”

“White people,” Niall groans.

“You’re white too,” Zayn points out.

“I’m from Africa so technically I’m black.”

“White boy in a black body.”

“Shut _up,_ ” Niall says, laughing quietly. He turns his head and sees Zayn looking at him in the dark. He shifts in the bed and stretches his hand to turn on the table lamp. He sees Zayn sitting Indian style on the floor beside the bedside table gazing up at Niall fondly.

“This is creepy,” Niall says and he sees Zayn looking at his lips multiple times.

“It’s wonderful,” Zayn says and Niall can’t help but roll his eyes.

“And I thought Larry were sappy!”

“They are.”

“Stop staring.”

“You’re breathtakingly beautiful, Niall,” Zayn says sincerely.

“Stop,” he coos blushing.

“Don’t cover your face, you’re hiding perfection.”

“Stop!” Niall groans but secretly he loves the attention. He feels all warm and cotton-candy inside.

“You’re perfect.”

“For fuck’s sake, kiss me if you want,” Niall groans, having had enough of his beating heart and butterflies in his stomach and the _fucking tension_.

“Never,” says Zayn shaking his head. Though all Zayn wants to do _is_ snog him until he cannot feel his lips.

Niall pouts his lips and looks at him with puppy eyes. “Please angel?” But Zayn does not budge. “You’re the worst tease ever, worse than Robin.”

“Really?” he asks surprised. Niall nods and turns off the lights from the switch on the wall after Zayn turned them on, sleep heavy in his eyes. His face does not hit the pillow before Zayn cups his pink cheeks in the dark and crashes their aching lips together, taking Niall by surprise. Zayn’s grip tightens on Niall’s neck when the boy in bed locks their fingers together with Zayn’s free hand, the other supporting his body not to fall off the bed.

Zayn slowly brushes his bottom lip on Niall’s, their breaths mingling in the dark and he softly locks Niall’s bottom lip with his rosy ones, a moan vibrating from the back of Niall’s throat. They stop, rugged breath the only sound in the dark, moonlit room. Zayn’s fingernails scratch his scalp and grab a fistful of his hair with his fingers, pulling Niall’s face closer to his. He swipes his tongue on Niall’s bottom cherry lips.

Niall breaks the kiss, his arms feeling like jelly.  He is breathing rapidly, his forehead still on Zayn’s. “Fuck.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Niall’s warm breath is on Zayn’s lips.

“Somehow in the dark, it feels right than when there are lights on. I feel like in the dark God cannot see me,” murmurs Zayn, his lips brushing on Niall’s with each spoken vowel.

“We’re in wonderland, remember?”

With his arm cupping Niall’s cheeks, he says hotly, “We are, aren’t we?”

Niall leans in off the bed and plants a kiss to Zayn’s plump, red lips. He sloppily and messily kisses him but he does not care because he loves it and he just wants to feel Zayn’s rough, yet soft, lips on his every day. Plus Zayn’s a bloody good kisser. “Stay with me tonight.”

“I can’t. I have to walk it off.”

“But you kissed me.”

“If I stay and spoon you, I’m not going to trust myself with what I’ll do with you,” Zayn says and it goes straight to Niall’s cock, his chest moving up and down rapidly.

“You’re killing me you know that?” Niall comments. He is grateful it is dark because his face is as red as a tomato and not to mention his lips aching for Zayn’s rosy ones to brush on his just one more time.

“Breakfast in bed tomorrow?”

Zayn swallows in the dark. “Sure, why not?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOUAHAHAHAHHAHA had to put a pause on Harry & Louis' elope-ment.... or eloping-ness... wtv, you know what I mean [;


	34. - we're going to the chapel...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry Stylinson GET MARRIED!!!!

 

> **_— will you take Larry Stylinson to be your lawfully wedded husband? —_ **

**_ _ **

“WHERE’S THE DAMN CHAPEL?” Louis yells angrily, sweat trickling down his neck and beneath his collar.

Tell a friend that LARRY STYLINSON ARE GETTING MARRIED! Tell your friends, the President, Her Royal Highness, the Al-Qaeda, those cockroaches in your cupboard and Liam’s turtles (if they are still alive) that Larry Stylinson are going to the chapel of love and they are going to get married. 

However, looking for a chapel is hard in a Bahrain, an Islamic country with a thousand mosques but close to zero chapels.

“How about we get our tux then we look for the chapel?” Harry suggests, the both of them walking down the nightlife of Al Manama. The town looks beautiful, with the bright lights and soft Arabian music playing on the streets and not forgetting the people as well. They hop into a taxi and head to the Seef Mall.

“What are the odds of finding a church or chapel in a Muslim country?” asks Louis in the back of a taxi.

“Do you want to calculate the odds?” Harry asks. Their sweaty palms are tangled together, his head lying softly on Louis’ shoulder.

“I’m not Doctor Spencer Reid,” huffs Louis, his head gazing outside the small taxi window at the busy Al Manana streets. “This place is breathtaking.”

“It is,” agrees Harry. “I can’t believe we’re getting married here.”

“I can’t believe I’m marrying you!”

“I can’t believe you agreed,” says Harry in disbelief.

“I can’t believe!” he shrills.

“I can’t,” Harry chuckles. His grinning smile drops when he realizes that he did not even propose to Louis Tomlinson, the love of his life. He makes a mental note to propose _before_ they get married.

“Excuse me,” Harry calls out to the taxi driver, “could you go to Suq Qasari first?”

“It’s Souq Al Qaisairi,” corrects the Arabian-accented driver.

“That’s what I said,” Harry whispers to Louis who fondly smiles at him. They reach their destination within minutes and Harry, as usual, takes a photo of his future husband standing in front the taxi for their joint Instagram account – Larrystagram – titled _T2xi_.

“Where are we going?” Louis asks once they are inside the shop. Turns out it is a shop selling jewels – the kind that takes away your breath by just setting your eyes upon them. There are all kinds of colors, shapes and names. There are rubies, sapphires, gem stones, black, white, orange, yellow and even turquoise colored ones.

“Can we go buy our wedding clothes?” Louis asks, bending his knee so his hip looks bigger.

“Are you taking a hip selfie?” Harry asks. Louis makes duck faces with each snapshot, every time the camera lowering to his hips.

“A helfie!” he glees. “What are we doing here anyway?”

“How can we get married without rings?” Harry asks, his eyes locked on a baby blue stone with a platinum circular ring. It is the perfect ring for Louis and he knows it. Louis, too, notices the ring Harry is looking at.

“It’s stunning, innit?”

“Do you like it?” Harry asks him, turning his head to watch Louis absolutely mesmerized by it. “They match your gorgeous eyes.”

“They do, don’t they?”

Harry delicately takes the ring off the small black case it is in, Louis harshly whispering to put it back, and he goes down on one knee and Louis furiously trying to lift his broad-shouldered boyfriend back up on his feet.

“Stand up Harry!” he whispers to him. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Harry asks, holding out the ring to Louis below.

“Stealing the ring, that’s what it looks like,” he answers back.

“Yes, because I want to steal rings I go down on my knee,” Harry answers sarcastically.

“Hey! We’re closing,” the shop attendant shouts to the shop. Louis turns his head towards the voice – Harry’s eyes not leaving him – and he turns back to Harry, his mouth slightly open and eyes wide gorged out in realization. Harry Motherfucking Styles is proposing to him!

“I swear sometimes you’re a dimwit,” Harry chuckles upon seeing realization sinking in his boyfriend’s head.

“Are not.”

“Hurry up young man and buy a ring and leave, I have to go home to my seven children!” the shop keeper shouts at them again as they are the only two in the shop.

To say Harry is nervous is an understatement; his fingers are dripping with sweat, his throat is dry, his heart is in his mouth, his knee has already gone numb and his heart rate is too damn high while Louis’ eyes are fixated on the baby blue gems on the ring Harry picked for their engagement. His head is swimming with a thousand and one words, promised vows and echoes to tell his future husband, the love of his life, his bestfriend, his soul mate. Yet he does not know how to put them in words, or even how to begin (nor is the shop attendant staring down at them helping!).

“Once in a lifetime means there’s no second chance and this is the only chance I have in showing you how much I love you.”

“Quite literally,” Louis says. On the corner of his eyes, he can see the shop attendant impatiently tapping her foot on the floor and rolling her eyes in frustration at the two tourists prancing around in her shop late, late at night and actually proposing a marriage. She heaves out a loud sigh in disbelief.

“Interrupting your own proposal, are we?” Harry chuckles.

“We’re not conventional either.”

“Touché,” Harry notes.

“I’ll say,” snorts the shop keeper. “You’re a gay couple for one. Haram. Very haram.”

“Ignore her and do your thing,” Louis assures Harry, whose face is pale with worry and his hands are aching from holding out the ring too long.

“Oooh weeee! I can’t believe that I finally get to do down on my knee and ask you—”

“That’s the proposal?” asks the shop keeper.

“I wasn’t finished,” Harry grits through his teeth. “I was just starting.”

“Is that the best ring you can get?”

“It’s the only one you’ve got here,” Harry tells her, raising his voice.

“I have plenty—”

“—that are blue and match his eyes?”  

Louis turns his head towards the shop attendant – named Khadija – and snaps at her, “Shut the hell up, is this _your_ proposal?” She glares at him, silently. “I thought so.” He turns to Harry and tells him to go on.

“You and I,” Harry begins but Louis is already interrupting him and his knee has definitely gone numb now.

“Like our song from our album,” he notes.

“No shit!”

“Wait for this young man to propose,” Khadija huffs who is now standing beside them.

“But that’s the thing, I don’t need a proposal from him,” Louis says but looking to adoring Harry. “He’s knows I’m going to say yes either way and marry him in a few!”

“You wanna get married without a proposal?” asks Harry.

“Yes, and who fucking cares what anyone else thinks!”

“No!” Khadija stops Harry from getting off his knee.

“But my poor knee,” complains Harry. Khadija’s hand is pinned on his shoulder, holding it down that he cannot move an inch. “You’ll propose to this beautiful boy before you both get married. It’s the way. It’s always the way.”

“What way?” mutters Harry to no one in particular.

“The milky way,” Louis jokes and Harry sincerely laughs even though it is a lame joke.

“That’s a terrible joke,” Khadija says.

“I don’t want a proposal because I’m going to marry him in a few hours.”

“Years from now what story will you tell your grandchildren?” Khadija asks Louis.

“That a complete stranger interrupted my proposal?” he arches his eyebrow her. “What a thrilling story for our kids.”

She continues asking, “Will you tell them that you didn’t let this poor boy propose to you because you were getting married anyway?”

Louis exclaims, “Yes!”

“She has a point, Lou.”

Louis deeply sighs, giving in to Harry. “Fine. Propose.”

“But the whole point of a proposal is for it to be a surprise not—”

“Woman!” Louis yells at Khadija. “You talk one more time I swear to—”

“Lou!” Harry hisses.

“Get your dirty hands off him, too,” Louis says swatting off Khadija’s hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Propose so that I can close my shop quickly,” says Khadija one hand on her waist the other leaning a plump body on a table.

“You and I, right now, if the Greek gods and Fate are anything to go by, are serendipity,” Harry begins, his gaze on Louis’ shining, blue orbs. “I know for a fact that we weren’t meant to be yet we still happened. We both beat the odds of being together, alone, in this world and that’s what makes us beautiful. With you I feel invincible. You are my bestfriend, but way more. Much, much more and nobody compares to you. You know me better than I know myself, you read my like an open book. With one look you somehow _know_. Nobody loves me the way you do and nobody knows me the way you do.”

“We’re fireproof baby,” Louis says, winking.

“You inspire me to be a better person because I would do anything for you, Lou. From the start you’ve always been that something great in my life… and that’s what makes you beautiful.”

Khadija interrupts. “That’s a terrible proposal!”

“You’re terrible for interrupting my proposal!” Louis snaps.

“The fact that I’m about to hear bells soon makes me so excited you can’t even imagine and I’m not going to hide it.”

“Don’t,” says Louis in a soft whisper. His mouth is slightly open inhaling and exhaling in a speedy rate, his chest moving up and down, and his fingers trembling.

“You make me strong and baby hold on to my heart forever and ever.”

“I will,” Louis promises.

“And for all of these and more—”

“All of what?” Khadija asks. “You haven’t said anything.”

Harry ignores her and continues his proposal saying, “I want to carry you with me to infinity and beyond but for now, let’s do forever.” He inhales a shaky breath. “Will you marry me, Louis William Tomlinson?”

“Yes!” cries Khadija. “Yes, I will.”

“It’s _my_ proposal!” Louis yells at her. “It’s me to say yes.”

“I said it in case you said no,” she says.

“Excuse me,” Louis snaps angrily, “are you marrying him? I thought not!”

“You look like you want to say no,” she says.

“I’mma tell you one more time if—”

“I’ll need an answer soon… my knee is asleep and I’m probably going to pass out soon from kneeling so much,” says Harry weakly.

“Yes I will,” Louis gushes, jumping excitedly. “Yes I will marry you Harry Edward Styles.”

Harry slips the ring to Louis’ finger, fitting perfectly as if the ring had been made especially for him. Louis lifts him off the ground and brings his lips to his, kissing him sloppily but he does not care because he is ecstatic he gets to marry the one and only person he has been picturing spending the rest of his life with because really, there has never been anyone else. Not Hannah, Eleanor, just Harry.

“You’re getting married in those shabby clothes?” Khadija asks, her mouth curled up in disgust and her eyebrows in a frown. Louis could not even waste any of his _energy_ on the plump woman, his eyes glowing at his engagement ring.

“I would like to buy two wedding rings,” Harry tells Khadija.

“You’re buying more rings?” she asks in surprise.

“We’re getting married now,” Harry explains. “So yes I would like rings… gold will be good?”

“I have platinum,” she says. “Better choice?”

“Is platinum okay?” Harry asks Louis. His fiancé too is busy taking selfies with his engagement ring to hear anything Harry is telling him so he decides on buying platinum rings – even more expensive than gold and silver wedding rings would normally cost.

“If only he knew how lucky he is to have a boy like you,” Khadija tells Harry. “He doesn’t look like he knows.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Harry smiles widely. His teeth are all out, dimples deep into his rosy cheeks and wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. “I’m the one who doesn’t know how lucky I am to have him.”

“I tell you this,” Khadija says in all sincerity. “He is the lucky one. You may not get me now but you don’t just love, you learn to. You have and I can tell. I can see you are thoughtful in your relationship, you respect his desires, hopes and dreams and you don’t demand too much from him. Rather you accept everything he does to you, whether bad or good, a blessing or a curse you accept it as a gift, a surprise because that’s the only way it will work. And in return you give to him much more than he gives to you.”

She tells him this and more because she knows he will end up being hurt if Larry Stylinson ever broke up. He would self-destruct in front of Louis; he will watch Harry burn down in flames and he will burn down the bridge connecting him and his dear lover, Harry. However, most importantly, she does not tell Harry that a time will come when he will need Louis to hold on to, to save him, to stop him from drowning, and all he will have to do is stay but Louis won’t. He just will not.

“How long have you been married?” Harry asks her.

“Too long,” she answers curtly.

“If you had the chance to marry again, would you marry your husband again?”

“Love injures everything it touches,” she says, sounding melancholic, “It comes in and ruins everything that was once so beautiful. It shakes you to the core until you have nothing left but your will. There was a time I was like you,” her eyes flow back to Harry from watching Louis snap away at his engagement ring, “where the love of my life came into my life and all I could see was him. There was no present or future without him; I could not live without knowing that he was right beside me.

“I was a fool in love, or a love in fool, same difference. Turns out our marriage was a business deal between our parents. In order for my father not to be killed by the Bahraini state, my husband’s father could protect him under one condition; I marry his forty-six-year-old son whereas I was barely in my mid-twenties.

“But you love him?”

“What a gift it is to love and be loved,” she says in a trance. Harry can see her eyes are full of sorrow but not regret. There are many things in her eyes right now but definitely not regret. “But if he asked to marry me again I would say yes in a heartbeat,” she says apologetically. “You must think I’m a fool…”

“No,” Harry says shaking his head. “I don’t. You know what love is, the ideal love and the real love. There is no love without a little sadness.” She slightly nods. “Or madness,” he adds.

She gives him a weak smile, handing Harry his bag containing the platinum wedding rings. “Good luck with your marriage.”

“Thank you.”

And off the engaged couple go to the streets of Al Manama finding a taxi at one-oh-seven in the night. Luckily, there is always one driving around and they jump into it and they head to the Seef Mall to buy their outfits for their wedding. It does not take long to find a tux for either of them – a blue, white and red bowtie for Harry and a polka dotted tie for Louis.  Dressed to the nines, they search for a chapel to get married in begins again for the second time. Plus they have been at it for hours the sun is literally about to come up.

“This fucking chapel is nowhere,” Louis cries out in anger. He stops in the middle of the street, Harry walking a few steps ahead before stopping. He turns on his heels, nay black boots and gazes at his fiancé.

“Google Maps says there’s one down the street,” Harry says, walking towards him. He takes Louis’ arms with his and tangles their fingers. “Are you okay?”

“No!” Louis shouts. “I’m not okay. We’ve been walking around this stupid city looking for a chapel to get married in and there’s literally none around—what? What are you looking at?”

“There,” Harry tells Louis. His eyes are looking behind him and Louis sees a sign – One Stop Chapel. “Original on the name.”

“Seems legit though,” Louis says. “And it’s the only bloody chapel we’ve seen for two hours now. And I’m sweating through my Brioni suit and—”

Harry plants a kiss on Louis’ delicious lips. “You need to stop worrying.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m a complainer and you know that,” Louis says to him, a tinge of anger in his tone. “Now, let’s get married.”

Harry stops him by holding onto his shoulder. “I don’t want to marry you when you’re angry. What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“What’s wrong, Louis?” Harry asks him, softly rubbing his palm against Louis’ arm. Louis’ head falls on Harry’s shoulder, slightly swinging his body in tune with the soft Arabic music playing in the distant. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I called my mom to tell her about us and at first she was angry, then she was confused, then she started crying that her only son was getting married then she wished me luck and promised that she would throw a mini-wedding for us when we get back to London.”

“And what’s the matter?” Harry asks him. “Your mom supports us.”

“Are we rushing into this? Are we getting married too fast? Should we wait, maybe get married when we’re back in London, surrounded by friends and family?” Louis asks endlessly.

“We’re just two people crazy in love and we want to get married,” Harry explains. He pulls Louis towards the One Stop Chapel. “And we can’t wait to make love tonight as a married couple.”

Louis steps on his heels, nay black Vans (yes, he is getting married in Vans) and gazes at Harry with worry. “Are you sure we’re not rushing into this? Like shouldn’t we wait?”

Harry gives him a weak smile. He cups Louis’ cheek and presses their lips together. “I know you’re scared because what we’re doing is actually scary. We’re changing and we have to change because then life will leave us behind.”

He frowns at Harry. “You’re not making sense.”

“If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed is my love for you. And what cannot change is that no matter what happens and what I become I want it to be with you. Don’t you want to be free? To finally get your head out of the water and breath? Don’t you want to prove to the world that being gay is okay, that we can fight the world just the two of us? Aren’t you ready to run?”

“Will you promise me to always be there?” asks Louis his arm twisted around Harry’s cuddly middle.

“Always,” he promises with a kiss, “and every day after today.”

“Let’s do this.” Louis tiptoes to kiss him soundly and they giggle all the way to the One Stop Chapel. Inside, they find the assigned preacher for the night drinking coffee and playing Scrabble… by himself.

“Welcome,” he greets in a monotone, his eyes not leaving the Scrabble board, “sign the form and we’ll get to it.”

“Can you be excited?” Louis asks him. “I’m getting married!” Harry pinches his arm. “Ow!”

“Be nice,” Harry hisses. “Hello Sir, which forms do we sign?”

The preacher does not leave his eyes off the Scrabble when he points with his index finger to the far left. “The ones on the table,” he says in a monotone.

“He could be a little nicer,” Louis whispers to Harry.

“This is my nice face,” the preacher says. Louis rolls his eyes as Harry picks up a pen and the marriage form, excitedly filling it as Louis watches the preacher places ‘A’, ‘U’, ‘F’ letters on the board and wondering how he is able to play by himself.

“Signature,” Harry instructs Louis.

He signs and they inform the preacher that they are ready to get married at four forty-nine in the A.M. Larry Stylinson are standing opposite each other, dressed to the nines for their wedding and the priest turning pages of the Bible to the Gospel of Luke. To Harry’s left side is Khadija, the Souq Al Qaisairi shop attendant and to Louis’ left is their taxi driver for the night, Mr Ahmed. Larry Stylinson cannot help but smile at each other; there are crinkles by their eyes and sunshine in their hearts, and love woven in their souls.

“Dear beloved, we are gathered here today to watch these two people….” The priest begins the ceremony — his monotone still stronger than ever — but nobody is listening to what he has to say. Harry is trying hard to catch his breath because he is about to marry his bestfriend, his soul mate as Louis is busy sweating over what to say for his vows then Khadija is falling asleep on the spot while Mr Ahmed, the taxi driver, is wondering how he can make up for the money he is not earning by witnessing the marriage of Larry Stylinson.

“The rings,” the priest says, snapping everyone out of their own bubbles. Khadija hands the priest the platinum wedding rings. He prays over them and then asks about their surnames.

“Mr and Mr Styles?” he asks, looking done with the wedding already.

“Actually,” Harry interjects, looking over at his fiancé. “It’ll be Mr and Mr Tomlinson.”

“Harry,” whispers Louis. He is rendered speechless; did Harry just take _his_ name? “I don’t know what to say.”

“I do, maybe,” Khadija says.

“Any vows to make?” the priest asks.

“Yes,” Harry says eagerly. “I do… have vows to say.” He clears his throat blocking his mouth with his hand. He gulps down the saliva stuck in his throat and does _this_. He has the eye of the tiger, he psyches himself up.

“Louis William Tomlinson, there are so many things I want to say to you right now but I’ve already said them before. I’ve already told you before that I’m ready to run with you for the rest of my life. Getting married to you at five A.M. is my way of saying that I love you. I love you more everyday if that’s even possible. I don’t have to climb Mount Everest, swim the Atlantic Ocean to be with you because you’re always with me, anyhow; in my thoughts, my dreams, my words, my sad moments, happy moments, my not-so-important times… you deserve more than I could possibly give you and everything I ever have is yours. What I’m trying to say is I adore you, Lou, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, as an open gay couple.”

“That was beautiful,” says teary-eyed Khadija. She dabs her eyes with a white handkerchief, muttering words that boils Louis’ blood because she is interrupting _his_ moment again; first, the proposal, now his wedding?

“Will you shut up?”

Khadija fans her eyes. “I’m just so happy for you.”

“Lou, ignore her, it’s me and you right now,” Harry assures his fiancé. Louis takes a deep breath and begins his vows.

“It goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway, I’m so excited, exhilarated to be standing before you, and to God, to promise to spend the rest of my chaotic, fucked up life with you. I wanna be with you because you want to be with me. You love me, and I know you always have, and always will. I believe that now, I really do. There were times when I doubted your love, I thought you would turn right around and pull a Liam but you didn’t, and now I’m happy because I can finally start to live again. You’ve helped me so much that I can talk, work, walk—do anything because I would do anything for you, and with you. Anything at all! I would love you more than I do at this moment, if I knew how.”

“You’re getting married to me, that’s enough,” says Harry.

“Interrupting my vows are we?” smirks Louis.

Harry winks. “Thought I’d give Khadija a break.”

“I’m right here.”

“Shut up!” Louis hisses at her. “Now where was I?”

“Keep calm.”

“It’s you I want to be with because you make me laugh, to make it through the day because you know me more than anyone else. You read me like tea leaves, Harry Edward Styles. In front of these people, and God, I want to promise that whatever you say, or do, or whatever, I will never leave you because I’ll be here for you cause you’re here for me, too. I’ll be there for you when the world brings you down to your knees, when it feels like it’s been raining for years, when the world pushes you in a corner, when the world turns off its lights for you,” — he exhales shakily as Harry squeezes his hands — “I’ll be the light in the dark pulling you out—”

“Or you can get candles,” Khadija interjects.

Through gritted teeth, Louis mutters, “And you know when I want to smack people across their faces for interrupting my fucking vows to my fucking fiancé.”

“Deep breathes, Lou,” says Harry calmly. “Deep breathes.”

“After what we’ve been through for the past few years, it’s truly, madly, deeply surprising that I’m still in love with you. I should be over all the butterflies in my tummy, the pins and needles, the rugged breath when you touch me, hold me, make love to me under the stars at night, when you whisper that everything is going to be okay, when you make me breakfast in bed after we’ve had a huge fight, for making me less naïve about the world, for—”

“Can’t you just sum it up?” asks Mr Ahmed impatiently. “I run a taxi business and I’m making loses by your long, winding speeches.”

“How is the world ruining this for me?” cries Louis, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re making a whole Speech and my legs are numb, the priest looks like he’s fallen asleep on his feet,” says Khadija her voice heavy with sleep. Harry’s eyes flit to the preacher and true enough, his eyes are shut and head ducked.

“I’m almost done, Dija!”

“It’s Khadija,” she corrects him sighing.

“To be honest, there was a time I didn’t think you loved me enough and I thought you liked Grimmy more than me,” Louis says shyly. Harry frowns his eyebrows.

“I never did.”

“Now you’re acting like Dija now!” Louis chuckles. “So, truthfully, I asked Zayn for advice on how to make you love me. I mean, he got Perrie to promise to marry him so I wondered what he did and I secretly wanted what they had. He told me to make you fall in love, I had to make you laugh. But every time you laughed, I’m the one who fell in love.”

“You wanted to get married then?” Harry asks.

“No—Yes, I don’t know!” Louis exclaims. “I wanted to fall in love deeply with you and so Zayzay told me that I should make you smile because then I’d know you’re falling for me. Except he was wrong. Every time _you_ smiled, _I_ fell in love.” Louis has balancing tears and he dramatically fans his eye with his hand. “I love you so much, Harold, it’s scary how much I do.”

“We know that now just get married.”

“Fuck you A’ed!”

“It’s Ahmed,” Mr Ahmed corrects him. Before Louis snaps back, Harry cups his cheeks softly and plants a long kiss on his lips.

“Deep breathes,” he mumbles against his lips. “Keep calm and go on.”

“I love you Harold,” Louis says quickly to him before Khadija or Mr Ahmed interrupt him. He turn to the priest. “Excuse me!”

“What?” the priest asks, confused. “What’s ha—oh! You’re both still here. I thought I was at home.”

“Well you’re not,” Louis reminds him snarky.

“Can we get to the ‘I do’ part?” asks  Mr Ahmed impatiently.

The priest nods, his eyes half shut. He turns to Harry and asks, “Do you, um, what’s your name again?”

“Harry Styles.”

The priest hands one of the rings to Harry. He takes Louis’ left hand and lifts it up, the platinum ring hanging over his fourth finger. The priest then begins to read the vows off his crumbled paper stuck between Bible pages. “Do you, Harry Styles, take this man.” He trails looking helplessly at Louis.

“Louis William Tomlinson,” he reminds the priest.

“—Louis William Tomlinson, to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”

“I do,” Harry says his vows grinning from ear to ear. He slips the wedding ring onto Louis’ fourth finger, hands trembling with joy. The priest hands Louis the other wedding ring and Louis is beaming, holding the ring above Harry’s forth finger.

“Great,” he says deadpan. “And do you, Louis William Tomlinson, take Harry Styles—”

“I’d like to say my vows please,” Louis says interrupting the priest.

“What now?” Khadija asks exasperated.

The preacher simply shrugs. “Sure, makes my job easier.”

Louis takes the paper from the priest and holds it with both his hands, Harry cheekily smiling down at his soon-to-be-husband.

“I, Louis William Tomlinson,—”

“It’s meant to be Harry’s name,” corrects the priest.

“Oh right, my bad,” says Louis. “Harry Edward Styles, uh— is it Harry Edward Tomlinson?”

“Tomlinson, now,” the priest confirms.

“Harry Edward Tomlinson, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband. Before these witnesses, I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you with your faults, though you have none because you’re perfection.”

“Not in the vows,” corrects the priest with his dead tone.

“Sshh,” hisses Louis. “And your strengths as I offer myself to you with my faults, for they are plenty, and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and I will turn to you when I need help, I promise you this.”

The priest fakes a cough. “Not in the vows.”

“Not this again,” Mr Ahmed sighs.

 “Will you guys shut up?” yells Louis.

“Keep going baby, you’re doing great,” encourages Harry with a Cheshire smile. Louis nods and continues.

“I choose you as the person with whom I shall spend my life.” Beaming, Louis slips the platinum ring on Harry’s fourth finger.

And that is it, sealed with a kiss, Larry Stylinson are married. Larry Stylinson are love.

**_~ to be continued ~_ **

**_ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this were true... *sighs* one cAN ONLY DREAM!!


	35. ... and we're gonna get (m)a(r)ried -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr & Mr Stylinson.

> — **_yes i do_** —

 

 

 

“WE’RE MARRIED!”

“MARRIED FOREVER AND ever!” Harry cheers. He joins his husband on the bed, jumping up and down on it. “I got married to you!”

“I love you so much it’s crazy!”

“Crazy in love,” Harry shouts happily jumping on the bed.

“Dancing on the ceiling!”

“Every time we touch,” Harry yells in a song.

Louis bounces on the bed with his hands in the air. “Yes!”

“I just wanna move,” Harry sings at the top of his lungs. “Oh yeah yeah, just wanna move.”

“What song is that?” Louis asks. They both have stopped jumping on the bed and have laid down, sipping expensive Johnnie Walker Scotch Whiskey.

“I don’t know. I’m buzzing right now,” Harry glees. His face is warm, cheeks as pink as and his smile like a 1000-watt bulb. “I’m so fucking happy right now.”

Louis shoots him a smirk, knowing exactly how his newly husband feels. “I’m too, Mr Tomlinson.”

“I’m not used to it at all,” Harry admits as he clinks his glass with his husband’s. “It’s going to take a while.”

“Harry Tomlinson,” Louis ponders on the name. He leans his forehead on Harry’s, his fingers trailing up Harry’s arm and their slipping his leg in between his thighs, pressing their lips together. “I like it.”

“It’s the best song ever.”

Louis looks at him quizzically, wondering if he is already drunk on his Jack Daniels. “What?”

“I love you so much love,” Harry says in all seriousness. His gaze drops to Louis’ lips who bites them in anxiousness. With his thumb, Harry pulls down on his chin, freeing Louis’ lip, and tangles his heart-shaped lips between his new partners’ lips.

“Forever?” Louis asks with a kiss.

“Always,” Harry seals it with a kiss.

Dropping their empty glasses on the hotel floor, Louis pins his new husband down on the bed, knees bent on his throbbing crotch and leans down to snog him. Harry’s arms wrap around his waist tightly beneath his white wedding shirt their tongues fighting for dominance. He quickly removes it, their lips interchanging in lust. Louis lifts Harry off the bed and tugs off his shirt hurriedly joining his own shirt on the bedroom floor.

“I want you and you alone,” Harry hums in an open-mouth kiss.

“You already have me,” Louis replies, their naked thighs touching with the rising sun. “And you’ll always have me.”

Harry tugs hotly on Louis earlobe. “And you get to have me.”

“Ar—are you serious?” Louis asks, his hands cupping Harry’s blushing cheeks. Harry nods, his eyes darting between Louis’ wide open orbs. “But—”

“I want to,” he softly whispers, his warm breath on Louis open mouth. “I want to feel you inside me, need you, babe.”

“But I thought this handsome face does not get pushed into a pillow,” smirks Louis.

“I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’d do anything for you,” Harry purrs in his ear.

“But you’re sacrificing your own happiness!”

Harry rests his forehead on Louis’ and his eyes pierce deeply into his husbands. “Every smile I see on your face, my heart leaps. And if I know I caused that smile my heart feels like it’s going to burst and I want to feel like that for the rest of my life.”

“Fuck. You’re so hot,” Louis moans. “I want you now.”

“Babe, you already have me,” Harry smiles.

Louis presses his lips to his collarbones, a red bruise forming after 40 seconds of sucking and hard biting, and many more along Harry’s endless torso. He spreads Harry’s legs, his heavenly milky thighs all smooth and untouched tonight (rather early morning). He takes a small skin between his teeth and grinds on it, Harry’s fingers tangling his messy hair. He presses a soft peck on the red spot which is turning purple now.

“Turn.”

“I love it when you’re in charge,” Harry buzzes. Harry turns on his stomach, his head thrown on a pillow, something he has never done before. Only once but that was a long time ago. Louis reaches for the tube of lube and squirts some out onto his dainty fingers.

“Incoming train,” Louis announces.

“Are you serious—oh!” Harry squirms beneath Louis’ cold fingers teasing his hole. He slips in, slow till his knuckle, and out. “I completely forgot this feeling.”

“This is quite fun, slipping my finger in your asshole then out,” Louis says, enjoying himself as he slips a second finger inside.

“Add more lube.”

Louis obeys. “Are you happy?” Louis whispers, his lips close to his ear. Harry turns his head leaning to kiss Louis’ rosy lips. Louis slips in another lubed finger into Harry who is writhing from Louis’ fingers only.

“Fuck me. I’m ready already,” Harry groans into the pillow.

“You sure?” Louis asks and Harry nods. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Harry replies. Louis squirts a dollop on lube on his fingers and coats his hot cock with it, stroking himself until he feels ready. Pulling Harry’s body down on the bed, Louis brings hsi legs to rest on his own shoulders then aligns his cock to Harry’s widened hole.

“Always?” Louis asks, pushing himself in. Harry’s lips part, a soft whimper escaping his lips, and his eyes shut tightly. His chest heaves upwards as Louis further plummets inside of him

“Till death do us part.”

Louis pushes balls deep in Harry. He leans down and presses his lips to Harry’s red cheeks, to his chest, and another to his chin. He deseraptely wants to move, badly wants to fuck him hard, but. Harry shifts his hips, adjusting—

“Alright,” Harry gives him the green light.

“Sure.”

“Yes,” he moans, his eyes open and up at the ceiling.

Harry’s fingers grabbing the pillow case tightly in his fingers, when Louis’ balls slap Harry’s tight ass, again and again. Harry’s fingers grip the pillow for his dear life but he really does not want to worry his husband, so he lets him fuck him. Over and over. His eyes roll to the back of his head and his heart beating hard against his chest.

“You’re so tight baby boy,” Louis pants as he plummets inside him.

 “I didn’t realize it hurts this bad,” Harry mutters hoarsely, pressing the back of his head into the pillow, as Louis slides out of him.

“I put a lot of lube,” Louis says, a little panicky. He had never topped so he did not know the right amount of lube nor were the porn websites clear on it, just showing _what_ to do. “Or I think I did, I don’t know the good amount.”

“It’s fine Lou,” he says, trying to mask the pain evident in his voice. He feels like his ass is on fire – the kind of fire after eating spicy, spicy food and shitting for three days straight; the horrible kind of fire that keeps on burning that needs to be immediately put down by water. He, however, does not have the nerve to tell his husband to stop because he gives in, time and time again, to _him_ because he loves him so much. “I’m good, just,” his breath hitches as Louis moves slowly, “keep on moving.”

“I’ll be gentle, my love,” Louis softly promises. He moves like a wave, against Harry’s milky back, his soft lips breathing hotly in Harry’s ear. “You’re so beautiful.”

Louis moves faster with the waves. He pulls Harry’s hand, as a distraction from the pain, above Harry’s head. He whispers to him that he loves him, Harry moans, that he would never leave him. His groans grow louder every time Louis’ balls slaps his arse with every dirty word Louis hotly mutters in his ear, sweating dripping down Louis’ back like a river.

“Faster,” Harry cries to him, finally, finally feeling good. Louis digs his fingers into Harry’s bruised back, red marks forming around the tips of his fingers and Harry pulling Louis down by his head. “Louis fuck me! Fuck me harder!”

Louis pushes all the in, thrusting hard and harder with the glorious sounds of Harry’s half-orgasm cries in the room. Louis overs his hands above Harry grabbing the headboard, thrusting his entire body against Harry so hard his toes curl into the sheets.

“Do that again!” Harry commands breathlessly when Louis hit his prostrate on the head. “Hit me baby one more time.”

“Is that a Britney reference?” Louis asks, stopping to chuckle.

“Hit me!” Harry growls, twist his body to fist his fingers in his husband’s damp hair.

“I’m close, so close,” Louis grunts picking up his pace. He drags his fingers down Harry’s delicious sweaty back, leaving red lines in its trail. Louis arches his back, his entire body going numb when he comes into Harry his loud moans in time with his.

“Ah fuuuuuuck!” Harry groans in ecstasy as Louis fills him up . Louis falls on his back, rugged breathing down his ear, their fingers still tangled above their heads. Louis is thrown back on the bed and Harry rest his head on his chest, where he can hear his husband’s heartbeat. He feels Louis twist his hand around his back.

“How was your first time on top?” Harry asks.

“Incredible,” he pants, “perfect… you were perfect.”

Harry kisses his chest where his heart is and softly says, “I love you my darling husband.”

“I love you my Curly husband.”

 

— **_till death do us part_** —

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW................. it's official!! Now, the story can gain momentum [;


	36. - strong -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not one, but two break ups for Zayn...

 

> **_— tragedy of existence —_ **

 

KING HAD GONE TO BAHRAIN to see the newlyweds when Niall, Liam and Zayn were eating lunch by the pool in the rented mansion they are currently living in. The doorbell rings in between their conversations and out emerged Perrie and Eleanor being led by the butler. Zayn stands up to greet his fiancée with a kiss.

“I didn’t know you were in Dallas,” he says to her.

“I missed you,” Perrie coos. “Plus, I’m on tour with Little Mix.”

“When did Eleanor join Little Mix?” Niall asks chewing on his tuna sandwich. Eleanor rolls her eyes as Liam elbows Niall’s ribs.

“I invited her,” answers Perrie, still in her fiancé’s embrace. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Zayn nods and they go into the mansion. Eleanor sits herself down near Liam, taking the blue drink from Liam’s hand.

“So Liam, you and Tyra?” she asks as Liam slips on his designer sunglasses. “Must be exciting dating a supermodel.”

“It is,” grins Liam. “But I’m not dating her cause she’s a model but because I really like her.”

“What are you really doing here?” Niall asks. To say he does not like Eleanor is scratching the surface. He absolutely _loathes_ the woman, the woman who came in between Larry as well as being a fame whore with Louis. And now she is doing the same thing with Perrie. “You don’t just drop by.”

“Niall,” Liam hisses.

“Will you always hate me?” she asks, flipping her hair over her bare shoulder. “You need to get over yourself Niall.” She turns to Liam. “Fancy a swim, Liam?”

“Don’t enter my pool,” Niall says loudly to her. She turns to Liam and feigning innocence, she batters her eyelids.

“Please, Liam.”

“Sure,” Liam agrees, setting down his beer.

“He obviously still likes you so he had to say yes.”

“Oh yeah, like you don’t,” she bites making her way to the pool steps.

“I don’t love Payno anymore,” Niall defends himself. “I’m over him.”

“You say you are but are you really?”

Niall takes a deep breath in and another out. “Whenever you come around El, you’re always bad news. What do you want?”

“I’m helping Perrie on her tour.”

“With what?” Liam asks, genuinely curious. He is sitting on the edge with his feet in the pool as Eleanor folds her wet arms outside the pool surface.

“Everything.”

“Such as?”

“She needs a personal assistant and since I need an internship in order to graduate from University, I volunteered.”

“But you studied Political Science,” Niall reasons out. “You don’t need to do Political Science to be a PA. You’re just after Louis, as always. You need to move on angel because he’s married to his sweetheart, Harry.”

“I did get over Louis and I’m fine with it. He knows that but you clearly are still in love with Liam… and now Zayn as well.”

“Are not,” Niall speaks up quickly.

“This again,” Liam sighs. He takes a sip of his beer.

“You love Zayn so much yet you’re still hung up on Liam who has clearly moved on,” she says spitefully.  “You’re so pathetic.”

“And you aren’t?” Niall snaps. “Hanging around us even after Louis called it quits with you. Do you not have anyone to suck money off nowadays?”

“I don’t suck off plastic dicks,” she says. She is referring to Rich, one of Niall’s rich, shallow friends, who recently underwent a surgery for his penis.

“How do you know about Rich’s plastic surgery?” Liam asks.

“She’s trying so hard to be one of us,” Niall answers smugly. “It’s not a divine look, angel.”

“When’s Tyra coming?” she asks Liam, ignoring Niall.

“She’s coming for dinner tonight.”

“Can I stay?”

“No,” Niall says walking to the pool. He grabs her arms forcefully, attempting to get her out of the pool. “You are leaving now.” He manages to pull her out of the pool in one swift, even with his healing knee. “Now you can leave.”

Eleanor smiles sweetly at him, her eyes darting between his blue eyes and down to his lips. “Y’know if you want to kiss me, you can.”

Niall backs away, his mouth forming a disgusted snarl.  “Eurgh! Why would I possibly want to kiss you?”

“Because you gave me the ‘I want to kiss you’ look.”

“I didn’t give you a look!”

“Niall?” Liam questions.

“I didn’t give her a look,” he says defensively. “The only look I would give you is the get out of my mansion—”

“—You share it—”

“—look which is what I’m giving you right now. And I share it with Liam and Zayn, not you.”

“You know you can have me anytime,” says Eleanor winking, dragging her finger down Niall’s chest. “But I’m dating somebody.”

“Who?” Liam asks curiously. Just then, Perrie appears by the pool and Niall is quick to say that Eleanor should head home with Perrie.

“Your girlfriend is here,” he says.

“Good to see you too, Niall,” Perrie says. “Hey Liam!”

“Hey Pez, how are you?” Liam asks after hugging her.

“Just touring and stuff, you know same old same old.”

“Justin,” Eleanor says when her and Perrie were walking towards the door.

“Justin Bieber?” Liam gawks. She blows a kiss to Liam along with a seductive wink. Liam turns to Niall and exclaims, “Who would have thought?”

“That she’d be a liar?” Niall folds his arms on his bare chest. “Yeah, didn’t see that coming.” Liam takes a deep breath knowing it is useless to put up a fight with Niall when he is in a sarcastic, bitter mood.

“I gotta go get Tyra for dinner,” he tells Niall, kissing his cheek. “Be back in a few.”

“Tata!”

— — — — — **  
**

 

Niall knocks thrice on Zayn’s bedroom door, a signature that both of them share to know it is the other on the door knocking – like a secret code. He knocks again when Zayn does not open the door or even react to his knocking.

“Zayn, it’s me Niall,” he says. “Well, I know you know it’s me, but could you please open the door?”

“Leave me alone,” Zayn answers through the door.

“It’s me, Zayn.”

“I know that’s why you leave me alone.”

“We’re brothers, Zayn,” Niall says his palms on either side of the door and mist forming on it. “What’s yours is mine… now, please, open the door. Your problems are mine, your enemies are my enemies and your dumb issues mine as well.”

Niall pauses by the door for a while until it unlocks and standing before him is Zayn’s 6-pec staring at his face and his gaze drops to his delicious V-lines disappearing through his Batman towel.

“You’re staring… again,” Zayn says closing the door behind him.

“You have a divine body,” Niall says bluntly. Zayn bites his bottom lip, his gaze shifting to the floor. “What are you so insecure about, angel? You have a rocking body. And your love heart tattoo…” he trails, his index finger feathering Zayn’s hip tattoo.

“You,” Zayn answers. Niall eyes twinkle, his cheeks a shade of pink as he shifts his feet walking to the bed while Zayn opens his cupboard. “Let’s go out for drinks!”

Niall turns his head to Zayn’s elongated back. He bites his bottom lip so hard he can taste the metallic blood. “What?”

“I said we go out tonight,” Zayn repeats. He bends forward, slipping his legs into his black skinny jeans, the towel dropping to the floor. He turns slightly to see Niall watching, nay ogling at him dress and cannot help but smirk.

“But I wanna see Tyra,” he whines.

“See you later then when I come back,” Zayn says, changing his shirt for the fifth time.

“What happened between you and Perrie?”

“She called off our engagement,” he says nonchalantly. He twirls on the spot and asks Niall if he likes his outfit for the night.

“Change the shirt,” Niall says. “What do you mean she called off the engagement?”

“She said I was with you.”

“With me?”

“Yeah, like, with you _with you_ then I told her what about Eleanor, you know,” Zayn says, his voice emotionless. He twirls again and asks Niall for his fashion advice.

“No,” Niall shakes his head. “Change the shirt. Then what happened?”

“She said not to stress myself by thinking about what went wrong with our relationship… it wasn’t my fault that we both tried but we can’t work on something that’s breaking down and already dead.”

“Bullshit!”

“There was somebody else though and it’s not fair to the both of us and she didn’t want either of us to be treated like this,” he says. “Can I borrow a top from you please?”

Niall gets off the bed and within three seconds finds a grey shirt for Zayn from his cupboard and he walks back to the bed, crossing his leg at the knee. He silently watches Zayn – not because he looks like a Greek god – apply gel in his jet-black hair and he frowns because the Zayn he knows would have broken down in tears over the break-up of Zerrie not put way too much gel on his hair.

“Do you know who the other person is?” Zayn asks and Niall knows it is just a normal question, no heavy emotion laden with it. He sprays cologne over his body that smells like leather.

“Eleanor. Who else? She’s a home wrecker.”

“Perrie’s not a lesbian.”

“For now. Are you going to wear that jacket out?” Niall asks as Zayn slips on an Italian custom-made leather jacket.

“Yeah, why?”

“It’ll be so hot in the club,” Niall says but secretly he wants Zayn to keep it because it makes look extra dapper.

“I’ll be fine, I think…”

“You will, keep it on,” Niall advises, pouting his lips as his thoughts wander to a place where he would rather have it thrown on the floor hastily.

“It’s a football player and that’s all she said.”

“How does she know any footballers to begin with?”

Zayn shrugs, staring at himself in the mirror seeing if he should wear a bandana on his neck or add more gel to his already gelled hair. “She doesn’t even watch football so how would I know.”

“How about Robin?” Niall asks and Zayn nonchalantly shrugs, walking back to his bedside table to look for his signature red bandana. “Or Cristiano? Or Pogba? Or even Neymar? Or Rodriguez!”

“The Colombian?”

“Yeah.”

“He has a wife,” Zayn says, tying a red bandana around his neck. “How do I look?”

“Good, just change—”

“Change what?” groans Zayn.  “I’ve changed my shirt like 20 times now, I can’t keep changing everything.”

“C’mere.” He leans forward for Niall to adjust the bandana. He cannot help but lower his gaze to Niall’s rosy lips, how rough they look but when he brushes his lips on them they are soft as silk. Or when he presses his tongue…

“You can stop staring, you know,” Niall says zapping him out of his trance. Zayn’s hands find their way to Niall’s shoulder blades and twist around to interlock on the base of Niall’s neck while Niall’s on the back of Zayn’s neck.

“I’m not staring,” he says, his breath shallow. He licks his bottom lip, slowing laying Niall down on the bed. “I’m admiring.”

“What do you admire?” Niall teasingly asks. He tugs down on Zayn’s Italian jacket bringing the jet-black haired lips close to his, the other hand digging on the skin above the dimples on his back underneath his grey shirt.

“I love that he’s a proud, gay man,” Zayn says huskily, his lips brushing on Niall’s warm neck. “He’s handsome as hell. He’s so bad and he does it so well.”

Before Zayn can quench his burning desires by sticking his tongue down Niall’s throat, Liam barges into the room announcing that he is back from picking up Tyra.

“Tyra’s here,” he says happily. He stops to see Zayn on top of Niall, his butt upright through his skinny jeans. “What are you guys doing?”

Zayn hops off Niall and pretends to adjust his bandana as Niall sits upright on the bed, crossing his legs and fixing his hair. “He was fixing my bandana.”

“Right, then why were his hands under your shirt?” Liam asks bemused at a flustered Zayn.

“I felt a spider crawling up there,” he timidly answers.

“Underneath your shirt? How does a spi—”

“Stop torturing him Payno,” Niall says sticking out his tongue at him.

“This is too fun,” he laughs. “Look at him, he’s shitting his pants.”

“He was fixing my bandana!” Zayn emphasizes.

“Uh-huh, you looked like you were having sex with Niall.”

“Was not,” Zayn disagrees.

“So, dry humping then?” Liam muses.

“No humping!”

“Blowjobs?” Liam asks and Niall chuckles. Zayn shoots him a what-the-hell look and Niall covers his mouth, laughing sounds still being heard.

“Nothing sexual!”

“Your butt was so high I thought it was Nicki Minaj’s.”

Niall winks at Liam. “It feels like it’s hers.”

 Zayn stomps to Liam and shutting the door in his laughing face. “And stop laughing, I can hear you.”

“I need to add more gel,” Zayn exclaims.

“Please don’t leave,” Niall begs him.

“I’m still going out!”

 

2, 3, 4 hours later the four of them found themselves at a popular club in Dallas, much to Zayn’s pleading and sheer boredom from Niall who has not gone out in a long time because of his knee surgery and physiotherapy sessions. Zayn is drunkenly dancing with two girls (or are they strippers?) around him, one gyrating her derrière on his crotch and the other… who knows what she was doing! Niall, Tyra and Liam are seated in a booth where they are keeping their eyes on Zayn who is too drunk to even know his right foot from left.

“Is he always like this?” Tyra asks loudly above the thumping sounds of Chris Brown.

“He just broke up with his long-term girlfriend,” Liam replies, a shot glass in his hand.

“Fiancée actually,” Niall corrects his eyes not leaving Zayn.

“You like him don’t you?”

“What?” Niall asks, snapping his eyes from Zayn to Tyra. “No I don’t.”

“He does.” Liam nods. “He really does.”

“Go for him.”

“He’s not gay.”

“He _is_ gay,” Liam says.

“He’s confused.”

“You guys are making me dizzy,” Tyra says loudly when the DJ turns up the sounds.

“He’s gay but not gay _gay_ ,” Niall says.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Tyra half-yells above _Deuces_.

“It does, angel, it does.”

Zayn walks to their booth in a zigzag manner, holding the two girls (probably strippers) by their wasp-like waists. However, he is pulled back by a much muscular man claiming that the girls (they are strippers) Zayn is holding are, in fact, his and he should let them go. Fazed and drunken Zayn refuses, challenging the muscular man, who is now surrounded by four other look-alikes, to a fight for them.

Unaware of the situation, the three of them continue talking; taking shots every now and then until loud cheers grab their attention. They walk towards the loud cheers and before them is Zayn fighting with one of the muscular men in the circle.

“What’s going on?” Liam asks.

“Kid didn’t listen now he gon’ learn,” someone beside them shouts. He throws a couple of pound bills onto the money-filled ground where Zayn has taken a punch to his chin.

“We have to stop him, he’s going to get hurt,” Niall exclaims. Just then Zayn’s body is sent flying to the floor with one punch to his chest, and another to his stomach, a kick to his groin and a bash to his skull against the cold, hard ground.

“Don’t fucking touch them,” the muscular man spits on Zayn’s face. He walks off with the two strippers and the DJ turns up the music once again, the club returning back to normal, with _Birthday Cake Remix_. Niall, Liam and Tyra rush to Zayn groaning in pain on the floor.

“Are you okay?” Niall asks desperately, kneeling before him.

“My head hurts.” His face is puffed, blood smeared all over it and his saliva is mixed with blood as well when he spits somewhere to his left. “I feel like I was thrown on the floor.”

“You _were_ thrown on the floor,” Liam corrects.

“We have to get him out of here,” Tyra says. “Take him home.”

“Did you see me punch that guy?” Zayn asks, his mind drunk, struggling to sit upright. “I showed him, didn’t I?” He falls back to the ground.

“Showed him you can fly?” Liam chuckles along with Tyra. “You sure did, buddy!”

“Payno!” Niall hisses, helping Zayn to his feet.

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees. “I showed him I was Superman.”

“I think he was Superman and you were Flyingman.”

“Who’s Flyingman?” Zayn asks.

“Nobody,” Niall says harshly before Liam can say another crude comment and laugh it off with Tyra. They get into a taxi being driven back to their mansion, Zayn blubbering the whole way through about how he _showed those guys_ and accidentally vomiting in the taxi.

“For your troubles,” Tyra says, handing the taxi driver a heavy tip. They walk into their mansion, Niall taking Zayn up to his room as Tyra runs a warm, lavender-scented bath for him. Niall lays a fresh set of PJs on the bed for him as he is in the bathroom and goes downstairs to join Tyra and Liam on the kitchen counter.

“His face is blue and black,” Niall says.

“He’s the Flyingman,” Tyra says masking a giggle.

“Flyingman always survives,” Liam says and they both burst out laughing.

“Great, there’s two of them now,” Niall sighs, swiping imaginary hair off his face.

“He just needed a night out to forget about his ex-fiancée,” Tyra says to Niall.

“But he doesn’t get _into_ fights,” he says. “He’s the sensible one out of the five of us. He’s probably the one who invented the phrase “violence is not the answer” and yet tonight he picked a fight with Hulk!”

“In all fairness he was drunk,” Tyra says.

“Zayn always comes back up,” Liam adds. “He falls, stands up, brushes himself off and continues walking. It’s going to take a lot more than Perrie to keep him down.”

“You think?”

“I know so,” Tyra smiles. Just then Zayn walks into the kitchen, dressed in black sweatpants and one of Niall’s CRAZY MOFO T-shirts. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just thirsty,” Zayn answers. “I’m Zayn by the way, sorry we had to meet on such terms.”

“No problem,” Tyra chuckles giving him a firm handshake. “It was lovely picking your ass from that fight.”

“Well, I’m going to bed and sleep for two weeks,” Zayn says, picking a water bottle from the fridge.

“Great idea mate,” Liam agrees. “Sleep tight.”

“Don’t let the bed bugs fight with you,” Tyra says chuckling with Liam.

“I don’t wanna be alone tonight; do you want to sleep with me?” Zayn asks and then quickly adds, “I meant cuddle. Do you want to _cuddle_ with me tonight?”

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.”

“Don’t have sex,” Liam calls out as they are walking up the stairs.

“Shut up, Liam!” Zayn calls back.

“He meant dry humping,” Tyra cries out.

“Goodnight!”

Niall locks the door behind him and then with a key incase Liam walks in on them again and make jokes about it with Tyra. He gets into bed, donned with his boxers alone and pulls the covers above him.

“Does it get better?” Zayn asks, emerging from the bathroom. “The bloody headache?”

“Nope, tomorrow you’ll get a nice cup of hangover which is worse than right now,” Niall snickers. Zayn gets onto the bed, determination in his eyes. He straddles Niall’s crotch and pinning his wrists above his head.

“I want to make love to you tonight, right here, right now,” Zayn mutters.

“We can’t,” Niall says, his eyes darting between Zayn’s dark, lustful eyes. He shuts his eyes, feeling like his whole life has led to this moment, the moment where he can become one with Zayn in more ways than he could possibly imagine.

“That’s not what you dick is saying,” Zayn smirks. Niall’s crotch twitches against his derrière.

“I can’t do this to you,” Niall says. He bites his bottom lip hard, his chest rising up and down in fast rhythms. He so badly wants to pin Zayn up, thrusting into him up against the wall.

“You’re making love to me, what’s wrong with that?” Zayn asks, rubbing Niall’s crotch with his derriere teasingly. A hard moan escapes Niall’s lips, his fingers fisting in on themselves. “You like me, I like you. A lot. I want you cause you want me too. We’re perfect in this moment.”

Niall licks his lips. Zayn’s hands warm around his wrist, the faint smell of his hair product and him pressing his ass on his crotch, and his husky voice are all pointing to how much he would _love_ Zayn in every sense that Zayn wants but… but somewhere deep down, he knows. He just knows Zayn will _regret_ this.

“We could have this moment for a thousand days more, for a thousand life times more or forever… and every time I would still say no. I’m reckless Zayn, and you know that,” he says, tone with shame. “I literally fuck anything that has a dick and walks and if we do this tonight it’s not going to be different.”

Zayn frowns. He leans his head down, his forehead on Niall’s. “But you love me. It will be different this time because you like me very, very much,” Zayn reasons out. He pulls back to see a sad tear pools itself in the corner of Niall’s eyes gazing lovingly at the boy above him.

“It’s because I like you, a lot, that I can’t make love to you. I know it doesn’t make sense but it will, not tonight, not next week or even for the next four years but this is the hardest thing in my entire life I have ever had to do. I’m letting go of the greatest thing in my entire life.”

Zayn lets go of Niall’s wrist and cups Niall’s pink, warm cheeks instead. He thumbs his cheek bones, saying, “Please don’t.”

“They say when you kiss the person you feel a spark. I felt a spark when I kissed Louis for the first time, and Tristan, and Rich, and Robin, and Grimmy, and all the ex-girlfriends I’ve had, but with you it was an explosion.” A smile appears on Zayn’s licked lips. “I felt like my insides were on fire, they were on flames. Flames that not even distance or other people could put it away. You made me feel things I never felt before and I don’t know what it is but something about you, Zayn, is just so right. Maybe it’s your winning smile, your sweet, addicting kisses, your obsession with hair gels, or maybe it’s just _you_. In your perfect imperfections you are just you, and maybe that is… actually that _is_ what I love most.”

“So what are we gonna be,” Zayn asks, sniffing and quickly wipes off tear trail off his cheek, “Those people who were meant to be but didn’t? Why would love let the stars and moon align for two people to be together, only to rip them apart?”

Niall sits up twisting his arms around a softly sobbing Zayn, his forehead resting on his shoulder, his own silent tears muffled by the shirt Zayn was wearing. Zayn pulls back a little to gaze at Niall.

“You look terrible when you cry,” he says chuckling.

“I’m not crying,” Niall says sticking out his tongue. “I’m sweating through my eyes.”

“Two break ups in one night,” Zayn sneers.

“Must be something in the air.”

Zayn leaves his head on Niall’s shoulder, the other boy spreads his fingers on Zayn’s hips, absentmindedly drawing circles on it with his finger. Zayn pulls back to lay his head on his own pillow and their eyes lock. Niall opens his mouth, his eyes dropping to Zayn licking his lips, then he shuts his own.

“Do you-do you think if Elounor never broke up, we wouldn’t be—whatever we are?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“If Elounor didn’t break up, Perrie wouldn’t need to comfort Elewhore therefore she would be spending more time with you.”

“I most likely wouldn’t have come round to clean your house,” Zayn adds. “I wouldn’t have grown distant with her because we’d probably have been planning the rest of our lives together.”

Niall slides his hand across the mattress beneath Zayn’s pillow and places his open hand on top of Zayn’s beneath the pillow. “Or going farther back, if you weren’t Mr X, chasing Harry away.”

“And you hadn’t slept with Liam in the hotel room,” says Zayn. He loudly sighs. “If Louis knew he was gay earlier, I mean. If the airport kiss had stopped Harry from boarding a plane to Sicily then maybe things between us would’ve been different.”

“So do you think if all these things had not happened, that if you and I had not broken up with our significant others, we wouldn’t be in the same bed, facing each other…” he trails off, not knowing what else to say, really.

“I don’t know. What I do know is I wouldn’t have sat on top of my Bentley eating McDonald’s and memorizing the stars, I wouldn’t have had a friend who puts up with my close-minded, homophobic chaotic shit, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to cuddle near you on the sofa, plane, or bed, your lips brushing on my neck softly waking me up in the morning, or…” His knuckles trail along Niall’s clean jawline, stopping on his chin, as his thumb runs on Niall’s bottom lip. “But most importantly I wouldn’t have known who I am—even if I am in denial.”

“M’sorry,” he mumbles, Zayn’s thumb still on his lip.

“God knows we tried,” he mutters, after a moment passes between them. “I tried, he corrects, “but I—I really can’t. No matter how much I want to.”

“We took a shot in the dark,” Niall agrees leaning his forehead on his. Zayn slides down under the covers to press his forehead on Niall’s warm chest.

With a shaky breath he whispers, “It hurts, it hurts so bad.”

“Where baby?” Niall asks him. Silently, he presses his palm against Niall’s bare chest near where his head is laying, between his breasts, feeling the vibrations of his heart beating on the palm of his own hand. “You feel it to?”

“It feels like I’m like I’m dying right now,” Zayn says in a low voice. “Feels like my heart is bleeding and I can’t do nothing but let it bleed dry.”

“I know, angel.”

“Does it ever stop?”

“No,” Niall utters, his hand trailing up the Zayn’s spine beneath his shirt. “But it gets easier. But with you I don’t think it ever will because I’ll never find anyone or anything to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside my heart. You’re the greatest thing in my life that I’ve had the pleasure of having. And letting go.”

Zayn snakes his hand to the back of Niall’s neck and presses their lips together for some time.

 

> **_— no love can hurt as much as the love that can never be —_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGHHHH does anyone know how to remove their work from a collection? i accidentally added TWO of my works to closed moderated collections and the owners look like they were online in 1956 -.-
> 
> anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, hope you enjoyed this =P


	37. - s(paces)hake it off -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Cara's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy lovelies ☺

> — ****_m.t. : I would have wanted you to stay,  
>  like the stars stay with the sky,  
>  but here comes the rainy days,  
>  and the stars and the sky went their separate ways_ —

“I HATE WEDDINGS!” Cara cries out loud in frustration. It is her wedding day today and the guests have already come and are seated in church as she is having a mental breakdown. “I’m thinking I shouldn’t get married.”

Niall sighs loudly, swiping imaginary hair off his forehead. “You changed your wedding partner, you can’t change your choice of getting married.”

“I can’t believe you’re getting married to the Rob Evans,” Rich says proudly, doing the last minute touches to Cara’s sparkly off-white, mermaid wedding dress.

“Models should always be together, just like you are with Louis, both singers.”

“I’m with Louis because I love him not because we’re singers,” Harry says, his brows knitted. “How did you two meet anyway?”

“We met on the runway, quite literally,” Cara says smiling. “Tighter, Rich!”

“Any tighter and your dress will snap,” Rich cries, pins between his teeth.

“I do not have one per cent body fat to not have this dress tight,” she shrills.

“You need to calm down, angel,” Niall says, popping Skittles into his mouth. Meanwhile, in the church, the rest of the boys have taken their seats and are patiently waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle.

“Is anyone creeped out that a lesbian is getting married?” Liam whispers to Louis and Zayn.

“That’s so homophobic,” Louis says.

“Stop being so dramatic,” Zayn hisses. “He meant how Cara’s a lesbian marrying a man.”

“She can love whoever she wants,” Louis defends Cara. “Besides, isn’t the groom your girlfriend’s best friend?”

“Mainly the reason I came,” Liam admits. “Otherwise, I’d be at home playing on my PS4.”

“Same,” Zayn agrees.

“Yeah because it doesn’t bother me that my husband is attending his ex’s wedding? Not at all,” says Louis dramatically. “I’m thrilled.”

“She’s a lesbian,” Zayn reminds him.

“Marrying a man!” Liam points out.

“How messed is this?” Zayn asks but before they reply, the priest announces that they are ready to begin the ceremony.

 

3, 4, 5 hours later, the guests are at the reception which is slowly turning into a drunken party. The drinks flow freely, the dance moves sluttier, the drugs cheaper than ever, and the music louder, bouncier and energizing to the body, mind and soul. Harry walks over to the bar, stopping Niall from ordering his third cocktail, perhaps even seventh, he had not been looking.

“I swear it’s my first drink,” Niall says once Harry has confronted him and poured his drink into the large, glass bowl at the table.

“Yeah, first _Vodka_ drink I’m sure,” Harry muses. “C’mon Niall, you promised you’d take what your physiotherapy and rehab work seriously.”

“How are you ruining this, angel?” Niall asks him huffing.

“You promised not to ever take a drink again.”

“You’re still ruining this,” Niall continues, his lips in a tight line.

“Don’t you want to be one of those AA people with 10, 15 years of being sober to their name and you get one of those gold coins?”

“Oh my gosh! It’s _still_ talking.”

“Niall!” Harry says harshly.

“I hater her… Dr Hitsugaya and my physiotherapist,” Niall says. “They are annoying _un_ divine dickheads.”

Harry smirks at Niall, momentarily looking down at his swirling drink. “Me too, didn’t help with shit.”

“Then why are you making _me_ go?” he asks, heaving a loud sigh. “Rehab is terrible, I’m in there with Lindsay Lohan, Ladavid and Rihanna. My knee hurts, well a little, and I have terrible withdrawal symptoms from coke.”

“Because she listened to me,” Harry answers. “And that’s all I needed. Someone to listen to and for me that was Louis.”

Niall bites his bottom lip, his eyes wandering lazily across the big, purple draped-filled room and land on Zayn, sitting on a circle table by himself, a glass of something sparkly in his left hand. Louis appears by Harry’s side, slipping his hand around his husband and smiling lovingly at him.

“Hey love,” Harry greets with a kiss.

“I heard you talking about me,” Louis hums, ordering a drink.

“Can you not,” Niall says.

Louis innocently asks, “What?”

“Don’t drink in front of him, it’s tempting,” Harry says taking away the glass in Louis’ hands.

“But it’s a wedding,” Louis says, “he can drink whatever he wants.”

“Thank you!”

“But he’s in rehab still,” Harry says. “And he’s gone two months without alcohol.”

“Yeah he has,” Louis snorts and Niall smiles mischievously.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry asks, not understanding the secret smile between Louis and Niall.

“How’s married life?” Niall asks, changing the subject.

“Great!”

“What’s it like being a Tomlinson?” Niall smirks.

“It’s quite strange but I like it,” he answers. He kisses the top of his husband’s head, holding him close by the waist.

“Marriage is amazing!” Louis shrills. “It’s perfection. It’s not a bed of roses like I imagined it, I mean we have squabbles here and there but we work it all out before we go to bed.”

“It’s our number one rule,” Harry adds.

“What,” Niall asks, “to work out before sleeping? Creepy.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “No dumbass, to solve our problems before we sleep.”

“Isn’t it weird though?” Niall asks. “You’re both like 18.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “We’re not _18_! I’m older than you, Niall.”

“We may be young but I can’t picture my life without this handsome man beside me,” Harry says. Louis tip toes to presses his lips to his, Harry’s hand tightening around the small of his back. “I love him so much.”

“Clearly, you can’t help but show everybody!”

“Something wrong Niall?”

“No,” Niall lies. “I’m totally fine.”

“So nothing about Zayn bothering you?” Harry asks.

Niall sighs in defeat. “If we can’t be together, should I hold on?”

“Nope,” Louis says. “You’re only hurting yourself in the end. It may be sweet now, the whole middle thing will be beautiful and crazy, but the ending will be horrible.”

“I knew it,” Niall sighs. “I have to end it with him. I was just putting it off hoping that one day he’ll realize that God doesn’t care who he falls in love with. That us loving each other will be enough but…”

“Levictus 18 verse 22,” Harry says. “That’s his mantra. And no matter what he won’t ever forget it. He may love you to the moon and back but with that Verse it’ll never happen.”

“And kisses does not count,” Louis adds.

“How do you know we kiss?” Niall asks.

Harry fake coughs. “Liam.”

“It’s pretty obvious anyway, he has this stupid smile stuck on his face for hours,” Louis says winking. “And you just now.”

“Are you guys breaking up?” Harry asks.

“We weren’t even together,” Niall admits.

“You guys were attached at the hip!” Louis exclaims.

“How do I look?” Niall asks, flipping imaginary hair off his face. “Do I look divine?”

“Why?” Harry asks. Louis ruffles Niall’s blond hair a little and takes away his scarf.

“You don’t need this,” he says about the scarf. “You’re good now.”

He leaves Larry standing by the bar and walks to Zayn who is sitting on a circular table, a wine glass at his fingertips watching people sway their beautiful bodies to _You and Tequila_ by the great Kenny Rogers. He drags a chair near him and crosses his legs at the knee.

“Drinking alone?” asks Niall, nodding his chin to the glass in Zayn’s hand.

“Should’ve been me and Perrie,” Zayn says gloomily. He is watching at Cara and Rob swaying their bodies to the soft, country music.

“It’s an odd wedding.”

“She was wild anyway,” Zayn says, his eyes penetrating across the room.

“I have to say something,” Niall says to him.

“What is it?” Zayn asks, his gaze drifting to the crimson-cheeked Niall.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he says nervously. He is twiddling with his thumbs, and he can feel sweat dripping from his hairline. “This… us… we… I can’t anymore.”

“You love me, I love you,” Zayn says casually, half-mocking Niall. He, however, knew _the talk_ was bound to come, it was just a matter of timing. “You feel like you’re tying me down, I’m living in a closet – allegedly – and it’s making you doubt yourself, blah blah blah,” – he vaguely waves his free hand in the air – “you have to set me free something something something, you’ll never forget me yadda yadda yadda,” – he swings his glass side to side, – “you wish me a good life.”

Niall is chuckling to himself by the time he has finished and he is grateful that Zayn can ‘see things coming’ because if he did not then Niall would have had a terrible time at telling him so.

“It’s my speech, not yours, idiot,” he says.

“That’s because I feel the same way,” Zayn explains. “It’s not fair that I should make you uncomfortable for being gay. Liam did it once, I’m not going to do it to you. And I told you already and I’m promising you again, I won’t put you through what he did, by lying to you, by promising you of a wonderland when all he did was take your body and soul and trash it.”

“He wasn’t that bad,” Niall says horrified at his spiteful words towards his ex-lover. “He apologized in the hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“When I was in a coma I heard everything, including you confessing that you might be gay and you’re in love with me.” All color from Zayn’s face drains out, his mouth having fallen to his thigh. “Don’t look so surprised, coma patients can hear, you know!”

“Do you remember what I said last?” Zayn asks shyly and Niall thinks it is the most adorable face he has ever seen.

“Just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I won’t love you,” he recalls. “Did you mean it?”

“Every word,” Zayn says sincerely. Larry are still at the bar, closely watching, nay staring at them.

“What do you think they’re saying now?” Harry asks Louis who is filling his glass with more champagne.

“Hmm,” Louis thinks, sipping his drink. “They both look serious, Zayn looks like he wants to kiss him but Niall is–doesn’t want to.”

“Do you think he’s taking it lightly?”

“Of course, looks they’re laughing now,” Louis says. “Probably at some dumb South African joke as always.”

Back to Niall and Zayn sitting at the table, occasionally looking at the guests dancing, Zayn notices Rich dancing with Paige and Cara happily.

“He looks good dancing,” he says.

“He used to be a street dancer,” Niall explains after turning behind him to see Rich dancing exceptionally well.

“Really?”

Niall nods. “Uh-huh.” He takes a swig of beer. “He actually was one of the actors in _Step Up_ Four but he never went on day one to act so they told him, the next time he went, that they found a replacement.”

“You like him don’t you?” Zayn asks out of the blue.

“No, why would you say that?”

“Because I see the way you look at him,” Zayn says. Niall crosses his leg at the knee rolling his eyes.

“Bit cliché aren’t we?”

“I’m serious,” Zayn says. “You look at him the way you look at me but you’re too dumb to admit it because you’re afraid of what your shallow friends will think of you especially Robin.”

“That’s not true,” Niall says, shaking his head.

“Then why haven’t you made a move on him?”

“Because I was afraid of what _you_ would think!” he cries out angrily. “You’re always making fun of him because of his penis surgery, his shallow behavior, the way he always has a scarf, his Australian accent and how he sometimes doesn’t comb his hair.”

Zayn waves his hand at him dismissively. “That’s just banter.”

“It’s deeper than that Zayn and you know it.”

“But why would you care what I think of him?” Zayn asks confused. “I’m not dating him!”

“Because I care what you think, you dimwitted Mexican,” he says to him smiling. “And besides, Robin’s a douche.”

“I had no idea,” he says honestly. “I didn’t think you—”

“That I would care about your opinion?” Zayn nods at him. “Well I do because I care about you very much and what you have to say about me. I know I shouldn’t but I do because I can’t help it, I’m in lov—care a lot.” Zayn smirks at Niall’s slip of the tongue and Niall sheepishly adds, “Bout you.”

“Then go,” Zayn says, his hand on Niall’s knee. “Go to Rich.”

“Are you sure?”

“420 per cent sure,” he says and Niall jumps up hugging Zayn happily. As always, Larry are still at the bar watching the both of them.

“They’re hugging now?” Harry asks.

“Do you think Niall broke it off?” Louis asks.

“I don’t think so, cause then there’d be tears not laughter and hugs.”

“But you know they’re weird.”

“Look! Niall’s walking away now,” Harry exclaims, nudging him violently in the ribs. His drinking moves horizontally in his glass, some of it pouring on the ground.

“No wait, he’s stopped walking… and now he’s talking to Zayn,” Louis says excitedly.

“This is like some stupid rom com movie.”

 

Niall asks Zayn, “It feels like you’re pushing me away, though.”

“I—I don’t know if I am.”

“Is this goodbye then?” Niall asks. Bright, colored lights fill the room suddenly, _Shake It Off_ blasting through the speakers.

“No, because then it would mean we were in a relationship and we just. Weren’t.”

“But walking away from you right now should’ve been easy but it feels like my heart could burst,” Niall admits, feeling vulnerable in the middle of the expansive dance floor with guests dancing around them to _but I can’t make them stay, at least that’s what people say_...

“Please, don’t say that,” Zayn says, his voice filled with sorrow.

“But it feels like you’re pushing me away when all you had to do was stay,” Niall says desperately, tears threatening to fall down his rosy cheeks.

“Please don’t cry,” Zayn pleads. He blinks several times summoning his own tears away.

“But me walking away means goodbye.”

“Don’t say _goodbye_.”

“Why?”

“Because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting and I’m not ready to forget you,” Zayn says to him wholeheartedly. “Even if with my messed feelings and indecisiveness I don’t want to forget—how you make me feel.”

 

Louis fervently whispers to Harry upon seeing Ziall both in tears. “What’s happening?”

“I have no idea, this is so confusing. They were fine a minute ago and now they’re crying!”

“Should we help them?”

Harry holds his husband back by his wrists. “We shouldn’t. This is for them not us.”

“But we have to help, I can’t stand seeing Niall cry,” Louis pleads to Harry, gazing up at his green orbs. “He’s been through so much in less than 2 months; a coma, knee surgery, chemotherapy, rehab and now Zayn, the one person who matters so much is telling him goodbye and you want us to stand by and _watch_?”

“Now you’re crying,” Harry hums, twisting his arms around his body as _I never miss a beat, I’m lightening on my feet_ blasts through the large room.

“M’not,” Louis denies it, sniffing twice. “I’m a big man who does not cry!”

“It’s alright to cry,” Harry says to his husband softly, drawing circles on his back. “We’ll pick up the pieces they leave, okay sweetums?” Louis nods against his chest.

However, across the room it was not that simple. Zayn so badly wants to run to Niall and hold him in his arms and never let go but his legs feel like they are glued to the floor. Just then Rich walks by and looks quizzically at Niall’s face streaming with silent tears and at Zayn as if his entire body has been frozen on the spot.

“Are we playing a frozen game that I’m not aware of?” Rich asks them. Ziall remain quiet, their gazes not leaving each other. “Is this a wedding game?” More silence between them as Taylor Swift sings _And the players are gonna play play play play play_. “Are we also not talking?... I’m serious over here!”

“We’re fine.” Zayn is the first to speak, tearing his eyes from Niall’s stricken face to Rich’s. “Niall was just coming to ask you for a dance.”

“But he’s spoken for?” Rich questions and Niall immediately looks away.

“Not tonight, Rich,” Zayn murmurs.

“Really?” His face lights up and he jumps on the spots near Niall. “I would love to! I absolutely adore Taylor!”

“Enjoy yourselves,” Zayn smiles. Niall is still frozen on the spot, his eyes glassy and his Adam’s apple jiggling up and down his throat.

“Shall we?” he asks excitedly to Niall.

 

Louis whispers to Harry who had now moved closer to Ziall to _hear_ them. “What’s Rich doing here?”

“Asking Niall to dance,” he answers. “But Niall isn’t moving.”

“Why? Rich is hot and everything.”

“He looks like he’s about to burst in tears,” Harry says seeing Niall’s glassy, red eyes. “Oh shit! He’s going to cry now.”

“Who’s going to cry?” Liam asks, surprising them both.

“Niall,” Harry answers.

“Why?”

“He’s breaking up with Zayn.”

“Now? At a wedding?”

“They should’ve waited,” Louis comments.

“I thought Niall liked Robin,” Liam wonders.

“We all did,” Louis agrees.

“No!” Harry says out loud, a few guests turning to watch their table.

“What?”

“He’s walking away with Rich!” he exclaims.

“Wasn’t he meant to?”

“No, Liam. He was meant to stay with _neither_ ,” Harry murmurs quickly. “He was to say goodbye to Zayn, ditched Rich and find Robin, or go home alone.”

 

Zayn watches Niall with his back to him, walk with Rich to the dance floor and he gets a feeling; a deep-rooted feeling that Niall is fading before his eyes, slowly being washed away like waves on a beach, into a memory. It does not end there.

As _baby I’m just gonna shake shake shake shake shake, I shake it off, I shake it off_ keeps blasting loud, he feels like he has been plunged head first into the Pacific Ocean, being weighed down by anchors and he suddenly feels all the air has been zapped out of his lungs. But he is not asking for helping, he does not need to raise his hand for another hand to pull him out.

“I love you,” he mouths to Niall, finally saying what he believes he feels for the blond flamboyantly, gay lad, when he magically twisted his head to glance at him. His heart leaps when he playfully winks.

Funny enough, if he knew in the beginning this was how it would have ended, he would have said yes.

 

**_—  because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting and I’m not ready to forget you —_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS & LOTS of stuff has been happening and caaaaaaaaaaaaan't wait for Liam's single. He's always been in & out of studios for 29815903 months and FINALLY we get to HEAR what he has been up to ♫♫♫
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, leave a COMMENT would be appreciated [: love hearing your +ve & -ve thoughts !


	38. - (he)brews -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quoting scriptures, we are.

_ _

> _— **Phillip Phillips:** before the flame goes out tonight, we’ll live until we die —_

 

THE FIVE LADS OF ONE Direction sit around on one of the table in the wee hours of the morning where the wedding after party feels like the party is _just_ starting, especially since _La bamba_ has just come on and is blasting through the HI-DEF speakers. This is not strange because Cara knows how to party!

“Cara’s crazy,” Liam says.

“She’s always on the wild side,” Harry adds.

“I planned half the wedding you know before she hired that other bitch,” Niall chips in.

“The ice dolphin was you, innit?” Harry asks and Niall nods sheepishly. Louis abruptly stands on his feet and runs out of the room, clutching his mouth.

“What’s with him?” Liam asks.

“Too much to drink,” he explains casually.

“And I haven’t even drank tonight,” Niall huffs at Harry for having taken away his drinks. “Just for tonight can I please drink myself silly tonight?”

“No!” Harry shakes his head. “You have to be stronger than this. And you liar! You drank before I caught you earlier.”

“But I just got dumped,” Niall pleads.

Harry fish-mouths, thinking hard about the context in which Niall has explained. He then says, “Fine. Only if you drink with somebody else.”

“Zayn,” he replies in a heartbeat. While Niall ahd gone to dance with Rich on the dancefloor, nto knowing where Zayn ended up, he blushed the whole time because Zayn, _Zayn_ , whispered those three little words to him. And whatever he had been telling Zayn about goodbyes and leaving and whatever is out of the window. Zayn _mouthed those three words_!

“Me?” Zayn asks. “I thought you were going home with Rich.”

“They’re having an after party for the after party,” Niall says, “and with a chaperone like Harry I’m not going alone plus I also don’t _want_ to go.”

“I feel so much better now,” Louis groans in pleasure after making his way back to their table, and sits down besides Harry at the table.

“The party sounds fun though,” Liam says. “I’m going.”

“Then you can take Niall and make sure he doesn’t drink.”

“I’m going home and Zayn is taking me,” Niall says, a little forcefully. “Besides, tonight Liam scores with Tyra.”

“Mate!” Louis cheers, bumping his fist with a grinning Liam. They cheer on Liam, and then talk about weddings especially Larry’s wedding in which they collectively had told their proposal story, their wedding story and everything in between. What they did not share is what led to the proposal which the married couple both agreed to never talk about.

Hours after chatting and roaring in laughter the boys retreat back home at ungodly hours apart from Liam who, along with his supermodel girlfriend, head to the after party of the wedding after party. Larry go back to their beautiful home and make love all night long as Zayn drops Niall off to his house.

Or until his bed.

“Are you going to read me a bed time story?” Niall coos. He is underneath his Chelsea Football Club covers as Zayn is in the bed too but in his clothes and on top of the said bed covers.

“No, I’m going to make sure you’re not going to drink that entire bottle of wine you’ve got in the back of the fridge,” Zayn explains, his smile lazy and his eyes drowsy.

“You can spend the night.”

“Nah, I have to go and finish signing the papers,” Zayn explains to him. Zayn and Perrie had jointly bought the mansion he is living in now and they both agreed that they would sell it. “Besides, don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘P’. “We’re not dating yet, we just danced today.”

“When’s the date then?”

“Saturday for Justin Bieber’s concert,” he says excitedly.

“Justin’s a charmer,” Zayn says, his voice heavy with sleep.

“C’mon, let’s sleep.”

“No,” Zayn says, his eyes already shut. “I was to… take care of you, make sure you don’t drink so I’m not sleeping.” His sentence is punctuated with a great, big yawn. “In this castle.”

“What?”

“Not sleeping,” Zayn murmurs.  Niall pulls up the covers, shaking Zayn to wake up so that he can wake up and cuddle in. “Not sleepy! Left my car on, anyway.”

“The one you can’t drive?” Niall chuckles. “I’ll take care of it.” He gets out of bed, Zayn muttering incoherent words. He walks, in his PJs, down to the street and parks Zayn’s Bentley inside his garage. He returns to his room, Zayn sitting upright on the bed.

“Thought you were asleep?” Niall asks, turning the lock behind him.

He stands up, sliding his feet into his shoe and buttoning up his shirt. “I should be going home. I have a long day tomorrow.”

“Signing papers?”

Zayn nods. “Plus, Perrie is coming tomorrow to finish collecting her things from the mansion with Eleanor.”

“Why don’t you sleep here for the night?” he suggests. “You’re drunk and you can’t actually drive.”

“Taxis exist.”

“You don’t like taxis, they make you feel uncomfortable and you think you’re going to be killed in one,” Niall grins. Secretly, he wishes that Zayn spends the night, and not just because Zayn said those three words, but when he opens the door and is walking down the stairs, he runs down at him and stands before him in the middle of the staircase.

“Move Niall.”

“If you leave I’m going to drink that entire bottle of wine,” Niall says trying to mask the desperation in his voice.

“I hid it,” he says walking past Niall.

“You’ve put it below the sink in the guest bathroom and you’ve hidden my wine cellar keys in the freezer,” Niall answers rolling his eyes because he knew Zayn’s “hiding” skills.

“You know me so well,” Zayn smiles at him momentarily, before walking to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

“Water. Then I leave,” Zayn says, gulping down a cold, glass of water. “Shit, this hangover.”

Niall rushes besides Zayn when he falls to the ground but he catches him before he does. Niall sits him down on the couch in the living room and places a pillow under his head.

“Are you okay Zayn?” Niall asks.

“I…I feel like my heart… my heart… I can’t,” Zayn says incoherently. All the color from his face is drained and lips very dry.

“What?” Niall asks, panic in his voice. “What is it, tell me.”

“My heart… my heart. I feel like I can’t breathe… You—Water! WATER!”

Niall dashes into the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water and Zayn throws it up as soon as his glass touches his lips. Niall panics some more and runs off to call anybody he can. Minutes later Liam and Tyra run into the room, Zayn complaining that it was his stomach aching.

“Food poisoning?” Tyra asks and Zayn does not speak, complaining about his stomach as well as feeling like he could not breathe.

“Feels like I’m going to—to die!”

“Zayn!” Niall shouts, shaking Zayn who was screaming on top of the bed. “Zayn!”

“My heart, my heart!” Zayn screams, flashing his eyes open. “Water please!”

“It’s just a dream,” Niall assures him, softly pinning his body on the bed. “It’s just a dream, I’m right here. I’m right here.”

“I… felt like I couldn’t breathe,” Zayn admits, his heart beating really fast.

“It was a bad dream, a really bad dream. It’s all over now.”

Except for Zayn it is not.

 

In the dark, after agreeing to spend the night much to Niall’s relentless pleas, he has been thinking really hard about the dream; why he could not breathe, why he was asking for water and it felt like a heart attack coming on, how Liam was the first person he called and just _why_ the whole dream happened.

And the fact that he, earlier, mouthed ‘I love you’ to Niall.

In the middle of the night, he slowly lifted Niall’s arm from his body and slipped out of bed. Thank goodness Niall drank, and made merry by dancing and inhaling food, so he is a heavy sleeper tonight. He quietly slips on his clothes – looking for his shirt proves difficult in the dark –  and managed to reach downstairs without being heard though the chances are slim are he knows Niall waking up after a tiring day is unlikely.

He profusely tries to find the keys to his car and he mentally slaps himself because he cannot drive so why look for them? So he then sets on finding his phone in pitch darkness. He looks thoroughly for his phone, on top of tables, in between the couches, in drawers, but it proves a futile task.

“Looking for these?” Niall asks, holding the keys in his hand. Zayn jumps on the spot, Niall startling him in the dark.

“Actually my phone,” Zayn smiles sheepishly. “I have to go.”

“Clearly you had to sneak out at four-fifteen A.M.,” Niall points out.

Zayn sheepishly says, “I don’t mean to be those people but I really do—”

“Yeah, you have to meet with Perrie to sign off your house,” he says waving his hand vaguely, “we get it.”

Zayn’s eyes are filled with remorse as Niall’s self-defense mechanism is turned on as he can tell. “Don’t say that.”

“She’s your ex-fiancée, isn’t she?”

“It’s not her, Niall, it’s never been her. This is me, all me,” Zayn explains, slowly making his way to a shirtless Niall.

“But why couldn’t you say it to my face that you are going to that house?” Niall asks, getting impatient. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you left? Did you not have the balls to tell me you’re going to fuck your fiancée?”

Zayn smoothens his palms to Niall’s upper arms. Niall shoves his arms away and pushes him backwards.

“You fucking said goodbye to me at Cara’s wedding so, what, you can fuck Perrie? Is that it? Is that what you couldn’t tell me?” he asks bitterly. He shoves him once again. “Tell me!”

“No, of course not.”

“Liar!” Niall spits at him. “Those are lies. You were going there. Is that why you ended it? Why you pushed me to Rich? Why you made me walk away?”

“It’s not Perrie, it’s me.”

“You said you loved me,” he points out. “Or was that a _lie_?”

Zayn adamantly shakes his head. “No.”

“Did you say that just to—”

“I meant it.”

“Then why the fuck are you sneaking out? Why are you still hung over your _ex_ -fiancée?”

“I’m not. I may love you but doesn’t mean I think what we could—would—might be is a good—great idea,” he stumbles over his sentence, unable to look at the blond standing before him in the dark.

“Fuck you!” Niall shoves him really hard, Zayn trying to balance himself backwards. He catches himself against the back of one of the couches. “You’re just like Payno. Using me. Abusing my trust and love for your selfish gains. You’re like everyone,” he yells to his face.

“Who’s everyone Niall?” Zayn asks calmly. Niall is weeping uncontrollably, flipping his arms angrily in the air as well.

“All of you!”

“Who is all—”

“I want to die,” Niall suddenly cries out. “I want to die.” All the air is whipped out of Zayn’s body with Niall’s words, tears rolling down his cheeks and his mind hazy with the words that have just slipped out of Niall’s lips. “But Payno said I should never wish to be dead. But I can’t help it, I want to die.”

“Why?”

“Because of you,” he cries silently sliding down the dark wall, his face hidden behind his hands.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve done,” Zayn apologizes profusely kneeling before Niall. He delicately places his hands on his knees waiting for Niall to push them away. Niall does not but his shoulders keep shaking and silent sobs still being heard.

“I’m sorry I had an outburst, it was not divine,” Niall says. Zayn reaches up to his cheeks and wipes away his tears with his thumb.

“You’re so beautiful when you cry,” Zayn says trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh shut up,” Niall chuckles and he sniffs a lot of mucus. He makes a face. “I’m ugly.”

“No, you’re not, you’re beautiful,” Zayn says, his thumb on Niall’s now-dry cheek. “Brave. And I’ll keep telling you this until you believe it yourself.”

Niall feels his heart leap to his mouth, his hand tingles at Zayn’s touch. He feels like his insides are on fire. He watches Zayn’s eyes lower to his lips and slowly licks his own. His gaze meets his and he feels like the world has stopped moving, that gravity has stopped its force and his body is floating in the air.

“I’m sorry about Perrie,” he says stopping Zayn from kissing him. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know but you had every right. It was shady of me to sneak out,” he says. He tries again to kiss Niall but again, he stops Zayn from doing it. “Why?”

“You made a promise to God, angel,” Niall says softly.

“I know you want to,” Zayn mumbles, his thumb grazing Niall’s lower lip, “just a little taste.”

“You’re going to hate yourself.”

“Lord knows that I have failed by having these thoughts, these desires, these,” he says quietly, his warm breath hitting Niall’s rosy delicious lips. “These.”

“’Turn back to me and I will turn to you’,” Niall says. “Malachi Three Verse Seven.”

Zayn pulls back from Niall’s addictive lips. “But I don’t feel like He loves me anymore.”

“Hebrews 13 Verse Five: for God has said, ‘I will never leave you; I will never abandon you,’” Niall say, surprise colored all over Zayn’s face over the fact that he knows some Bible verses. Or the Bible.

“I feel like He has abandoned me in this world.”

Niall knowingly smiles. “Can a woman forget her own baby and not love the child she bore? Even if a mother should forget her child, I will never forget you.”

“Isaiah Chapter 49 Verse 15,” Zayn comments smiling. He stands up, pulling Niall up with him. “Fine, fine. I’ll be fine.”

“Atta boy,” he cheers. “But it’s around four-thirty in the morning, or summat, you can’t go home now.”

“True but I’m sleeping on the same bed as you, I’ll take the couch,” Zayn says knowing Niall would convince him to lie with him in the same bed, with warm covers and a warm body pressed to his.  

The next morning, Zayn wakes up to being covered in several blankets that he does not remember covering himself with. He folds the blankets and goes to take a shower upstairs in the guest bathroom and later makes breakfast for the both of them. He eats quietly, thinking of the long, cold journey ahead of him as well as meeting his ex-fiancée, Perrie. He hears Niall walking down the stairs after washing the bowl and glass that he had used.

“Leaving so soon?” Niall asks. He is dressed in sweatpants alone, riding low above his happy trail. Zayn cannot help but lick his lips slowly not wanting to tear his eyes away from Niall’s V-lines disappearing in the sweatpants.

“Yep,” he answers heading to the door. “I got Louis to come pick me up.” A horn is heard from  outside indicating that Louis is outside, waiting for Zayn.

“Is that him?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says tearing his eyes away from Niall’s toned chest and messy bed hair. “I really have to go.”

“Are you coming tomorrow for the album promo?” Niall asks as they head down the path to Louis’ sleek, black car.

“Of course,” Zayn says. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ve actually missed the fans.”

“Me too,” he says and waves at Louis. “Hi Lou!”

“Hey Nialler,” Louis greets back cheerfully, still in the car. “No shirt today?”

Niall retaliates back by asking, “No Harry in the car today?”

“I left him in the shower getting ready for Grimmy’s party this afternoon.”

“Didn’t they just have a party yesterday?” Zayn asks.

“All these people party all day, every single day,” Niall answers. “Why aren’t you going?”

“Not really my scene, I’m going to meet Tyra today,” Louis says.

“Alone?”

“With Liam obviously, that boy won’t leave her side!”

“He loves her, you can tell,” Zayn says joyfully.

“C’mon Zayn! We gotta go now because I’m meeting them in half an hour,” Louis informs Zayn.

“Well,” Zayn says awkwardly, shifting his feet on the ground. “This is me.”

“Have fun signing papers, angel,” Niall says.

“It won’t be divine I promise you that,” Zayn smirks.

“Neither is waiting,” Louis calls out.

“Call me when you reach home,” Niall asks of him. He nods turning his back to him before Niall stops him from entering the car and crushes his lips hard together. Niall quickly backs away from Zayn but he quickly slides his hand behind Niall’s neck, tracing the outline of his lips agonizingly slow.

They both know this is their last kiss… or for a long time where they will not feel each other’s lips. Niall pins both his arms side by side on top of the car, Zayn’s back pressed hard against the car window. Zayn softly drags his fingernails down Niall’s bare chest when the South African boy nibbles on his bottom lip. Niall takes a breath and, with his fist tangle in Zayn’s jet-black hair, sticks his tongue down his throat.

A moan growls from deep down in Zayn’s chest, his euphoria vibrating through every fiber in his being. His fingers tug on the hemline of Niall’s sweatpants feeling the trickles of hair of his happy trail. He tugs down on the sweatpants, pulling them down a little. His fingers scratch on the side of his body as their kisses are sweet and slow drinking in each other’s pleasure.

“Jump angel,” Niall commands slipping his arm under Zayn’s thighs. The latter hops and wraps his legs around Niall’s naked waist, his arms twisting around Niall’s shoulders. Their kisses grow to be faster, and sloppier and breathless but neither one of them wants to stop. They cannot stop is the thing. It is the only time they both feel alive.

Louis slams his hand on the horn, startling the two boys. “I haven’t got all day for you two to suck each other’s faces off!” Zayn’s feet touch the ground, his blushing gaze not daring to meet Niall’s. “Anytime today, Zayzay.”

“He’s coming,” Niall calls out to Louis who curses under his breath. “You can stop staring at my dick!”

Zayn’s gaze immediately shoot up to Niall’s, embarrassed he got caught _looking_.

“I was loving your sweatpants,” Zayn lies. Niall takes two back and bids him goodbye knowing if they stood there for a longer time, Louis would physically shove Zayn into the car. He opens the door for him and he steps inside and Louis immediately drives off before they can properly say goodbye. Before reaching his door, Robin comes running breathlessly towards him, calling out his name.

“Niall!” he pants. “Niall, hold up!”

“What is it Robin?” Niall asks. He shifts uncomfortably on his feet when Robin eyes him up and down his half-naked body. “What is it?” he asks again, annoyance heavy in his voice.

“Lativia just broke up with me!” he exclaims, catching his breath. “That bitch decided she’s too saved for me.”

“She is too _saved_ for you,” Niall points out.

“Yeah but we’ve been together for five years, she can’t just dump me,” Robin reacts back angrily. Truthfully, all Niall wants is to curl up on his couch and watch golf tournaments all day with glasses and glasses of whiskey by his side not listen to Robin’s sob story (with the occasional stares at his body).

“Can I call you a cab?”

“I thought you and I would spend time together,” Robin says softly.

“Zayn and I are over and I would like to be alone right now.”

“Tomorrow then?” he asks hopefully.

“I’m going out with Rich tomorrow.”

“Let’s all go out, without Lativia,” Robin suggests.

“On a date,” Niall says.

“Can I come?”

“You’re not invited!” he screams and shuts the door in Robin’s face.

 

> **_— can a woman forget her own baby and not love the child she bore? even if a mother should forget her child, I will never forget you —_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay maybe i took a long time to update [whoops?] but im going to try & update weekly. see how long that lasts *deeply sighs* aaaaaaaaaaand i should add "angst" in my tags for ziall specifically ;p


	39. - Veggitables(aving)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall runs off..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☻

 

> **— phildel: if there is nothing but dark and sound, I will be beside you —**

 

           IT HAD BEEN SEVERAL WEEKS since Zayn left Niall’s house and he never went back. Neither did he go to his own as he had sold it. Zayn temporarily moved into Larry Stylinson’s mansion, much to Harry’s persistence he had to agree. Yet he never left the mansion.

He did not go for any promos the boys did for their upcoming album _FIVE_ , nor for the award shows that they were requested to attend, charity concerts here and there, music video planning he never attended nor the Modest! Management meetings, he laid in bed all day every day. There was one person, who had been there for him, who could pick him up. When Perrie left Zayn, Niall got him out of bed after months, he also somehow made him work out his issues with his then fiancée. But not this time. The one person who would pick him up was Niall yet how could he when he too was hurting? At least Niall got out of bed! 

Niall had tried to get Zayn up on his feet but failed as the saying goes, those who broke you cannot be the same to fix you.

Tyra, Liam’s current girlfriend, was with the boys today inside Larry’s mansion trying to figure out how to help Zayn. I mean, they all were sure Niall would be able to get him out of his room in a flash but he failed which was currently bugging Niall. Time and time again, he could get through Zayn easily but not today, not now. Louis too had tried his fair share but he easily got angry and broke the door knob and his body was dragged away by his husband’s. Surprisingly, Liam was the only one had entered Zayn’s room. He only stayed for a few minutes after Zayn asked him to change the light bulb as it went off the night before and nobody came through the door after that.

“Let me go see him,” Tyra suggests.

“What are you going to do that we haven’t done yet?” Niall asks her bitterly.

“Niall!” Liam hisses.

“What Payno?”

“Maybe he needs a woman’s touch,” Tyra says gently.

“Please,” Harry slightly begs.

“You don’t have to,” Liam says to her.

“Yeah you don’t,” Niall adds bitterly.

“I want to,” she says. Off she goes upstairs to try and convince Zayn to walk on his feet.

“Let’s hope this works,” Liam says worriedly. Minutes later, thirty-five minutes to be exact, Tyra comes walking down and Niall snorts.

“I knew it wouldn’t work.”

“Have faith Nialler,” she says. True to her words, Niall should have had faith. Zayn comes walking down the stairs, donned in black jeans, Niall’s CRAZY MOFO white tee shirt topped off with a leather jacket. Each of the boys gape at the sight of him, Tyra smiling proudly to herself but Niall’s blood is secretly boiling, his skin burning and he cannot figure out why.

“You’re alive!?” Louis exclaims rushing to hug him. Liam and Harry follow. Zayn waits for Niall’s hug but none if forthcoming and he coughs uncomfortably.

“Um,” he mutters. “Tyra and I are going shopping.”

“Why?” Niall asks.

“He needs a new look after his break up which means a new wardrobe,” Tyra says smiling widely. Louis and Harry send each other glances when she mentions break up and look up at Niall who is fuming on the spot.

“I think that’s ace,” Liam cheers. He wraps his arms around her and plants a kiss on her lips. “You’re wonderful!”

“We’ll be back later,” she says and she pulls Zayn’s arm out the door.

“I wonder what she did,” Liam states.

“A woman’s touch,” Harry says. “Women can make you do anything!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Louis asks and Liam smirks to himself.

“Nobody fucking cares,” Niall bitterly curses stomping off upstairs.

“What’s gotten into him?” Louis asks, throwing a blueberry into his mouth. “He’s been shifty these past three weeks.”

“Since our Indian date?” Harry asks him.

“What Indian date?”

“One day each month we have a culture-themed dinner,” Harry explains to Liam, “And this month we cooked Indian food.”

“And we invited our neighbor Rajesh Koothrapali,” Louis says. “Nice lad! Quite rich I must say.”

Harry tries to put the pieces together. “But that was three weeks when we had dinner and if I’m not mistaken that’s when Niall became shifty and irritable. And also when Zayn moved in with us.”

“First it was you,” Liam says, “that moved away, then it was Louis’ anger which was fine to deal with and now it’s Zayn and Niall at the same time. That’s going to be really hard because, not to rain on anybody’s parade, if we can’t fix them I think One Direction is going to end.”

“We went through Harry’s runaway gimmick, we can get through this,” Louis points out.

“But this is different,” Harry says. “These two are so in love and they go literally every day seeing each other knowing they can’t do anything with their feelings—”

“Because one of them won’t be a man and declare his feelings.”

“Zayn’s a homophobe,” Liam says plainly.

“He’s kissed Niall like a thousand times!”

“And it kills him after that because he has to live with the guilt of what he’s done,” Harry says. Liam asks him what he means by that and he explains, “He’s kissing another man which goes against everything he has been taught since he was young yet when he’s with Niall it feels so natural, so safe that he can’t comprehend why it’s wrong.”

“Thank goodness I’m an atheist!”

“So do we help them?” Liam asks, eyes darting between the couple.

“Or knock some sense into Zayn!” Louis advocates. “We show him that he belongs with Niall and that it was meant to be.”

“Are you not listening?” Liam sighs. “Zayn’s a homophobe and he’ll never be with Niall.”

“But Zayn told Niall he loves him! He said, ‘I love you’ to Niall. Does that _not_ matter?”

“Doesn’t matter, I guess,” Harry shrugs. “Nothing will come of it.”

Liam insists. “But we have to save them.”

“We can’t save them, only they can.”

“So we wait?” Louis asks.

“We pick up the pieces of whatever’s left,” Harry says solemnly.  
  


**~  ~  ~**   
  


After Tyra and Zayn came back from their shopping spree, they decide to spend more time together and perhaps do what they always do: watch a movie and make fun of it in the process. They opt for watching _The Purge: Anarchy_ but they are all exhausted that they each fall asleep, apart from Niall who is still fuming inside.

He sneaks out of the mansion and takes a bus to the London Zoo, the same zoo Zayn took him to when he had his heart smashed and broken by Liam. It is dark and way past the closing time but that does not stop him! Niall climbs up a tree and jumps from it landing safely on grass. He heads for Veggietables, the rhino that he sought comfort from then.

Back in the mansion, Zayn wakes up suddenly, sensing something is wrong and hastily calls the others to look for Niall. They search frantically, no sign of Niall, and moments later, King and his crew are heard down their street, private detectives already in their house. They are each asked questions alone and possible areas where Niall can possibly go too at two-thirty in the morning. The police however inform them that they should remain calm as Niall will be back soon and additionally they cannot go out looking for him as nobody has reported him missing and it has not been 24 hours since he has left.

“Fuck the police!” Louis curses.

“They’re just doing their job,” Tyra tells them calmly.

“It’s all my fault,” Zayn says in defeat. “I should’ve never gone shopping with Tyra. I should’ve talked to him.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Harry says soothingly, his hand on his back.

“It was!” Louis contradicts him. “This is your fault because you decided that you don’t want to be with someone you love.”

“Louis!” Both Harry and Liam hiss.

“No, he knows it. He knows this will solve everything.”

“It’ll make everything worse,” Zayn says quietly, his face buried in his hands. “I knew he was upset but not _this_ upset. I don’t even know where he is and I’m the only one who would know.”

“Don’t blame yourself, sweetheart,” Tyra says. “Let’s just breathe for a second and try and trace all our steps. Niall left his phone, car keys and a jacket which means that he isn’t going somewhere far off.”

“He went with his wallet,” Harry says, “which could mean he’ll need money wherever he is?”

“Is he going shopping?”

“He was upset earlier, maybe.”

“He wouldn’t go shopping at night,” Zayn murmurs. “But he could go to the liquor store.”

“There’s a car for that,” Louis says.

“What if he took the bus?” Liam suggests. “Buses still work this late at night and you need money to use them.”

“So he used money to go somewhere but not somewhere far off,” Tyra adds up the information. “I presume he’s going somewhere where he’s going to vent out his feelings, somewhere he feels safe like he won’t be judged, somewhere—”

“The zoo!” Zayn exclaims.

“Zoo?”

“That’s where I took him when he broke up with Liam,” Zayn says rapidly most words swallowed by his tongue. “He—I took him there once when I told him that I go there to feel safe, when I get upset I go there to think, to understand—”

Louis stops him, his anxiety getting ahead of him. “Where Zayn? Where is the zoo?”

“15 minutes by car,” he mutters. They get there in record time, and immediately split up; Larry together with Zayn and then Liam and Tyra.

“Where do we go?” Louis asks fervently, tugging on Harry’s arm in the dark zoo.

“Let’s split!” Zayn says and he jogs off before Larry can stop him. Holding Louis hand, Harry heads towards a sign that says LIONS AHEAD and they follow the footpath.

“This place reminds me of Jurassic Park,” Harry says.

“Or _Night at the Museum_.”

“How?” Harry wonders. “That was in the museum and we’re in a zoo.”

“Fine, the zoo version of _Night at the Museum_ ,” Louis sighs. They walk silently, chatting a little here and there and arrive before the lions. Thankfully they are sleeping as Louis would be scared out of his wits if they were awake. Harry chuckles, reminding him that they are behind a rail that they cannot jump over.

“Maybe lions can jump,” Louis suggest. He is standing before the rail and Harry brings his chest to his back, and his arms holding the rail.

“Are you cold?” Harry asks, feeling goosebumps on his husband’s feather skin. He slightly nods.

“I didn’t have time to get a jumper,” he admits. Harry wraps his arms around his tiny frame and gently rests his chin on Louis’ left shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” he murmurs silently. He plants a soft kiss on Louis’ neck and he sinks further into Harry’s warm body. “What did I do right for you to marry me?”

Louis grins from ear to ear, his stomach turning. He twists the wedding ring on his finger, his heart exploding inside of him. “I would marry you over and over again, Harold.”

“And I would keep asking you all over again… and again.”

After a few moments of silence and watching the lions sleep, Louis whispers. “I’m worried about Zayn and Niall.”

“We all are.”

“What happens when they can’t work it out?” he asks. He feels hot air warming his cheek when his husband sighs softly. He twists his body so that he is gazing up and Harry, looking and searching for answers. “What happens to them? Will they stop working? Will they completely hate each other… if that’s even possible because they’re in the same band? Will that mean that we will break up because they couldn’t work—”

“Don’t think about these things, sweetums,” Harry says his arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. “Zayn and Niall know what they need to do. They can’t be together so they both need to find a way to move past all of this.”

“But we can help them.”

“Not everything can be fixed Louis and this is an example of what can’t be fixed.”

But Louis steps his foot down and insists, “But they are people, not objects. You save people and fix objects.”

“You don’t save everybody.”

“You were saved,” he softly whispers to his chest. He kisses Harry’s chest, his lips feeling the soft vibrations of his heart. Harry holds Louis shoulder tighter and attaches his lips to Louis’ hair. “You were saved but they can’t?”

“Not everybody can be saved. You just have to wait for them to save themselves. No matter how long it takes.”

“You didn’t take long.”

“Because you believed in me. You helped me and promised to always be there no matter how many times I pushed and shoved, you remained still.”

 

Liam and Tyra momentarily forgot they were looking for Niall and sat on a bench and started making out with upper body fondling. Zayn, on the other hand, took a wild guess at where Niall could be and he was right. He found Niall sleeping next to a rhino, specifically Veggietables. The rhino that Niall got attached to whenever he was feeling blue and mellow that he would come down and talk to it.

Zayn frantically calls out to Niall but the boy sleeping with the humongous rhino does not stir. His heart skips a beat when he thinks that perhaps Veggietables has eaten Niall’s upper body. He tries to open the cage door but there is a padlock. He reviews his other options and contemplates jumping over the fence but sees it has electric wires… except he sees a tree!

He runs to the tree and quickly climbs it, sometimes stopping to violently whisper Niall’s name. He jumps from the tree and lads on his chest flat on the ground. He tastes blood in his mouth but he does not care as he gingerly tip toes towards the rhino, whispering for Niall. Niall stirs in his sleep and gapes at the sight of Zayn walking to him slowly.

“What are you doing here?”

Zayn places a finger on his lips. “Shhh!”

“Why?”

“Because you will wake up that rhino and to be fair I can’t die tonight!” he whispers, loud enough to be heard by Niall on the other end of the zoo.

“What are you doing here?” he asks Zayn. He is standing dangerously close the sleeping rhino.

“Shh!”

“It won’t hear you,” Niall says, his voice slightly loud.

“Fuck, Niall, shut up!” Zayn curses. “Now walk towards me!”

“No.” Niall shakes his head. “I don’t want to go back to that house.”

“Then your house! Wherever just not _here_.”

“No, I like it here.”

“Dammit Niall, there are times you are big-headed and stubborn and I don’t mind it but right now I _do_ mind. Now stop being an airhead and walk slowly towards me.”

Niall does not budge. “I’m staying!”

“Fuck Niall, can’t you see I’m saving you from dying?”

“Nobody can save me,” Niall shouts back and Zayn frantically wave his arms indicating at Niall to lower his voice. “Not even you!”

“I came all this way to save you and I’m not leaving without you.”

“You can’t save me.”

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t!”

“From the rhino, I can!”

“He’s mine,” Niall points out.

“What do you mean he is yours?” asks Zayn, whispering loudly he might as well talk normally.

“I accidentally bought Veggietables,” Niall says. Just then Veggietables opens its eyes, scaring the wits out of Zayn. He mounts on his feet, Zayn taking several steps back. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

Zayn gapes at Niall patting the rhino on the head and he knows Niall has truly lost his marbles. “Get out of there,” he hisses.

“I’m staying.”

“Niall for fucks sake, _move away_ before it kills you!”

Just then the rhino jogs towards Zayn. At first, Zayn thinks his eyes are playing tricks on him seeing a charging rhino head for him. He then blinks twice and sees the rhino _charging towards him_ , air blowing out of its huge nostrils and its horns pointing at him. Zayn’s feet are glued to the ground and his eyes bulging out of his face.

“Don’t move!” Niall calls out to Zayn. “He’s protecting you!”

Zayn does not hear the last sentence as his entire being is focused on the charging rhino running towards him and he swears that he feels his spirit depart from his own body and watch the rhino charge at its own body. The charging rhino falls before Zayn’s feet and Niall immediately runs towards it. He is confused at what is going on!

His hearing senses come back in action and hears lots of voices above him, as if a thousand people are all talking at once. He then sees red dots of lights around zoo. Niall falls to the ground his arms wrapped around the rhino, crying profusely. He then gets it: the rhino was shot! Someone shot the rhino that was charging towards him.

“Are you okay?” a voice shouts at them and Zayn is unable to move or even respond, eyes glued to Niall with his arms around Veggietables.

“What happened?” he manages to ask, finding his voice.

“The rhino was going to kill you!”

“No, it was protecting him from the guns you, fucking idiots,” Niall screams at the policeman. The zoo officials surround them as well, checking that indeed the rhino is dead. “You killed it and it never did anything wrong.”

“Niall!” Louis shouts. “Are you okay?”

“They killed Veggietables,” Niall cries. He angrily runs towards the police officer, his fist coming into contact with his face.

“Niall stop!” Louis holds him back from charging at the police officer a second time and that is the last thing Zayn hears.

 

**_— but they are people, not objects. you save people and fix objects —_ **

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slow and steady with this fanfic, i'm telling you, but we're still going there, to the end and BEYOND hahaha idk what i'm typing i might as well just S.T.O.P
> 
> take care ♦


	40. whelmed(iffident)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Veggitables funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☺

** **

 

> **— Seneca the younger: friendship always benefits; love sometimes injuries —**

 

“YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE most about the word ‘whelmed’?” Louis asks in the shower. Harry is scrubbing Louis’ back with a loofah, listening to him unwind his mind early in the morning.

“We’re not doing this again,” Harry sighs, squirting more gel onto the red loofah and rubbing circles on his husband’s smooth back. “You’re meant to decide which English football team you want to join.”

“You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed but why can’t you be just whelmed?”

“Turn,” Harry commands. Louis turns on his feet to face him. Harry takes his arm and starts scrubbing up and down on it. “Which team Lou?”

Louis sighs, not having decided yet which England team he was going to join after One Direction was over. He was requested by not one, but six England teams to join them when his singing career with One Direction. They were Arsenal, Manchester City, Liverpool, Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspurs and Southampton.

“But seriously, why can’t you just be whelmed?”

“Lou!”

“I’m serious here!”

“So am I!”

“I’m so whelmed right now,” Louis says, lifting his both hands for Harry to scrub his wet, hairy chest.

“Fuck Louis,” Harry groans.

“I don’t know but I’m thinking about Doncaster Rovers.”

“Doncaster?” he asks. “That wasn’t part of the options.”

“I know, but I want to play in a team that’s close to home. What do you think?”

“Honestly, whichever team you choose I’m happy with,” Harry says sincerely. He grabs the nozzle and it cleans off the soap on his upper body. “Penis or legs?” he asks Louis which one he should wash first.

“Dick,” he answers winking. Harry kneels before him and Louis bites down on his bottom lip at the sight of Harry below him, imagining scenarios where his heart-shaped lips were rolled around his hard, leaking cock.

“Lou, you’re getting hard!” Harry tells him.

“Please,” he whimpers.

“We have to get to a funeral and we already had sex. Twice,” he says, his eyes gazing up at Louis through his eyelashes. Louis thinks that the most adorable sight and he curls his fingers in Harry’s damp long hair.

“Please,” Louis begs. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Decide a team now and I will,” Harry says to him. He cups Louis ass, bring him closer to his mouth. His cock accidentally hits his face and Louis is impatiently getting blue balls.

“Arsenal! I choose Arsenal,” Louis shrieks. He lifts his hands to the rail of the shower curtain. Last time he got so high from Harry sucking the shit out of him, he slipped off the shower, his body falling flat on Harry’s head! Plus they made a rule whereby the one being given _love_ was not to touch the _giver_.

“Why?”

“Fuck Harry, blow me already!”

Harry smirks and twirls his lips around Louis’ already wet cock. He forms an ‘O’ with his mouth and takes him in whole.  A loud gasp escapes Louis’ throat, the back of his head thrown against the bathroom wall. Harry bops his head, slowly and then quickly when he feels Louis’ body shiver.

Louis’ fingers wrap tightly on the rail above him, his knuckles turning white. He feels every fiber in his body is on fire, down to his toes! He drops his head down and catches his husband’s red, shiny lips wrapped softly around his throbbing cock, so sweet, _so delicious_ , all of him disappearing into his husband’s naughty mouth. He bucks into Harry’s mouth when he squeezes his big ass and Harry makes a gagging sound.

“M’close baby,” he cries. He bucks again into Harry’s mouth, cum drooling from the corners of Harry’s mouth and to the shower floor. Harry’s fingers trail up to Louis’ V-lines and pins his body to the shower wall powerfully.

“Fu—No—Don’t s—Harry!” he cries out his orgasm, his body shaking in ecstasy. He pulls down on the rail and it snaps and the rail, as well as the shower curtain, come tumbling down.

“Did I tell you how much I love you?” Louis asks, catching his breath from his high.

“Every time I suck you off,” Harry muses. “I gotta get you cleaned or else we’re going to be late.”

“Shower rail?”

“Fix that later?”

Louis nods.

 

***   *   ***

 

Walking to the cemetery, Harry links his fingers with his husband’s and with the other holding a bouquet of flowers. They are attending Veggietables’ funeral, yes the rhino! Niall’s rhino to be specific. Niall convinced the zoo officials that Veggietables should have a proper funeral seeing as he was cruelly killed, or as Niall told them murdered. He died fighting for other people’s lives and he deserved to go out in style. Also because Niall was in the world’s biggest boyband and they agreed.

“Nothing so awkward than this,” Louis confesses.

“We’re here for Niall,” Harry says getting closer to the spot where Veggietables would be buried. “No judging and definitely no mention of Ziall.”

“I hate Niall like this!” Louis admits, “All angsty and shit. I prefer talkative, playful Irish Niall.”

“He’s South African,” Harry corrects him.

“I keep forgetting.”

“Sweetums, I need you to be on your best behavior,” Harry tells him solemnly. Before Louis can say a cocky comment he adds, “I mean it, Louis. What happened in the hospital should not happen again.”

“I was just telling Niall he needs to grow a pair and ask Zayn out on a date,” Louis says sassily.

“Louis William Tomlinson,” Harry calls his name harshly.

Louis mocks his voice. “Harry Edward Tomlinson.”

“Niall is going through a hard time, he just lost a friend and he doesn’t need to hear anything more about how he’ll never be with Zayn because that’s all he’s been hearing for months now,” Harry tells Louis. “The fans keep asking him to be with Zayn and he can’t be with him because he respects him enough not to compromise his religious beliefs. It hurts him and I know how it feels, sadly so I’m asking you to—”

“Fine, I will,” Louis agrees. Harry smirks to himself. He knows Louis would listen to him when he starts to give a lecture and thankfully he learned this a long time ago and now he uses it all the time.

Once everyone has arrived before the grave, the funeral ceremony begins and three hours later, the guests are hosted by Liam in his new house. Harry has already drank half the party and Louis keeps dragging him to the bathroom to puke his stomach’s delights.

“You smell lovely,” Harry says in a drunken glee to Louis. Louis is holding back his hair as Harry’s hands are holding onto the toilet seat. “So lovely, what’s your name?”

“Harry!” Louis sighs.

“Harry?” he asks gleefully. “My name is Harry too!”

“What did you drink anyway?”

“Nothing,” Harry mutters. “I’m all out therefore I need more in.”

“You’re not drinking anything else unless it’s water,” Louis says to him.

“But beer,” Harry pleads.

“You don’ take beer,” Louis notes. “You said it’s disgusting.”

“That can change today!” Harry sits down on the bathroom floor, his back against the tile wall. Louis sits across from him just in case he feels like throwing up, again. Honestly, he does not admit it much, but Louis likes these moments when it is just the two of them, alone and quiet. Lately, he feels as if they have both been all over the place, if not at promos, it is shooting music videos, then dealing with Ziall as well as giving Liam romantic ideas to do with his supermodel girlfriend Tyra. By the time it is evening he is exhausted and all he wants to do is cuddle with Harry in bed, with popcorn and a cheesy movie.

“You’re staring,” Harry says snapping him out of his thoughts. He crawls to where Harry is, their thighs touching, and gently lays his forehead on Harry’s shoulder. “I thought I was the sick one.”

“I miss you,” he mutters silently.

“I’m right here,” Harry says to him softly. He rubs his thigh softly, a soft hum escaping his rosy lips.

“I never see you these days. We’re always out and about, always going somewhere.”

“I know,” Harry murmurs. “Arsenal?”

“This again?”

Harry takes Louis’ hands with his own and gently rubs Louis’ knuckles with his thumb. “You don’t have to pick Arsenal because I told you I wanted you to be there. I want you to be in a team that you’ll be happy with.”

“I want to be in a team you’d be proud of,” Louis says. “Being in Doncaster Rovers isn’t exactly top of the charts compared to Arsenal.”

“Arsenal isn’t a local team Lou.”

“Would you still love me if I was in Doncaster?” he asks lightly, barely audible.

“Yes,” Harry says in a heartbeat. “I would love you always no matter which team you’re in.”

Louis squeezes his upper arm and smiles to himself, his heart in delight. “I adore you.”

“Forever?”

“And always. So Doncaster?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods against his shoulder. “I guess I’ll be in Doncaster once One D is over. And you’ll be the greatest painter ever.”

“Portraits of you won’t make me the greatest painter, it’ll make the sappiest husband ever,” Harry chuckles. Tyra walks into the bathroom, interrupting their conversation.

“Louis, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I need you downstairs now. Liam is asking for you,” she says quickly.

“But Harry—”

“Don’t worry about him,” she says, stopping him. “Go now, I won’t leave him.”

“Go help, we have all the time in the world,” Harry says, nudging him to stand up.

“Not enough,” he murmurs to himself.

“Bye Lou!” Harry sings drunkenly.

“Idiot,” he giggles planting a kiss on his red cheek. He runs downstairs to the party, rather quiet gathering and makes his way to where Liam is at the kitchen counter… and Zayn as well who came to join them, an entire bottle of wine on him.

“What’s with the wine Zayn,” Liam asks, “having a party with Niall? You know he doesn’t drink because of his whole rehab thing.”

“He does,” Zayn says to him. “But no, this is for me.”

“You called me?” Louis asks Liam rudely. “I was kind of in the middle of something with Harry and your dear girlfriend interrupted me.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “I’m sure sex can wait.”

“It wasn’t sex,” Louis grumbles.

“First time,” Zayn mumbles tipping the wine bottle.

“What were you doing?” Liam asks.

“Making sure Harry doesn’t puke on himself.”

“Tyra’s the best in hangovers and stuff, he’ll be fine. I called you because I’m worried about Niall.”

Louis sighs loudly. “This again? I’m out.”

“No wait.” Liam stops him. “He’s on the roof right now and it’s kind of scaring me. He’s taking this break up badly and Zayn as well.”

“Zayn and Niall just both need to sleep with each other to end all of this misery,” Louis suggests and Zayn takes a swig of the wine. He mutters something about it not being strong enough.

“That’s your plan?” Liam asks, not believing his ears at Louis’ dumb suggestion that Ziall have sexual intercourse.

“Yes it is,” Louis says nodding. “Even Harry agrees with me that a one-night stand won’t hurt.”

“Harry agreed to this?” Liam asks. “Why don’t I believe that?”

Zayn place the wine bottle on the counter loudly. “He would never let me. He knows that it would kill me on the inside if we ever slept together, let alone a blowjob or some shit.”

“It will make you feel better.”

“No it wouldn’t.”

“It will! I did that with Harry and look at us, we’re happy.”

“Harry’s an atheist,” says Zayn in a voice low.

Liam speaks up before Louis can retort. “Zayn, don’t sleep with Niall if it will hurt afterwards. I would know because I did that to him and it hurt me terribly to see him happy when all I did was tag him along.”

“But you were a bastard to Niall,” Louis points out.

“He has a point,” Zayn adds.

“Will we ever forget what I did with Niall?” Liam asks the boys and they both shake their heads.

“I have to find Niall,” Zayn says getting off his bar stool. He stumbles seeing as the wine bottle is now three quarters empty and he is the one who opened it.

“Did you drink that all by yourself?” Louis asks.

“It’s a funeral Lou,” Zayn coos. “People drink at funerals to drown their sorrows.” They watch Zayn stumbling and walking towards the crowd of people before him.

“I’m going back to Harry,” Louis says getting off the bar stool.

“What do you think of Tyra?”

“She’s okay, why?”

Liam shakes his head. “Just asking, that’s all.”

Louis says nothing after that, half of him wanting to lay his head on Harry’s beautiful broad shoulders and shut his eyes. He gets to the bathroom and he finds his little munchkin sleeping on the floor, a small blanket covering his body and a small pillow under his head. He pockets out his iPhone and snaps a picture for Instagram because _why not?_

“He’s passed out,” Tyra says to him. She gets up and heads to the door.

“Liam’s a good guy,” Louis says to her. She frowns her eyebrows confused at what Louis is saying.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not dumb and neither are you. You’ve read the rumors and stories about how Liam cheats on all his girlfriends but with you, I know he won’t. It’s hard for him to be in a relationship with all this going around and I know that isn’t a good excuse to cheat on someone but with time you’ll know why.”

Tyra smiles weakly at him and walks away. Louis sits on the ground and gently lays Harry’s head on his lap, lightly stroking his curls. He sees the corners of his husband’s mouth curl upwards and his cheeks turning red.

“Are you alright?” he asks and Harry nods against his thighs. “Do you want to go home love?” Harry shakes his head and brings his knees closer to his chest, and sucks on his thumb. He did this when he was in a comfortable position to sleep in and he absolutely did not want to move because it was as if he was getting a sleepgasm…if that was even possible, Louis chuckles.

“You know I love you right?” Louis whispers. He removes the small strands off his golden face. “And I always will. And no one, not even my own mother, will understand how much I love you, adore you, so much that it hurts. I love you with my soul Harry and that’s saying a lot from me. You know that.

“When I’m around you I feel weak at the knees, when you call me ‘Sunshine’ I feel butterflies in my stomach like I’m some bitchy 5-year-old, when you surprise me with a bubble bath after I had a long day or bake my favorite Oreo cupcakes. When you text me cute, corny and not forgetting cheesy lines throughout the day, it makes my so happy I feel like my heart is flying all round my body. Or even stupid shit like bathing me because I’m the sass master from Doncaster” – Harry lightly chuckles – “because we all know I am.

“Remember when I became so sick with a flu you literally never left my side. You even called my mom, worried to death that I was going to die,” he says, chuckling to himself. “My mother thought you were nuts and you thought she was nuts because she wasn’t as worried as you were. You made sure I was clean, rested and well taken care of till I was alright. I screamed, shouted, whined and you remained still. Honestly, I don’t have that kind of patience and that’s what I love about you. You complement me, we complement each other. You show me the ropes of life and well, I show you how to play the guitar, which you’re still rubbish at.”

Harry giggles and Louis thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. “You’re a klutz as well,” he says, his eyes still closed.

“Most importantly I’m very grateful for not telling a soul that I go for Anger Management classes. I’m so embarrassed about it, I feel like it’s beneath me but for you I go. It’s actually helping me because I… I feel less angry nowadays. I can control it and don’t burst out in anger like I did before.” Louis gazes at the sleepyhead and catches him smiling and he chuckles a little to himself. “I keep rewinding in my mind trying to pinpoint the exact moment I fell for you and I just can’t,” Louis adds. “It wasn’t the first time I saw you because that was in 2008 when we went for Battle of the Bands and I was competing with your band. But it just started, like a flower blooming.”

“When I first saw you in the bathroom.”

“What was that?” Louis asks.”

“For me it was in the bathroom, when you peed on my dick,” Harry says. He twists his arms around Louis back, bring his face close to Louis’ tummy. “Pee at first sight.”

“Just say you fell in love with my dick, not me,” Louis jokes. Liam bursts into the room, scaring the wits out of Larry. “Don’t just enter like that! I could’ve been peeing.”

“Really, Louis?” Liam sighs. He sits on the edge of the bathtub, opposite Louis. “Is he really asleep?”

“Of course.”

“Thank goodness everybody is leaving,” Liam says. “Left Tyra out there to say bye to everyone.”

“Then we can finally go home,” Louis groans.

“You guys should spend the night. Besides I don’t think Harry wants to move from where he is right now,” Liam says and he hears a light giggle from the sleeping boy. Tyra, emerges into the room and sits beside her boyfriend.

“What are we, the bathroom squad?”

“Cool name, huh?” Louis laughs, joined in by Tyra and Liam.

“I can’t believe I attended a rhino’s funeral and an after party for a funeral,” Tyra says in disbelief. “I don’t think my life has ever been this crazy ever since I met you, Lee.”

“Yeah, I do this shit all the time,” he jokes.

“Uh huh,” Tyra plays along. “So what animal funeral are we going for next?”

“Probably fish,” he says. “But on a serious note, I don’t think Niall remembers to feed the two Kraken fish and the Nemo-looking one.”

“The one I gave you?”

“Yeah, the very one.”

“It was for Niall?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he says with a tinge of sorrow. There is a soft knock on the bathroom door and all three of them freeze on the spot, not making a sound so that whoever was on the other side would call them down for something.

“It’s me, Zayn,” the voice behind the door says, “Andy told me you went to the bathroom.”

Liam walks over and opens the door. He has to admit that Zayn looks terribly tired, as if he has not slept for days. His yellow hair is in a mess, his eyes droopy, puffy and red, his breath stinking of alcohol and his speech slow.

“What happened to you?” Liam asks.

“Your caterer says that your guests have all left and she wants her payment, Niall dumped me and said we were through, and I accidentally threw out all your milk in the sink. Can I spend the night here—”

“Niall did what?” Liam asks him, stopping Zayn mid-sentence.

“Oh, he said we’re over. Can I spend the night here?” Zayn asks again. Larry are on their feet, standing behind Liam along with Tyra. They look at Zayn who looks like he is going to collapse in front of them in loud weeps.

“What did Niall say exactly?” Louis asks. Zayn lightly shakes his head, his corners of his mouth pointing towards the ground. Liam wraps his arms around Zayn’s shoulders and the latter clutches onto his shirt, sobs escaping his mouth. Loud ones follow and he is full blown crying into Liam’s shirt.

“What did he say, Zayzay?” Louis asks him gently but Zayn cannot reply because he is sobbing uncontrollably; the waterworks, loud hiccup sounds and snot. He collapses on the ground, clutching Liam’s legs together and weeping on his jeans.

“Zayn!” Harry gushes besides where he is on the floor. Liam and Harry try untangling Zayn from Liam’s legs but his grip his too tight and his weeps grow louder with every passing second.

“Liam!” he cries out loud. His fingers dig into the back of Liam’s knees.

Liam squats and asks gently, “Zayn please, what happened?”

Between hiccups, he answers, “He said…he said that we need to…we need to stop pretending. We couldn’t be together and that I had to move on from him. I… we had to be apart for good.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean that,” Tyra says gently.

“Being apart means forgetting and forgetting means goodbye… Niall said goodbye.”

Watching Zayn cry the hardest he has ever cried in his entire life broke each of the boys’ hearts and Tyra’s as well. Louis’ fists clench and unclench, thinking of scenarios in which he would break Niall’s jaw. He walks past both of them, Harry calling after him. He searches for Niall in the living room, guest rooms, kitchen, bathrooms and no sign of Niall. He goes outside and sees a blond lad standing beside a car, texting on his phone.

“Niall!” he calls out, stomping towards him. Fury was on the tip of his tongue, anger seeping through every pore and madness between his fists at what a distasteful thing Niall just did.

“What?” he asks him nonchalantly.

“Don’t ‘What?’ me,” he snaps back angrily. How was he so _calm_ after what happened? “How could you do that to Zayn?”

“We weren’t meant to be,” he says lightly, still texting on his phone. Louis grabs the phone away from his fingers and smashes it against the car.

“This isn’t my car.”

“Don’t give a shit. You’re a heartless, manipulative bastard,” Louis spits at him. “How could you do this to him? You know he loves you with all his heart. And you take his whole heart and soul and throw it out like it’s a piece of meat because ‘you aren’t meant to be’? What the fuck, Niall?”

“Why are you so worked up?”

“Why?” he asks, almost shocked. “Why am I so worked up? I’ll tell you. Zayn just came to us, crying his bloody eyes out that you said it was over. You kicked him out after everyone in his own life kicked him out. You were the one person he trusted, he laid down his entire life for you, he gave you every piece and you smashed it between his hands to dust and walked away. How could you walk away?”

“I’ll always love him.”

“Yeah, and I’ll always love my mom but that’s not the same thing,” Louis growls.

Robin pops out of nowhere and informs Niall that they can leave now. “I have to go. See you tomorrow.”

“You’re not walking away fucktard,” Louis commands him.

“You can’t tell me what I can or cannot do Louis. You’re not my mother!”

“I can when it involves Zayn. He’s going to be depressed for months about it.”

“He’ll get over it!” he says nonchalant and Robin smiles slightly. Louis took a step back because whoa, when did Niall become this cold?

“What happened to you?” Louis asks, his blood boiling inside his body. “Why did you suddenly change? The love you both had for each other just doesn’t disappear.”

“There are things bigger than what Zayn and I have that you can’t even begin to understand. I made a choice that hurts me more than it hurts him—”

“That’s hard to see from where I’m standing,” Louis snorts. “You already have a date for the night and all Zayn has are bitter memories.”

“It’s the best thing that will happen to him,” Niall says loudly. “He deserves this. All of this.”

“How can you say that? You’re so cruel, so cold. You weren’t like this before you met Robin and now suddenly you don’t care about Zayn?”

“Some things are more powerful than love.”

“Like what?” Louis asks, snapping. “You told him goodbye!”

“Even if we can’t be together doesn’t mean I will ever stop loving him.”

“You’re the only one who can fix Zayn right now and you’re not even bothering to help,” Louis spits angrily at Niall.

“What are you going to do?” Niall asks, slowly walking to Louis and stopping when his face is inches away from Louis’, “punch me?”

Louis bites down on his anger, composing himself, breathing in and out, commanding himself not to get angry.

“C’mon now,” Niall urges, an evil smirk on his face. “Hit me. Harry will never find out.”

He steps a foot forward to Niall but arms wrap around his body, pinning him on the spot. Instantaneously, he knows it is Harry.

“I think you should take Niall home Robin,” he says gently.

“Yeah, sure,” Robin nods. Louis and Niall stand before each other, shooting angry daggers and poison between each other. “Niall, let’s go.”

“You’re the worst human being in this entire world.”

“And you’re a sappy fool,” Niall snarls. “You used to be so strong, so powerful. A man who spoke his mind without anyone stopping him. And now? You rely on Harry for everything which makes you weak. You’re the worst human being in this world and even Harry knows it. He doesn’t deserve you… and nobody ever will because who wants a peasant?”

Louis tries to escape Harry’s grasps and punch the daylights out of Niall but Harry holds him tightly on the spot. “You’re a liar!”

“Am I?” Niall smirks with an evil grin.

“Fuck you Niall! Fuck you!” Louis curses loudly. He manages to spit directly at Niall’s eyes who cries out in anger and snarls his fists to hit Louis’ face. Harry turns both their bodies away and Niall ends up hitting Harry on the arm.

“Robin!” Harry calls out. Robin springs into action and drags Niall away who wanted to really hit Louis. Louis wriggles out of Harry’s grip once Robin has driven off and turns to him, angrily snapping at him for letting Niall get away.

“Why the hell did you let him go?” he asks. “You let that asshole run away after he hit you? He made Zayn cry, he hurt him after promising not to ever do that.”

“Remember what I said before about these two at the hospital in Aussie?” Harry asks him calmly.

“What?”

“I said that we can’t save them and this is what I’m talking about. You can’t snap at him for hurting Zayn because we can’t help them.”

“We can try. We can show them how to mend their relationship,” Louis says to him. He cannot understand why Harry is taking a back seat in helping his own brothers mend their relationship. Why was he not trying as much as he was? “Do you not want them to be together?”

“That’s the thing Louis, they never will!”

“Why?”

“Zayn is a fucking Christian,” Harry yells because quite frankly, he has repeated this a thousand and one times to his husband and yet time and time again he does not _listen_. “He follows the Bible to a T, which includes the verses about homosexuality. You wouldn’t understand because you’re an atheist. To Zayn, this is life, these are his beliefs and values.”

“But it’s killing him,” he says softly. “It’s killing him and all we can do is watch him die.”

“Imagine what Niall feels,” Harry says, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Louis melts into his body, sighing into his shirt.

“So what do we do?”

“We pick up the pieces,” Harry answers, kissing his hair. “We pick up the pieces, sweetums.”

 

>   ** _— some things are more powerful than love —_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been wondering if i have a lot of dialogue in my fic? do i? too much? just enough? not enough? [though i doubt this one =p]
> 
> hope you liked this chapter! stay tuned (& take care) for more..   
> tutu!!


	41. - ch(arry)ange my mind -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry receives an envelope from his sister, Georgia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☻

** **

> **— florence and the machine: I would give all this and heaven too —**

 

             AFTER THE BEST MORNING SEX, Harry has already showered, dressed and eaten breakfast. He covers the hot waffles and brings them up to Louis’ room and places it next to him on the bed still asleep. He goes out to collect the mail from the mail box because yes, people still send mail in this century!

He sees a pink envelope amongst other envelopes and he knows who it is from: his sister Georgia. He opens it quickly a thousand guesses about what could be inside such as drugs, USB disk containing secrets codes, or scandalous photos that could land him in jail. Or body parts. You can never know with her.

It was a short note written on the back of a wedding invitation. He skims through it and reads something about Caroline. Georgia gave Caroline an alternative to her situation in jail. Georgia promised, according to the note, that she would free Caroline by taking her with her to Brazil and let her live under a new name where she would be free. Harry smiles because for once Georgia was being nice.

He then scans down through the note and sees the condition: he has to visit his mother this Christmas or Caroline dies. He drops his other envelopes, runs to the car and drives quickly to town to meet King for their usual brunch at 11AM, tagging Nick along.

“Georgia is back,” he says breathlessly once he sees that the two of them have arrived before him.

“We’re doing great, you know,” Nick sighs, sliding his Ray Bans on top of his head.

“Can’t believe you’re actually married,” King says still in disbelief that his mate was married. Do not get him wrong, he was happy for him because he married the love of his life, he just thought Harry was too young to marry.

“He’s in love,” Nick says.

“Stop forcing it Grimmy,” Harry sighs. “I know you’re mad I got married to Louis.”

“Oh thank heaven,” Nick heaves a sigh of relief.  He swipes imaginary hair off his forehead. “Being happy for you is exhausting.”

Changing the subject, King asks, “Is Zayn okay?”

“He’s still hurting. Niall and he are completely not talking and it’s really confusing because even after fights they would still talk to each other.”

“He’s over her,” Nick says sipping some tea. “The tabloids said so.”

“I meant Niall.”

 “Yo’ ass is the tabloids, Grimmy,” King points out. “Do the tabloids know Niall is gay?”

“Nope,” Harry shakes his head. “But he’s dating Robin, isn’t he?”

“It’s not official, they’re just fucking,” Nick tells them.

“Niall’s being a douche right now,” King says.

“Robin’s the douche, he dumped Lativia after he heard Niall dumped Zayn!”

“Georgia wants to kill Caroline,” Harry says silencing them both. They gape at him, King dropping his fork to the ground.

“What do you mean ‘kill Caroline’?” Nick asks.

“She’s going to kill Caroline if I don’t see Anne,” Harry says, voice icy. He still does not acknowledge his mother as he blames her for killing his biological father, Des Styles. “I mean I was already going to go see her because Lou keeps insisting but now I actually have to go see her.”

“How did she know yo’ were goin’ anyway?” King asks.

“How didn’t she?” Nick states.

“Are yo’ actually deliberatin’ on whether yo’ should or shouldn’t go?” King asks after seeing Harry nibbling on his bottom lip, his eyebrows furrowed in the middle. Harry does not answer him and he states astonishingly, “Yo’ ain’t serious, Harry! Caroline gon’ die if yo’ don’t see yo’ mother.”

“I remember a time when you would’ve done anything for Caroline but now, now you have to think about it because you wonder what dear Louis will think of you.”

“Nick!” King hisses.

“Obviously I’m going to help her but I can’t tell Lou about Georgia,” Harry says.

“Why not?” King asks. “Don’t cha remember what she said?”

“I do, I replay that day ever single day in my mind,” he says. On one fateful day when Louis had encouraged him to see his long lost sister (she was not really lost but she did have long legs) Georgia had especially come to visit him and his older sister Gemma. Georgia had promised him, after shooting him several corners on his body, that one by one everyone he ever loved would die. He guesses that Caroline was going to be the first, unless he did something about it.

“Then you already know what you have to do,” Nick stated, with an air of finality.

“It’s Anne I’m going to be with, for Christmas and that’s too much for me,” Harry says pleadingly to them.

“It’s a few days with her and I swear, from now on until the day yo’ drop dead, you will never see that woman again,” King says to him seriously. “I swear this year will be the last yo’ will see of her and her ugly as fuck of a husband.”

 “But Lou—”

“Screw Louis,” Nick roars. “He doesn’t know the whole story between you, Anne and Robin and hence he will never know the huge sacrifice you’re doing for him.  But we do and therefore whenever he ever insists you see Anne again, we will stop him. I promise you this.”

“I do as well, bruh,” King assures him.

“Thanks guys,” Harry smiles fondly at them. “Just a few days, huh?”

“Yeah,” King says. His phone vibrates on top of the table and he swipes across on his screen and answers it. Minutes later, he tells them that that was Niall calling inquiring the whereabouts of Harry.

“Louis is worried where yo’ are. Some neighbor spotted yo’ reading your mail and later speeding off in yo’ car,” King says to Harry.

“Lemme go home,” Harry groans placing money on the table from his leather wallet. “I have to explain why I just left to Louis and I need a good lie.”

“Let’s go out tonight,” King suggests. “Like ol’ times when it was the four of us with Ed.”

“Can’t,” Harry says shaking his head. “I’m making dinner tonight.”

Nick groans sliding back on his chair. “This again.”

“Yes this again and I’m leaving.”

“But yo’ need to take yo’ mind off Caroline and Christmas with yo’ mothe—Anne,” King says, stopping himself from saying “mother” because Harry never calls Anne “mother” like normal people do.

“I need to think,” Harry stresses.

“Yo’ don’ smoke,” King reminds him. Whenever Harry was stressed he would smoke or pop pills to help calm his nerves. Or drink to the bottom of every bottle.

“Or take your colorful pills,” Nick adds.

“Or get drunk after the whole coma thing with Niall,” King continues. “So whatcha gon’ do?”

“Sex with Louis probably,” Nick says bitterly.

“Actually yes Grimmy,” Harry agrees just to irritate his friend Nick. King chuckles to himself when Nick pouts in his chair, swatting imaginary hair from his face. “Now excuse me as I tell Louis the good news that I’m going to see the horrid Anne Twist.”

Harry drives home, quiet in the car, drowning in his thoughts of his sister that he realizes he has been waiting in front of the garage for over 20 minutes. Louis knocks on his car window, scaring the living soul in him. He rolls down his window of his vintage Mercedes car and Louis leans in to plant a kiss on his lips.

“Hey,” he greets him.

“Hi,” Harry smiles up at him. “How’ve you been?”

“Worried sick about you but after Niall told me you were with King I was fine. Why were you in such a rush?”

Harry bites on the inside of his cheek, thinking of a cover up to tell Louis. He would never lie to him, no matter what but this was too big of a bitter truth to tell Louis as he would get worried for him and Harry did not want that. He wanted Louis to have the peace of mind he always deserves.

“Grimmy was worried about Niall and Robin being together,” Harry lies.

“They’re dating?” Louis asks walking towards their house door.

“Apparently,” Harry shrugs, his mind not with Louis at the moment.

“That’s so weird! I always shipped Robin and Niall, or Nobin, but I think Ziall is so much better because they’re inseparable… like you and I,” Louis rambles on.

“Lou.”

“Yeah,” he says turning around to face Harry.

“I’m going to see my moth—Anne… and would you… this Christmas… would you want to come with me?” he asks, shifting on his legs nervously and pulling down on his shirt. “If you’re not too busy—”

“Yes of course I will,” Louis beams at him, throwing himself at him. “Of course I would. Do you know how long I have wanted to hear this?”

“It wouldn’t be too much to ask?”

“No,” Louis shakes his head. “Of course not. What made you change your mind?”

“You,” he says in less than a heartbeat. Louis coos at him and tip toes to kiss Harry’s cherry lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shortest chapter in history, i know /= but it will form a big part of the ending of this fanfic.
> 
> hope you enjoyed it ♦


	42. night change(nds)s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noni interviews the boys and surprises follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ☻

_ _

> _—_ _**one direction:** it took me sometime but I figured out how to fix up a heart that i let down —_

 

                “HELLO! MY NAME IS NONI Highlights and today we’re joined in our mini studio by the very boys of One Direction!”

The boys cheer (Louis the loudest as always), all of them sitting on the red couch and the host, Noni, seating on a separate seat near Niall. The boys are on one of their countless promotions for their upcoming album and this one was their third one of the day and thankfully, the last one for the day.

“How about you introduce yourselves and say something that we don’t know about you,” Noni suggests.

“My name’s Niall Horan,” Niall starts as he was seated closest to Noni. “Something people don’t know about me is… I just had my knee surgery.”

“Oh yes, I heard something about that. How did that go?”

“It was scary at first but being surrounded by all my friends it was the best thing ever,” Niall says cheerfully. Next was Liam Payne.

“My name is Liam Payne and I… ah, I don’t know what to say,” Liam says, laughing. “What don’t people know about me?”

“You have a birthmark on your neck,” Louis shouts but the interview says that everyone knows that. “He used to have a Kraken Fish.”

“Oh yes I did. I owned one out of the ten rare Kraken Fish but I gave to my brother Nialler,” Liam says half hugging Niall.

“I’m Zayn Malik and I don’t know how to drive,” says Zayn cheekily. “Even until now, years later, I still cannot drive.”

“He has a fear of taxis,” Liam adds.

“How do you get around then?” asks Noni. They all say “taxi” at once and burst into laughter. “Is this true?”

Zayn sheepishly nods. “It is. I think it might be an irrational phobia.” At the end of the couch is Louis who is sitting on Harry’s lap.

“Louis Tomlinson and one thing people don’t know about me is that I, just like Liam, auditioned for the X Factor in 2009. Sadly I wasn’t chosen.”

“I’m, um, Harry Styles and I’m married, um, happily to the love of my life,” Harry says and everyone coos at the sight of him kissing Louis’ pink cheeks.

“That’s beautiful,” says Noni. “Honestly. I think everyone is Larry as hell!”

“They better be,” comments Louis haughtily.

“So your album is coming out next year, how excited are you?” asks Noni.

Liam speaks up first, enthusiastically. “We’re very excited for the album. We worked really hard on it and we’re buzzing over the fans hearing our single, _Act My Age_.”

“It came out yesterday, didn’t it?” the interviewer asks and the boys all nod. “Who came up with the song?” The boys all face Niall. “You did?”

“Yeah I did. It was more of a laugh between my brother and I. I wanted to have a song that reminded me of Ireland and it was the best mix,” says Niall. The fans, and the world, still do not know the truth about Niall’s nationality and he was, to their eyes, Irish.

“And the fans love it,” Harry adds. “So it all worked out.”

“What is the next single if I may add?” asks Noni to Zayn. “I was informed that I was told it was okay to tell all of us.”

“Our next single is _Night Changes_ and the vid’ is comin’ out this Saturday. Ben Winston directed it and he was very charmin’ with it,” he answers.

“And the moment everyone has been waiting for: the Larry wedding! How did it happen?”

Larry gaze into each other’s eyes, giggling between themselves. Harry speaks up, love in his voice. “We got married in, um, November and it was beautiful. I could not have picked anyone else to,” he gazes at his husband, “grow old with.”

“That’s beautiful, Harry,” Noni glees. Louis places his lips to Harry’s heart-shaped one’s ever so gently. “But the fans want to know, who proposed to who?”

“Harry proposed to Louis,” Liam answers.

“Shh,” Louis hushes Liam. “Harold was speaking.”

“I did,” Harry states. “We were in a jewel shop in Dubai and I spotted a ring in the same exact color as Louis’ eyes and I could not think of a better moment to propose.”

“And I wear my engagement ring around my neck,” Louis says. He pulls the silver necklace around his neck to show Noni the gold ring filled with light blue gems around it.

“And you took his name as well?” she asks Harry.

“Yes, yes I did.”

“And I hear Liam’s relationship is flourishing with Tyra Banks,” Noni guesses. “Is this true?”

“Yes it is,” Liam gushes excitedly. “She is here with us by the way.”

“Oh, is she?”

“In the back, yeah. I met her on my way to the bathroom and when I saw her walking towards me down the hallway I was mesmerized by her weave. It was wavy, powerful and exotic… so exotic that I accidentally entered the Ladies.”

“No way!”

“Way,” Zayn chuckles. “I was walkin’ behind him that day and I had to pull him out before he completely entered the Ladies. That’s when Tyra approached us and…”

Liam finishes: “And the rest is history.”

“And what about you Zayn, are the rumors about your engagement true?” she asks.

“Yes, they are,” he says. “We ended our engagement two weeks ago.”

“You must be devastated,” she states.

“Well o’ course I am cause she was the best thing I ever had and goin’ through break ups is never easy. And I’m pretty sure it’s not easy for either of us.”

“They say alcohol and one night stand solves everything, have you tried any?” she jokes and Niall and Harry openly frown at her.

Zayn smiles at her though it does not reach his eyes and it looks tight. “In Vegas when Perrie and I ended our relationship, I went out with Niall, Tyra and Liam so yeah, I guess it solved it a bit.”

“Do you think you’ll ever find someone like her?”

Zayn opens his mouth and slowly closes it. “I already did.” He bites on his bottom lip hard. “I did.”

“And what about you, Niall? Any girls by your side?” she asks. The fans do not know that Niall is gay. He is not in the closet per se, but Modest! thinks it would be better for One Direction’s image if the rest of the boys appeared straight after Larry got married… _out of the blue_ , they said. Modest! is still angry with Larry for getting married without consulting them to which Louis snapped at them that he was not marrying _them_.

“I’m single,” he says.

“Anybody you fancy?”

“There is somebody but I don’t think they like me back,” he says dejectedly.

“I’m sure she loves you, who wouldn’t love you?” she urges and Niall giggles a little. “I’m pretty sure she gave you signals that she likes you, didn’t she?”

“She did,” Louis comments before Niall. “This girl has constantly been telling Niall that she loves him but he is too scared to make a move.”

“Why?” asks Noni.

“It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” Louis asks rhetorically. Harry squeezes his waist a little tight, telling him to not push it.

“Now to get a little serious, Harry,” she begins, “a few years back you ran away from the band, from London, from everything and started travelling the world? Why was that?”

“Seems like ages ago! Everything was becoming, um, too much then and I just needed to breathe. I wanted things to stop for a moment and I couldn’t do that because that would mean One Direction dying. My therapist gave me the idea that I should just take a break and that’s what I did. I emailed, um, Simon my resignation letter, which he replied within seconds stating that we needed to talk and I told him there was nothing to, um, talk about.”

“And then you came out?”

“Oh yes, the Youtube video,” he says, almost forgetting that day. But how could he, when he was a nervous wreck? “For a long time, um, I had this feeling that the life I was living wasn’t mine. I didn’t feel like I, um, had control over it, I was not being myself and most importantly I was making bad choices and, um, not ending up happy. The lads here were happy and I thought to myself, why can’t I too?”

“What inspired such?” she asks.

“It was one of those, um, questions you ask yourself at 2AM, sitting by the window and I saw a bird perched on tree. So for, um, several nights later, I would see the same bird flying out but always coming back and I wondered why birds, um,  stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on this beautiful Earth?”

“Because of the seasons?” Liam asks in a statement.

“No Liam,” Harry huffs, rolling his eyes. “Then I asked myself the same question, why was I still stuck here, not being happy and all?”

“So what did you do?” Noni asks.

“So I got my, um, friend Tristan and a camera and went to some park and came out. I knew what the stakes were for the band but, um, I had quit so I, um, thought it would be fine,” he narrates. He slightly chuckles to himself, shaking his head at how naïve he was back then. He actually thought that running away would solve his problems!

“But wasn’t it?” Noni wonders. “You came out of the closet, Louis gave you a hearty kiss at the airport, your fan base grew even bigger and you have the full support of the LGBTQ+ community!”

“That’s huge,” Liam wows. “That’s very big, Harry.”

“I guess,” Harry shrugs.

“And Louis, the Elounor fan base wants to know how she is getting along?”

“She is great,” Louis responds. “She’s finishing uni next year July and I couldn’t be any more proud of her with where she is at now.”

“And she got a new swanky boyfriend, am I right?”

“Yes, Justin!”

“Justin?” Niall asks and Noni asks who _exactly_ Justin is.

“Justin Bieber.”

“How did she get with Justin Bieber?” Niall chides. Louis rolls his eyes at him and Niall slides down the couch pouting.

“That’s quite neat, innit?” Liam questions and Noni agrees.

“It is,” she agrees. “I’m guessing Jelena is over now. Now it’s Jeleanor.” Louis laughs at their ship name and the boys all join in as well.

“Zayn’s been quiet, ask him a few questions,” Harry encourages.

“Of course, I was just about too. So Zayn, you’re a Christian, am I right?” He nods at her direction. “And do you find it hard sometimes to be a Christian being in a band and all?”

“Yes,” he replies. “It is quite difficult because there are so many temptations—” Niall coughs, interrupting Zayn. Zayn leans forward to look at him and Noni darts her eyes between flustered Niall and pink cheeked Zayn. Her eyes dart then to Liam and Larry seeking answers about what just happened but they all avoid her gaze.

Zayn continues. “But there is no perfect Christian, even Jesus himself was tempted by the Devil. Currently, I am preparing myself for Advent and the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.”

“What are some of the temptations you have gone through?” she asks. “Maybe you can tell us a few for your Christian fans.”

He nibbles on his lip hard, his chest moving up and down fast. “There’re so many temptations that I can’t name even one.”

“That’s quite true,” Liam adds.

“Very accurate, Liam,” Louis nods.

“Okay… no problem. Let’s move on. Your break up with Perrie… so brutal, very heartbreaking for all of us. We were all excited for the wedding and now there’ll be none.”

“Yeah…”

“What about her tattoo?” Noni asks.

“I’ll tattoo something over it very soon,” he says. “I mean, I have to in order to get over her I should remove everything that reminds me of her. She’s always on my mind, everything I do or see reminds me of her. Sometimes it feels like I’m missing something when she’s not around and to say this was once the most amazing experience would be comical because now it’s the worst.”

“I’m so sorry, Zayn. I’m sure she wants the best for you.”

“She made me promise that I should eventually learn to let her go but I still haven’t. I mean I will because I’ll meet another amazing person but in the meantime, I still feel her everywhere.”

“You are ama _zayn,_ Zayn,” Liam teases and Zayn rolls his eyes at him.

“She was the luckiest woman in the world,” Louis comments. Noni asks him how. “Because when Zayn loves, he loves you with his all. He wears his heart on his sleeve, just like sweet cheeks here.”

 “Now I’m about to cry,” Noni gushes, dapping the bottom of her eyes with her nails. “You could’ve worked it out?”

“I tried, I really tried. But she wouldn’t let me.”

“How come?”

“Because she knows, she just knows what will happen if she pushes me to love her completely.”

“What does that mean?” Noni asks. The boys knew what he meant. Louis slightly hit Harry’s chest, his eyes bulging out of his sockets when he realizes that this entire time Zayn was not talking about Perrie, but Niall. Liam turns to Niall seating besides him and the boy looks as if he wants to apologize to Zayn for all the wrong and hurt he has ever caused him.

But he could not. Not on live television where thousands of fans and Management were all watching.

“It means that even if I am ready to fall in love, which I am, she will always be the wrong person, whether in 10 years, when I’m 49 or if we’re both 78 and rocking on our chairs on the porch, she will still be the wrong person.” And silently he adds, “But she will be the person I’ll never stop looking for in a crowded place.”

“Perrie ruined you,” Noni comments and Louis shakes his head. Liam however opens his mouth to speak but Harry talks first.

“Perrie made him, um, better, way better than he was before.”

“But he is hurting!”

The live interview with Noni Highlights is starting to feel like a therapy session for the fans watching on Youtube. Zayn looks like he is about to drop to his knees, bring them to his chest and cry into them. Louis is shaking with anger at Niall for not having spoken one word to Zayn in the duration of the live interview, Liam has his arm around Niall’s shoulder seeing that the pain in his eyes and Harry so badly wanted the interview to be finished. Or to change the subject.

And the fans? They sent countless condolences to Zayn and on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr was hate to Perrie for hurting Zayn this bad… _if only they knew._

“He’ll be fine,” Louis insists, seething through his teeth. Harry twists his arm around Louis’ middle calming his temperatures down. His gaze his dead set on Niall, hoping that the angry, censored words screaming in his head can somehow float midair and enter Niall’s head.

“Okay, maybe we should move on,” Noni says, pinning her earpiece further into her ear. “Niall,” she says loudly. “Oh yes, Niall since you are the single one here today for quite some time, what would you most regret not having told someone if you suddenly died?”

“What a question,” Liam wonders.

“Fan questions,” she shrugs.

“I would regret not saying I love you earlier to that girl,” he answers.

“Do you still talk to this girl?” Noni asks.

“Yeah, from time to time but not anymore.”

“Why? She sounds lovely.”

Niall smiles widely, as he replies, “She is lovely. But at some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone that the only next possible step to do is to stop.”

“Stop?”

“Leave them alone.”

“So you just give up?” Louis asks angrily.

“It’s not like I’m giving up!”

“Then what is it?” Noni asks.

“It’s just that you have to draw a line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.”

“But I’m worried about her,” Zayn speaks up before Noni or Louis taunt Niall again. “I worry that she will hurt herself because of what we are.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know her more than I more than I know myself,” he answers quietly. Niall bites down on his lip, a pool of tears forming in orbs. “I fear… I fear that she may one day decide that all of this was never worth it; that she will wake up one morning and decide to sleep forever.”

Liam twists his head so quickly to Niall that it slightly cracks. He sees it on his face that Zayn is speaking the truth. How could he not see it? How could he not see that Niall would actually kill himself because of what happened between him and Zayn? But most importantly because he would never be able to have Zayn in his life and therefore, what was the point of living, even if you had everything, you could not touch the one thing your soul wanted most?

“Like for an entire month?” asks Noni, oblivious to what is happening between the boys and the fans as well. See the fans are fangirling more over Larry being married, and Louis sitting on Harry’s laps, his hands around his waist… all very cute and who wanted to hear about Perrie when _that_ was going on?

“For months on end,” he replies.

“But people move on, a little party, alcohol here and there and staying in bed is what we need to get over a break up.”

“You don’t fucking get it,” Zayn snaps, taking everyone aback. “I did the best I could in loving her but that still wasn’t enough.” He stands up from the couch and yells, yells with his mouth wide open, his hands flipping in the air because this was the moment he was waiting for; the truth.

But, most importantly, for Niall to _see_ him.

“With her, I was both sad and happy and I don’t even know how that could be because you’re meant to be happy. Being with her was warm and cold at the same fucking time but she kept me warm. Day in, day out. Even on the days I didn’t want to smile, she was there. I may not have been there in the beginning, certainly not in the end but in the chapters of her life I hope she has the biggest beam of sunshine on her face when she flips the pages I was a part of.”

Tears are trailing down his cheeks and onto the floor, he did not care saliva spitting out of his mouth and onto the floor (and on Liam as well) nor the snot trickling down his nostrils and into this mouth but he kept going because, finally, Niall could notice him after so long. He could see him for what he really was.

“I was the one who heard her silent screams when she broke up with the love of her life, I held her hand through the storms and fucking fires. I saw the pain she went though and I saw the point she was giving up. I saw it before she hurt herself forever. I saved her and… and after all this, it still wasn’t enough. He fell in love with a daisy when he could’ve had a rose.”

And there was silence.

Pin. Drop. Silence.

Did Zayn just say _he_?

And more silence.

“You said he…” Noni utters. Liam, Larry and Niall’s eyes are glued on Zayn, Noni’s mouth hanging from her jaw. Modest! and the others backstage gawk at the monitor before them, the camera men replaying what they have just recorded and the fans screaming, panicking, shrilling at the word Zayn has just uttered.

 _He_.

Who was ‘he’? Was Zayn gay? Who was he? Was Zerrie even real? OMG ! THERE IS ANOTHER LARRY!!

“No I didn’t,” he barely whispers, his feet glued to the floor and his sound of his heart beating ringing in his ears.

“Yes, you did. You said, ‘She fell in love with a daisy when _he_ could’ve had a rose,’” she repeats slowly. Her director is talking quickly in her ear piece, fans are typing gibberish on their statuses, comment boxes, and whatnot, and the boys still gawking at Zayn.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No… I didn’t,” he lies again. He does not know why but he fleetingly remembers Simon-Peter from the Bible. Jesus predicted that he would be asked if he knew Him and three times, Simon-Peter would deny that he did not know Jesus. Just like he denied Niall right now. He re-tracks his comment and says, confidently, “I did.”

“You’re gay?” Noni gushes surprisingly. She yanks out her ear piece which is desperately commanding her to end the show.

“Zayn,” Louis calls him. “Don’t!”

He ignores their pleas and softly says, “And I’d still choose you if I had to do it again.” His gaze rises slowly and stops on Niall, who is gazing back at him. Noni follows Zayn’s gaze to Niall and slowly realization hits her.

“Niall!?” she questions. “Is Niall the guy?” She quickly darts her head between Zayn and Niall.  “Is Niall the one your heart followed?... Niall is gay too?”

“Just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I will ever won’t stop loving you,” he says, a small, sad smile on his face. “I love you, Ni.”

Niall begins to walk towards Zayn slowly…

“Stop!”

…but his trance is stopped when Modest! yanks Zayn away out of the blue and drags him out of the studio, the Youtube live stream turning blank on everyone’s screen worldwide. Niall runs after Zayn but is held down by Paul and Steven, their bodyguards. He shouts for Zayn’s name but he cannot respond, Modest! having shut the door and Zayn is no more.

“Zayn,” Niall quietly cries.

“You deserve this!” Louis yells at him. “You deserve everything that is coming for you.”

“Louis!” Harry hisses at him.

“It’s true, look what he has done for you. He’s risked a lot doing this and you made him—”

“Louis, shut the fuck up,” Liam growls. “You have no right.”

“I do!”

“You don’t,” Harry shouts at his boyfriend. “Not at this point you don’t. That was uncalled for.”

“But,” Louis weakly says. “He…”

“No!” Liam stops him and he turns back to Niall who was openly crying. He kneels before him, his hand rubbing his back. “Are you okay Niall?”

Niall is weeping and howling on the floor to even respond to Liam. Harry flipped Louis over his shoulder and walked off with him somewhere.

In another room, Modest! is lecturing Zayn on what he had just done. They tell him that his role in One Direction is going to be severely limited and punished but he did not care. He had to know for sure that Niall still loves him. He had been scared that, despite Niall being cold to him for several weeks now, Niall did not love him but he did.

“How could you be gay?” Mark asks him, their PR manager. “You’re a Christian.”

“I told you letting Harry come out was a mistake, it’s making everybody in this band be gay,” Jill adds, tapping her phone rapidly, doing damage control. “Even Zayn has been turned by those faggots.”

“From now on Zayn you will never speak,” Mark warns. “Never,” he yells to his face, “do you hear me?”

Zayn does not answer but glares at him.

“Do you hear me?” he growls at him, his garlic breath hitting Zayn’s face.

“Whatever you say,” he says. He walks up real close to Mark and adds cockily, “Your Majesty.”

“You think this is funny?” Jill shrieks. “Let’s see who will have the last laugh….”

See, it is not their fault, for as long as they will come to remember, that Zayn had hardened his heart and soul and he would become to be known as the most cold-hearted, unrepentant and nonchalant member of One Direction, perhaps as well to everyone who will come cross his path. But it had been Zayn’s way of protecting himself from the pain and hurt, unknown to him, he was walking through Hell and he would forever keep walking.

“We will see,” he bitterly says, his eyes dead and gone. He opens the door heading to the car and repeats, turns back to the men and women in the room, sending shivers down Modest!’s spines, “We will see.”

— **it didn’t matter how cold you were; the fact is, you still burned me** —

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fans face* DRAMA DRAM DRAMA!! so now people know that zayn and niall are a thing ? and even modest! too ? O= oh oh oh what's going to happen now? to larry ? ziall ? liam too ? the fandom ?!
> 
> stay tuned and thank you for reading ☻


	43. - holes(cape) -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friction grows between the boys.

> **_— one direction: but I’m not done yet falling for your fool’s gold —_ **

**_ _ **

ZAYN’S ROUTINE, PRETTY MUCH EVER since the live interview with Noni, involves him staying up all night partying, making midnight memories with Miley Cyrus and creating spaces between him and the four boys in the world’s biggest boyband. He would wake up late in the afternoon, munch on something small under the watchful eye of either Harry or Louis, depending who was at home at that time, and going out at 10PM with Miley only to return in the morning at around 8AM and sleep through the day.

Zayn visibly has grown thinner, his bones definite underneath his darker skin. He is sporting more tattoos that he now two sleeves, instead of one. His upper chest is covered in all sorts of funny tattoos, most of them skulls and chocolate bars, yes, _chocolate bars_. He recently got a double tongue ring, another eyebrow piercing near the other one he previously had, and a lip ring. Not forgetting his hair which is now a sunny yellow with his sides and back shaved.

He does not talk much anymore and has pretty much avoided anyone makes him _talk_ about why he was _not_ talking. This is why every night he heads out into the London nights, partying all night with Miley, not caring about his life, the random fights he got into and most certainly, his health.

The boys have organized an intervention and they are all ready for Zayn when he walks down the stairs on a Tuesday late afternoon from his usual deep slumber.

“Zayn,” Liam says. “Please sit.”

He turns to look at the four of them and continues walking into the kitchen. They follow him like little lost puppies.

“This is an intervention, Zayn. You’ve got to stop what you’re doing because you’re self-destructing. We understand why, but please don’t hurt yourself,” Niall says, searching his eyes. Zayn looks at them non-responsive. He sits himself on top on the marble countertop, and munches on a cereal bar.

Louis steps forward. “Modest! may have told you not to speak ever again but not with us, Zayzay. With us you can say anything you like. Whatever you want to say, no matter how dumb it is.”

“We’re just worried about you,” Harry says softly. “You’ve been drinking and smoking weed 24/7, which you never did before, and while weed isn’t bad for you, moderation is key. The bruises on your body aren’t healing properly and you get new ones every other night.”

“They don’t hurt.” Zayn speaks for the first time and they boys smile at him because he has _said something_.

“They must hurt,” Liam insists, his voice laced with concern. “Some of them are still red. You should go see a doctor.”

“I said they don’t hurt,” Zayn seethes through his teeth.

“No, no, no, _no_!” Louis stomps to where Zayn is seated, and profusely shouts, “We can’t keep on being nice to you. You’re hurting, Zayn, and you keep up this tough guy, bad boy front for everyone but we can see through it. We know you’re upset by what Modest! did and we’ve been talking to them to be lenient on you, but you don’t even seem to care. You think getting lots of tats and partying all night with Miley will help? It won’t help shit.”

“You don’t know my life Louis,” he says in a monotone. His fingers dig into the box of cereal bars, helping himself to a second one. “And you’re boring me.”

“Boring you?” he scoffs at him, his voice fast and heavy. “I’m _boring you_? You’re boring me with what you’re doing.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Then don’t bother.”

Harry, Niall and Liam dart their eyes between Louis and Zayn, the three of them tight lipped for the moment.

“I can’t because I care. I care what happens to you even though you obviously don’t care if I get crashed by a car right this minute.” Zayn nibbles on his bottom lip, twisting his lip ring around. “You really don’t care if I die tonight?”

“I already did,” he answers.

“Don’t say stuff like that Zayn,” Niall says worriedly. “It scares us.” He secretly means himself.

“Then don’t listen to me.”

“I want to,” Niall says, tears pooling around his eyes. Now it is Harry, a fuming Louis and an anxious Liam looking between Niall who is standing by Zayn’s knees.

He replies indifferently, “Don’t.”

“You can be rude to me, Harry and Liam,” says Louis strongly, “but not to Niall. Never Niall. The one person in this room who loves you unconditionally.”

“Loved.”

“I still love you,” Niall says pleadingly. Zayn holds his gaze, brown eyes holding blue eyes, and Zayn ducks his head, looking away.

“You don’t even care about him, do you? You can’t throw him out just because you’re a Christian and you don’t believe in gay people being together. You once loved him, you were once like us and just because you can’t come to terms with that, don’t take it out on him.”

“Then on you,” he says. He speedily steps off the counter and his hands ring around Louis’ neck, Liam, Niall and Harry shaken to the bone. Louis chokes and gags, his hands slapping Zayn’s wrists away. Harry tries to pull Zayn’s arm from his husband’s neck but the grip is too tight.

“He can’t breathe, Zayn!” Liam gushes.

“Let him go, Zayn,” Niall pleads.

“Louis, breathe,” Harry commands him but Louis continues gagging.  Louis’ eyes roll to the back of his head, his face as white as snow. “Fucking let him go!”

Harry takes one blow with his knuckles to Zayn’s cheekbone and he falls to the ground with a thud. Harry holds Louis’ body in his arms as the boy wheezes, trying to catch his breath.

Zayn winces in pain when he touches his cheek, blood stains on his pearly white teeth. Louis, having caught his breath, angrily shouts at Zayn, calling him a cold-hearted bastard and Harry and Liam have to hold him back from going after the unfazed lad.  Zayn looks at Louis indifferently.

“What was that about?” Liam demands Zayn.

“He made me,” he answers, nonchalantly.

“You almost killed him,” Harry yells.

Zayn sighs. “He wouldn’t have died.”

“Yeah, because you care if he lives or not, stupid fuck,” Harry shouts sarcastically.

“Zayn look at me,” Niall asks softly and he smiles when he does. Niall knows somewhere underneath all the piercings, hair dye and tattoos, his divine munchkin is still there. “I know you took the fall for me with Modest!. I know you did all this for me, but please don’t hurt yourself or others, but me alone. Just me is all I ask.”

“Don’t listen to, Niall, he’s deluded,” Liam cuts in. “Don’t hurt anybody!”

“Payno, shut up!” Niall snarls and then turns back to Zayn, one arm around the back of Zayn’s neck and the other on his arm. He sees Zayn wincing a little and he cannot help but want to kiss all the bruises all over his body to take away the pain.

“I would never hurt you,” Zayn says to him, softly, that he is the only one who can hear.

“When you hurt yourself, you hurt me too.”

“Then get over it.” Zayn ducks his head, his forehead barely touching his shoulder.

“I won’t,” Niall pesters. He grabs the hairs on the back of Zayn’s head brings Zayn’s lips to brush softly with his. His lips twitch with excitement when the cold touch of the lip ring feather his rosy lips.

“You’re hurting my waist,” Zayn mumbles against his lips.

“I’m sorry,” Niall apologizes bringing his hand to palm Zayn’s cheek. He closes his lips with Zayn’s lips and he cannot help but feel explosions deep in the pits of his stomach and heart. How he missed those lips! Those cherry lips that feel so good with his own.

He fists Zayn’s hair in his own fingers as Zayn tugs down on his bottom lip, pulling it roughly. Niall’s mind screams in turdy- seven languages when Zayn lets him kiss his bottom lip, tasting the metal silver in the kiss and _it’s so good_ he does it over, and over, and over again.

“We can’t,” Zayn mumbles against his lips. “ _You_ can’t.”

“Yes, I can,” Niall encourages turning his head to the left to get more access to Zayn’s delicious lips. “I love you.” Swiftly, Zayn grabs Niall’s fingers and spins his body around in the kitchen and pins him to the wall. A soft scream flows between his lips when Zayn grinds his thigh on his crotch.

“I said we can’t,” Zayn repeats. He walks out of the kitchen without a second glance leaving Niall flustered on the wall. He is reminded that he had had an audience and there is a playful smirk on Liam’s lips, a puzzled look on Harry’s and—

“He’s fucking crazy!” Louis shouts angrily.

“Are you okay, Lou?” Harry asks him worriedly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks for rescuing me,” says Louis gratefully.

“Where do you think he went?” Liam asks to which Louis angrily says he does not care what happens to Zayn from now on. He has stopped caring for his whereabouts and Niall interrupts saying he has not and is terribly worried.

“I’m going to find him,” he says wisely. Liam volunteers to come with him, only because he does not trust Zayn alone _with Niall_. He could choke him for all he knows!

Two, three hours later, and many texts to Miley, they find Zayn in a shady, dingy club in London which is known for high-end criminals, strippers, ex-convicts, and gang members. Basically, society’s rejects. Niam sit at the bar, near the bathrooms, where they could take a good look at Zayn… and whoever that girl is that is hovering around him. She is wearing a short, cheetah dress with brown boots and a huge, silver skull pin tying her purple hair up.

“She looks so ratchet,” Niall mumbles to Liam.

“Yeah, whisper so that Zayn can’t hear you,” Liam says, rolling his eyes.

“Anything, lads?” the bartender asks them. To be honest, it did not look like they serve drinks at the bar as all the drinks are black.

“We’ll have what he’s having,” Liam says, pointing to the big guy with the gun and knife tattoo around his neck.

“Coming up.”

“What have you ordered?” Niall asks.

“I don’t know, but we’re trying to fit in, not stand out,” Liam reasoned. “And us being here doesn’t exactly look it. We’re like a couple of ducks in a jungle.”

The bartender slides their drinks down the bar and Niall drowns the drink. He makes a disgusted face and spits it back into the glass.

“Not good?” Liam asks, chuckling at him.

“It’s so… slimy,” Niall scowls, fanning his tongue. “I’ll never get the taste out of my mouth!”

“What does it taste like?”

“Armpits!” Niall cries. He throws in five pellets of mint gum into his mouth. “So gross!”

“Lighter?” Liam and Niall almost jump out of their seats when the gun-and-knife-tattooed man approaches them.

Niall shakes his head. “No.”

“Are you sure?” he asks again leaning close to Liam’s scared face.

“Yes, Sir,” Liam timidly says. Niall pulls Liam’s arm away from the lad and they walk into a random door where, earlier, Zayn had been led by a crowd of scary looking men with colored bandanas around their foreheads and leather jackets on their arms.

“Where are we going?” Liam asks-whispers to Niall as they walk down a stone-walled alley.

“Following Zayn.”

“Are you sure he went this way?” Liam asks. They pass a man with a shiny head in a black vest who stares at them as they walk by.

. “I’m pretty sure the guy at the bar is going to tail us.”

“Why?”

“We look so out of place,” Liam whisper-shrieks. “We look like white boys hanging out with the cool kids for street cred.”

“We are white boys.”

“You’re sort of black,” Liam points out on account of Niall being half-South African.

“Yeah on the inside but outside I’m white—Shhh did you hear that?”

“Gunshots, Niall. Gunshots!” Liam panics and they run towards the sound of the gun shots.

“You scream like a girl!” Niall hisses.

“Fuck you,” Liam curses. They hide behind a pathway when the door, in which Zayn disappeared into, opens. Out come several gang members and two women in fishnet stockings. “Who are those guys?”

“Where is Zayn?” Niall asks watching the backs of the gang members. The girl Zayn was with in the club earlier is suddenly dragged out, blood trailing after her feet. “Oh fuck.”

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh hell shits!” Liam mumbles panicking. “She’s dead, she’s fucking dead!”

“Shhh they can hear us, dumbo,” Niall shuts him up. “Look, it’s Zayn!”

Zayn is pinned to the wall by one of the gang members and Niall notices blood trailing down from his hair across his face and his jeans look ashy and ripped, not in a fashion way. The unknown man whispers something to Zayn who acts nonchalant towards him.

“Zayn, run!” Liam pleads from where they both of them are hiding. The gang member, holding Zayn against the wall, spits on his face and removes the gun from his pocket and pins it to Zayn’s forehead. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, _oh shit!_ ”

“He’s going to be killed,” Niall shrills and Liam covers Niall’s mouth his palm. Thankfully, the gang member with the gun does not hear Niall, nor the other gang members, and he continues talking to Zayn about something. His fist collides with Zayn’s face sending his body to the dusty, cement ground. He picks Zayn up and swings him round, throwing his entire body hard against the wall.

“Oh fuck,” Liam curses watching in anguish. “He’s dying.”

“We have to do something,” Niall says.

“We can’t,” Liam says. Zayn’s body hits the wall again, and again. He picks him off the wall, Zayn dripping blood and saliva from his mouth. His chest is pinned to the wall, his arm twisted to rotate to his back.

“We should do something,” Niall insists.

“We move and we put him in danger,” reasons Liam. Zayn is turned around and a loud crack echoes down the stone-walled corridor. “Was that his arm breaking?”

“I don’t know,” Niall mutters. His head feels hazy, thoughts swimming in his head but most urgently is the fact that he is panicking and his entire body is screaming at him to run, run towards Zayn and free him. He watches, in pain, Zayn’s broken arm being pulled upwards as the bad guy’s foot is twisting down on Zayn’s shoulder. “Let him go please, let him go.”

Miraculously, the scary, big man stops torturing Zayn’s arm when Miley walks in on both of them. She shouts at him and he leaves Zayn alone, leaving them both alone. Niall and Liam slowly crawl closer to hear what Miley is saying to Zayn.

“…do you know he could’ve killed you like he shot Michelle,” Miley says to him angrily. “You could’ve fucking died if I didn’t save you. Why was he beating you up?”

Zayn pushes himself up against the wall, holding his arm with his other hand. “Didn’t pay him.”

“For the drugs?”

“For the oranges… what do you think?”

His speech is strained, Niall notices and each word that Zayn utters looks as painful as his swinging arm.

“You’re an idiot! You don’t buy from him, you buy from Fulhensio,” Miley reprimands him. “What would’ve happened if you died? What if he shot you because of the money? What would I tell your band mates?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Fuck, what am I going to do with you?”

“Leave me alone,” Zayn grunts. “You won’t be the first.”

“Why didn’t you pay for the drugs anyhow? I thought you were some rich guy in a boyband.”

“Modest! froze my accounts,” he explains. “So technically, I have no money. No friends. No family. I have nothing.”

Miley sighs, lighting up a blunt. She puffs twice and passes to Zayn. “You need to get your life in control. This isn’t the way to live. I’ll pay for your drugs.”

“Don’t,” he says, smoke blowing through his nostrils. “I’ll find a way.”

“I already paid, anyway. Plus, I can’t let you have more broken bones and bruises. What would Niall think?”

Zayn mumbles a thank you to her. He pushes himself against the wall, attempting to stand up. “Fuck, my arm hurts.”

“You’re lucky it’s not broken,” Miley says as she walks down the hallway and Zayn limping behind.   


* * *

 

Zayn flutters his eyes open, feeling a pair of eyes watching him. He murmurs _go away_ to whoever it may be but there is no sound coming from his lips. He opens his eyes a second time to see Liam sitting on the bed besides him.

“Where’s Miley?” is the first thing he asks.

“Afternoon to you, too,” Liam answers back.

“Where’s Miley?”

“Out, said she’ll come back to check on you at night,” Liam promptly replies.

He watches Zayn shut his eyes again and open his mouth slightly to breath. He had been studying him for up to two hours, watching him sleep and noticing how he only slept on his left side alone. He knows that his right arm still hurts from the fight a couple of days ago and Zayn’s acting too much of a stubborn git to go to the hospital.

So, he had called a doctor earlier who examined Zayn’s arm while he was asleep and told Liam that he had multiple fractures on his arm. Liam had told him that Zayn had not complained and had been taking painkillers to numb the pain. The doctor looked at him skeptically, and told him firmly that even with painkillers, Zayn could not handle that much pain.

“Have you showered since last night?” Liam asks. Zayn opens his eyes, frowning up at Liam.

“If I smell then leave the room.”

“You have blood stains on your forehead. Plus your yellow hair has dried blood in it.”

Zayn flips the bed covers, swings his feet off the bed and gets up, holding his arm as a sharp pain sweeps up and down his right arm, like an eel in his veins. He looks for the painkillers by his bedside table and swallows two without water.

“Are you okay?” Liam asks, worriedly watching Zayn’s eyes tightly shut and his hand fisting the bedsheets.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your arm looks broken.”

“It’s fine,” he hisses as he stands up from the bed and immediately clutches his elbow.

“It looks like it’s hanging from your body,” Liam insists.

“I said it’s fine Liam or do you want me to show you how fine it is,” he threatens then bites down on his bottom lip from grunting loudly in pain and giving Liam the satisfaction.

“Unlike Louis, I actually go to the gym and I box so you won’t hurt me,” Liam says, crossing his arms to his chest.

“Are you sure?” Zayn sneers. He struggles removing his shirt with just one arm, Liam’s eyes fixed on Zayn. He manages, painfully slow, with Liam’s eyes following his miniscule movements, he knows.

“Stop asking for a fight, I’m not those guys who beat you up in the clubs you go to.”

“You don’t know what happens,” Zayn says quietly. _I do_ , Liam says to himself. _I know what happens at the clubs, Zayn! You get beaten up so bad you could die._

“I can guess since you came with blood and bruises all over your body last night,” Liam says instead. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Don’t bother trying to figure out.”

“What are you doing?” Liam asks after watching Zayn look for something on the table near where he is standing for a minute or two.

“None of your business,” he mutters rummaging through the drawers.

“I can help you look.”

“No.”

“You have a broken arm—”

“I don’t have a broken arm,” Zayn mutters after smashing his fist with Liam’s jaw with his ‘broken’ arm.

“Zayn, what the hell!”

Louis barges into the room after hearing shouts from upstairs.

“You’re fucking crazy,” Liam says, his mouth covering his jaw. “You broke my jaw!”

“You’re fucking pussy is what you are. Claiming you can fight when you really can’t,” Zayn scorns.

“You don’t just pick fights with anyone,” Louis shouts at him.

“I’m going to clean myself off,” Liam says walking out the room.

“I can, and I will, with whoever I want to.”

“No, you won’t. You need to style up, Zayn.”

“I remember ringing my arms around your neck some days ago, I can easily do it again,” Zayn smirks. Louis’ mouth turns fowl and his knuckles turning white. “C’mon Louis, you know you’ve wanted to hit me that day but not having enough air in your lungs does make you weak. Like you are anyway.” Zayn tugs his chin up, haughtily. “I bet you can’t even fight. You call Harry to do everything for you; to defend you, to get you out of situation you can’t get yourself out of and best of all, you’re a bottom. You’ve always have been and always will.”

He approaches Louis and leans in to his ear and whispers, “You and Harry aren’t meant to be together and you know it. Every day you look in the mirror and wonder if he had the chance, would he choose me again? Would Harry marry me if he was given another chance at marriage?” Zayn pulls back, facing Louis eye-to-eye. “You know what I think. He wouldn’t because he doesn’t marry fat, insecure weaklings like you… but real men. Men who can fight.”

“Big talk for a guy with a black eye with yellow hair,” Louis says.

“What if it was Harry I chocked?” Zayn asks and Louis tenses his jaw. “I bet that would be sweet. He’s not as tough as he looks. He’s all daisies and rainbows and pretends to be tough for you but really, we both know he’s just a little boy. He’s not fit to be called a man. Does he still suck his thumb when he sleeps?” Zayn chuckles. “Fucking baby is what he is.”

Louis brings his knuckles to Zayn’s stomach with all his might, his head falling forward. Louis takes the shot of striking his jaw, saliva spewing out of Zayn’s mouth.

“You hit like a nine year old girl,” Zayn snickers.

Louis sees red and yanks his shirt dragging him to the wall, bashing his head against the glass painting. He then drops Zayn’s body against the edge of the bed, where his back collides with the wood and he rolls onto the ground. But Louis is not done.

“You’re going to learn today,” Louis cries angrily.

“Show me.”

And with every snarky comment Zayn says to Louis, his anger increases and it becomes red that all he sees is red. He does not even hear Harry running up the stairs, rushing into the room and yelling at him to stop beating Zayn to a pulp. Harry pulls Louis off Zayn, his feet still hitting Zayn’s bloody, beaten body.

“Bloody hell Louis, what have you done?”

“He called you a pussy,” Louis tells him, still seething angrily.

“This is not what you learnt in your Anger Management classes,” Harry scolds him. “You said that you had your anger under control but it’s taking over you.”

“He threatened to do to you what he did to me.”

“Zayn!” Niall wails as he charges for Zayn. “What happened to you?”

“Fucking asshole had it coming,” Louis growls. He attempts to go to Zayn but Harry holds him back. “The bastard will learn not to mess with the Tommo.”

“You snapped off his eyebrow piercing?” Niall asks, his cheeks red and eyes as well. He is both angry at Louis for going crazy on Zayn and weeping because Zayn looks like a mess.

“What happened here?” Liam asks coming back into the room.

“I’ll tell you,” Niall cries. “Louis almost killed Zayn!”

“Zayn beat up Liam as well,” Louis gushes.

“Niall, Zayn is sick and he needs help,” Harry says gently. But Niall shakes his head. He is gazing down at Zayn’s face, caked with blood and the bruises looking painful. He palms his forehead, swiping the sunny-colored hair away from his face.

“He only does this if he is provoked. Louis must’ve done it.”

“I DID NO SUCH THING, STUPID ASS SHIT!” Louis yells at Niall. Harry carries him on his shoulder and walks out the room.

“We have to clean him up,” Niall mutters, more to himself than to Liam. Zayn is immobile on the floor as every inch of his body is aching, his forehead feeling like he was hit by a hammer repeatedly and he can barely move his right arm.

“I don’t need your help,” Zayn mumbles. Liam rolls his eyes at Zayn’s tough guy act. Honestly, if he simply admitted he needed help, Liam, Niall would in a heartbeat and he is certain that Harry and Louis would not hesitate to help him.

“It’s not a choice,” Niall hushes him. “Liam, bring fresh clothes as I run a bath.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” Zayn spits on Niall’s face. “You’re not my motherfucking mother or boyfriend.”

“Bath, now!” Niall commands and, much to Liam’s surprise, Zayn follows suit with his aching body. Niall runs a bubble bath as Zayn slowly strips down to his boxers. “Everything.”

Zayn’s cheeks flush red when he is butt naked and quickly settles in the white fluffy bubble bath. Niall squirts shampoo onto Zayn’s hair and begins scrubbing at his scalp. Soap and bubbles gathers around his hair, onto the lip of the bathtub.

“It hurts,” Zayn moans queitly.

“What was that?” Niall asks. His heart leaps to his mouth when his hands are a magenta color, and the more the scratches and scrubs at Zayn’s scalp, the color darkens.

“It hurts… my head.”

“You’ve got lots of bumps on it,” Niall mentions. “Lean forward.” He grabs the nozzle and sprays water onto his head, soapy water pouring onto the bathroom floor. He gulps deeply seeing the dark red water forming around his knees and frowns, wondering why Zayn never washed his hair after the fight a couple of days ago. “Hands.”

Zayn stretches his left hand forward, Niall scrubbing it with a loofah. He watches Niall scrub him gently and lovingly and he hums quietly to himself. He can finally let his guard down. All this tough guy act is exhausting and takes all of his energy but with Niall, he could take off his mask, and be like his old self before Noni’s disastrous interview.

 “It hurts everywhere, not just my head.”

Niall remains quiet.

 “I can’t see,” Zayn whimpers.

“I’m right here,” Niall assures him washing his face gently.

“I can’t see,” he whimpers. Niall takes his fingers and places them on his shirt to cling onto. “Good?”

“Yeah,” he nods clutching onto his shirt tightly.

“You should go see the doctor,” Niall says scrubbing his shoulders.

“I’ll be fine,” Zayn mutters. He leans slightly forward with his head so that Niall can scrub his neck. “I’ll always be fine.”

“I heard.”

“Heard what?”

“I heard about the deal you and Modest! made” he says. He squats before him, their eyes on the same level. “I know that they banned you from the band, they said that you won’t speak in interviews, they froze your accounts so you’re practically poor and that you protected my sexuality.”

“Yeah… so?”

“So thank you but that’s no reason to be cold to everyone.”

“It’s easier.”

He cups Zayn’s jawline in his hands, Zayn tilting his head to one side. “You’re getting yourself killed, angel. You go out to clubs where you’re beaten to a pulp, then you come home and again you’re beaten up by those who gave you a place to live. You barely eat anymore, you smoke way too much and you’ve stopped talking to us. This is the longest conversation I’ve had with you in _days_. I miss you,” he added quietly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Say sorry when you mean it.”

Zayn smiles weakly. “Okay.” He quickly washes and scrubs the rest of his body, careful not to hurt Zayn further on his bruises which are far too many over his body. Niall sees he is deep in thought when he rinses off the soap on his body.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” asks Niall, turning off the water.

“I was scared.”

“Scared?”

“I was scared Louis was going to really kill me. He kept hitting me, bashing me against the wall countless times I didn’t think it was going to end,” he says, his voice breaking. “I thought I was going to die and I’d never see you again. I just kept thinking how you’d be disappointed in me, you’d stop being proud of me when you learnt that I got into a fight with Louis.”

“For as long as I live, angel,” Niall says to him softly cupping his wet cheek, “Louis will never touch you. Not once, not ever.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. No matter what anyone says, I believe in you and I’m letting you be to figure yourself out. It’s hurting me, too, Zayn, but we both have to do what we need to do to move on. Oh look, Liam didn’t bring a towel.”

“They’re in the other bathroom.” Zayn motions towards the bedroom.

“Who has two bathrooms in one room?” Niall jokes. He jogs off to the other bathroom, looking for towels. He hears Zayn call out his name and seconds later a louder call. He calls back saying he will be just a minute but the third time Zayn calls Niall he drops the towels in his hand and runs to the bathroom. He finds Louis’ fingers wrapped around Zayn’s neck and drowning his body. Niall pulls Louis out of Zayn’s grasp and pushing him down to the bathroom ground.

“The fuck Louis,” Niall cries angrily, Zayn weeping in the bathtub. “Haven’t you tortured him enough?”

“He made fun of Harry, he spoke lies.”

“Touch him again and you’ll never be able to touch anything with your scrawny fingers,” Niall threatens. He shuts the door and locks it with the key. He holds out his hand for Zayn to catch and he sits on the bathroom floor, holding him tightly. Zayn weeps loudly to his chest as he covers his naked body with his jumper.

“I’m so sorry,” Niall apologizes. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me Zayn.”

He plants several kisses to his head, rubbing circles on his back. He keeps on crying loudly, Niall’s heart physically breaking inside his ribcage. Moments later, Zayn’s tears are silently falling down his red cheeks and his arms twisted around Niall’s back. Niall quietly asks if he they can get dressed. Truthfully he wants to stay like this, Niall’s body heating his own but he obliges.

“Don’t leave me,” he begs and Niall nods.

“I need to check Louis isn’t in the bedroom then I’ll be back,” Niall promises. He goes out and comes back telling him that Louis is downstairs being lectured by Harry and Liam. He sits on the bed as goosebumps trickle on his body. Niall brings him comfortable clothes to wear and Zayn asks if he can wear _his_ clothes.

“They’re wet,” he says.

“Please,” Zayn whispers sitting on the bed shirtless.

“I think I left my shirts in the drawer…oh yes, here is one.” Niall gives him one of his favorite shirts to wear and a blue jumper with the words SKOOL SUCKS written on it. Zayn’s eyes twinkle at Niall.

“What is it?” Niall asks.

“You know I love you, right?” he questioned and Niall nodded, his hand on his warm cheek. Zayn worried his bottom lip, his eyes boring a hole between Niall’s eyebrows. “I’ve put so much energy into being someone that no one could love like I’m trying to prove something.”

Niall was shaking his head, disagreeing with him. “You’re not someone no one could love because I love you.”

“Because you saw me and saw past the bullshit. All these weeks you’ve seen it, even when  no one else does and for some reason you still love me.”

“You were there for me and now I’m here for you, always,” he promised and leaned forward pressing his lips to Zayn’s. When the other did nt move, he pressed harder, prodding his lips open and kissing him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

> **_— when you hurt yourself, you hurt me too —_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a MINUTE since i updated -- but seriously, im baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack !! promise. also, to all the ziall fans otu there, WHOOP WHOOP but not so WHOOP cause now it's back to larry which has not been too present in recent chapters.
> 
> love to hear your thoughts and i'll update soon *fingers crossed*   
> MWAH


	44. - m9ther -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis meets the in-laws.

> — **_jasfucking_** : _where do you go when your house isn’t home? —_

 

               LARRY HAD LEFT THEIR MANSION to Zayn seeing as Christmas was approaching and they needed to get to Holmes Chapel before Christmas day… or Christmas week! Seeing as Zayn was literally not ever in the house – partying all night and getting piercings in tattoos in the day – they asked Niall to move in as well. And knowing that Ziall would have awkward moments together, along with teary moments, they had asked Liam who also asked Tyra to come and it was a full house.

Harry, during the car ride to his mother’s house, was thinking about turning the car and heading to Spain, his late father’s home. From the corner of his eye, he could see Louis was extremely happy that he was, after years, going home to see his mother, Anne. If it was any other person, such as his brothers Niall, Liam or Zayn, or his best friends King and Grimmy, he would have said no. Not a chance in Hell he will visit his—Anne. But Louis, he had struggled, grumbled, protested, drunk himself silly but he eventually agreed.

Truth is, he would do _anything_ for this beautiful boy. He does not know what he would without him, really. Whatever pain Louis goes through he wishes that he can kiss it away, make it go away, stop it… or even kill it! He truly loves Louis William Tomlinson, more than he loves himself. He does not care if he is whipped, or made fun of for being a little spoon if he sees a smile on Louis’ face that is all he wants.

Louis, once they settle into Anne’s cozy home, thinks Harry’s mother is so nice; the sweetest mother to have ever existed. He begins, as the minutes fly between them, to doubt Harry and all the rude comments he has ever said about Anne, his mother. He slightly gets angry that Harry treats this lovely lady with resentment constantly, anger towards her, pure, bitter loath and hostility for years with no remorse for his actions.

“I’m so happy for you,” Anne coos at Larry Stylinson. They are seated opposite Anne and Gemma with a coffee table between them, filled with snacks and a pot of tea.

“You got married too soon,” Gemma voices in.

“It’s never early to get married,” Harry counters.

“Nor too late,” Anne adds.

“Lovely cookies Mrs Twist—”

“Please, call me Anne,” she says to Louis happily. “This one calls me Anne as well.”

“Because that’s your name,” Harry grumbles.

“It’s rude and you know it,” Gemma hisses and she is received with an eye roll from Harry. Louis coughs awkwardly, and Anne stops their bickering by asking about the wedding. Louis starts by narrating their wedding joys and sorrows from looking for a suit to wear for his wedding, backing up to the proposal and fast forwarding to their vows.

“That’s beautiful,” Anne coos at Louis beaming with love, happiness and hope. “As long as my baby is happy with you, I’m happy as well.” Harry snorts and Louis elbows his rib. “Robin is flying in tomorrow from a business trip and you just have to tell him the story again. I personally can’t get enough of it.”

“Will Georgia be joining us?” Louis asks. The room is silent and the chatty Anne is quiet for once. He turns to Harry for help but he is staring into his teacup. Anne places hers down and politely tells him that no, she will not be joining them. Or ever!

“So Robin, huh?” Louis says, changing the subject. “Must have been a lovely wedding.”

“It was. A beautiful, Christian wedding.”

“Christian?” Louis asks confused. He did not think that Harry was a Christian, let alone his family. In fact, he is positive that the Styles’ were atheists.

“Yes, of course. Are you?”

He shakes his head. “I’m not and I didn’t know you were a Christian.”

“Protestant, actually,” Gemma corrects.

“Harry lost his way and we believe, by the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, he will find his way back to the Good Lord,” Anne says looking to his son.

“Like you’re so Christian yourself,” he mutters under his breath.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gemma asks. Anne places a hand on her wrist.

“Don’t bother, darling,” she says. “He is lost but we need to pray for his safe return to the Lord.”

Harry abruptly stands and walks out of the house into the snow. Louis politely excuses himself and follows the footprints on the white snow. He finds him perched on a cold stone, smoking a cigarette.

“I thought you quit,” he says to Harry pointing at the cigarette.

“Yeah, well, I started again,” he mumbles. He exhales a cloud of smoke from his cherry lips. “It’s cold, you should go back in.”

“You only have a sweater and a vest on!”

“I’m used to the cold,” Harry says, dangling the cigarette between his fingers. He is waiting for Louis to lecture him on what has happened and after another cigarette and freezing his fingers later, Louis gets to the point.

“Your mother is very kind, Harry. I don’t see why you think she is otherwise.”

“You don’t know her yet,” Harry says.

“She is a mother and that’s all I need to know.”

“Mothers can be killers as well.”

“How can you say that about your own mother?” Louis exclaims. He watches Harry slide his fingers into his jeans, his back against the tree bark. He gets enraged at his nonchalant manner and angrily speaks to him. “She is the one who carried you inside her womb for nine months. She felt sick for months with nausea then watched her feet swell and her skin stretch and tear. She suffered many sleepless nights while you kicked and squirmed inside of her and while you demanded that she scoffs junk food at 3 A.M.”

“It wasn’t my fault she became a fatty,” Harry huffs.

“She went through excruciating pain to bring you into this world and you say that?” Louis asks and Harry shrugs. “She became your nurse, your chef, maid, chauffeur, biggest fan, teacher, aunt and your best friend.”

Harry narrows his eyes at his husband. “No, she didn’t.”

“But she struggled for you, cried over you, fought for you, put herself second for you and hoped the best for you. Don’t forget all the years when you didn’t talk to her, she drove herself insane with worry for you but she’s never asked anything in return because she loves you and what she did was on love alone.”

“Love.” Harry snorts around his cigarette. “Sure.”

“What the hell, Harry,” Louis shouts in exclamation. “You’re taking your mum for granted but do you know there are people who have lost their mums? There are those who have never even seen theirs! And here you are, with a mother who loves you with her whole heart, she loves us being married even though we’re gay, and time and time again, she reminds you that she loves you yet you’re tongue-tied over three words.”

“If you love her so much why don’t you ask her to adopt you?” Harry asks him disinterestedly.

“You’re becoming just as cold as Zayn,” he says. “This is not you, Harold. This isn’t you, you love people, you’re kind to everyone but the one person you’re meant to love unconditionally, you can’t even look at. Why?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”

Louis shakes his head slowly in disappointment at his husband. “One day you’re going to wish you had never devalued her worth and realize how lucky you were to have her.”

“No,” Harry corrects him. He pushes himself off the tree and stands before him. “I’m going to wish I hadn’t been born of her womb and realize how lucky I am then.”

“What did she ever do to you?”

“You’re freezing, Sunshine,” Harry whispers. Louis blinks at the sudden change in demeanour. “We should go in.”

“You’re making me feel cold not the snow.”

“Fine, I’ll see you inside,” Harry mutters, brushing his shoulders against Louis. He watches his feet softly stepping down on the ground, leaving footprints on the snow. He takes it upon himself to find out the truth about everything. About what really happened before 2010 when Harry auditioned for X Factor. Something must have happened to break this family apart, so apart that they could not be fixed, so broken that it was the norm. He made a mental note to call his mother, Johannah, on what he could possibly do. After all, Anne was his mother-in-law and he feels like he should do something.

He walks back slowly to the house and sees Harry sitting on a stone, his back hunched forward, warming his fingers with the breath from his lips. He asks, “What are you doing?”

“Waiting for you,” he simply says.

“You didn’t have to,” he smiles weakly.

“I may be upset with you but I don’t want to go to bed with a frozen husband,” Harry smirks.

“I thought time would be frozen?” he asks, wriggling his eyebrows.

“I thought I was the cheesy one, love.”

“You keep me warm,” he says fondly, kissing Harry’s cold lips. “And I’m still mad at you.”

“I know,” he says. He holds out his hand for Louis to link. He takes it and they walk back to the house, setting footprints on the snow.

 

> _— **but she’s never asked anything in return because she loves you and what she did was on love alone** —_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought i'd update before the close of 2017 (= and i will update much faster from next year, it's about time i finished this fic, i've been dragging it for far too long. soz. if you're here & reading this THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAAAAAAAAR
> 
> have a magnificent Week 52 ^.^


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